Then I went to the casino where every time I was up enough to buy a round for the black jack table, I would. This only happened a few times. Then for some reason, I proceeded to play roulette until 7 a.m. and lost a good amount of money. Then I went to the pub that opens at 7. I ordered a drink, had a couple sips and went for a smoke. I went back in and drank a bit more of the pint and went for another, where I threw up and began to get into a panic.

The next thing I remember is someone saying something to me and me not knowing what they said. I became extremely disoriented and was scared of everything and left the pub. I was scared of cars and was hugging a wall while trying to get a cab. I somehow managed to get a cab and called a friend in a panic. Once I got home I broke down, hyperventilated and kept repeating this doesn't make sense, what is happening.

I know I typically drink way too much and when I start drinking I usually don't stop, but this is new to me. Is this me being drugged or having a blackout?

My last blackout was two years ago when I remember walking out of a pub with my mate then nothing. I woke up at the exact point of a fist hitting me on the nose. I was laid on my back with a man punching me and my friend was having a fight with his mate. What I can't understand is why blackout behaviour is usually extremely uncharacteristic of your normal behaviour or your conscious drinking behaviour.

My friends were able to get me back in the room. I guess I stripped naked and at some point started puking my guts out. They tossed me in the bathtub and left me there until I woke up about 12 hours later. I remember stepping out on the balcony, but after that, I blacked out. It took me several days to recover from this. The first day after, I remember lying out on a beach and uncontrollably scratching myself all over until I was bleeding. Disgusting, isn't it?

The most I drink now is a beer or couple of glasses of wine on the weekend.

I've drunk a lot more than I did last night before and I've never been that bad. I woke up this morning next to my best friend and she told me I peed my pants in my friend's car and peed on her bathroom floor when we got home. I can't even remember leaving the party. Also we apparently stopped at a pdq gas station for me to throw up and luckily a nurse happened to be there. She told my friends I was definitely drugged.

I also woke up with a black eye and was super, super dizzy, which never happens. Thankfully I was with some really great friends who helped me out all night. I'm so thankful for them. Things could've been a lot worse last night if I hadn't gone with them. It's insane how people drug others. I'm not even sure if I was drugged or just blacked out?

Here are some examples:

1. Masturbating naked in an open stall in my college dorm.

2. Breaking into a daycare, stealing the fire extinguisher and throwing it through the window of a car in the parking lot (this was actually a brown out). In the process cutting my finger and leaving a trail of blood that lead directly to my door (yes, the police visited me).

3. Public sex at a party.

These are only the worst ones. I have probably blacked out over 25 times. What is really crazy is that I continue to drink to blackout. Every time the next morning, I tell myself that I will not blackout again. Every time I go out, I tell myself that I will drink responsibly. I have never felt so helpless.

Just last night, I went to see a friend whom I met a few weeks ago. I was looking forward to spending time with him because I don't have many friends in the area (largely in part to my blackouts). It was his girlfriend's friend's birthday. I blacked out and woke up at home. He has told me what I did, and I will not see him again.

I tried to pick up one of the girls, and when she refused (understandably), I was overly persistent (I assume the worst but did not ask for details). The birthday girl tried to intervene and then, in the words of my ex-friend, I "said some really terrible things to her." I couldn't bring myself to ask more about what I did that night or what I said specifically. But one thing is clear: I ruined a nice girl's birthday party, embarrassed myself and lost a friend.

I am going out again tonight, I will leave in an hour. Don't worry, I will drink responsibly and not black out.

I like to go out and have a drink, and usually when you've had a couple, you get the taste for more. I remember having my first drink when I was about eight and getting really hammered on a bottle of vodka when I was 13. I've never thrown up on anything I've drunk, as it's not in my nature to do so, so instead, I just pass out. It doesn't matter when or where it is, but I've noticed now that it happens all the time.

Also, another thing I've noticed is that I can't get really drunk anymore. I either get merry and remember the whole night, or I get plastered and lose all my memory. And, to shock you even more, whoever you are reading this, I've started to fall asleep in pubs – and that ain't even the worst part.

I'm 25 years old and I still haven't done anything about it up until now. Last night was the last straw in the bunch held by the hand of luck. I passed out at the pub for about five or ten minutes and woke up in a blackout. I can't remember leaving and coming home on my own. The only one thing I can remember on my way back home was hitting things quite violently. I won't go into details, but it's better than the other day when I disgraced myself even more by taking a piss in a corridor and falling asleep at the other end. Oh, by the way, did I mention it was a block of flats where other people live that I don't know? No, I didn't did I?

Now all I feel is confused. I don't even have a motive for doing these things and all I feel is guilty for what I've done. It's lucky I haven't ended up in a police cell from being completely out of order.

And another thing: my hands hurt. Not the best thing if you play a music instrument, I can tell you.

So now it really is time to hang up my coat on this life. Otherwise it is game over for me and my future. My subconscious must be mad that I get in the states I do and causes havoc when my brain isn't conscious of what is happening. As long as you have control of what you're doing, you will moderate it as it's your brain and body working together

If you think you don't care and think you're the king of the castle when you drink, like me, then you're only setting yourself up for these blackouts in the future because actually, you do care.

I know this is a long post, but whoever you are who manages to read this, take a leaf out of my book, because I really wish that I had done something about this earlier on. Don't be silly and waste your life away by thinking you don't care, because you do. It's probably just the drink talking.

About two years ago, I ended up in the hospital from alcohol intoxication, and that's when I stopped drinking so often (to about once or twice a month). Eight months ago I blacked out at around 3 a.m. in the morning and totaled my car on the highway at 5:30 a.m. I got a DUI. Now I drink once every month or two months, but I keep drinking to the point of blacking out.

Last night I blacked out again and I woke up this morning in my bathroom vomiting. When I looked at myself in the mirror, my face was horrible. It was swollen and scratched with a black eye and a cut. My friends told me I was insanely drunk and I fell pretty hard a couple of times while trying to walk. I think that's it. I quit drinking today, for good.

You have done yourself and your family a tremendous favor by realizing this about yourself and taking steps to change. That's the hardest part. Now, get some counseling to help you continue in these positive changes. You can do it! Good luck.

I did so many completely out of character things. I'm normally a down to earth, sensible, polite person but I would sometimes be promiscuous, say really obscene things, burst into tears for no reason and generally completely embarrass myself. And to make it worse, I would usually only remember small parts of it.

