What is Middle Child Syndrome?
They are two pivotal and momentous moments in the lives of any family: when that first child and last child are born. Given the attention that goes to both of those children, those who fall in the middle may exhibit certain signs and behaviors that others do not. The birth order does make a difference, and those who are in the middle run the risk of developing a condition known as middle child syndrome. Middle children often feel ignored or loved less than others, and develop low self esteem.
This condition is often thought to develop in the middle born child, but can sometimes be found in any child born in between the oldest and the youngest. As psychologists are becoming increasingly aware of the issue, there are certain commonalities than run among many who are afflicted with it. Understanding how family order may affect this condition gives some clues as to how to treat it.
The effects of middle child syndrome are numerous. The child may feel as if he or she does not belong, given all the attention given to the oldest and youngest. The middle child may also feel as if he or she is loved less, have low self esteem, and suffer from a lack of a sense of direction. These symptoms are not limited only to childhood, however, and they can linger in a person throughout his or her entire adult life.
The good news is that the syndrome can be easily identified and is not physical in nature. It's very treatable, especially if noted early. Just a change in the parents' attitudes often will go a long way toward alleviating the situation. Parents should always be mindful that the middle born child often receives the least amount of attention. This is not to say the parents are bad, since it's a natural reaction and is often done subconsciously.
It is always up to the parents to make sure every child feels loved and appreciated. This is especially true when trying to avoid the effects of the middle child syndrome. Each child is unique and special. While it can be difficult, a concerted effort should be made to include all children in activities, as well as give each their own amount of individual attention.
When there are multiple siblings, parents should find the time to give each one individual attention. This may include a special night once a month, where one parent takes a child out while the other parent stays at home with the others. It may include a special time each day to talk about the child's life and feelings. These simple little things can help all children feel equal and be a benefit to all children in the family.
I am the middle child in my family. I have two brothers, one who is 16 and another who is 14. I am 15.
My family is ultra-competitive education wise, and it is a constant battle between my brothers and I who can get the best grades. A couple of years ago, a prestigious select entry school opened in my area and my brother tried out (you had to take a six hour long exam) and made it in. I was automatically expected to try out next year when I was eligible, so I did. I studied very hard, neglected all of my schoolwork and when the day of the test rolled around, I almost vomited I was so nervous. My parents had put me under so much pressure to succeed like my older brother. I didn't even want to go to the school; my parents had forced me!
Anyway, I took the test and it was one of my worst experiences. I have a fear of exams, and the exam was held in this massive building filled with thousands (I kid you not) of other, smarter looking students. I waited nine weeks for the results. Oh course, I didn't make it in. My mother was upset for me and cried when she heard the results, but soon afterwards she just hit me and told me that I didn't try hard enough. My father, on the other hand, didn't talk to me for a month or so other than telling me to move my lazy butt off the bed and do the chores. I do most of the chores in the house, by the way. My brothers sit on the Playstation or their computers all day, and I work my butt off hanging out washing, taking care of all of the animals. We have an elderly cat, a crazy dog and six chickens. I also cook dinner and mop and vacuum the house and I get no recognition! Anyway, fast forward a year and my younger brother tries out and guess what? He makes it in.
So here I am now, shunned by my parents and even my brothers (my younger brother was having trouble with a math problem one day, and because I'm not too shabby at math, I offered to help him, but he just said, “you wouldn't understand this! It's too difficult!” This was deeply insulting as it was a pretty simple concept in math that I'd mastered the year before. Both of my brothers gang up on me too!
Before all of this, I was already treated bad because I like art and not science like my brothers, but now, my parents barely recognize me or treat me like their daughter! Both of my brothers have freedom to do what they want with their friends and go out to parties, but I'm not allowed out of the house after 4 p.m. I hate it! Also, because I now attend the well known for 'bad people' (e.g., people who take drugs, although I have yet to encounter someone taking them) public school in the local area and not the top-notch smart kids school, my parents always put my brothers’ education before mine. I get straight A's, yet both my brothers get B- and C's on a regular basis, yet whenever they get an A, my parents take that brother out for dinner, but when I get an A they just say 'good for you' in a sarcastic tone and that’s it! And I try so hard to please them, so freaking hard. Every day of my life is focused on trying to please them. And I hate it. I wish I was dead.
I can't go to other family either, because they all live thousands of kilometers away, in a different state. I get so homesick, sometimes I just can't stop from crying.
It's not just the educational stuff either. Both of my parents have fond memories from my brothers as babies (“oh they were so cute!” etc.) and they have both tons of baby photos each. But me? “Oh, you screamed a lot. You were quite an ugly baby, actually.” And I have one baby photo. One. I had to dig it out from the garage where all the boxes from moving houses are.
And I've tried talking to them about the schools thing (they just say "Aren't you over that yet? Seriously, you are so pathetic") and just the general way they treat me and they don't see anything wrong with it. I have self harmed since an early age, yet my parents fail to see the scars. They call me fat on a regular basis and my Dad actually has said to me more than once, “Soon you won't fit through that door!” (I weigh 82kg, and I'm very insecure about my weight and have been since I can remember). Some nights I cry myself to sleep because I just don't see the point of living in this everlasting game of trying to prove to my parents that I am a daughter they can be proud of. That is what it feels like. All of my achievements, all of my 100 percent tests, everything, is dimmed in the presence of my brothers.
I can't live like this anymore. From the beginning of last year, I have had suicidal thoughts, but I'm too scared that they won't be successful and I'll end up being a greater disappointment to my parents. I have had plans, actual well thought out plans of running away before, but again I was too scared to truly act upon these desires.
At school I cannot escape either. Since kindergarten (or the first year of school), I have been excluded from -- well, everything. I made my first friend in year 5, but she moved and I was alone again. I thank heaven for books because I used to lock myself in a cubicle at recess and lunch and just read, and it wasn't so bad except for when the kids kicked the door. I have made some friends now, but whenever I tell them my problems, they don't really listen or care, but I'm terrified of losing them. They mean everything to me.
I'm so sorry if you read this, because the size of it is enormous. But this is just my experience as the middle child.
As a middle child myself, I didn't start feeling like the middle child until my fifth grade year, at age 11. My older sister was applying for prestigious high schools with my mom, and my my younger brother joined his first football team with my dad. My parents and siblings would be gone from after school to 8 o'clock at night.
At first, I thought it was really cool. I mean it's every kids dream to be home alone and do whatever you want. After a while though, it got really boring and I missed hanging out with my family. I used to beg for them for us to spend time as a family, but they were too busy with my siblings to really care. Being a social outcast at school and now being excluded from my family left my very, very depressed into the rest of my elementary and middle school days. My family would continue to leave me alone up until my eighth grade year, at age 14.
It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that I finally developed a sense of self worth and made some friends who didn't see me as my older sister's little sister (my sister and I went to separate schools). My parents now want to spend time with me, which I find repulsive and not necessary. I've started disliking being cuddled by my parents and somewhat grew to resentful of them. I don't hate them or anything. I would just fare better without their presence.
I don't know if this is anything I have or not, but I definitely feel like my older (21) and younger (11) brother get treated way better than me (14)! My mom always says, "Oh, you're the only girl. You are way too spoiled." What? I am dirt to them.
If either of my brothers do something wrong and my mom finds out, she immediately comes to me and she'll say, "Why did you do this!" or something along the lines that right away puts blame on me.
My younger brother is always making useless noises that seem to entertain him. His grades in school are B's and C's average. He hardly ever lifts a finger (and I have to bribe him to do so) I have to practically force him to do it, only to sadly make my mom happy. Which, by the way, she never appreciates. But if I don't then...
Great. She just yelled from the other room, "Sarah! you have chores to do!" Oh boy I have done everything my entire existence around here and they do nothing. Thanks, mom. She doesn't even acknowledge that I do anything.
My older brother, on the other hand, can do what ever he wants. A typical day of his:
1.) Wakes up at 3 or 4 in the afternoon.
2.) Eats whatever I just cooked for dinner.
3.) Plays games and does facebook on his computer.
4.) Hangs out with his friends.
5.) It would be nighttime by now so everyone would be asleep, but he is watching youtube or anime, talking on fb, and listening to loud music. (My room is right above his.)
6.) He finally goes to bed at 5 or 6 a.m.!
I know. It's pretty sad that he's 21and still lives at home. But when I turn 21 I have to pay the bills, do all the chores, and still have a job, which is impossible in today's world, if I want to stay here. His school grade average was nothing higher than a C. He acts like he's 5. My mom even let him go to Japan how many miles away, because he wanted to. That cost her a couple thousand dollars that she didn't mind giving him.
Me? I am a straight A student. I already do all the chores around the house, and I am pressured by my mother to do all these little extra things like making her popcorn, going downstairs to get her a drink and a movie, rub her head, brush her hair, turn on her heating pad, and even turn up the volume on her T.V. when the remote is right next to her.
When I become a parent, I would know how it feels to be treated like a useless person just taking up space in the house. I will treat my kids way better than this life.
Sometimes I wonder though, if God put me here because he wanted me to know how to handle my own children correctly. Or if He thinks I can handle it better than others. I feel like I can't.
To all of you out there who are dealing with similar situations, here is a quote: “The best revenge is massive success.” -- Frank Sinatra
I try to use this quote as inspiration, but it's hard. May God bless you all.
This is the perspective from the oldest child. My sister is the middle child. In the beginning when we were young children, I was always being compared to her (she was prettier, skinnier, and always confident). It was during my puberty years where I was fat, not attractive and had low self-esteem. My aunts and my parents always favored her beautiful and childlike image.
