Attachment disorder, sometimes called reactive attachment disorder, is based on the concept that the infant/caretaker bond can be disrupted. Disruption can occur for a variety of reasons. A premature baby who is hospitalized for the first few months of life, or a child living in an orphanage for three to six months prior to being adopted may display attachment disorder. A physically or sexually abused child, or merely a neglected one may also fail to form attachments with adult caregivers and show evidence of attachment disorder.
In infants as young as six months, signs of attachment disorder may surface as poor crying response or excessive crying. A child may not want to be touched or held, and especially may not want to be cuddled. The child may not visually track adults who are responsible for care and may not respond to smiles. Motor skills like crawling, sitting up and creeping may also be delayed. As the child ages these motor skills may continue to be delayed and developmental milestones like walking and talking may be reached far later than average.
Strangers may wonder how a charming, and seemingly precocious and affectionate child would be classed with such a disorder. As children with attachment disorder mature they do tend to be overly friendly with strangers, and even affectionate. They seem to exhibit no stranger/danger sense, and are often quite chipper and chatty. With caregivers, however, the child may show persistent signs of attachment disorder, like lying continuously, never making eye contact, impulsiveness, and in worst case scenarios, cruelty to animals or destruction of property.
What concerns many parents who have adopted children with attachment disorder, or who have watched children go through many hospitalizations, is that the child appears to have no moral compass and no conscience. He or she also may be obsessed with very dangerous elements, like fire. The child may have huge difficulties making or keeping friends. Other attachment disorder symptoms include: learning difficulties, no regard for effects of dangerous behavior, poor sleeping, and poor eating patterns.
One of the hallmarks of attachment disorder is a continued distrust of adult and authority figures. Distrusting adults makes sense to the child with attachment disorder because he or she has formed no lasting bond with an adult and fears adults in general. Especially if adults have mistreated the child, even when that mistreatment was kindly meant, like surgical interventions or daily blood tests in a hospital setting, the child’s response is that adults are essentially not to be trusted.
Attachment disorder is often masked by overly affectionate behavior. This can be especially true for adoptive parents. The child may love to cuddle and will willingly say affectionate words. Yet, their behavior suggests fear, mistrust, and even vehement hate against adults. Many also suffer from no self-esteem. They feel themselves to be essentially bad, essentially unlovable, and that something is wrong with them. In an infant’s developing mind, the infant controls the universe. Thus all bad things that happened to an infant are seen as the fault of the child and punishment.
Attachment disorder can be aided through therapy. Therapy must be consistent and help provide the caregiver with a way to give the child the attachment they sorely lacked as infants. This is gradual, and can be frustrating for the parent. One therapy that is not endorsed by any psychiatric agency is forced holding of the child. This is considered a dangerous practice that may worsen the disorder.
Two forms of therapy are the most common: Theraplay, and Dyadic Developmental Therapy. Parents who suspect their child may have attachment disorder may benefit from either therapy, as will their afflicted child. Both therapies are endorsed by most mainstream mental health organizations. Both work to help the child learn to attach to adults and gradually overcome earlier neglect, abuse or failure to attach for medical reasons.
It should be noted that a child with one or two symptoms of attachment disorder might not have attachment disorder. A child who lies, for example, may merely need help learning to be truthful. Diagnosis is made by examining the child’s history and by looking at patterns of symptoms that suggest attachment disorder. Other conditions may cause some of these symptoms, but may require treatment in a completely different manner.
Reading the above I guess I am very lucky. But still I do not know if I can live with this problem or if I will end up in a bad place or suicidal. I have my own major problems, BPD (well treated), major clinical depression. I have terrible abandonment issues. This means that when he disappears for days and doesn't answer my desperate messages I go crazy. Also he stands me up for the smallest things and doesn't understand why it is a big deal. And he does not seem to comprehend that a promise is not only an intention but a contract. He has some therapy but it's unlikely that he is dealing with any of this. He is an alcoholic, trying to stay on the wagon, but when he drinks he seems to feel it was warranted (some bad things have happened lately).