It all came to a head a month ago. I had one of my worst nights ever, behaved appallingly, and felt so awful and ashamed after, that I stopped drinking. In the past month, I have drunk next to nothing and initially was much happier, but now I am remembering and facing up to my behaviour of the last years and just cannot stop torturing myself. I replay moments and just feel so low. I feel like locking myself away and never going out. I am lucky to have a loyal and loving family and group of friends, but I feel like there is only a handful of people I can look in the eye. When will this stop? Is this normal when you confront an alcohol issue?

I just have hard time to stop drinking when get to a certain point, then I go into the mode "the more drunk am I, more I will drink".

It is not a problem for me not to drink for six months, but when I am in the zone, I would drink piss if it had alcohol in it.

I guess I am not only one with this embarrassing and dangerous problem.

I have an IQ of 144 and I have a good education. I am blessed in so, so many different ways, yet I drink into oblivion.

I don't remember saying goodbye to anyone, but I do remember I was told that we were leaving. I am so upset that I I'd something stupid in front of my family. I only had three drinks, but it was mixed drinks which I never usually drink.

Anyway, I remember sitting there, then getting up to go to the bathroom, and this is where it gets fuzzy. It seems that as soon as I stood up the alcohol went straight to my head. I am struggling with trying to remember what I was saying or doing in that time frame.

I promise that I would never get drunk around my family because I don't want them to ever see me drunk. However, I feel that is exactly what happened.

The whole point is just cut back. I quit for a while and maybe I'll have a beer or two once in a blue moon if I feel like it, but learn to control it. Otherwise, you're pretty much going to be walking around like a zombie.

I don't know what I do, but I know I say stupid stuff and do stupid things. I'm not promiscuous, and so far I've managed to avoid falling into bed with anyone, but I feel like I'm constantly putting on friends to take care of me. The problem is a lot of them think it's funny, and say I don't need to worry. It may not be a problem around friends but it is when it's new work colleagues, which happened recently. The only solution I think I have is to not drink at all, before I really get myself into some trouble.

But over the past couple years, something has changed, because I've definitely slowed down drinking, but have started to experience blackouts.

At first, they were pretty harmless. I'd find out the next morning I tried peeing on someone's shoes. Or, I crawled into my bath tub and eventually passed out. Funny. Ha, ha. But, that too changed.

Suddenly, I'd start hearing from people the next day that I was acting violently, or saying obscene things to anyone who passed by. Now, this didn't happen often mind you, but over the past few years I can say this has probably happened about six or eight times. And let me tell you this: It's shameful. And it's not me.

I think what may have happened is that since I slowed down how much I drink (once a week), I tried to make up for it by sometimes drinking very heavily. The fact of the matter is, I can't do that anymore. It's fine to go out and get drunk with some friends every once in a while, but to make a jerk out of yourself and hurt people around you? No thanks. It's got to stop.

The behaviour is really bizarre, and I'm glad he understands. My sister has seen me like that and she was surprised I cannot remember anything, but she knows now from me opening up to her that this really troubles me and I hate it.

The shame, well, if people are genuine friends or loved ones they will forgive you. But most importantly I think you have to let it go and forgive yourself. Cliche, I know. It happened, talk to who you need to and those who love you will support you.

After college, I started drinking again a lot and making those same mistakes again: sleeping with men I didn't know or care about unprotected, waking up in my bed not remembering when I left the party or how I got home.

A year ago I had a blackout and was driving and drove my car off an overpass. I woke up upside down, hanging from my seat belt and had to break myself out of the window to escape my flaming car. I obviously spent time in jail and for the past year have been going to mandatory classes to get my license back.

This whole year in classes has been extremely expensive and a pain in the butt at times, but it has taught me so very much and has given me the support to be honest with myself and others, which helps the healing process.

I still drink occasionally and just this last weekend had my first blackout in a year. Seeing me like that made my boyfriend worried and mad. I had forgotten how much shame was involved with blacking out and that is my question for all of you: How do you get over the shame?

How do you not feel like you constantly have to apologize to whomever saw you like that?

I feel I am a very wise and vibrant person, but I need some advice on how to stop torturing myself with shame? Thank you for sharing and any advice you may have.

My first ever blackout, and hopefully last, happened two days ago. Me and some friends got together to party. I remember drinking shots, then next thing I know, I woke up in my bed. I had realized I'd driven home from my friends house. I woke up with bumps and bruises, apparently because I had jumped into the water. The most scary thing is not being able to remember anything. No more alcohol for me.

I can't even work out if it's the amount I drink, or what I drink that causes it. It might be a bottle of wine or if I mix my drinks. As I've drank the same on other occasions and only been tipsy, there's no pattern to it. The answer is to stop drinking, but I enjoy the occasional drink.

My father is an alcoholic and there's mental health problems on his side of the family. I worry I'm going to mess up big time one day.

The time that ended the relationship was abroad when he was going through an extremely stressful time I selfishly drank crazy amounts of rum (same amount as him) and ended up calling him names and punching him in the face. I had a fat lip the next morning too - I must have bitten it. But, I don't remember a thing and I have now lost him and will feel shame the rest of my life.

i started cheating on my boyfriend and would say all these awful things to him. this caused many fights and eventually we broke up. i completely blame myself for this however i think there were underlying problems in the relationship to begin with.

so we broke up 7 months ago now but since then i have still been having blackouts almost every weekend. i have been sleeping around and waking up not knowing where i am or how i got there. i am not like this sober AT ALL and just don't understand how i get like this. not looking forward to work on monday as i kissed one of my co-workers the other night.

What I've learned and advise you all is to just drink one or two light beers when it's a party of any sort or some social event (even a house kickback) and get your drink at alone time. I, for example, have a young girl and girlfriend, but once a week in the twilight hours, I smoke a little cannabis and drink a couple of king cobra malt liquor 40oz (because they are large amounts and force me to drink slowly for three or four hours) while listening to music at my secluded areas (a very isolated beach or forest).

I love drinking by myself now because it really relieves stress and I enjoy those three to six hours of absolute, uninterrupted me time. Some of you do like the alcohol but wish to control it. Just unwind at me times away from everybody else. It's a nice escape for a while.

Important: never get messed up at a party anymore. Save yourself the embarrassment.

It's just this simple, but i know it will be hard believe me. Limit your drinking and what you drink. Maybe a few beers here and there, just enough to catch that buzz, then just go with it. but if you keep drinking and whatnot, you will black out and if you don't want that, then stop drinking!