However, I never let that affected me growing up. Instead, when my younger sister hit her puberty years, she began to isolate herself and just be in her room 24/7. But, the problem is, she also get every new things that my parents can give. All three of us were treated equally in terms of education, gifts, praises, etc. I have read from previous posts like the eldest get rewards after graduation or celebration dinners after a great night of whatever. My sister gets it too. She gets expensive gifts like Louis Vuitton purses, TAG Hauer watches, and branded clothing. Our family does not neglect her in any way. We try to get her to be involved in the conversation. Usually, she just listens and has no interest in participating.
It got worse once she hit college and got a boyfriend. My mom still gives her an allowance every month while she is away for college. My mom tries to call her but she never calls back. What does my sister repay in return? She alienates our family when she is away. Never, not once has she called home.
I apologize, but being the middle child has its perks. You never will have to pay for anything. The eldest pays for everything, which I'm perfectly fine with. But she never appreciates it. It seems like she thinks she deserves the meal that is given to her or the clothes that were purchased for her.
I will be more than satisfied if she just appreciates her family. I am so frustrated. I could understand why she is behaving this if she had been neglected growing up, but sadly, she had a better life than the average middle child, so there is no excuse. It is also no use talking to her. We have talked to her so many times but it never works. She acts like she is listening, then starts breaking down in tears and says she doesn't know why she is like this. The next day, those words are like a long forgotten memory.
I am a middle child and I will graduate after four years of hardships in pharmacy. And I don’t know whether I’m suffering from this. I have a sister who is 25 and a 14 year old younger brother.
I'm so ticked off at my mother because she told me to look for a place where we can eat after my graduation (this week, in the pontifical and royal school) and yet she says no every time I suggest something.
I feel this is so unfair because when my older sister graduated (she gave birth before she graduated and she graduated late) it wasn’t hard for them to choose where to eat. And for me, for my special day, my choice is still being considered? "Oh print the menu"; "lets just eat somewhere...blabla.” It hurts so bad that they can't see the significance of my suggestion. I hate the feeling. I just want to get out of here, or not so near here so that I can be free.
I'm a middle child. I'm 30 now. I spent my entire childhood and most of my adulthood hearing how wonderful my elder sister was and my younger brother is so intelligent.
I'm married now, have a three year old daughter and recently moved back to my hometown. It's even worse now. My sister and brother still live with my parents (I've got my own house, thank god). They can't take care of themselves, don't cook, etc. My mom does it all for them. I constantly have to hear how important my sister's job is and how difficult it is for my "talented" younger brother to get a job. He had a great job with a bank mind you, but he said it was very stressful. I offered him a job in my business, but he quit because he found sales was not his thing. Besides, he arrived at work nearly an hour late every day, and went home for a one hour lunch. My mom supported him.
I've got my own business and my wife has a great job. We try to not let it bother us, but it's so frustrating to have to listen to my mom on the phone praising them to heaven while my wife and I are treated like ignorant idiots.
Recently, my parents left town and asked my wife and me to stay at their place as my granddad is real old. We obliged but surprise, surprise. Two days later, my sister announced she was going away for the weekend, and my brother went off with his friends, leaving my wife and me to play nursemaid. I don't mind taking care of granddad, but to be treated this way is crazy. I later found out that my sister went to meet my parents and it was a vacation. They could have let me know!
By the way, my parents pay all the bills without any help at all from my siblings. Luckily, my wife loves me and we've already started keeping our distance from the rest of the family. It should help my daughter's development.
I have been reading every post. And it hurts me too much to see that almost all the children who are suffering are middle born. I am too, suffering from the same 'disease'. I can't get out of my Mother's house because then she will have no one to care for her here in my country. Sometimes I wish I’d died and all sorts of things, but lately I have come to realize something: never actually listen to them. Those clueless people who call themselves our 'parents' will always hurt you and won't stop calling you 'nothing like your brother or sister', a fat and not a good looking woman. They will tend to sing praises of your 'high and mighty siblings'. Forgive them, please, or else you will never be able to move on in your life.
I hate my life too, sometimes. But take courage from those people around you who are more unfortunate than you and you will see that yours is a much better place in spite of all the tears and insults. Let them mock you for the rest of your life but fight on, whether they see it or not.
I am a karate black belt as well. And my Mother (my Father hates me as well and left our Mother's house on account of his relatives) never came to a single tournament. She came once to another one and even compared me to another girl, saying she was more flexible and so on. From then on, I never invited her to come to any of the tournaments and never will ever.
You know something? You are going to be a much better parent than anyone since you suffered a lot. Let this be just an experience in life nothing more.
I think about all the humiliating stuff they and my siblings said about me and am glad I am different from them even if I am not as good- looking, talented academically, fashionable or working in a good company like them. I am 31 years, never married and never had a BF because of this 'disease'. But I will fight for what I believe in till my death, whether I am approved by anyone or not.
So please don't commit suicide or do anything stupid. Please live on and prove to yourself you are a far better person than whatever they are telling you. You are not what they are telling you.
Damn. I'm a middle child (20 years old now). And pretty much all of this is true. Or well, one of my parents (dad) is treating me less. Mom is much more fair to me. All my thoughts in my head about this and etc were because of this? Crap! How do I fix myself?
I’m a middle child too, second of three (older sister is three years older, younger brother is two years younger). When I was born, everyone wanted a boy, so my being a girl was a disappointment. I never received much attention as a baby. Even to this day my parents make fun of how I used to stand in my cot and keep saying "Here, here!" to anyone who passed by the cot; I was that deprived of attention. They find this funny, but I wonder whether this is the reason I never had friends in school and don’t place much importance on any relationships to this day.
These other comments resonate with me. As a psychology major, I think there is a need for me to highlight a few things:
Middle borns are prone to scapegoating. Please look it up and read up on it if you are not already familiar with the concept. This is especially important for those kids who have not left home. If you are trapped in a narcissistic relationship where your parents are narcissists and your siblings are golden kids, the only way you can save yourself from potential psychological break down is to get out as soon as possible.
Having said the above, middle children are helpless when living with their own parents. In truth, there is really no way out until you grow up. Solution: suck it up but move out at the first opportunity. Your parents' neglect has made you independent, so capitalize on the strength instead of being afraid. Remember this rule of thumb for middle kids: life stinks in childhood, but is paradise once you've left home. I’ve been through it, believe me!
There is no use trying to talk to your parents about middle child syndrome because they will simply not admit their neglect towards you, no matter how good they were as parents. There is a psychological explanation for this: no parent wants to admit that he or she is a failure, especially when it comes to parenting. The only thing you can do, therefore, is parent yourself. Take care of yourself physically and more importantly, emotionally (this is the trickiest. Try anything and everything within your reach, like online support groups) until you leave home. Never, ever let your family destroy your self confidence and self worth. Even if they don’t give you any credit, remember that the rest of the world will. You are important. Just wait until you leave your house and you'll see (provided your self worth isn’t destroyed in advance, which is why it’s so important for middles to be thick skinned and selfish with their equally selfish families).
As I said earlier, life will drastically improve when you leave home, Also, being neither the oldest nor the youngest means you do not have any obligations towards your parents (e.g., caring for them in old age) so move far away and explore your dreams without feeling guilty! Middles usually have loving spouses in spite of being neglected by their parents. Research also says that the favorite child is more likely to end up in a divorce in later life. See where I’m going? Your siblings will enjoy now but suffer later, while you are suffering now but will enjoy yourself later in life. Karma is universal.
I’m now 24, and the best thing which ever happened in my life was leaving home. I was depressed (and on medication for it) throughout my teens due to my parents never celebrating my successes like they did my sister's and treating me like a persona non grata all the time. Today I never return home for holidays and my mum calls me and begs me to return. When I say why should I – it’s not like you and daddy ever cared for me anyway, she cries and has to admit it, 24 years later. Middles, your parents will not get off scot free, so don’t worry! Just stick it out until you leave home and then you'll be free to get treated like a worthwhile person, and also free of comparisons to your sibs, etc. All the best, and I believe in you.
Best advice I can give to you is "if you look for other people to make you feel special, make you feel loved, make you feel belonged, make you feel whole," you will always feel unloved and lonely. You must never compare yourself to other people and you must be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.
Sure our parents should be fair, they should acknowledge our efforts. But guess what? Parents are not perfect and no one said life would be fair!
Find people who will love you and appreciate you! Don't sit and dwell on the bad. Move past it and plan your own great future.
But remember there will be more challenges and more people who are going to disappoint you! People die, people lose their jobs and their houses etc. and we don’t always get the iPod!
Your attitude and how you choose to deal with it will make the difference! Good luck!
P.S. If you really are desperate for your parents' attention, talk to them and tell them how things make you feel by using “I statements.” Such as: "I feel it’s not fair because..." and then give them examples. Maybe you are not seeing the big picture or they just need to know how you feel. Then ask them what you can do to earn their respect, love and attention. Remember parents can get their feelings hurt too!
Most importantly, stop thinking about yourself and what you want to them to give you! hey work all day to provide for you. Start giving back to your parents and do not expect anything in return or you may be hurt further. Just love them and give them the attention you want. It’s up to you to help turn around your relationship with your parents!
My story is the opposite. The middle child is the favorite in my house. He got into a movie and got a big head and gloated and he learned to be needy from the people who would follow him around and do whatever he said.
After the movie, my stepdad talks about how he is going to be a big movie star someday. He just turned 9 and my stepdad wanted to let him play Call of Duty while I had to wait until I was 13 and mature for my age (my mom and dad both agreed but not my stepdad.)
