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- Written By: S.E. Smith
- Edited By: Bronwyn Harris
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2003-2012 Conjecture Corporation
Miss, Mrs., and Ms. are all honorifics for women, but they have very different appropriate usages. Since a great deal of politics and emotion is bound up in the terms for some women, it is an excellent idea to learn to distinguish between the three. Learning about these terms can certainly help someone avoid a misstep. In the United States especially, Ms. is the generic term to use when referring to a woman that you know nothing about, particularly in the business world.
All three terms are etymologically derived from “Mistress,” as in “Mistress of the House.” Both Miss and Mrs. were in wide and often interchangeable use until the 1800s, when the meanings began to deviate. Miss came to be used to refer to an unmarried woman of any age, while Mrs. was the correct honorific for a married woman. The usage of “Mistress” to refer to a lover had curiously begun several centuries earlier.
In the 1960s, however, some women began to chafe against the use of the titles, because they believed that the terms suggested a certain sense of ownership. A “Miss” could be said to be the property and responsibility of her parents, as she was historically, and a Mrs. was the property of her husband, by being marked with his name and a change in honorific. Women wanted to find a term which could be used universally for all women without implying marital status, just as Mr. is used for men.
In 1961, Sheila Michaels thought that “Ms.” might be an appropriate middle-ground. Her discovery was probably brought about by a typo, and it took another 10 years for the term to become popular. By the 1970s, many women, along with a major feminist magazine, had adopted "Ms." as an appropriate universal title. It was an important step for the women's liberation movement, because it created a new framework for thinking about women.
Not all women use Ms. as an honorific, and some actually find it irritating. Also, in some cases, the use of “Miss” has become conventional. Teachers, for example, are often called “Miss Lastname” whether or not they are married. Critics of this practice point out that “Miss” is a diminutive term, and that using it to refer to teachers is somewhat offensive. The term is also widely used to refer to young women and girls, particularly in formal environments, as “Ms.” would seem a bit excessive for someone of a very young age.
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slade
Post 27 |
Feminists are a scourge of society and have been the main reason the breakdown of family life and the increases of crime. The use of Ms is another term they use to segregate themselves from society. |
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anon170557
Post 26 |
I think they should have just called all adult females "Mrs" -- married or not-- and skipped the "Ms." honorific. It's just causes too much confusion. |
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anon162683
Post 23 |
I grew up in Iowa and moved to a southern state when my son was small. His friends, whose parents are my friends, call me "Miss Firstname". It is a common practice in the south, regardless of a woman's marital status, to call a female friend who is older than you "Miss First Name". I believe the practice conveys respect and familiarity at the same time. I didn't like it at first; it seemed silly to me. But as a Sunday school teacher and daycare provider, I came to appreciate it. It became a respectful term of endearment. In professional situations I let it be known that I expect to be addressed as "Ms. Last Name". I am divorced with a grown son, have lived a lot and am certainly not a naive "miss". "Mrs." rather offends me as I wouldn't marry, now, for all the tea in china, and if by some miracle I did, I would most certainly want to retain my individuality and independence. I think I'd choose to be called "Ms. Mylastname-His Last Name" ... unless hyphenating would make my signature a mile long. In that case I'd keep my professional title as it is: "Ms. Last Name". |
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anon160207
Post 22 |
The use of honorifics perplexes me for a few reasons. 1. Generally people do not need me to tell them their sex, gender, marital status, age, views on being defined by marital status, profession, qualifications, public office, etc., etc. 2. Ranking systems generally provide some information about an individual. Addressing or describing someone according to a particular ranking system shows that you find that information to be relevant in context. 3. Ranking systems generally carry some value judgment. Addressing or describing someone according to a particular ranking system shows you ascribe to those values. 4. How is the use of an honorific an indication of respect? Do you give people new titles if your respect for them rises? What happens if your respect for them declines? Addressing individual members of a group could be interesting! Does the number of titles indicate what respect is due? 5. If we use our own experience of a person to suggest a title we risk confusion and being misunderstood. If we use social convention to provide a title we risk being platitudinous or untrue to our views. 6. Titles define what a person is and is not. As such they have a limiting effect and suggest a refusal or inability to see the individual in their entirety. This can be useful when boundaries are important but should not be confused with greater feelings of honour. 7. Titles of public office make sense if one is addressing the office, but not if you are speaking to the individual who happens to hold that office. Similarly titles of expertise/achievement. Inherited titles seem plain demeaning in any situation. To me it would be far more respectful and logical to move away from the tradition of using titles and towards showing addressing everybody with equal respect. Finally, is it not plain weird to address someone according to what kind of genitals you believe them to have? |
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anon144791
Post 21 |