A few days after a blackout night of drinking I contacted my friend to hang out, only to get a response that she was furious with me, that I wasn't welcome at her place, and she wanted me to contact her when i get my life together. She mentioned something along the lines of me saying horrible things about people. I do not remember what i said at all (it must have been pretty bad) and it really scares me.

I don't feel that is the real me. This has made me re-evaluate my drinking as well as myself. I may have lost these friends forever. I certainly have lost respect for myself. why should anyone have any respect left for me?

In the last eight years, I've gotten divorced, (he's where the drinking started).

I have three grown daughters who want nothing to do with me, lost my job of 20 years. The court ordered me to attended AA meetings, I was jailed for 30 days and lost my driving license for six years. (four years remain).

I don't remember what I've done. I've been told of some of what I've done - hated what I heard.

I woke up hours later, upstairs, on the living room couch, with no pants or underwear on and apparently I was sleeping with my bare butt facing the front door. My roommate came home from work to find me like that. A few hours later, I was still drunk and couldn't remember what happened the night before. How did I get upstairs? Where are my clothes? Did my friend take advantage of me? Did he make sure I was still alive before he left?

So I went downstairs to try to put the pieces together. I found my phone on the counter and found a puddle of pee on the floor. After I spoke with my friend whom I had been drinking with that night, he told me I tried to give him oral sex, tried to make out with him, asked him if I could hold his penis for him while he pees, etc., etc., etc. I was so totally embarrassed and disgusted with myself. He reassured me that nothing sexual happened between us and that he stayed for a while after I passed out to sober up before driving back home.

The second story is a story about a girl friend of mine. We had been invited to hang-out with some gang members at their place. They were having a small party. After she had a few drinks, she blacked out. We were in the garage, with two gang members. Out of nowhere, she started saying horrible things to them. Swearing at them, calling them names like “You guys are total pieces of bleep! I totally hate you both! You make me sick!” It seemed like no matter what I tried to do to make her stop, she wouldn't stop.

After a while, I left the garage with one of the members. He told me to wait for him inside the house and not to come into the garage. They ended up tying her up with ropes so tightly around her arms and legs that she was bleeding from it. They blindfolded her as well, and took her to some random side of the highway, and left her there. All she remembers is coming to, at the side of the road. I don't have a clue how she made it home but she's lucky she didn't get killed.

Since then, I no longer spend my time with anyone involved in gangs. I had tried to tell them that they should ignore the things she is saying to them because she has no idea what she's doing. I told them she had blacked out. But they were already too angry with her and I guess their minds were already made up.

I got into fights, slept around, drunk drove many times, injured myself, had police encounters, still continue the drunk calling but have gained a little control over that, and other really stupid things. I also wake up in the morning after a blackout wondering what I did the night before (and also sometimes where I am, or how I got back home), and am afraid to ask my friends what happened because I feel like I don't want to hear the answer.

Friends have gotten mad at me, and stopped talking to me for a period of time because I yell at them or say hurtful things to them, things I don't mean at all. None of my friends really black out so I feel like they don't believe me when I say I don't remember and I didn't mean whatever I said.

Besides the hurtful things I say, I also say embarrassing things that I should really keep personal. Apologies don't really work anymore because I've used them about 20 times too many. I've lost the respect of so many people, and I don't feel like I can ever gain it back.

Writing all this makes it obvious I should stop drinking, or at least stop blacking out, but I can't. I enjoy drinking so much and many times I have a lot of fun. If every time was a bad time I'm sure I would stop, but there's those times where people think I'm hilarious or fun and those are what keep me going.

That's not to say I drink for others' sake; I also really enjoy drinking. I have about 12 drinks on average, a mix of whatever is available, and I don't even know why I drink that much. Everyone says there's a point where I get drunk, and then anything past that they know will be a blackout, so they try to get me to stop but once I'm drunk I just want more and more and more.

Many times they have to hide the bottle from me or tell me it's gone. I think the reason I keep drinking is because I'm young and in college and it's okay to mess around, but I also know that's just me trying falsely justifying it. I tell myself once I graduate college I will slow down dramatically. I just hope my body can handle it for another year and a half.

I beat him up bad, i beat his friend. Busted my mouth on a car trying to beat him. I tore up my kitchen, and throw him out. And i don't recall any of this. He isn't mad at me because he said to me that all the years we've been together he's never seen me like that. This man truly loves me. He thinks i was drugged. I am ashamed.

I am a good person at heart, but I do really bad things when I'm drunk, and then I spend the rest of my time hating myself for the things I've done. A couple of years ago I did something that I never talk about with anyone, not my best friends, my boy friend nor my family. While in a raging blackout after a verbal fight with an old best friend, I set her car on fire. Obviously that's a felony. So now I am on probation and I'm not allowed to drink, and I still do. I was in jail for 10 days when I got that OWI.

You would think I've had more than enough eye openers and I would want to stop drinking but I don't. Ninety percent of the time, when I drink I have a great time. I just don't know what to do.

Last night I didn't do anything horrible but I feel so guilty just for talking to strangers at the bar and telling them personal stuff. I have made some positive changes to my drinking habits like I never drink and drive anymore. I think its a horrible thing to do and I feel guilty for all the times I have done it. I constantly think about how I betrayed my old best friend and it's the worst feeling. No one would ever think that I would do something like that.

I'm a pretty girl with a lot of friends, a good boy friend, good family, I'm in college, I work retail, I'm a college cheerleader. I have everything going for me but I just wish I could go out with my friends, get drunk, have a great time, without blackouts, going crazy angry or ending up crying over something stupid. I also worry that I'm going to end up in jail. I'm really good at overcoming things. I have been through a lot, and I don't let things get in the way of my happiness, but on these days where I feel this guilt, I don't know how to overcome it.

This past new years, I provoked a fight with three different people, finished off a bottle of Jack, and don't even remember watching the ball drop. Apparently I was the closest to the tv. A couple days ago I went to the buffet with some friends pretty hammered and didn't even realize one of them poured salt into my hot chocolate while I wasn't looking. I don't even remember the meal I had. When I finally come to in the morning, there's no recollection of how I woke up where I did. Drinking is a hobby for me. I'm honestly not sure when I will quit or if I even will.

Last week, I woke up in another man's bed with no recollection of how I got there. To my horror, I later found out that we had public sex. I can't blame him because he blacked out as well and doesn't remember the night either.

I have traumatized myself and feel like a slut. I know I have a problem and I'm going to give up drinking for a while but I feel like there's no taking this back or forgetting it either. I don't want to be touched or in crowded spaces.