My youngest brother is special needs with a major speech delay and the middle child lies to get him in trouble. I try to tell my parents what really happens, but they won't listen to me, so they yell at my special needs brother and he can't defend himself, so he cries and it breaks my heart.
My middle child gets away with anything while I (and sometimes my special needs brother) get stuck with all the blame. I get blamed for a lot of stupid things, like my middle child brother somehow can't pour a glass of anything without spilling everywhere. So when he wanted a glass of milk I tried to pour it for him, but he wouldn't let me so he kept going. After he spilled it all over the place and wasted $5, mom yelled at me for not pouring the glass for him.
I try to tell them what happens, but I can't finish a sentence without my parents yelling at me to stop and grounding me. I come to them later when they're calm and try to talk to them but they won't let me say anything. The stress make me get acne. Then my brother makes fun of me for my acne, but the worst part is when he makes fun of me for having my parents divorced.
I am the youngest in my family. I have one older brother. He is 14, and I am 12. He is always very mean to me and my parents always treat him better. I told my mom how I felt but then she just said no we don't and I'll talk to him.
I don't want to talk to my brother again. He always physically and mentally abuses me. No one will listen. I've already cut myself, attempted to run away twice, and have suicidal thoughts. I even wanted to die when I was little I think. I need help badly. I also have ADHD and OCD.
My mom doesn't agree with me and they claim I was tested for all of that sort of thing but I think I also have ODD. If you would like to help me, please post.
There should be a such thing as oldest child syndrome, because if there was, I certainly would have it!
@anon267109: It sounds like you and your brother both need serious counseling, just because you lost your parents so young and I'm betting you never had the chance to get the counseling you needed to do the work you needed to do.
I am not taking up for your brother over you, but I'll bet if you talked to him, you'd find he really has a fear of not being "perfect." It's not right that your grandmother shows marked favoritism toward him, but maybe she sees he is more fragile than you are. A suicide attempt is not looking for attention; it's a cry for help.
Is there a school counselor or teacher you could talk to? Another adult relative? I suspect if you talked to a trusted adult at school or in your family, this person would help advocate for you.
I've fought the overweight battle my whole life, so I'm with you there. But I suspect what's happened is your grandmother is always worried sick about both of you and it's just easier to snipe at you about your weight than to deal with her feelings about your parents. Remember, she lost a child in that wreck. She's terrified of losing you and your brother.
You might try saying, "Grandma, it really hurts my feelings when you say that. I know I need to lose weight, but I feel really bad about myself when you say that stuff to me." Don't yell or scream. Just say it. Maybe it will help her realize what she's doing.
Still, I cannot say strongly enough how you need to talk to an adult you can trust about this. I say an adult because you need someone who can take your side on this. You, your brother and your grandmother are in desperate need of family counseling.
Good luck and I will be praying for you all.
I am 14 years old, and my older brother gets all of the attention. I do not have a younger brother, but I have a cousin who is about a year younger than I am. He is like my second brother (even though we moved to a different state about two years ago). He calls my grandma every weekend, and brags about how cool something he has or can do is.
My whole life changed when I was about three and my brother was about five. We were at a drive-in movie theater, and we fell asleep. Soon the movie finished and before we knew it, a drunk driver hit us from behind. Both my parents died. Then it was just my brother and me. My Grandma Shelly cares for us now. About two years ago we moved to Wisconsin from Utah. I miss my old friends. We were all so close. In Utah my brother got all of the attention. I even tried to run away once, (I didn't get past my grandma Jo's house who lived next door, though.)
A few months ago, my brother tried to kill himself. So I understand that he needs attention, but I feel so left out. He is a muscle, jock, smarty pants, and well, I'm just me. I read, write, sing and act. But no matter what I do, my family only has eyes for him. I try to do the best in everything I do but, he always does something better. I always come in second place when compared to him. Lately, I have been feeling really depressed, and I don't have much self-confidence to begin with.
On top of all that, my grandma Shelly keeps telling me I need to lose weight. I know I weigh about 230 pounds, but I am very sensitive about my weight. I've tried everything to lose some, but I just can't. But constantly she tells me that I'm fat and all that.
After hearing this all the time, I have one friend who always calls me beautiful (I always hide my feelings in public), but I don't believe it. I just need help, I don't know what to do. My life is just messed up and I don't know what to do about it. Please help me if you can.
I am a middle child. I'm 14, my brother is 8 and my sister is 17. My parents are so strict. Even when I'm changing they barge in. They let my sister have pocket money and everything but I get nothing. I'm not ungrateful. I gave my sister 300 quid worth of stuff and she told me to get lost. I don't feel that afterlife is worth putting up with this crap.
I know your pain. I was and still am a middle, though not a child anymore, and I want you to know that the adult world will appreciate you once you get there. The spoiled firsts and lasts have some hard lessons waiting for them because nobody in the grown up world cares. They will feel the pain of being ignored and criticized that you feel now.
Birth order did you a favor and gave you the opportunity to master the middle at an early age. While the firsts and lasts are struggling, you'll be ahead of the game: successful as a manager in the middle between a boss and the workers you supervise, or a salesperson between your company and the customers, or a teacher between the principal of your school and your students, yes?
You have self-reliance, realistic expectations, a high E-Q (emotional quotient) good negotiating abilities and great interpersonal skills. You are a 'people person' who has respect for and shows kindness to everyone equally. People want to work for you, work with you, be your friend, mentor you, marry you, help you, and make you happy. Just don't let it spoil you.
In the meantime, lighten up on the self-pity, refuse to feel jealous, stop nursing every hurt feeling, take off the sign that says 'kick me' and get to work on your future. Then your family can call you the successful child.
I want to start by saying I never lacked love. I'm a middle child. I'm 27 now. I know my mom loves me. My step dad (has been around since I was 12, and more of a dad than my bio father) does too. I know this because when I couldn't deal with the stress of full time college and working they allowed me to move back home. My MCS does not stem from a lack of love.
From age 4 to 10 it was me, my older brother (2/12 years older) and my little sister (four years younger). When I was ten my little brother was born. I was the best behaved child. My sister was the "baby girl" and then the "only girl". My older brother was always allowed to do things I couldn't, and my little brother is spoiled (my mom claims she spoiled us all, but she didn't).
Sadly, I'm also the genetic whipping boy of the family, so the muscular dystrophy, skin conditions and depression that run in my family affected me. This did not help. It simply lowered my already low self esteem.
I'm sorry if this is long, or if I rant a bit, but I think I need to get it off my chest. I know this will seem mostly materialistic, and it is a bit, but it was the actions that hurt; the ones that stand out the most just happen to be based around money.
When I was younger, I wanted to play violin. We could never "afford it". My older brother got a brand new trombone when he started in the school band. When I was invited into the band, I was given my brother's three year old trombone while he got a new one.
While we weren't doing better financially, my little sister was enrolled in first gymnastics, then in dance. Both cost money, but she wanted to do them, so they signed her up. My little brother was in tee-ball, then karate. I'm not sure about tee-ball, but I know the karate cost money.
My brother got two cars after he turned 16. Now they were used, but the second one was a 1984 Chevy Camaro. Not a classic but still a good car. When he joined the Navy he gave me the car (after cracking the engine head.) Since I couldn't fix it, and didn't have a license yet, my mom sold it. She promised to get me a car when I got my license, which she didn't let me get until I was 17. She offered to get me a very used Ford, either a Pinto or Escort (hatchback), I can't remember which, which someone was willing to sell her for 50 bucks.
My little sis got a 2002 Toyota Camry. She did have to pay for some of it, but all repairs have been paid for by my parents, all four wrecks worth, while I had to pay for my car and its repairs since I didn't take the 50 dollar car.
My little brother has had a truck sitting at the house since he was 14. He just got his license.
While I always got decent things for Christmas, and sometimes my birthday, my siblings always get good things for both (e.g., my little brother about four years ago, got a cell phone, even though he lost the two he had before that). My brother and sister both got nice, semi expensive gifts. I got a pair of lounge pants and some very, very cheap cologne.
My siblings always got away with things that I would normally be punished for. Or when they were punished, it would last a day at most. One time I got punished for doing what I was told, because my older brother didn't listen. We were sent to a store about two blocks away. I was told not to leave my brother. He was told to go there and come right back. He stayed to play an arcade game the store had. I was punished for being gone so long. He was too, but I got it worse because I pointed out that I did what I was told.
As I said, I know I'm loved. I just wish sometimes that I was afforded the same opportunities and attention my siblings got.
Sorry for the rant. I know it sounds whiny, but it's been building for years.
Can the youngest of two children have MCS?
Great information! I was wondering if the youngest child can have middle child syndrome too? I'm the youngest in my family and I tend to get overlooked. it's been like that since I was 11.
My oldest sister (we don't have the same father) somewhat gets ignored at times. Of my other two older siblings (sister and brother) and we have the same father, my second sister is the favorite and my brother is the only boy so he is something of a second favorite (because he is the only boy). Both of them are the middle children but they get treated as the favorites. We all treat my father and mother with respect, so I just don't get it.
I didn't know middle child syndrome was real. I'm a youngest child and me and my eldest sister make fun of my middle sister saying she has mcs (we didn't know it was real). It's because she always acts like a complete idiot all the time and always get away with it. In fact, my parents treat her better than me. Is it possible for the youngest to have middle child syndrome?
