What is Narcissism?

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In order to save time defining narcissism, let's just blame our parents for not loving us enough as children and call it a day. Essentially, that's the mindset responsible for the onset of primary and secondary narcissism. According to a number of psychoanalysts and psychologists, the groundwork for full-blown narcissism is established right after birth and continues through the formative years up to age 6. The 'terrible twos', a phenomenon in which toddlers become extremely self-centered and demanding, is actually part of the narcissism spectrum.

Narcissism is a psychological condition defined as a total obsession with self, to the exclusion of almost all other interaction with people. Narcissism is often characterized by a lack of empathy for others, an immature sense of humor, sadistic or destructive tendencies towards other people, and a compulsion to satisfy personal needs without regard for others. People suffering from narcissism can be extremely introverted in social situations, tending to avoid deep friendships or commitments to career or family.

According to a common psychological model used by psychoanalysts, almost all humans begin life with some degree of narcissism. After all, in a baby's world he or she is the most important creature alive, followed closely by the supportive giants known as parents. A baby or toddler has a significant number of physical and emotional needs, all of which should be addressed by the people surrounding him or her. This is how the world works, according to a two-year old child. Eventually, a healthy child will learn that the world is bigger than he or she is, and parents will not always satisfy selfish needs. Failure to learn this fact can lead to a condition called primary narcissism.

Early childhood or primary narcissism is thought to be part of the natural growth process, as children focus their energy and attention away from parents and towards an ever increasing subject/object world. If the child experiences a severe disappointment or senses abandonment, he or she may regress to the primary narcissism stage as a defense mechanism. For parents, this could mean a return to baby talk or demanding behavior until the child finds a way to deal with the traumatic blow to his or her self-worth. Hopefully, the child will learn to live with life's disappointments and grow into a responsible adult. For some people, however, an early lifetime of rejection by others can create secondary narcissism during adulthood.

It is this secondary narcissism which may be diagnosed as narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism is primarily a defense mechanism, albeit with some socially damaging side effects for the sufferer. A narcissistic adult faced with the pressures of career, family and social interaction can literally implode psychologically, retreating to childhood behaviors such as primary narcissism.

The feelings of others no longer matter to a narcissistic personality. Other people simply live to serve, much like the role filled by parents during early childhood. When family members, co-workers, subordinates or friends fail to satisfy his or her needs, a true narcissist will most likely detach from them emotionally and become even more self-absorbed. Narcissism as a personality disorder can be treated through psychotherapy, but many sufferers prefer to remain undiagnosed.

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New: Discuss this Article

Posted by: anon5335
There was always a vacuum in our marriage that I cannot quite put my finger on. Life with him was barren: he has no empathy for the emotional havoc he caused to wife and children, he has no regard for the law, he was never close to his siblings, he had no friends, he was financially irresponsible, emotionally absent, thoroughly self-centered...and he always left a mess for me to clean up. Only difference is now I do not clean up his mess (all types) and totally abandoned the family. His siblings (who are all like him) banned together against me and are not cutting in with their greed, envy and lies.

Hurray! I gotten over him! And he just can't stand me now!

Am I over the worst from him? I ignore his siblings. The more I ignore, the more evil they schemed. I believe the law will get them sooner or later.

What is the best strategy for me to get closure. I sent him the divorce papers (which he goaded me on for a while) and how he refused to sign!

I am standing here, watching, in amazement!

After I found out about his lies and cheating, he became cowardly and avoided all contact with me and the children. He was never close with his siblings before I found out and now he is! Worst his siblings are all the same! Help! What should I do?

Posted by: anon3005
Well written article. In theory Narcissism may be helped by psychotherapy but in my experience one has to acknowledge a problem before one can address it and with Narcissists, they are never wrong. I know one who had 5 therapists in 2 years but of course the therapists were not any good...in fact he could have done their job better, so, therapy, I don't think so...
Posted by: lilly
Hi. I was a narcissist until I started smoking pot. It made me see everything differently. I started to care for everyone I knew. How they felt. Their needs. In every area. I have a son who I had always assured was loved tremendously, but didn't take much action to prove that. Everything changed for the better. Have you heard of this before? I find it very interesting.

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