I feel claustrophobic and short of breath and loss of appetite. I feel like people can see right through me. This is really hard but I'm going to break the cycle. I won't ever let this happen again.

Last summer, i spent a lot of days drinking in the afternoon and passing out all day. Now this year, every time I go out drinking, I can't stop. The next day I wake up in my room at the flat, and only have a flash of a memory and the rest is blank. My blackouts are for hours at a time and I don't snap out of them.

I'm either angry or sad and I will pick on my friends and tell them how much I hate them, and how much I hate myself. I want to stop drinking. I will literally have a panic attack the next day thinking about, "omg what have i done? Did someone take advantage of me..could i have cheated on my bf..maybe someone raped me."

All of the times i have been lucky enough to end up in my own bed fully clothed, but it's still scary. Knowing no matter what you will never know exactly what happened. Recently I had an incident at my boyfriends parent's funeral, where i lashed out at his father, calling him a bad word, and so on. I was not raised this way and would never say such things. It's totally mortifying and I don't understand how he forgave me. It's such a shame that, at the age of 20, I have to give up drinking altogether, but truth be told, a sober life is better than one I can't remember.

Last night I blacked out and abused my boyfriend. I told him how much I hate him and called him terrible names. I punched him. I broke up with him.

Like many of you have said already that you've done things in a blackout you normally wouldn't do or say sober, this is a situation that I would not do sober. I love my boyfriend so much. I love my family so much also. They've also been at the receiving end of my alcoholism. I feel terrified. I feel really nuts. I feel so ashamed.

I often attend parties where everyone is trying to get drunk as fast as possible. I like being tipsy but I have problems with the speed in which the alcohol hits me. I'm going to have slow drinks and keep on drinking because I think I feel the effect. Then it's like a retarded effect, and all of a sudden I'm too drunk. Once I'm drunk, all I want is to drink more, even if it's not what I would normally want to do.

I used to forget some parts or details of my nights but now it's gotten to be full-on blackouts.

I'm a pretty girl but never hook up with guys because I'm shy or they say they're intimidated by me. Once I'm drunk, I'm the total opposite and will act desperate to sleep with guys. I'm even finding myself wanting to drink because it's the only way I'm going to have sex. I find that pathetic, but it's the reality.

I must have not remembered having sex at least 10 times. Once i woke up alone in my bed still wearing clothes, without my panties and there were three condoms on the floor. I felt like I've been abused, but that was probably not the case. I must have been wanting it.

Sometimes i have memory flashes of some stuff that happened. Like once I drove a car around while being totally wasted. I would never do that. I'm scared that some really bad stuff is going to happen while I'm on a blackout.

I don't want to stop partying, but I don't know how to control myself with alcohol. I also hate missing the party. I try to eat well, sleep a lot and not drink spirits, but it's not improving.

Reading your posts has helped me realize that i have a problem and that I'm not the only one.

I just need help with what to do. I'm so confused. We both feel terrible about what happened and our relationship is practically over because of this. Should I forgive her? Because she didn't consciously choose to do anything? Things are so hard right now. Any help would be appreciated so damn much.

If you reply, please use 'psychosis' so I know you're referring to me.

I came out of it and it was night time, the guy I have been seeing is saying how can you forget this, you were saying it like five minutes ago. He then became very agitated, and I was confused by what he was saying that I had done and said, he was saying all my friends are saying it to, I was like what? I have no idea what you are talking about. He then started shouting and shouting at me.

I was so confused and embarrassed as he was shouting at me in front of people. I had no idea what he was talking about and every time I said I don't know, he got angrier. I didn't know how or why to defend myself verbally, so I lashed out and punched him, he grabbed me in some sort of a headlock, managed to split my lip and heavily bruise it, pushed me down the hallway and onto a bed. Fortunately it was broken up and I got someone to fetch me. I was hysterical, I had no idea what had happened -- only that he had been ranting and raving and then we ended up in a physical scuffle.

He didn't contact me the next day, and at about 4 p.m., I sent him the photo of me all busted up.

He then replied and told me what I had done, how in the moment he would confront me and within seconds I would completely deny the accusations. I had no memory of the lost time (about six hours) or what I was being asked in the blackout.

I have been devastated by what I have done. Some of the things were so out of character for me, that I could not even perceive them to be true and that he was lying to me.

He has told me he wants no further contact with me and for the last couple of days we had none, but he did contact me yesterday. Where I have been able to discover that it is all true. Our relationship is now over, however he says he totally believes that I have no memory of the incident. He says he totally forgives me as I do him for the scuffle.

Honestly, I'm not that kind of person and he said he knows that, but I obviously blew it with him.

I'm 30 and while I've had an occasional and minor memory loss of segments of my night outs, never like this and to this degree, with such major effects.

It was horrible! It all started good at a work party, and before i knew it i was drunk, but okay. Then blank! gonzo. i wasn't there anymore. The next day i realized i peed myself and lost my entire wallet and forgot everything that had happened during certain hours of the night. I ended up finding out some embarrassing things that i would have not done if i were sober.

Sexual remarks and unpleasant things were in this category. I am quitting drinking because this is a big wake up call for me. I do not want anything worse to happen to me, and by the way, i have an exam tomorrow. Perfect!

I told him to not touch me again and never say rude things again to me and he said that i should cover up and shouldn't say stuff about young girls! so anyway, as the party is going on and on i kept drinking and i couldn't remember, i ended up kissing my best friend telling him i love him. next thing you know I'm in bed with a different dude thinking, like what came over me?

i wake up in the morning, just wondering what happened, and he said he pulled out, but how do i know that this was true?

help me. black outs are definitely the most embarrassing things in life and also the most dangerous! like i didn't know what came over me. i know i am a flirt but i don't remember anything after 11 p.m. i hope i wasn't date raped I'm so sick of being like this every weekend and i am still in high school. like what came over me? help me with my situation please?

I am female. I slept around, got beat on, I was verbally extremely aggressive and most of the time nobody would know where I was because I would just go off and do my own thing, often waking up in the beds of men I had no interest in. I hurt and worried my family sick.

I'm still ashamed to this day and I've only had around two blackouts in two years. I have now been sober for four and half months. I am pregnant and absolutely know I can never drink again, because I cannot drink without blacking out. I cannot drink normally; I drink to get drunk. It's an hereditary problem from my dad's side, coupled with serious mental health problems on my mum's side. Not a good mix.