I also feel like I suffer from MCS. I'm 21 and have felt this way for years. When I was a teenager, I hoped that I would grow out of it, but I haven't. I have an older brother and an older sister, and I also have a younger sister who is 15. It's always been clear that my mother favored my younger sister. But I noticed that once my elder siblings became adults, their relationship with my parents improved. I had hoped that would be the case with me but it hasn't.
I still live at home as I'm attending university locally, but it seems as if my relationship is getting worse. Its becoming more and more apparent that my mother and I will never get along. I can't even be in the same room with her for more than 10 minutes without us having an argument.
She finds more and more reasons to argue with me every day. One day its my weight, the next its the fact I don't have a job. Other days she tells me I don't do enough for her, when really I'm the one who does the most. My elder siblings have moved out but are always at home. All they seem to do is eat our food and make a mess and my mom never stops complaining about it to me, but would never say it to their faces.
My brother is in his 30s and is constantly asking for money and my mom still gives it to him. I can't even ask for bus money without hearing the words "get a job." Tonight really put things in perspective for me. My little sister (who is 15) is spoiled and always gets her way and is never in trouble, no matter what she does. Tonight I walked into my bedroom and she jumped out to scare me. I made her get out and she decided to punch me in the face. Instead of fighting back, I told my parents what she did and my mom didn't even care. She said I probably did something to deserve it and probably hit her back. When I walked away, she followed me screaming, telling me to get a job and move out, and started throwing things at me. If it wasn't for my dad stepping in, I don't know what I'd do.
I really don't understand what I've done to deserve all this. I was a good kid growing up. I loved school, got A's, was never in trouble, took karate for over 12 years and got my black belt (my mom took my younger and older sister on holiday the weekend I got it, and didn't even congratulate me).
She made me quit karate three years ago because she said she couldn't afford it, even though she had just bought my sister a guitar and violin so she could have lessons.
I don't get how a mother thinks its okay to single one child out like this. I can even remember the last time my mom showed me any affection; she hugged me after I won a karate competition (that was in 2002).
I just hope that I can get a job soon so I can finally begin my life and have some hope of having a relationship with my family again.
I think I have MCS. I'm in middle school and my brother's in college. My mom seems to always get my brother anything he wants without question, (Every new generation of the iPhone, a Mac, new Xbox controllers, anything.) but when I ask for something like stuff I need for my computer (A net book) it's always no. I have an iPod touch second generation, which is slow, while my brother has two iPhones.
Last year, when my brother got "C"s and "B"s on his report card (he usually gets straight "A"s) my mom didn't even care all that much. But when I got my first ever straight A report card, she didn't even look at me when she congratulated me.
I feel like I can't win my mom's love and when I try my best on something but don't quite reach it, my mom gets mad at me and threatens to send me to another school.
I feel really depressed when I see my mom go out with my brother and I get stuck in my house. My dad gives me enough attention, but my mom doesn't quite get it. There's this voice in the back of my head telling me I'm the one to blame and I shouldn't be selfish, but I can't help it.
I mean, yeah, I sort of have a short temper, but I usually don't yell at my mom. Please can anyone give me advice on my problem? Thanks for reading.
I am the second oldest of four girls and I believe I have MCS. Yes, my parents do spend time with me when they have nothing better to do, but I still feel cheated out on. I hug my parents and tell them I love them every day, but when I stopped riding horses it's like my mom doesn't care as much.
My older sister (2 1/2 years she says 3) is sucking my parents dry of money and same with my two younger sisters. They contently need something and act like I'm the villain if I don't let them use my things. I just wish my parents saw what they were doing but they won't. They were both the baby of their families so they don't notice.
I am glad I have my aunt. Whenever she is over, she praises me and tells me I will be the only one who can take care of herself. That's nice but I'd rather hear my parents admit it.
@anon200974: Your post really got to me. I'll tell you: life seems awfully permanent at 15. It seems like situations will never end, or get better. Usually, they do.
It sounds like you need to take a couple of steps, here. First, is there a relative or close adult friend who could sort of "mediate" for you, advocate for you, be a person your parents might listen to, in order to help them understand exactly where you're coming from? This might help your parents "get" what's going on with you. It couldn't hurt.
Second, do take a look at all the yelling you say you're doing. I get why you're so frustrated. I truly do, but yelling doesn't do anything except build higher walls between you and the ones you love.
Let me give you an example. My sister (there are only two of us), is high-strung and has always been prone to emotional outbursts. When she was a teenager, it was awful. My mother was going through menopause, so they were both hormonal and witchy. My sister (older than me by five years) would fly off the handle about nothing, and scream that we weren't listening to her, we didn't understand her, nothing ever went her way in this world.
At first, my parents would try to reason with her, but she just got more and more emotional. Finally, they just got tired of dealing with her drama. When she was gone to college, we didn't have those issues. I learned from watching her that screaming at the parents did not do much good. It was a really bad time for a while. Looking back, I think what was going on is that she was taking her resentment she built up in school out on her family. It was just awful.
I'm not saying you're doing any of this. I'm saying that yelling to be heard often backfires. It creates exactly the opposite effect from the one you wanted. People start tuning you out and resentment builds up, which is difficult to overcome with only an apology.
Now, your dad belittling you is something else again. I really feel this is where another trusted adult who is advocating for you needs to be called in. *But,* it requires you to be truthful, as well. Have you yelled at your dad, told him you hated him, that he was a lousy parent, that he was dumb and didn't know what he was talking about? Any of that? Anything along those lines? If so, then you have some apologizing to do too, even if you feel he deserved what you said. It's a good thing most of us don't get what we really deserve, when you think about it. But our words do hurt, and it's never a good idea to return injury for injury.
I'm not saying your feelings and emotions aren't valid. I'm saying that it is so easy to get caught up exclusively in our own feelings, without considering how our actions are affecting others. I've been there.
So, work on changing and improving what needs to be improved about you. Don't worry about your siblings or what your parents could do better. All you can change is yourself. Be the best person you can be, for you, and see if things improve around your house. But still, also see if you can find a trusted adult who can help you talk to your parents about what's going on. Good luck.
I'm almost 100 percent sure that I suffer from MDS. I don’t think its one of the most serious cases but it sure is happening. I have an older brother who is 17 and a younger sister who is 11 and then there’s me I'm 15.
I have noticed for a long time now that I've been suffering from this, but tonight is when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I even cried and prayed to god about what I'm doing wrong. From the beginning, I used to have this perfect body, I got attention from my parents, everything was fine and happy. Then, when I turned 14, I started gaining weight, and it's not really bad but I noticed that I eat when I feel neglected, which happened tonight.
My brother gets really good grades, and I did too, but ever since I started high school, I've been under a lot of pressure, and my parents always say, "Well if your brother can get top of the chart grades, why can't you" and it hurts when I hear things like that because I've been through so much. When I was little, I was molested for a year straight and I am scarred, but no one ever seems to know how much it hurts. I feel like my mom understands the most, but the problem lately has been my dad. I'm always getting yelled at by him, and he even took away my phone because I text too much, when we have unlimited texting! I had to sit there and watch my brother get a new phone while I get mine taken and I know it's just a story about a phone, but to me it's much more than that.
And when something gets broken in my house, they always turn around and say "it was probably you" my dad actually says it on a daily basis and it hurts so much, because I feel like sometimes I have no dad, because he's not physically and emotionally there. I try to do things to get his attention, but it never works. He always calls my brother or sisters name to eat dinner or something, but never mine. It's the small things that hurt, and I'm crying as I type this.
My brother and sister always gang up on me, and something like this always gets said: "your brother needs the attention because he is the oldest" or "your sister needs the attention because she is the youngest," but no one ever cares to give me any attention. Every time I come home from a friend's house, my siblings say "when you come, everything gets ruined because you always scream and yell" and I don’t even start the fights, they do.
I just get so sad, so instead of being embarrassed and crying, I just yell to get my emotions out somehow. My parents think I'm going nowhere in my life. They even told me that, and it hurts because I sit here and think about how I can give them a good life when I get older and how I can give myself a good life, and I'm never credited for that.
I'm Albanian, so the stereotype is that the girls in the house have to clean, and I get accused of not cleaning when I sit there and do the dishes and things, and sometimes I feel trapped because I like to go out and have fun during breaks and stuff and live my life because tomorrow is never a promise, and I know I might sound like a regular teen but I've been through so much that I feel like I need to have fun and make memories, but my dad doesn’t understand that. I mean, he does let me go hang out with my friends, but I feel like, it's literally once a month.
My family is always saying I've gained weight, and it hurts because even though I haven’t gained to the point where I'm huge, but I used to be 115, and now I'm 122, and it's showing, and they’re always commenting on it. I just don’t know what to do. We recently went to the beach and all my dad did was yell at me. He even yelled at me because I dropped a little piece of my McChicken on the sand, and I know that sounds stupid, but if my brother or sister did that he would have just laughed.
I feel like I'm the failure in my family. And there’s so much more, but I don’t want to bore you with this. Thanks for reading.
I have MCS. I have an older sister (14) and a younger sister (6), and I am 13. These are just some of the things that make this unfair.
Older: Bigger rooms, the babysitting jobs, has a "special bond" with my mom; she calls her her "friend".
Younger: More attention (I painted a picture, and my mom just shoved it in the back of her shelf. She paints hundreds of pictures a day and every single one of them gets put on the refrigerator). Also has a special bond with my mom because she's the "baby".
My older sister and I were both on the honor roll last year. My mom bought her a frame and she has hers hanging on her wall. Mine is in a folder in the garage, if not thrown away.
