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How Should I Choose Bridesmaids?

Personality is a good thing to consider when selecting someone to be a bridesmaid.
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  • Written By: Sherry Holetzky
  • Edited By: Niki Foster
  • Last Modified Date: 07 April 2014
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Choosing bridesmaids may seem like one of the easiest decisions you will make while planning your wedding, but there are some issues that need to be addressed. While you may assume that you can just pick your favorite people to serve as bridesmaids, it does not always work out quite that simply.

You will need to make sure that the people you choose as bridesmaids are available and willing to stand up in your wedding. Sometimes things like logistics, previous obligations, or expenses play a role and keep people who would otherwise love to accommodate you from doing so. If you are able to help with expenses or sort through other issues, you might be able to come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion. If not, you may need to ask someone else.

There are also personality issues to consider. If your sister and a friend that you would like to serve as one of your bridesmaids do not exactly get along, asking both to be bridesmaids may prove awkward. While most people assume that loved ones will be able to manage such conflicts for the duration of one special day, you need to determine whether or not this is true of the people you have in mind. You don't want to risk spoiling one of the most important days of your life due to unresolved differences between your bridesmaids.

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In addition, consider your own comfort level and that of your groom. It is best to avoid asking anyone that makes your beloved uncomfortable, since it is his day too. As far as your own comfort is concerned, don't let anyone manipulate you into asking her or someone else to be a bridesmaid if you'd rather not. For example, if your mother-in-law-to-be insists that you ask her daughter, find a way to politely decline if the idea makes you uncomfortable. If you and your sister-in-law are not particularly close, inform her mother that you have already asked long time friends and your own family members to be bridesmaids.

Choose bridesmaids that will able to help you with last minute details and those that will make you feel most at ease. Surrounding yourself with those closest to you is the surest way to make sure your wedding is the magical day you want it to be.

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Discuss this Article

anon199614
Post 8

@anon282: Grow up and tell your family to do the same. It is the bride's choice who is to be her bridesmaids. It is not an arena for the family to have their say, or throw their toxic insecure garbage around cause they didn't get chosen or think they should have a say or cause grief when things don't go their way. It is not your family's decision for a niece to be a bridesmaid. It is for the bride's personal friends and family, not yours.

Grow up and shut up for the sake of your brother's happiness. Why on earth would you and your family choose to be so selfish and ruin the start of a happy family? The bride is not the one being petty and selfish; you and your family are.

amypollick
Post 7

@Anon110138: I see your dilemma. However, there may be a solution. How about saying, "I'd love to have Sally as my flower girl. Would you like to keep the bride's book?" That's a role that doesn't require a special dress, and Sally could "help" mom with the task. As a bridesmaid, your friend might not be able to look after her daughter as she needs to, but if she kept the bride's book, that would solve the problem. You could also ask her and Sally to help distribute the rice/birdseed bags or bubbles, or whatever you're using in that capacity.

Good luck!

anon110138
Post 6

I'm having a hard time deciding if I should ask someone to be in my wedding. She is a person I grew up with and I wanted to ask her daughter to be the flower girl.

I know that she is struggling financially and I think it would be too much to ask her and her daughter. I also can't afford to pay for her dress and I wouldn't want the other bridesmaids to feel bad who are also not in the best place financially.

Does it seem okay to only have her daughter? Should I mention the financial reasons? I know that if I left it up to her she would not say no because she would feel obligated. But I also don't want her to feel slighted if I don't ask her. Is there some other role I could have for her that wouldn't cost anything? Any advice is appreciated!

toothpick
Post 5

anon15459: do you care more about not being asked, or because you truly would love more than anything to be in your brother's wedding? i totally understand that you feel snubbed, i probably would too. but ask yourself this question, and you'll probably feel a lot better. if you don't know her all that well, and don't really care, then you shouldn't be upset. and just think of all the money you'll save on all those bridesmaid's expenses!

anon15459
Post 4

My brother is getting married, and he has chosen our other brother as one of his groomsman. I wasn't expecting to be a bridesmaid as I do not know his fiance that well. Now I have found out that they've asked our other brother's girlfriend to be a bridesmaid, and she knows the fiance even less well than I am. They say it is only for the purposes of "pairing them up" that they asked her, and they never said why they didn't ask me. I wonder if I am overreacting to this? Something doesn't feel quite right.

anon10035
Post 3

I don't know where you might find something saying the spouse is not required to be a member of the wedding party, as I'm unaware of any hard, fast rules. Yet, clearly, there are limits to how many people can be in the wedding. Perhaps you can help him understand that no slight is intended toward his spouse, and it's a simple matter of doing the math. Best wishes.

~Sherry

anon9650
Post 2

My brother is getting married and asked our brother to stand up in the wedding. He said he would, but then called and said no because his wife is not in the wedding. Is there some rule that you have to have your spouse in the wedding too? We have tried to tell him that she doesn't have to be in the wedding for him to be. The rest of us kids are in the wedding and some of our spouses are not. He has really caused a fight between all of us. We think he is being unfair and he thinks we are against his wife. Could you please let me know where I could find a passage saying your spouse does not have to be in the wedding.

Thank you for your time and help.

anon282
Post 1

my brother is getting married and my family think his niece should be a bridesmaid but his wife to be hasn't asked, she told us she is only having one close friend, now we find out she is having 5 people it has caused upset in the family

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