I can tell anyone trying to give up that at first it's really hard, as it's not just an addiction but a habit, but over time the length between one binge and another does increase until eventually you hardly think about drink at all.

Occasionally, but rarely, and your life improves so much. Unfortunately it wasn't just a change in drinking habits for me, it was a change of my entire life. I realised I had no idea who I was, and I'm still learning now. I had a nightmare last night that I got really drunk and slept around and seriously hurt somebody and this morning I woke up really depressed. That's why I'm on here. I wanted to post in case anybody wanted to talk about this. I don't want all that lost time and memory to have been in vain if I can help anybody. I'm 27 by the way.

I'm too ashamed to go into details of most, but there are four specific episodes that have been absolutely horrible. One night, I blacked it all out but one thing: I grabbed a knife and tried to stab myself and was right in front of my girlfriend. I don't even have thoughts like that normally. Another time we had gotten into an argument and she thinks I tried to hit her but isn't sure but she called the cops and I ended up naked somehow and cussed out two policemen.

The third big incident I was drinking all day and mixed liquor. Apparently I hit some random person with a beer bottle and no one could figure out why then they picked it up and beat the crap out of me which I had coming. Shortly after that I ended up in the hospital for pancreatitis from drinking which most of the time people in their 40's and up get from drinking for years. This last incident I started up again and slowly started drinking more again each day to "cure" the hangover. Last thing I remember was playing halo with some friends on live.

I had two friends coming over and for some reason when they got there I was naked. I don't remember seeing or talking to them. I also cussed out my brother and told him I hated him, when I love him very much and he is a great role model. There is no telling what I said to my friends but I haven't asked them, I've been too afraid and ashamed to but apparently they got an eyeful.

I'm glad my brother knows I was drinking now because he wants to help and so do my friends. I was too ashamed to tell him I was sneaking and doing it but he could tell. I have had many wake up calls and second chances and I don't want to die. If I can't handle staying away from alcohol with my brother's, help I'm going to seek professional help.

So stay away from vodka, whiskey, bourbon, gin and other high alcoholic content drinks, and try drinking wine or beer; they aren't as intoxicating.

Some beers are more friendly then others. I would stick with beer that is no higher then 7 percent by volume. Beers like evil eye steel reserve and old english are not recommended. Also if you are taking pills never drink. this can cause blackouts and stomach ulcers. Just remember: drink responsibly.

The only 100 percent way to stop blacking out while drinking is to stop drinking. Period. Millions of AA members can attest to that fact.

it is monday and I still feel like crap. my friends took pictures of me all drunk. i blacked everything out. i feel ashamed because it is just not me to act like such a fool.

i have been through a lot this past year, but even though i don't drink every weekend, maybe once a month, i get so out of control. i told my friends I'm not ever drinking again. They said yeah, right. how do i prove to them I'm done?

AA meetings, counseling and medication have not helped me quit drinking. I'm afraid my boyfriend will get fed up and leave me. He can't understand how I could forget whole conversations, or sex with him!I didn't realize you could have a blackout while still coherent and seemingly sober.

I've peed my pants and the bed numerous times, and had several serious injuries during the blackouts. I'm so scared of ruining my life. I need to stop, but why can't I?

I haven't been drinking for seven months. Maybe the occasional drink with dinner, but that's it. Right now I'm dating the love of my life and he stopped drinking four years ago. Well, we went to a wedding the other night and I made sure I only had a few drinks and drank them slowly. The wedding was good and I didn't get drunk, but the wedding reception ended at 6:30 so I decided to go have a couple margaritas. Got liquid courage and decided to drag my boyfriend to my old stomping ground.

Well, I remember drinking the first beer and then I woke up in my bed, not sure what happened or how I got there. The most embarrassing part is I peed the bed and my boyfriend was with me. When I woke up he told me and said we should go to his house to sleep. So I did. The next morning he told me everything I did and how I was yelling to strangers "my boyfriend is embarrassed by me," not to mention I kept asking him to have sex with me, which he did cause he just wanted me to shut up.

I feel so bad because he's the last person I want to be upset with me or hate me.

Sorry this was so long, but I had to tell someone cause I feel like total crap. My boyfriend says he loves me and just kept making jokes about it, but we both know I got way too drunk for my own good. I'm going back to not drinking and am glad he doesn't drink anymore cause it would be tempting if he did.

By the way, I've done way worse in the past and most of it was blacking out and having sex with guys I know and guys I just met, etc. I'm just lucky my boyfriend was there to watch me. Not sure if this helps anyone, but I hope it does.

But Last weekend the worst of the worst happened and I had a life time wake up call. Me, my friends and my sister celebrated my 30th birthday in Vegas. The first night was a blast. I maintained but the second night I was given 20 too many b day shots and the last thing I remembered was the limo to the club but nothing in the club, and when I snapped back into reality my sister was on the hotel room floor curled into a ball. blood was everywhere and she was crying, begging me to stop. We had got kicked out of the club because I couldn't stand.

when we got to the hotel room I was throwing up into a bag. my sister told me to go to the toilet and I snapped, got in her face, she punched me and I ended up grabbing her and pulling her to the floor where I sat on top of her and punched her repeatedly in her face for 15 minutes. I was out to kill her. Thank god my cousin pulled me off.

My sister cried and all I saw was blood everywhere, her eye swollen shut and her whole face busted open. Once I realized what I had done to someone so close to me, someone I love, I then cried too and apologized repeatedly. The next morning we made up and got massages. We live together and are super cool.

we joke about it all the time but deep down I cannot forgive myself. I still see her bloodied face crying and begging me to stop and it kills me inside that I could hurt my little sister the way I did and was out for blood. I thank god my cousin stopped me. I could never live with myself if I had killed her or caused permanent damage.

My friends whom I went to vegas with witnessed the whole thing and they left the hotel without a good bye and have not spoken to me since. I recently heard from another friend who wasn't there that they are going around saying how they don't want to hang with me that they fear for their lives, and basically the friendship is over. Mind you these are "were" my best friends. I am a great friend and I always did everything for these girls.

I'm so hurt inside that this one incident ruined a friendship and can't understand how my sister can instantly forgive me but my best friends can't and are only talking negatively about me as if I killed their first born. I had contacted them apologizing for them having to witness that and vowed to not drink around them again and change my ways but they are not trying to hear me out.

All in all, this was a reality check. I understand now that I cannot handle my liquor and I will put an end to this. I hurt my sister, lost my friends and it can't get any worse. I hit my bottom and I will learn from this and become a better person and let go of the hard liquor before I hurt someone else I love.