We are both straight-A students, but I overheard her telling my mom her grades, and she said "Oh, well that earns some grade money!" But since she's in high school and I'm in middle school, her grades are "more important.”
My mom is always talking about how I don't do chores (which I do) and how I'm always in my room (which I'm not). My mom said really mean things about me, and talked about my sister and her grades. Hello, I have the same grades, thank you very much.
My mom doesn't understand. I've tried to tell her about this many times, but she just says "I give you attention!" (yeah, right) and "well, we should just go do something, the two of us" (which, when we tried, she did something with my other siblings first, which was a concert with my older sister and then a mini-cruise with my younger sister). What did my mom and I do? She bought me new painting stuff. With my sisters. Wow, that really was a "fun time!" (the concert tickets and the mini-cruise tickets happened to be almost twice as much as she spent on me, and my sisters were there while I was picking stuff out.)
I just hate it, and with only one parent, it makes it even harder. I am depressed and I have this look on my face all the time (I don't even notice I'm doing it!) and finally today my mom asked what was wrong (sisters in room). I didn't say anything because my sisters were there, so then she just walked away. She didn't even notice I went to bed at 8 p.m. last night, when I usually go to bed around 11!
I have asked online how to deal with this, and people just say to get over it. But people who have MCS understand, and that's who I want giving me advice, so please if you have MCS tell me how to deal with it! I don't want to be like this forever!
I'm thirteen. I don't have an older brother or sister, just a younger brother and an aunt who is now living with us. She's seventeen, and moved in two years ago, which is when my "miserable life" started.
I'm a respectful and responsible student. I'm loved by my teachers, hated by other students. I have barely two friends because I'm apparently too smart for my high school. The counselor at my school stinks. She's never there, and she actually doesn't listen to what you have to say. My whole school stinks, actually, and I'm in the most hated class in my building, and teachers feel sorry for me.
I do have MCS. I'm afraid to talk to my parents because they ignore me or interrupt me saying, "We give you plenty of attention." or we just get into an argument because they think that I'm full of crap.
Sure, they give me some attention, but not enough. It's like when I practice piano or guitar, the door shuts and every one's up in the lounge room. I'm usually alone with no encouragement. When I pass a piano grade, I barely get a well done. Maybe some money if I'm lucky, but I always seem to get the idea that they just want to shut me up.
Sometimes I feel like I just want to sit and sulk or just plain die in a black room. My brother gets away with everything. Mum had a C-section with him and has an auditory processing problem, but it's not major. He's currently ten years old, and mum and dad still treat him as if he were a baby.
I do sometimes feel as if I'm the only one in the world who has this problem. When I stumbled across this, it fitted everything I felt and was, and when I read other comments, I ended up crying because they were so much like what I was feeling. I still am when I'm writing this.
I'm only 14. My mum and her boyfriend just had a baby and i already feel ignored. my mum's boyfriend is giving me dirty looks when i try to get involved with the baby or they all shout at me. my mum and my older sister are not that close.
Yesterday, my aunt came round and she was being mean to me and called me names. i feel like they have started a new family without me but it's all right. i only live here. It's not like she took care of me for 14 years. i was thinking of moving to London with my older sister or even moving in with my dad. they care.
I have three children, two girls ages 8 and 4 and a boy just seven months. My four year old has a hard time listening and following directions. She is constantly fighting with her older sister, hitting and throwing things at her. She is not a violent child. She just has a hard time controlling her temper. She shouts and screams at the top of her lungs when she does not get her way no matter where we are.
I try to express lots of love to her and I do give her a lot of attention. I attributed her outbursts to the terrible twos. Well, when she turned three and it didn't stop, I just thought she was going through a phase. Than my son was born and she is worse than she was before. I'm running out of excuses her her and truly hope that she will soon outgrow whatever it is she is going through. She really is a lovely little girl and I would hate for her to grow up bitter and always second guessing herself.
I'm a foster child, age 17, I have two foster sisters, and pretty much I was adopted because my foster parents really wanted a boy. Well, three years later? They have a boy of their own, and guess what? I'm pretty much ignored. He gets all the attention and my foster dad doesn't do any son stuff with me anymore, and because I was neglected of the child-nurturing stuff when i was younger i somewhat crave it now, and have to see "Colton" get all the attention, getting kicked out of my own room, put downstairs and sleeping on a pull-out couch, seeing him get almost weekly gifts, and me nothing. And most important, him taking my spot. It almost drives me to suicide and the fact that I'm too much of a wimp to actually commit suicide makes me even more full of hate.
I believe I have MCS. I am 20 and am the middle child of three girls. Both of my sisters are really skinny, super-model looking girls.
I am constantly hearing how pretty, nice, and well-liked they are while all I hear about myself is the complete opposite. My older sister has the "first born" specialness and my younger sister is the "miracle baby" (my parents didn't think they could have kids the natural way; I am a "test-tube" baby.) I don't feel any sort of attachment to either one of my parents and as soon as I finish college, I am out.
I always had to give in to my older brother or younger sister. Even complete strangers needs were put ahead of mine. They say middle children are creative, [probably out of sheer necessity; it's not like we are given much], are the first to leave home and the least likely to return.
All I know is when my parents need care, they had better look to my older brother who was given a business and car. Or my younger sister who as an adult would make my father drive 50 miles to fix a broken fuse (I kid you not). Me - nana, zip, zilch. Also my mother deliberately did everything she could to destroy my self-confidence. She would also point out how well my brother and sister got along and make me feel like I didn't belong.
The laugh is on them. I fix problems for myself, and problems other people can't solve, often quite creatively, have started a business, am relatively well off.
I own my home and car and have no debt whatsoever, substantial savings at 50 years. This in spite of a few disabilities - deafness in one ear not detected till after university graduation, celiac disease and hypermobility syndrome, all diagnosed after I left home and finished studying, but present from birth. The cat's in the cradle...
I'm 14 and the middle child in my family of five. i always feel so inadequate next to my sister. she does better than me in tests, she seems to always have more friends and people like her more. I feel as though my parents will always love her and my brother more, that they all dislike me, and that they have reason to.
I have an awful temper and when i am criticized by the family. i can't help but take it to heart and get very upset, feeling like a failure, but i find it hard to show that i am actually hurt. it just comes out as anger.
I have this dream that all of my family are being held at gunpoint, and that we have to choose which one of us is to be shot, or we all will be, and in my dream, every time they unanimously choose me. I don't know who i am or what my identity is. I don't know what i can do to make myself feel happier.
Hold on and be strong. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. When you'll see it, you'll think you've been blind before.
I am the middle of three sisters. The eldest is eight years older and has suffered with me since she was 17 (now 41). My mum especially has totally smothered her and now she's not able to do a thing for herself.
I raised my concerns re: the future and was told that she was to be left the house in their will. Like I'm bothered about money! My younger sister is still very much tied to the apron strings (she's 30). I looked into emigrating as this has become such an issue for me and my young family. I dread the future as I know mum and dad will expect me to look after my older sister.
I feel like why should I pick up the pieces? I feel like the only way of dealing with my feelings is to put a barrier up and cut myself off and give my younger sister the attention she obviously craves so much. If anyone has any thoughts on how to deal with how this makes you feel, please post.
I'm 16 and am in the middle child in a family of seven, so yeah i have mcs pretty bad!
My oldest brother is 24 and isn't even living in the same house as us anymore and still gets more attention than me! I switched bedrooms so I could have his bedroom after he moved out and for three days no one noticed, even though I practically lived there the whole time!
As for the youngest, she's not only the youngest but is also the only girl so yeah, once again a prime example of attention absorbing and spoiled!
The other members of the family (two older, two younger) even agree with me that I am often left out and a bit of a loner as the three oldest and the three youngest have formed cliques and I'm the only one left out! But though they agree with me they still ignore me.
I know it isn't intentional but it still hurts and I feel more like furniture than a member of the family.
I'm 15 and i think i suffer from Mcs. I have an older sister and a younger brother. Me being the oldest son. my parents say that i am so spoiled. That is hardly the case. My sister can talk back and say anything she wants and my brother can do anything he wants and never get in trouble. if i do one little thing wrong i am punished. my parents will yell at me and threaten to hit me or kick me out.
I am an A student. i get better grades than both of them. if my sister gets a's and b's she gets rewarded. Me, never. I'm the only one who ever does anything around the house. i clean three rooms a day and cut the lawn or shovel snow once a week, whereas my sister cleans one room and my brother does absolutely nothing. i never get any special treatment when i do anything. my siblings get special treatment all the time for doing nothing.
to me, it's not fair at all. sometimes i wonder why I'm here. they don't appreciate me or anything i do and i feel useless. i never had many friends and didn't talk that much and my parents would yell at me because of that.
If and when i have kids, i will not have more than two. it's just not fair for a kid to be left out like that and feel useless and unappreciated for who they are and everything they do.
I'm not even thirteen years of age yet but throughout my twelve (or ten years as an older sister) years, I've always felt as if my parents didn't appreciate or love me as much as they love my older sister, 14, and my younger brother, 10.
It is clear that my mother loves my sister the most as she is always waffling on about her being the most calm and nice child. I know my father subtly loves and take cares of my younger brother the most as my brother is too young and still dependent on other people to get his way around.
I have to admit that I am a "control freak", fussy and whiny at times, but my brother is no better. And of course, my brother would always win the arguments and fights we get ourselves racked up into because he is younger and I am supposed to be more mature. In my household, I get screamed at, and sometimes threatened to be hit, whereas my brother never does -- unless he has put himself into a bad situation but that is his problem.