- anon49722
11
I loved and was married to a man with attachment disorder for 24 years. he pushed me away, away, away. I know he loved me but when times got tough all he could do was go to his den. One time he went in his den for nine months straight except for going to work. He had gone through hepatitis c treatment. I tried from the beginning of our married life together to understand him. I asked things like "what do you mean by that comment" when his explanations for an action or comment were hurtful to me. Or I encountered rebuffs of my efforts to know him better, to understand his feelings or lack of them. He pulled away whenever he got uncomfortable with the slightest tone inflection he didn't like often reading things into my sentences that were not there. My motives were pure as I loved this man so very much. I could do nothing correctly no matter how hard I tried to do things his way. I'm pretty flexible having grown up in a household of five kids born in a six-year period and our two parents. He never understood how the five of us could have a disagreement and five minutes later we were laughing. He told me we were all crazy. He was an orphan from another country and was adopted into a home with parents in their fifties. I was not aware that as a baby he was not held. and that the doctors in Germany said to the orphanage that he would never cry and never feel (feel for others) the way normal people do. This I learned about three years after we were married. Only now 18 months into my divorce after 24 years of marriage to this wonderful man am I understanding that I was helpless. This man is too comfortable in his loneliness and isolation with a couple of very superficial friends to change. He tried to be what he can't be but was too scared of treatment. Too scared of intimacy. He told me more than once when we were newly married "You will never know me. Don't even try to figure me out. No one will ever know me." He said it as if I were trying to cut his heart right out of his body. All I wanted was to understand him. As I became ill and disabled by some work related injuries, he pulled away completely. I was not the bubbly, outgoing one who drew him out of himself any longer. I was just hanging on to my own health by a string. He had no trouble closing me out and it seems had not pain over the break whatsoever. Anyone out there who has this disorder please get help. The people who love you need you. ripping a family to shreds because you are comfortable in your isolation is so very selfish and getting well could change all of your lives, not just your own.
- anon47886
10
Personally I'm an affectionate guy, but I trust authorities, have loving parents, and was never adopted. And I consider myself normal. And P.S. I don't get attached easily to people either. (Meyer's Brigg ENTJ)
Also, I have a friend that is almost the exact opposite, born to a good family like me, and he is considered normal, by me, too. (Meyer's Brigg ISFP)
Let's drug the world for being different, like 1984, because there is no real "normal". :S
I propose everyone who does not have the ISTJ personality be drugged, and punished for thinking with emotion, for being outgoing, for not being detail oriented.
Come on-- people are people. as long as they are not chopping off heads like Vincent Li, I say let people be who they are.
Personally I was just looking at this page because I want to find other people's opinions on very affectionate women. Personally I love them :D
- anon41495
9
What is the best way to deal with attachment disorder in adults? Is denial common?
- anonanon
8
I really need some help, I believe my partner has attachment disorder but he wont seek help. I love him so much but he is pushing me and pushing me to leave him, and I feel like I'm cracking up now! He plays power games with me, and tries to control me, making me feel guilty and saying I've picked my friends over him if I go out without him. I cant even suggest going out without him starting an argument, and then the rage kicks in and he is like a different person. I know that when he was a baby he would cry when his mum left his side. Do these sound like the symptoms of attachment disorder to anyone??
- anon36011
7
Can an attachment issue do the opposite? Manifesting itself in adulthood as very clingy, not wanting to ever be alone, feeling like you are paralyzed with fear when alone? This would be from early prolonged hospitalization in first year through to three. This would be in years where the hospital only had visiting hours and the parents were only allowed to visit at certain times and there were feelings of trauma when they left the building.
If this is an attachment issue, how do you get rid of it? Something bad always happened when my parents weren't there, such as needles, stitches removed, drains removed, etc.
It is hard to function at all now that I am alone.
- anon31828
6
I worked with attachment disordered kids, all of whom came from abusive backgrounds, however abuse does not necessarily take a physical form. Neglect is abusive. When individuals do not form permanent lasting reciprocal relationships with one or more adult caregivers, and especially if they are moved frequently before such relationships can form, or worse, after they *do* form, such individuals can suffer from attachment disorder. There can be little chance for mature boy-girl relationships with such individuals. Relationships are about trust. Without it, neither parent-child nor boy-girl relationships flourish.
- anon31041
5
Adults most certainly suffer from attachment disorder. It can manifest in looking for relationships with other adults with the same problem.
The most severe consequences manifesting in very childish dysfunctional relationships with jealousy, addictions, game playing, violence, and depression.
Any normal person would walk away from this, but an adult suffering from attachment disorder will keep going back to see if they have the power to change the dynamics - total insanity!
- anon28172
4
I'm doing my Master's thesis research on Adult Attachment disorder, So I believe it most certainly does persist into Adulthood, if you think you have it and you think it's related to trauma find a practitioner who specializes in Attachment for kids, from my understanding of it the process for healing is different.
- anon17201
3
Can attachment disorder continue into adulthood, and is there any way to treat it?
- tmlsc2004
2
Can an Attachment disorder persist through adulthood into old age? Can an Attachment disorder "Morph" into another type of disorder? Is the change based on experience or an intrinsic function of aging? Does it ever result in a more serious psychopathic disorder? If so, what are its statistical measurements?