I feel more motivated to do work after I take a percocet the night before. I have back pain too and I feel really lazy at work. I think it is because of the lack of sleep. Back pain can make you get up several times throughout the night and even eight hours of sleep really doesn't help.

Maybe the motivation and energy stems from finally getting some good sleep. I wouldn't take more than a couple a week though. Addictions are tough to crack.

I think I am having minor trouble again with a psychological/emotional dependence on painkillers. Don't worry, although I misused them I am *not* abusing them because I can't, as my doctor will only give out a small script once every 6 months so unless I am somewhat responsible in rationing them or taking them only as needed i will run out.

Maybe it was the stress, but I had severe back pain that would usually last almost a 24hr period. I had a prescription from last November so I had to take a few last week and it was a miracle. I felt comfortable. Not loopy, or sleepy. But the side effect was that it also took away this extreme anxiety I have been feeling and I felt that the medication made me see things more clearly and made me think things are *not* as tragic as i made them out to be on a regular basis regarding my job layoff.

The problem now, is that I have been taking them (just one at night) over the past several days more to get rid of the anxiety and it works incredibly. Again, the effect doesn't make me "drunk, slurry, blurry" it almost feels like things are more in perspective and gives me a sense of confidence in myself that I can really become a self starter.

If I continue to take one a day I will run out by next week. But I hate this feeling... Anti-anxiety medication I absolutely hate because that makes me feel too loopy and tired. I went back on Anti-depressants a couple of weeks ago, but I feel like the only thing that makes me see things in a positive light is Vicodin. Why does it have to be so regulated?

I smoked pot in college, even cigarettes, i drink (very little now), and I never got addicted to anything and it seems that Vicodin although a miracle pain killer and discomfort alleviator, it also seems to be the best in relieving this horrible feeling i wake up with everyday. At least that's how I felt the past couple days. It's under control, I've been reading up on opioid dependence on the net and right now, I am nothing like the people I've read about. It feels as safe and *no* less dangerous than a simple glass of wine that anyone else would have after a day of work to relax them and take the edge off. Wine, beer, Xanax (which I've taken in the past) nothing really seems to take the edge off yet still keep me up and motivated like the pain medicine. I have been stretching, and trying to do the whole meditation Yoga thing but it only works for about 10 minutes. After I'm through and it's back to this feeling.

I am writing to you because the thought of running out and not having them on hand and dealing with the day to day stuff is not pleasant. I need to have them on hand for when I really need them for "pain," and if it doesn't make me feel "doped up, doesn't slur my speech or coordination, doen't make me tired or unmotivated" it has the direct opposite effect actually. I almost feel more normal and things seem to just be more in perspective and if it motivates me to work even harder why is this so bad and shameful? I am asking you because i have been thinking about the remainder of my pills, that I know I can't take, but just want to feel better about things (not necessarily escape, but deal with everything properly). I can't say I am addicted yet, but more like I am in the mood for them the way one would be in the mood for pizza or a cup of coffee.

Alcohol, which can be purchased in any amount at anytime seems to be more taxing on the mind and body. Is being in the mood to take a vicodin really so horrible and does this mean I am addicted? Obviously there's a potential, but I wonder if i would be making such a big deal if I can get them anytime I want like beer. It's more the fear of knowing that I can't have them that makes them so alluring. I am not on *any* other medication except Paxil which is at best ok.

I just want to feel like things aren't so awful without the help of any kind of medicine. I can't stress this enough that these pills don't necessarily make me high, but it does create a sense of psychological peace within. It really makes me feel more motivated and I get so much more accomplished when I am feeling this sense of inner peace. Again, after doing research, there is a difference between misuse and abuse and I am not at any point where I am abusing. Can you explain what can be going on?