It's not just the lack of attention, but it is also the lack of appreciation. My sister vacuums the house and car and my mother greatly thanks her and tells her she is a good child but even with my excessive amount of chores (such as cleaning the bathroom with bleach and tidying up parts of the house etc.) I get nothing. Not even a "good girl". Instead my mother just looks at me and nods. And last of all, my brother. He doesn't do anything at all. Not even wash his cup. Instead, he expects his siblings and parents to do everything for him. Just because he has a high IQ, he gets treated like a king.
I'm only 12 and yet, I still have to undertake this never-ending diagnosis of "middle child syndrome". Sometimes, this just makes my blood boil so that i have to hide in my bedroom for a time-out.
My story is just like anyone else who has MCS except I succeeded in life in so many ways.
Growing up between two brothers in an Asian household was probably the hardest thing. Especially because I am a girl. It was difficult enough getting attention from asian parents, let alone anything else. But I was a good girl.
My older brother is a year older than me and my younger brother is seven years younger, truly the baby. My brothers were my friends growing up but my parents treated us so differently.
Growing up, I never had sleep overs, had many friends, didn't have a boyfriend until I was about 18, and never, even to this day have I tried any types of drugs. Like I said: I was a good girl.
I played the piano beautifully, even won prestigious awards with it. I, along with my older brother received our black belts in Taekwondo (I got the higher score). I do a lot of modeling, and a lot of my photos and work can be seen in magazines. Even got a motorbike.
I mentioned that I exceeded in everything earlier, and I did. I learned to speak and write in five languages fluently, graduated university with a degree in Biochemistry with minors in french and spanish- Pre-Med. I didn't actually like what I was taking at all. So I went into nursing.
I always did outrageous things to get my parents' attention but it was always given to my brothers. Even though, my older brother doesn't have a job or goes to school, my little brother is on the same path. I took a bus every day to 8 a.m. classes in -20C something weather, whereas my brother got a car and slept in and did absolutely nothing.
My parents give my brothers everything they need and they expect me to earn it. Sometimes when I shoveled the sidewalk for them, they assumed it was one of my brothers and award them with whatever they wanted or needed.
Even to this day, they treat me as if I was a burden to them. And I resent them for not giving me the same love my brothers got. All I ever wanted was to be treated equal. But no matter how well I do anything in life, it will never be good enough because my talents and I are invisible to them.
I'm almost 18 and I was born between two brothers, and though I'm the only girl I've always felt, ever since i was a child, that I wasn't as loved as my brothers are.
My younger brother was always babied and my older brother always acted out to get attention. I've always found that nobody ever noticed the things I did.
If I had an orchestra concert in elementary school and my younger brother had a hockey game on the same night, my family would much rather watch that than come see my concert. So, they would drop me off at school and go to his game instead, then pick me up when it was over. My 13th, 16th, and soon my 18th birthday have never been about me.
On my 13th birthday, I spent it in a freezing, dirty hotel in Vermont because my brother had a hockey game. On my 16th birthday, I came home from school. My older brother ran away from home, my father worked all night and my mother and granny got into a huge argument, and my younger brother was who knows where. No presents. Sweet 16, indeed.
For my 18th birthday, I'll be in PA doing who-cares-what for my brother. I can't even remember any of my other birthdays.
I've tried everything to get someone to love me but I just feel so useless. I get the best grades, I've played in pit orchestras in musicals, I'm the only one of us three to have a job, and I'll be the first to go to college in the whole family, so why doesn't anyone care?
At school, I've had friends come and go through the years. After a year, they just quit talking to me. I guess when they got a better offer they just take off. I'm just a boring middle child.
Now there is a slight chance my mother is pregnant. She's almost 50 and my father has had a vasectomy. If she is pregnant, I'll get to deal with MCS and a divorce. Since i was 5, and still to this day, I've always had nightmares about my mother having a fourth kid.
What if it's a girl? Then what do i have? Being the only girl is all I have. I'll be replaced. Sometimes I wonder how they would feel if i just took off and never came back. I apologize for my rant, but it does hurt to be the middle child sometimes.
I'm the second among four. i never thought that i might have MCS. Since childhood i see and feel the unfairness of everything: love, attention, care, etc. from my parents.
I was the age of 41 before i got the answer to all the questions. I confided in a friend who happened a doctor and she told me that i have mcs. It's so hard to accept, and i know there is no cure. In short i didn't ask to have it. Yes, i isolated myself from lots of people. I feel I was neglected.
Sometimes, if my mother appreciated me, i just prayed and hoped it would be always like that, and it was not. It's always my elder sister and younger brother who are the best. Seems I'm like air that you cannot even see.
I focused all my life on working to be noticed, until i reached my age and was still single. For this reason, i just wanted to be seen by and feel my family, especially by my mom.
I'm craving the love and attention from them and I'm searching for those things with other persons. It hurts me a lot, because it seems i don't exist. They don't listen to me at all. Moving on was so hard, so i have to put a barrier up. That's how i established being an independent and strong person.
It stinks being the middle child sometimes. You get blamed for everything, no one listens to you, no one seems to understand you, and you're treated like an outcast or a loser. (At least that's how some middle children - myself included - tend to feel.)
And to make things worse, you get in trouble for little things while your other brothers/sisters get away with everything (for example, my older sister punched me last night and dropped the "F bomb" on me with our mom standing right there next to us, and yet she never got in trouble for it. I, on the other hand, ended up being "the bad guy" in the argument, while she ended up being "the innocent victim." I did yell at her too and I suppose I *did* provoke her, but that's no excuse for hitting me and cussing in front of our mom. I didn't scream the "F" word at her or punch her or even treat her half as bad as she treated me, yet I took all of the blame, and she got away with everything she did/said to me.
But is it really any better for the youngest child or the oldest child? They have it rough too. The oldest is like "second in command" so he/she may have a ton of pressure on his/her shoulders, and the youngest may sometimes feel like he/she isn't as important as his/her older brothers/sisters. The truth is, life stinks sometimes, no matter how old you are and no matter the birth order of you and your brothers/sisters.
What helps me get over MCS problems is knowing that my family loves me very much, and I love them very much too. Even though me and my sisters fight sometimes (like the fight with my older sister that I mentioned above), we never stay angry with each other, nor do we stop loving each other.
Even though your family may not understand your problems, try talking to them anyway. Just remember, you're not alone, and that you are loved - your family loves you, and most importantly, God loves you. If you pray and ask God to help you with your MCS problems, He will.
I'm 13 years old and a couple of years of go I realized that I didn't get much attention. And I would find myself isolated from family, always in my room, by myself. Even at school I had a lot of friends but I couldn't keep them because they'd get boring. I needed something new something different.
Plus, I always felt that I had to outshine my older sister, who seemed better at me at almost everything except dancing, and singing (which is also another way I express myself). And the only way I could express how I felt was through writing.
One day I was arguing with my father and I accidentally yelled at him that I hated being the middle child. Which kind of made him stop and think. He asked me why? But I didn't want to tell him because every time I tried to tell them something they would always interrupt and not let me finish and I was tired of that so I said nothing.
I was at school one day. It was third period and I'm an office worker. Well, I was talking with my counselor (we were close) and somehow we got on the subject that I don't get enough attention.
He told me about "The Middle Child Syndrome". And I wanted to just cry because MCS really does bother me and my life.
Also, I found myself trying to get attention from boys because they seemed to always give me attention.
Anyway, I'm still trying to find my way, but I can say this: having the MCS has made me a strong, independent person. That's the only thing I really get out of it.
Well done to the parents looking at this. Acknowledging that your kid might have MCS and wanting to do something about it is the best thing you can do to avoid your children ending up feeling the way we all do.
My case is a bit unusual. I'm the middle born between two brothers, but my youngest brother and I are actually twins. You might say that this hardly qualifies me to be a middle child because we are the same age, but this isn't true. He has always been treated as younger than me and I was a lot more mature and given all the responsibility. He was sometimes sick as a baby and so got a lot more attention from the beginning.
Both of my brothers are diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADD). Because they were both always desperate for attention and needed special care, I was practically forgotten about. I was always getting in trouble for things my younger brother did.
Because I never got positive attention, I spent most of my childhood trying to hide away and I now feel invisible. My parents don't know me at all and I don't feel like part of the family. My mother tells people things about me that are completely untrue and she says that I take after my father because she's too ashamed to admit that some of my genes come from her.
My brother told her that I probably have MCS, but she said it doesn't exist, which is a classic example of her ignoring anything to do with me. Despite this, I really try hard to impress her. I've always gotten good grades and I do all the housework in the hope that this will please her, but it never does.
As we get older, even my brothers are acknowledging this. They can see how much our parents pick on me. When we finished school, my eldest brother got a score of 75 (out of 100) and they bought him a watch, my twin got 69 and they gave him $1000 and I got 85, but they gave me nothing because they said I could have gotten 90.
My twin and I received our scores at the same time and I remember mum hugging him and telling him how proud she was, but I got nothing. My eldest brother used to get really good presents while I got cheap bargain crap.
Recently our grandfather died and my family put together a slideshow of photos of him with everyone to show at the funeral. I pointed out afterwards that I was the only person who didn't have a single photo, and it was quite upsetting.
i must have mcs as my both parent treat me like crap and they don't give a crap if i go school or anywhere for that matter. With no money to eat, i was child abused by my mum. Yeah, tough times i know. i am the only child in my family who, on many occasions did not receive birthday presents when both my siblings are surrounded by presents and have birthday parties, which i have never had.