My boyfriend of eight years has put up with my drunken abuse and for a minute there it almost cost me our relationship of eight years. We have come to a understanding that we cannot drink together and since then we have been great now that we no longer drink or party together. I wish my friends would ve gave me at least that chance but it is what it is. You win some, you lose some. In this case I feel as if I lost.

this is probably not good and i don't consider it to be a problem but i don't know what to do either. maybe watch how quickly i consume? i just feel like it happens every time i drink and I'm not sure what to do.

I can't believe i am capable of doing such a thing. Thank god he came back to me because he too, is an alcoholic and realized it never would have happened if we would have just quit drinking. Now we have to get past this and i hate myself. We have been sober for a few days now and other than the shakes i think we can pull through this together.

Like everyone else we are never drinking again and like one post i saw, we are putting it in gods hands. I don't expect this to be easy, but we have each other to get through this and make sure the other one doesn't slip. It was a horrible thing that happened but it brought us closer to each other and god and i guess this is what it took to wake us up and make us realize what we have and what we could have lost.

I remember to the beginning of the beers and after that, it's a solid blackout. I had to ask all of my work buddies what happened and everyone said I was fine apart from flashing everyone, which no one complained about. What I didn't know, was that the man driving me and another friend home was drunk and had plans to take advantage of me.

The next day I had no idea what happened until he came up to me and asked if I had fun. Found out we ended up sleeping together in his car. He is twice my age and married. I wanted to kill myself I had no idea what happened and it scared me.

Now I'm spiralling into a depression, all from blacking out. Never drinking again.

But, instead of having a good time, I drank, blacked out and can't remember a part of the night. Our relationship is horrible right now but I hope it gets fixed soon. I like to drink but I will definitely stop for my relationship as well as myself.

The next morning I woke up in my bed and didn't remember how I got home. I went outside only to see that my car was totally smashed up on the driver side. I said "who the hell hit my car?" Turns out that I hit a woman in parked car, overcorrected and hit a tree on the other side. I don't think I was even aware of it happening at the time.

Apparently I yelled at her and then drove off. I parked perfectly where I always do, walked in the house, turned on the oven and put in a pizza, walked downstairs and passed out. The oven was on for five hours before it woke up my roommate. I could have died in the car crash or killed someone and I could have burned my place down. Scariest morning of my life. Not drinking ever again.

Obviously, drinking is the main culprit but just seems weird how it happens sometimes and not others. I went out with friends the other night. I remember everything about being at the bar, and then getting back to my friends place. Playing the guitar and singing.

But apparently somewhere between that I went in the store, bought popcorn, etc., don't remember any of that. I would have never even known we stopped anywhere else if my friends hadn't told me. Pretty scary and can't use the young excuse anymore. Just need to realize this is and could be a major problem with major consequences.

I want to have fun and go out but apparently don't know when to stop or this wouldn't happen. Hope I can be strong and realize that those three beers eventually turn in to 12 plus.

Last thing I remember was around 1 a.m. and then I woke up at a diner five hours later in the passenger side of my car. Needless to say I obviously had some wise decisions that night because I had a few scrapes and bruises on my arms and hands along with a busted driver side door.

Freaking out and not knowing what had happened, I drove myself to the gf's house which didn't make things any better since it was 6 in the morning. Now my night ended with a relationship in turmoil, a busted up car, and no one to tell me what had happened!

He stayed out all night this weekend and said he doesn't know where he ended up. I don't want to sleep with him anymore. I just need to understand this blackout thing. Maybe people who have experienced it can explain as I just don't get how you wouldn't wake up at some point and realise you were in the wrong place.

I'm really worried about what I did last night. I might have been sexually abused. I don't remember anything. I have the feeling that I want to die. I won't drink anymore again. I know that it will be difficult but I lost my everything with alcohol. Self esteem, time and relationships. I don't want a life full of regrets and embarrassments. I hope I can forgive myself for all the things that I've done when I was drunk until now. God really help all of us!

Once two of my mates and I were out drinking, and we got to one of their places, crashed out and couldn't remember anything from that night or how we got back. However, they still talk about how good it is.

Fortunately, this doesn't happen often for me anymore so hopefully I'm on the right track now.

If he abuses you again, you also need to call the police. Yes, I know -- you love him. Well, sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for someone is to make them face the consequences of their actions. If you don't, this behavior will continue, and he will send you one of two places: the hospital or the morgue. You may think this will never happen, that he would never hurt you seriously enough to kill you, but you can't know that for sure, can you? If he does kill you, he will then be up on murder charges. He can become accountable now, or after you're dead.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but loving someone means you want what's best for them. The best thing for this guy is to face his problems. But you also have to want what's best for you, which is not this kind of life.

When I ask him not to drink with friends they think it's because I'm being a witch, but I'm not. I know what it's like to have him come home and tear up the house, and hit on me, choke me, slam my head against the wall.

And all of the things that go on around him, negative events that he causes, he doesn't remember anything. Then when we all try to explain to him what happened, what he did, he cries and promises that he will never hit me, or do or say those things that he did and said. He always has blackouts, no matter how much he drinks, or what he drinks. He is a violent drunk, never a nice, fun loving, get on your nerves drunk, and it's scary because what do you do when you love the person?

I can't make him get help. What to do?

i guess i was acting like a skank and was saying completely ridiculous things. it was very embarrassing to hear it all the next morning! I'm watching my drinking from now on.

But even though i don't remember some parts of those nights they're the best I've ever had and i agree it most definitely not healthy but i wouldn't change it or give it up for the world.

Apparently the rude IMs weren't enough and I proceeded to call his sister at midnight four times and said horrible things to her, telling her she wasn't perfect and saying untrue things about my bf. I don't recall any of the calls. I woke up in the morning (had peed the bed), and took my contacts out, and had new bruises.

My bf sister wants nothing to do with me and he is very disappointed. I know I need to quit drinking. I just started last week taking prozac and I wonder if that had anything to do with it. Just totally scary and I'm sick of this alcohol induced anxiety!

The next morning I woke up on the couch in pjs and blankets and a pillow from the bedroom. I thought how sweet he must have covered me up. I couldn't remember leaving the bar. I guess I was acting drunk but not violent or anything.

They said i passed out on the couch at about 1:00 and that was it. My boyfriend did not cover me up, so at some point I went in the bedroom and got clothes and blankets and pillows.

