Receiving gifts from people who were not born to shop may be a mixed bag. Sometimes an anxious shopper will give you something terrific, and other times you might receive gifts you absolutely hate. It is always important to bear in mind that the thought is what counts when receiving awful gifts. A person who gives one a gift, should be thanked.

This may differ a bit in close relationships, as in spousal relationships. This is particularly true if a spouse’s gift giving ability has been called into question in the past. Perhaps one’s husband insists on getting one tools, or a wife only ever gets the husband socks. Where money is not an issue, and where couples have had time to discuss gifts in the past, expectations may arise for a slightly better gift.

When this does not occur, fights over the insensitivity of gifts can occur. Couples may begin to leave off giving each other gifts because it results in blowups or hurt feelings. One way to counter completely giving up giving, is to present each other with lists for possible gifts. Couples may want to agree they can only give each other things off their lists.

Though this may take some of the surprise out of receiving gifts, it also takes out the sting. Each member of the couple gets something he or she would want, rather than something he or she would gladly throw out the nearest window. Further, lists of desirable gifts for husbands and wives are about the only time when it is acceptable to make lists without offending etiquette.

When the matter has not been discussed in advanced, receiving gifts one hates should be met with gratitude, even when one doesn’t feel it. Perhaps Grandma will always choose that shade of puce for one, or perhaps a new boyfriend really did think his gifts were just what you would love. Do give the gift giver the benefit of the doubt, especially if it is a first offense.

Occasionally some gifts are not only undesirable but also inappropriate or offensive. A boss who gives one scanty underwear, for example, is crossing lines set up for appropriate behavior in the workplace. In these instances it is definitely mannerly to give the offensive gift back to the giver, with a statement that one cannot accept the gift, or that it would make one uncomfortable to accept the gift. This may help head off approaching sexual harassment or at least halt the very thoughtless gift giver in his or her tracks.

Gifts given by friends that perhaps contain offensive language or are designed to insult, may also be returned to friends, or returned to the store, if one has a receipt. They do not require thanks, as they are inappropriate. One can, if exceptionally polite, thank the giver while returning the gift and say it really cannot be accepted. No further reason is required.