At one point i started to buy my own clothes at 13 since my clothes were completely worn out and didn't even fit me, so what does my mum do? She buys my brother lots lots of clothes and nothing for me as he spent his money on drugs. my brother has been sent to america i think four or five times now for four years in a row and he gets new trainers and new clothes while i have been stuck with the same old crap i bought myself when i was 13, and i have never been sent to america like my bro.
Also i get nothing i ask for. I get no financial support and my parents lie to me and say they have no money but when my bro and sis ask for it they get it. I am the slave in my family. I can't argue and i have on many occasions said to my parents what? But they don't care. My older bro is a king in my family. He's given everything he wants even though he's a complete failure at school. My mum even stole 200 quid off me and my dad refuses to pay for anything expensive for me being over 20 quid.
Life's tough being in the middle. i have no assets, barely any clothes, and no money in the bank while my bro was given a lot of money for his bank and so was my sister. i am treated like a third class citizen.
I have MCS and have had it for the last 28 years. My sister is a brat who sulks and gets her own way and yet bleats about how hard her life is because she lives near our parents.
My brother is the only boy and the eldest therefore whatever he does is gold coated. Me, I could be the next prime minister but they wouldn't notice me. Whatever my sister does is always better or more tragic than anything that could ever happen to me and my brother, whatever, it's all gold coated.
@anon128548 - get over yourself, why would you be lurking on a MCS board if it's not real? Can't have it both ways.
I have a question about my middle child. I am at the point of diagnosing him myself because if he isn't suffering from MCS then I am going to commit homicide.
OK, he is eight years old and has no learning difficulties or handicaps.
Since 2007 my children and I have suffered the loss of a baby, this would have been his little brother and he was very excited about his birth and very traumatized by his death. just seven months later, we lost my mother. both of my children were very close to her, as was I. She was the only babysitter they had ever known and we had lived with her until about a year before her death when I purchased my first home.
His father is not in his life by his own choice. This past summer we all witnessed our family dog get run over by a car, she survived. Thank God, but it was very traumatic. Then just three months ago I had another baby and a girl. My oldest is a girl who is 14 years old. He is eight years old and now I have a new born girl. I am torn between the possibility of him suffering from PTSD and or MCS.
Now, here are his recent symptoms. In the past month he has had two bed wetting accidents and the most recent and most alarming concern for me is he had a bowel movement accident at school. I don't want to blow anything out of proportion, but I don't want to ignore this if it is what I fear the most.
I have talked to him about the sexual abuse possibility and he denies it. Not to mention that the only place he goes that I am not with him or can see him is school and Sunday school. All other activities, like basketball practice, I am there for and can see him the entire time. He does suffer from separation anxiety. Someone please help me.
From a mother that loves all of my children. Should I buy a gun or just get him to a counselor?
I probably sound like a pompous jerk compared to a lot of these other people. But in whatever proportion, here is my story.
I understand love cannot and should not be measured in gifts and money but sometimes, it feels like it is. My sister went to a 40,000 a year high school (crazy I know and I have better sat scores at my cheaper school) she also rides horses (it's expensive if you didn't know). She took school trips to other countries in addition to the horses. As of now my parents have
bought her two cars with price tags exceeding 25,000. My parents have not and will not buy me one.
I recently signed up for a school trip. My dad didn't like the price tag but my mom convinced him to let me go. For my sister he wasn't at all reluctant (nothing to do with the collapse. My parents made 360k last year) but for me he was.
Later my dad revealed he felt like he had to let me go because my sister went. I mean it's nice you're trying to be equal but at least tell me it was because you are interested in my interests. Also I want a Taylor 414 for Christmas. I suggested the idea to my dad and was met with a wick denial. I even offered to pay for most of it but still he found an excuse to say no. (the guitar is 1650 so it is a stretch by itself. That's why I offered to pay).
my little brother however, just got a thousand dollar alienware computer for his birthday. What the bleep? I'm sorry my story makes me look snotty, but to me, it hurts.
this is a bunch of made up crap. you all need to grow up and get over the pity party for yourselves. You are just attention craving people who need to do something with your lives other than be over dramatically sitting on the computer diagnosing yourselves with a made up condition.
if you would actually do something productive with your life then your parents might have something positive to say. I'm a middle child too and this is all crap.
I am the middle child of four and the only girl. the two oldest are twins. Surprisingly I am very close to my younger brother. we used to call ourselves the Super Twins when we were younger, though we are not really twins. sometimes I feel like he is the only one in my family that cares. I know my mom loves me. she just doesn't know how to relate to me. I have almost all the symptoms of mcs. I never thought about it before. but I do believe that I have mcs.
really the only symptom I don't have is lack of direction. this is because I know that direction in my life does not come from people, but comes from God. the Creator of the universe! if it was not for my relationship with God though His Son Jesus, I would have killed myself by now.
If you are reading this and you do not have a personal relationship with God though His Son, please read the book of John in the Bible. or talk to someone you know who is a Christian. I know having msc is hard, but God can help much better than your parents can. after all, He is the one who created you.
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverb 3:5-6)
God will give you direction if you just ask Him.
I'm sixteen and just had a breakdown. That's about three this year. I've narrowed it down to two things. Stress, and of course mcs.
I can't tell my mum anything. I've just done some research on mcs and everything is what I am and feel. I've started writing four stories and I will eventually publish them but it's hard when I can't write around her. Whatever she reads she has to comment on.
Three stories are about werewolves and in my first one she just turned into a werewolf and goes home to get her stuff after being kicked out by her dad. Mum comes in on her little brother saying that they're making pancakes and she just goes "And werewolves are eating pancakes."
It made what I wrote feel like crap. Not only that, I can't draw around her either. Every picture I draw has a story behind it so there is always more than meets the eye with my characters. Of course I can't show her them either.
And of course, my big sister get the excitement of doing everything first and my little brother is mum's baby. I've recently gotten my L's and haven't gone driving much. With my sister, mum always asked if she wanted to drive and she always said no. Well I want to drive and we never have the time and I don't get asked.
With my most recent breakdown when mum was at dance I wrote down my problems. Of course she denied the fact that she criticizes what I draw and write and then she says "You know what you've got. Middle Child Syndrome, and believe it or not it's real."
Of course it's real! You're doing it to me and you don't realize it!
So I'm bawling my eyes out and she makes it seem like it's nothing. Before dance was our first talk and she's like buck up and I'm thinking the reason I'm like this is because that's what I do so I can't talk to anyone.
some of you guys made me really sad reading your stories. Isn't it funny how some things are so common and are going unnoticed?
Reading this, the penny has dropped.
I'm 24 and a middle child. I have always felt distant from my family. As a teen, I used to hang out in my room rather then sit with the family. But the feeling the day i felt pushed under the carpet was when I came home late from a night shift at my first job in KFC.
I was 19. My parents had gone out and when I entered to walk to the front door, I found the door already open, with clothing on the front drive. I thought to myself, "at their age? horny devils!" But that was not the case. My mum was throwing out my dad's stuff. She found out he was cheating on her. I was in the middle of the worse argument I have ever seen them in to this date.
My older brother came in drunk about an hour later and my younger sister was crashing at a friend's house, so they had no idea what was going on. The next day, everything was swept under the carpet, including me.
I hated my parents at that point, and because my brother and sister had no idea of what happened, they resented me for the attitude I had towards my parents. Not much has changed to this day.
Today I feel lost, unloved and abandoned with no direction and unable to form any relationships with anyone.
I have three children ages 4, 5 and 8 and a stepson who's 14. My eight year old gets the crappy end of the stick and I know it.
It's hard. He's always acting out but he does real good in school, just when he's home he just doesn't listen. And nothing is fair. In his eyes, I'm always sick.
I don't really spend time with any of my children, except maybe my four year old daughter. She kicks it with me, unlike my boys. I have copd and CF among other problems with my health. My husband is gone five days a week -- he's a truck driver. I need help but now my eight year old is an angry little boy, yelling screaming and always hitting my two youngest children.
I am the youngest (I'm in my 30's now) of three boys and reading all these posts has really hit home for me.
My middle brother is going through some very difficult times at the moment and is pushing everyone away from him and really starting to dig himself into a hole that i fear will leave him alone and with no one.
I love him dearly and at the moment, I am really the only one that he still confides in. I really want to help him but don't want him to think that I'm "one of them" now by being open with him.
He has MCD for sure and i can recall many occasions during our childhood that would have caused this. I feel so useless that he feels like he does and is quite closed about it.
If I bring it up I fear that he will just start lying to me like he has lied to everyone else.
What can i do? Should I talk to him about MCS and that there are reasons why he feels the way he does?
So middle child syndrome does exist! I knew it. I'm also the middle child of three, the oldest being my brother and my sister being the youngest. I tried to bring up the middle child effects on a child but my parents won't hear of it, saying that it doesn't affect all middle children but they don't realized that I'm suffering from the effects.
Reading all the posts made me realized that for once I'm not alone. I'm shaking badly as a whole flood of hurt is coming out.
I always felt like there was never enough love for me in the house. I feel like I was just important for doing stuff for everyone at home, but of course, no one ever cared to take care of me or return a favor to me. I feel like all I ever do for my family is give, give, give and they never want to give to me, of course.
There was a bad incident in which I was trying to tell my family about something that was bothering me and of course, I got accused of being selfish, calling attention to myself and that I was too sensitive. Naturally, my parents didn't hear me out and took my sister's side. I was depressed so bad I had to see a doctor over it. I still get nightmares from the incident. Ever since then I never showed my true self to my family. My boyfriend is the only one who sees me vulnerable, crying or my true thoughts.