Also the next morning i had some bruises in varies areas and a serious scratch on my side. I had broken the table in the night, glass and porcelain.

It could have been so much worse.

My family members are all alcoholics - not that they would admit it. So I think I have to be done.

It had been a year since any sort of blackout, and I thought I finally could control my liquor, but two nights ago I guess not! I went dancing with my girlfriends and there are full out conversations I don't remember, dancing on a table -- and sloppily kissing a bartender!

I've had a few other nights too that I just don't remember: hours of conversations, dancing, games, etc. Once I said horrible, cruel things to my boyfriend and can't remember a word of it! And even if I don't get hurt, it still depresses me that nights I had really been looking forward to I'll now forever have no memory of.

It scares me that chunks of my life are just forever gone now. Got to work on keeping control.

A couple of weeks ago he had a blackout drinking episode and drove the car. He has already had two dui's, so I'm constantly concerned about a third. A verbal altercation ensued, then he hit me several times and beat my head against the side of my van. I had him arrested for domestic assault. He does not remember a thing.

We are getting help from our families right now, and we have decided to short sale our lovely home. He wants to make himself well and he's going to AA regularly. I've allowed him to come back into the home to help clean up and pack up. I don't know what the future will bring for us. I'm putting it in God's hands.

How much did you drink? Almost sounds like date rape.

I talked to this girl I like for 10 min and don't know what we talked about, if we made plans etc. My shirt had pizza sauce all over it, not sure if I just sloppily ate pizza or if I threw up. I am so sad. Not going to drink again for 30 days and then will re-evaluate. Not going to drink heavily again!

I remember going to the bar, and next thing I recall was standing in my driveway looking at blood running down my husband's face. I can't stop crying. I can't believe that I did that to him. I don't know what happened. We think someone put something in my drink because he said I was not acting like myself at all. He said I was getting aggressive with people in the bar. I honestly don't remember a thing.

Anyway, i blacked out the other night and don't remember a thing. I remember going to the car to go home and i woke up in my house. good thing because i was all scratched up and was hoping i didn't have sex with anyone. I'm a female, by the way.

I was with the boy who lives next door and i had only met him and his friends once. they seemed nice, though. the next morning i had to go over there to see if i left my shades and he just told me the only crazy thing i did was try to climb the fence next to my house. Wrong. I did try to have sex with two of the guys and they're not even cute. Neither one of them said we did anything but i will never know and anyone who took the time to read this, female or male, I personally have had a man have sex with me while i was passed out and i don't remember a thing.

Be careful and if you tip it, try to sip it.

I will never know what happened. I do know I was wearing a tampon and it was gone in the morning when I woke up! I didn't even want to have sex with him. I had no control over myself whatsoever. I'm just glad I ended up somewhere semi-safe. Wake up call for me. Horrible.

i was on paxil, and i would binge drink, and smoke pot excessively. This pattern continued for ten years. I have blacked out and gotten in fights, i have blacked out and gotten arrested, injured myself, overdosed on sleeping pills, gotten friends evicted from their apt. and the list goes on. I have not been drunk in over a year now (yay) and that isn't even the hard part. I do not remember large chunks, months years of my life. The depression and anxiety i now experience everyday of my life is severe. I am on a cocktail of prescription drugs to keep me stable.

The damage that this has caused me mentally and emotionally i have barely even been able to comprehend. I now live at home with my parents and am trying to put back together what little i have left. If you black out at all when you drink stop right now. It is a pattern that is itself destructive and will lead you nowhere.

I cannot stress the negative effects it will have on all aspects of your life and health.

I cried a lot, begged him for sex, passed out on the floor, woke up crying again about who knows what, I took a candle holder that I really liked and smashed it on the coffee table. The next day I felt the worst. On top of that, we couldn't find my husband's wallet. About a week later, I found it in the dryer.

The next time was over a year later. We were partying at a club and I started an argument with my husband over something and lost my head. More crying and begging for sex. In the morning I was very, very dizzy and it was difficult to stand. I went to the kitchen for some water and saw empty sleeping pill packets all over the place. I also found a badly scribbled suicide note. The whole day I just slept.

There have been other times, but these are the worst. I've noticed that when I have the black outs it's the week before my period. My father is a black out drunk as well.

I never have drink-related problems as long as I stick to a drink limit, and I'm angry at myself for not doing it more strictly. I realize I am very prone to drinking too much if other people around me are doing so, or if others urge drinks on me. I've renewed my commitment to 'no thanks' and keeping to my limit.

I consider myself lucky the many bad things that could have happened to me didn't happen. I don't plan on having a next time.

It is no fun, and it is never worth it, waking up realizing your memory just stops dead at a certain point but you know you were there a long time afterwards. Not fun, no idea how you got home, no idea where and when you might have thrown up, passed out, what you might have said, done, or damaged -- or having to find out these things from other people, which feels just as bad.

I'll drink and have a good time, I'll get drunk, things are a little fuzzy, then I forget little conversations I'd have with people, then someone in the morning helps piece it all together! And I laugh and say "wow I forgot I said that for a minute, but now I remember."

No, blackout drunk is totally different! I blacked out for about five hours, and didn't remember a damn thing! For all I know I could have died in that five hour span and never had come out of it! It's like my body shut down, my brain didn't function and something, or someone else took over!

I smacked the crap out of my boyfriend, hit security guards and almost got thrown in jail, from what I was told. I woke up with bruises all over my body! It really scared the crap out of me to hear the stories the next day.

And I'm making it a point to tell you all that I'm not drinking anymore, and hoping for a better life style. This is my wake-up call! if you look at all the posts from this page you will see that there is something in common, when these blackouts occur. Each one of you say that you get very violent, so there must be something that happens in the brain that makes us so violent when we blackout.

I might even go research it some more to better understand!

- anon78802

You should *no* hate yourself for blacking out or what you did in past while drunk. you should *do* something about it so it doesn't happen again. God bless, you can do it!

However, bipolar can run in families, so it might be worth having your son checked out for it.

I think you've handled the episode appropriately. The only thing I would say is to make sure he doesn't go to unsupervised homes again. Tell him you're going to call to make sure an adult is home, before they get there--then do it.

Yes, teens will do things like this occasionally, but the time to handle it is now, before it becomes a problem. You might want to discuss with your son the dangers of drinking to excess. Teens frequently don't pay attention to the "quit" message their brains are relaying, which is why they can end up with alcohol poisoning.

If you're having him see the doctor, maybe the doctor can discuss the issue with him from a medical standpoint. Sometimes, teens won't get defensive if a doctor tells them something, as opposed to a parent.