I know that in the US during the women's rights movement women fought tooth and nail for Ms. because they were sick and tired of discrimination in the workplace. A slew of personal questions would be asked about how many kids you have, how many your were going to have, and Miss meant you were single and could be taken advantage of by your higher paid, older male counterparts. "Ms." is considered the equivalent to "Mr." One title, respect, no questions. It is considered polite and formal to address someone with a title, especially if I don't know them. Typically Ms. or Mr. It is very informal to address someone by their first name. A friend of mine explained that in Germany, people are addressed by their last names and only until they sit down and have a drink do they make it official, "ok, now we can address each other by our first names." Which seems a little much, but it underlines respect for someone's name. I know that in PhD programs in the UK, especially science, students are spoken to by their last names, Dr. Soandso, out of a sign of respect. By using a title to refer to someone you clearly indicate respect toward the other party. It says "I don't know you personally but recognize you as a free willed individual or I do know you personally and here is your wedding invitation Mr. or Ms. Friendofmine. |
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anon142391
Post 20 |
Wow, now I'm even more confused. Thanks Mademoiselles. |
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anon138371
Post 19 |
We can skip the whole thing and disrespect all women equally by just calling them by their names. That way, they won't be offended when you say Mrs. or Miss or Ms. or Ma'am or lady. You see, just use their name and have no respect for them whatsoever and you're done. I love the feminist movement. Making women single and passed around like kleenex since 1980. Now that's progress. |
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anon137866
Post 18 |
What if the woman used to be a man who was married? What if the woman used to be a single man who was the property of the U.S. military? what if the woman used to be a man or still is partially from a physical perspective, but still receives settlement payments from a lawsuit over damages from taking Viagra or a drug for his testes? Would he be a miss or a mrs. or a ms.? |
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anon137863
Post 17 |
A single, 32-year-old woman might want to go by Miss in order to seem younger, which is positive. I wonder what the direct, literal translation of "miss" is. And my dad says I can have a kid but I have to wait until I get married, so what would I be then? Should I have the kid and take Ms. because I feel "soiled"? |
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anon137862
Post 16 |
What if you are 32, single, and a teacher? I don't really want to go by "Ms." because the term makes me feel like an older woman. But on the other hand, I don't want to upset the feminist movement. I look very young, and I could really care less about what people think, so I will go by Miss. I mean, would it really have a disrespectful tone towards a teacher if she is older and wants to appear younger? |
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anon129362
Post 15 |
What happens if someone calls you by first name alone, for God's sake! it is easier.
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anon124110
Post 14 |
I'm a married woman who didn't take my husband's name. I feel I am a Ms. under all circumstances. Say my last name is Smith and my husband's last name is Jones. Many people at my children's school call me Mrs. Smith - which I feel implies I am married to someone named Smith. That is not the case and I feel it is incorrect to call me Mrs. Smith. Better to call me Ms. Smith or Mrs. Jones - or even hey you! |
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anon102415
Post 12 |
i was always told that it was: Miss= Not married; Ms=divorced; Mrs= Married. |
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anon78053
Post 11 |
Thanks for clarifing. I prefer Ms. since I'm not married but not a teenager (27). You're right it is very professional. |
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anon73608
Post 10 |
So there is no winning this neurotic endeavor, just use whatever you like and let the frowning grouse grimace. |
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anon65625
Post 9 |
I have a question for you. My husband died. Do I keep his last name until I remarry? |
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anon61115
Post 8 |
a married woman keeping her maiden name takes what title? |
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anon49460
Post 7 |
How do you address a widow? --bhcs |
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anon48850
Post 6 |
Mrs. is an abreviation of mistress (there is no such word as Missus) which originally was the title for an adult woman; i.e. the feminine form of Mr (mister). There was not a word for a married woman as there is not a word for a married man. In France we have Madame et Monsieur, married or single. Same in Germany. The title for all married women is Mrs.(mistress) |
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anon48046
Post 5 |
too wordy: Miss is for unmarried women. Mrs. is for married women. Ms. is for 'unknowns' and any woman who wishes to use it. |
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anon36578
Post 4 |
very interesting. Mrs. is married.
Miss is young and or not married Ms. is don't want to say if im married or not Hope that helped! |
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anon24991
Post 3 |
Actually, a woman is never properly addressed as "Mrs. Jane Doe". The honorific "Mrs." does not mean "I am married"; it means "the wife of". So if Miss Jane Doe married Mr. John Smith, she is properly addressed as either Mrs. John Smith or Ms. Jane Smith, but never Mrs. Jane Smith. It is not the case that the woman "takes" the man's name--this information is erroneous. It is that she becomes his wife. So, if the woman in question kept her maiden name upon marriage, she would properly be addressed as "Ms. Jane Smith". |
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dandydarling
Post 1 |
If a woman is married and wants to keep her maiden name, what is the correct title for her? Mrs. Jane (maiden name) or Miss/Ms. Jane (maiden name)? |