My boyfriend is so good to me, always trying to take care of me and understands my constant need for attention due to my circumstances. Hell, I lost my virginity first of my siblings. I did feel ready and I do love my boyfriend but now that I think about it, I couldn't turn away the attention.
I hate myself sometimes that I act out just because I just turn away attention sometimes.
I am 54 years of age and still suffering from the inadequacy of being a middle child. I felt throughout my childhood that I was not supported at all and that no one was interested in me from a very early age.
I was bullied terribly but never felt I could tell anyone. I was always accused of being to sensitive but have been beaten up in the past by several different people.
I am in many ways a confident and capable woman and many people rely on me but I feel my family completely take me for granted and dump problems in my direction. I am amazed how even now I can be reduced to a gibbering insecure wreck in desperate need of affection and validation.
Is there no easy way of coming to terms with this legacy or am I going to feel this vulnerable and inadequate into my old age?
I am the third daughter out of five girls, and my parents tend not to notice me. I am one of those kids where I can blend in when I want but I can also stand out. My parents and siblings tend not to notice this though.
My parents don't believe me when I talk about school, and really, they don't care. I am just waiting until the day when I get the attention and not have to be stuck in the background.
i am a sixteen year old girl and have suffered from middle child syndrome for years ever since my little brother was born. at first i didn't notice it but it's when i got older that i noticed i was the only one doing chores and got upset about it.
it was been so bad over the past few years that i have tried to kill myself, I'm that insecure. i wish my parents knew but I'm not close to them so i can't tell them anything. help please because I'm losing my mind.
I'm also a middle child of three. My parents actually treat us almost equally (of course, there are always flaws, can't really help it). Probably because they are also middle children.
My dad told me that he had experienced being neglected by his parents because there was favoritism going on in their family back then and somehow it's also similar to my mom (except hers was a bit too sorrowful, not telling you the details). They don't really care who was born first, last or whatever as long as we do our best in what we can do.
Even though they were proud that among the three of us, I was the only one who got in an elite class (there's a system like that in our school though it's kind of like survival of the fittest type but I don't really care). And no, I really didn't work hard for it. I just did what I usually do.
Though there are also times when I feel a bit too left out. I mean, when I look at all those baby pictures hanging on the wall of our house, I really do feel a bit left out because among all those baby pictures there, I only had one on the wall.
Also, during family reunions/gatherings/parties/etc., you know, they (e.g. aunts, relatives etc.) usually ask who's the oldest and the youngest and they would kind of forget about me (but whatever, I also don't remember their names and faces as well anyway).
I'm also not the kind who would really seek attention. For me, whatever comes along, comes along then. I really don't care whether I'm neglected or not. Though it kind of feels lonely at times but anyway, it doesn't really matter.
For me, what matters is what you can achieve that will do good for people whether they thanked you or not, and even probably ignore you because in the end, you knew you did something good and right for them and that includes the family as well. (Though this is just my own view).
This is completely true. As the middle of three boys I always felt like I was the ghost in the family pictures, a waste of space and only helpful in short tasks like getting the phone and taking out the trash.
I have no idea why, but my older brother is trusted enough to have people over and my little brother is spoiled to the point where it's kind of sad to hear him yell at me. I sometimes feel like I was there just to be the one who helps around the house when everyone is too lazy to.
I remember seeing an episode of Pingu and shedding multiple tears when he doesn't get attention when his little brother is born. I can relate completely. I even grew out my hair just to get attention, but I felt ridiculous so I shaved it off. I feel like I'm isolated in my room for most of the time.
When I get to school and family gatherings I actually feel like I'm wanted, so I stick to my friends and cousins. I don't really tell anyone how I feel about being the middle because it would be awkward to hear feelings coming from a guy.
I actually felt tears swelling in my eyes reading this because I see now what I felt inside for so long. I just wish I can find someone who can relate.
Forgive my griping. I just wanted to express how i felt.
@Anon102839: Much as I hate to say it, this sounds much more like "you're not a boy" than middle child. It's disgusting, but some women just do not treat their daughters as well as they do their sons. They have little use for their daughters, but those boys can do no wrong! My great-grandmother was like that. She had lovely daughters-in-law, but none of them were good enough for "her boys." My grandmother was a saintly woman and one of the few who ever got along with the old lady, but even then, my g-grandmother didn't really like her. And how anyone could not love my grandmother is beyond me. This should prove it: all of her daughters-in-law loved her like their own mothers, and she loved them as if they were her own.
Nevertheless, some women are just so partial to their sons that the daughters will always take a back seat. It is incredibly sad, and many women will never see the error of their ways until they've raised a batch of spoiled rotten brats who will never amount to a thing, and wonder why their adult daughters never call them. Boggles the imagination.
Anyway, you do the best you can for you. If your mother doesn't seem to recognize it, she will have one time to regret it: the rest of her life.
i am a middle child, the only girl between two boys.
my older brother is amazing. he is currently at the naval academy, arguably the best college in america (7 percent acceptance rate) and has never had anything lower than an A in school since birth.
My younger brother is the golden child. he's still my mother's little baby and she gives him really everything he wants. he knows this and uses it to his advantage.
This manifests in the oddest, subtlest ways, like an argument we were having about who got to sit in the front seat (i'm 15 and he's 13. it matters!) my younger brother, N, and i had made a deal before that the next six times we rode in the car i could sit in the front seat if i passed him a pillow. it's ridiculous, but we're teenagers. it's to be expected.
Of course, just minutes before we reach the car, he stops and shouts 'wingman!' (for those not familiar with the bro code, this would give him front seat rights) and i reminded him of our agreement.
N immediately begins to shout and disagree with me. mother comes up and starts to threaten us, as all mothers do. 'well neither of you will sit in the front for a year! and you, young lady, will not get your driver's license!'
this is how most arguments go. A group threat with me singled out harshly. and if it doesn't go like that, she only punishes/threatens me, or immediately gives N his way.
she also spends considerably more time with N than with me. she shows more affection to N. forgive me if this sounds immature or petty, but she laughs at more of his stupid jokes.
i completely understand why she does this. he's her precious baby, the only one she's got left.
But I'm still here, thanks. It's been like this for the past 15 years. I should really be used to it.
Most sufferers of MCS are characterized as introverts, socially inept and unable to stand in the spotlight, but i am certainly not like that. forgive my brag session but entering my junior year of high school, i will be attending one of the most prestigious art schools on the east coast. This is huge. 15 percent of applicants get in, and i applied from out of state.
when i got in. I was practically crying with excitement. she responds with an understated smile and an 'oh, my friends will be so jealous.' her friends? she was just using my success to show off to her friends?
there are so many other little things that she does that show how little she values me as her daughter. like most negligent parents, she probably doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.
Forgive my little rant. I just needed to get all that off my chest.
I am a teen aged girl and middle child of three. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about them not paying attention to me or completely ignoring me they joke around and say stuff like, "oh poor you" or "guess you have middle child syndrome". I don't think they even understand that it's a real thing.
As for me, the signs I show of this are clear. I fight for attention in many ways (usually not good ways) but always end up with an empty feeling in my stomach and a false feeling of attention.
I wish my parents could understand that I need the same amount of love and attention as my two sisters do. I find it hard to find comfort from my friends being that all of them are either the baby of the family or the eldest. I try not to envy them but often find it very hard and even more hard to not envy my sisters. I wish they could just understand.
I am a teenager since may and I am the middle child of five siblings! There are four girls and one boy. Being the only boy my brother acts like he has mcs sometimes. In my case I know I have it.
My brother is the oldest. And my oldest sister is the most spoiled. I love my family but I hate the way I am sometimes treated. They sometimes don't even know I am there. I have learned to be independent and I only rely on two neighborhood friends I see every day.
I'm not very social. I have many acquaintances but none of my friends other than one school friend knows anything about me. Everyone works at a restaurant with my mom but when it came to be my turn, well let's just say for two months I have been waiting. I don't feel very much appreciated by my youngest or oldest sister.
And my second to youngest sister kisses up to my dad way too much!
I have actually learned to not want to be home a lot anymore. I ask to go places and I do but they don't always say yes; they won't even let me mow the lawn! Where my older sister just tells them and leaves, and she is only 16. One day a guy tried to touch me and even though he did for two seconds I pulled away and ever since my mom found out I'm not even trusted.
I can't be at a friend's house without parents there and it is summer so I can't hang out with anyone until after four and I get really bored!
It annoys me that the one enjoying her summer most is my spoiled eldest sister. heck the only one my mom will go to a spa with is my sister, no matter how many times I ask! I wish she had mcs because she is so used to getting everything that she would probably run away or something, not that I want her to. I just wish someone would understand my mcs like my friend Sam who also has it.
my 54 year old sister in law is a middle (of 3) child. she's not particularly close with her mother but over the last year she visits once a week.
Her mother was diagnosed with early Alzheimer's some years ago and is now in hospital awaiting a place in residential care. My husband and I and the younger sister are visiting frequently.
But my sister in law is popping in on a Monday afternoon with her grandchild and putting in her hour. She doesn't seem to want any communication to do with her mother. And after a pre Xmas visit asking for £50 for both her baby grand kids Xmas we haven't heard a cheep,(she got the money from her mother's pension), a place has come up for her mum this week in a home 50 miles away but suddenly she says no to it and wants her to stay where she is (45 mins from her). what's going on with her?
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