Sounds like you're a conscientious mom and you're following up appropriately. Good luck!

Apparently, all the kids went to a unsupervised home and got into the liquor cabinet. These are good kids and typically do not drink and I've never noticed drugs being in the picture. However, my son got drunk and started talking about killing himself. It upset his friends enough to go to the school counselor.

When confronted, he was in total shock and said that he doesn't remember saying anything like that - sort of "blacked out." He told me it was the first time he had ever gotten drunk and it will be the "last."

I am just wondering if he has these thoughts that perhaps there is something deeper going on. I had a long talk with him and he said that there is nothing wrong, he is not depressed, and is happy with his life. He did live with his father for a while and prior to that, always believed him to be his hero, but living with him he realized that his dad was less than perfect and that he couldn't deal with his mood swings (his father is bi-polar). After some time my son asked to move back with me, because he felt like he was causing his dad's anger issues (which is a reason I divorced him).

But I am wondering if my son could also be bi-polar. Anyway, I really do believe that my son is a good kid and that he hangs around good friends. When he comes home at night, I make sure to talk to him and see how he reacts just to make sure he isn't doing drugs or drinking and he always seems fine.

I was not a perfect kid, so I didn't lecture him about experimenting with drinking, although I did give him the one about drinking and driving, but my concern is the blackout. My husband thinks I am naive and that this is probably not his first time to drink (which it might not be), but that actually wasn't the point.

Anyway, sorry this is long. I'm just not sure what direction I should take. I know I am going to get an appointment with our doctor just to have him checked out, but I didn't know if anyone may have experienced other signs that I should look for! Thanks!

he did not live or work at this building but must have thought he was locked out of his home or something. anyway, once he got through the door, he started using a lighter to see around. he ended up in a closet and lit a mop on fire! the business burned down and he was arrested. He admitted later he blacked out from drinking.

He's lucky he didn't die or kill someone else. Anyone who has had a blackout is lucky not to be locked up or dead. Anyone honest with themselves knows what I'm talking about.

To really, really understand the impact this behavior could have on the rest of your life is very, very scary. i would treat it as matter of life or death.

I have no memory of this and am not a violent person at all. I love my aunt dearly. I cannot make sense of any of this and have never reacted this way before. I have promised not to drink again and am seeing my family doctor for help.

I am scared, ashamed, and confused. And lucky, because I called to talk to all present that night and all are supporting my quest for help. I have not had problems with alcohol in the past, but this one experience has left all of us damaged enough that I will never risk it again.

While in this state, i was extremely mean to my boyfriend and i was talking very intimately with some random guy at the bar none of which i remember. I had left the place that my boyfriend was at to go to the bar by myself.

Apparently when my boyfriend came to get me i started yelling at him and calling him all sorts of names. I didn't want to go with him either. At least that is what he tells me since i can't remember everything.

he saw me talking with the guy and asked me what was going on. he said that i told him i wasn't talking to the guy. i obviously was. this incident could potentially ruin my relationship with him forever. I just don't understand why this happens and why i get so mean. i am not mean and would never yell and call my boyfriend names.

I also don't understand why he still wants to be with me after i have treated him so poorly. i think part of me is just waiting for him to leave. That makes me sad because that is totally not what i want.

I hate this part of myself.

I woke up with a massive bump on my forehead and nearly broke my nose. I am terrified this will happen again.

Is there anything to help stop these blackouts, or is it just to stop drinking completely? My aunt died from alcohol abuse. Do blackouts and medical conditions come together?

I went to my sister's house and started hell then ended up waking up in my bed and i can't remember how. it is scary crap and i am scared to go back to my sister feeling like i have done wrong. what do i do?

We ended up sleeping at his parents house and me and him were sleeping separately. when i woke up his mom told me I peed on her mat at the door and she had to tell me to put clothes on seeing as i was sleeping in the living room/kitchen part of their house.

We decided not to tell anyone about my little accident. my bf also told me that i was being really mean to him on the way home, telling him that i hate him and he will never see my face again.

this isn't the first time i blacked out like this and embarrassed myself. i can't handle my alcohol at all, but come to think of it i have been drinking a lot lately and I'm also on medication for depression which makes it even worse. Now I feel like i cant go to my bf's house anymore, even though his mother understands that i was drinking on my medication and said she wouldn't say anything but i just feel really ashamed of myself.

I was drinking different things, and it most of hit me hard. The last couple hours I was told I fell into all kinds of things, screamed at friends when they were just trying to help me, and was out of control.

Most of our guests left on account of my uncontrollable behavior. I was told I passed out cold, eventually, on a table and my boyfriend carried me to bed.

I woke up with cuts and bruises all over my body. I had no idea what I had done and was freaked out when I found out about it.

I was told that my behavior was very disturbing, being very disruptive with guests and even assaulting a very good friend of mine -- someone who has always been very supportive of me!

My story is scary and I'm afraid for my life if I continue to drink! I remember being choked and people yelling at me to go home! I got in my truck and blacked out again.

I do remember having a full tank of gas but the next day after I realized what the hell was going on, my truck was on empty! I was horrified as I didn't remember getting home, not to mention the fact that I caused all this trouble at my nephew's party.

I'm afraid one day I will not make it back home if I continue on this way. I cringe at the thought of hitting my friend and ruining my nephew's party. I feel as though I cannot drink if I can't drink responsibly, and it matters little if I'm dependent or not, I have to stop!

If you're thinking you might be an alcoholic and you're looking for answers, please refrain from drinking till you find them. Real alcoholics have blackouts, not all alcoholics have blackouts, and not all who have blackouts are alcoholics.

I just wanted to post this to let all know that alcohol can and will ruin relationships and lives.

On top of that I trashed the room, but I don't remember throwing anything. I only remembered bits and pieces of the whole night. Some of the things that he and his friends told me I said were completely out of my character.

It scared me that I have no memory of any of this. I feel embarrassed and not sure if I should just start going to AA meetings or what? I'm left with a lot of confusion and guilt for things I don't remember.

i can't remember her even being here. i didn't think i was that intoxicated.

I'm scared also. I'm not going to drink. i hurt her. I'm still struggling to understand how this happened. lucky we are ok. i love her and am meant to protect her. I've a lot of making up to do.

How does this happen? I made sure that I was just sipping on the wine, versus trying to pound it to get drunk, and the blackout happened anyway.

Do I have some kind of chemical imbalance or something?