Emotional abuse is a general term for types of abuse that tend to be non-physical in nature. This includes things like verbal abuse (or deliberately withholding words with things like the silent treatment), shaming people, or forcing them to witness the abuse of another person or animal. Emotional abuse may be much more common than physical abuse, but can be just as devastating. Children, spouses, boyfriends or girlfriends, and the elderly are at risk for being emotionally abused. Such situations can arise in any circumstances where one person has or wants to gain power over another; for example, abuse could occur between a teacher/student, a boss/employee, or between siblings or friends.

Parents reading this may be concerned that occasionally getting mad at a child or blowing your top may constitute emotional abuse. Typically this is not the case if you very occasionally get angry, which most of us do from time to time. When a person is emotionally abused, they are usually consistently or frequently abused. Defining the term may have as much to do with evaluating how often the abuse takes place and how severe it is. It doesn’t usually refer to the one day last month when you got mad at a kid or spouse, provided that this behavior does not continue and does not have elements of physical abuse.

A few examples of emotional abuse can include deliberate terrorization of a person, such as intentionally threatening violence against that person or other people. Extreme neglect or isolation, such as limiting a person’s exposure to almost nil with the outside world is emotionally abusive. Constantly shaming a person, name-calling, or rejecting a person (like by preferencing one sibling over another) are other examples.

Failing to act with any emotion toward a person, like denying all physical affection can be construed as abusive and deliberately exposing people to corruptive influences (such as letting a child watch pornography) would qualify as abuse. Again there is a fine line. If a child walks in on a racy R- rated movie that you and your spouse are watching, it may upset the child, but it was not your intent for the child to see the film so it is not intentionally abusive.

Though emotional abuse is not physical abuse, it is violent and it has far reaching consequences for the person abused. It can result in depression, problems with self-esteem, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, poor sleep, alcoholism or drug use, and suicidality, among other things. The person being abused may feel absolutely trapped in a relationship they cannot escape, and begin to feel that they somehow deserve the abuse. Children who are routinely emotionally abused by parents may be most at risk, since this can occur all through their childhood, significantly impairing their relationships and development without suitable intervention. Just as with physical abuse, emotional abuse can be passed down from one generation to the next when intervention does not occur.

If you recognize that you have been emotionally abused or you feel your behavior may be abusing someone else, there are plenty of ways to get help. Start by talking with a licensed counselor who can help guide you to either changing your behavior to stop abuse, or help you recover from such abuse. If you are the victim of emotional abuse, there are many resources available to obtain help. If you’re too young to get to a counselor on your own, you can talk to a trusted teacher, a counselor, a family doctor, or a friend’s parents to help stop this vicious cycle.