I have had a couple run-ins with textbook antisocial adults, and some that I are inclined to believe have this. I had no knowledge about this until I got a job at a restaurant a couple years ago, and my Sociology professor described the symptoms in our class, and I said "that sounds exactly like a guy I work with." It actually makes sense, to me now. These people, despite being pretty intelligent, choose a career where it is very easy to obtain a position of "power" over their peers. It seems they are more than happy being a wolf in a sheep's skin, and are covertly manipulative. They would rather control their own little world than contribute to the greater good of the society.

Recently I had to transfer stores, because of an unfortunate situation with a recent love interest gone wrong. There was this guy that was on my back, perniciously since the very day that I transferred there, which was the same day I requested the transfer from Human Resources. He knew who I was, undoubtedly because of my conflict with the antisocial character at the previous place, who took things too far with me and ended up getting canned. This guy is "late on a regular basis," yet the last time a manager wrote him up for his habitual lateness, they ended up being transferred a half-hour away immediately, with no actual reasoning, other than the obvious. The manager that was hired to take their place, tried doing the same thing, and shortly thereafter, the regional manager came to town to have a meeting with them, and after that they refused to participate in any conversation that had the employee's name along with the term "late" both contained. It was one of those "what are you talking about?" things, a week after they had written them up for being late without notice for the third time in one week. A few weeks ago, this guy takes my mug that I clean out and leave on a shelf in the break room at the end of every shift, and throws it away. I wanted to see if he'd make the mistake, and didn't mention the disappearance to *anyone*, and surely enough, he bit. I learned about this tendency from an old "caught on video" show when I was younger. Thieves will generally walk up to and ask a question to a store associate after pocketing something they will leave with. Sure enough, he told me "it sucks that somebody threw away your mug." I told him "that's funny, because you're the only person besides me who knows it was thrown away." He replied saying something like, "well, I just figured it was thrown away, since I haven't seen it back there in a while." He always says/asks little patronizing things, and he tries convincing me that he is stupid, not by being obtuse, but by answering my questions in a manner that make him appear to be incompetent. I'm sure these games work on some people, but not on me. The other day he changed the order of a meal I had asked for when I went home, and then came up and and told me what a good deal it was with our discount. The joke was on him though, as he changed it to something I liked, instead of the new item I had originally asked for.

I know I won't have much leverage dealing with this guy, because, like most with this disorder, he waits until there are no witnesses to attest to the things said and done, and, according to the manager who was promptly transferred, he is "personal friends" with the general manager, and he "has friends in HR" according to an ostensible comment, surely to try to intimidate me, although the evidence points to that being correct, unfortunately. It's amazing, the fact that I'm an idealist causes this filth to instantly and pervasively go on the offensive. At this point, I guess I have no choice but to let it roll off my shoulders. Hopefully the lack of response will eventually help it sink in that they are a scumbag loser, but I doubt it.

So far in my life (49) I have come in contact with two women with this very disorder. The only way I was in contact was because of my husband. I tried to warn him that something was wrong, but he would not listen. So one stole about $30,000 from our business. She was arrested and put in jail only to be released in about 30 minutes. She and her husband ran to another state only to do the same thing there. She stole about $30,000 from another person there. All the while her employer was going through a difficult pregnancy. She was caught and put in jail there, only to get out in a few days. Now that two states are aware of this behavior she will go to trial in two states and do a lot of prison time. (By the way, she has already done prison time for the exact same thing.) All the while she is/was stealing from her employers, she was lying about her personal life to get money, sympathy and anything else she wanted. She has two beautiful little girls that evidently she didn't even consider.

If anyone comes in contact with anyone (male/female) with this disorder, run. Do not try to help them. The very person who is being kind and understanding, and is tryig to help them is the very person who will get burned the worst. You are not their hero -- you are their next victum.

From someone who has learned from experience.

Boy, what is this, life time TV? It seems it's all about the guy. I have been married 15 years to this woman, and now that financial hard times have hit everybody, my sweet wife has abandoned my 17 year old step daughter and me. I always suspected she had some problems, I thought it was me. She loves animals though. But walking out on us has been a real eye-opener. I could only guess the reason why there are more posts on this topic about evil men is because the good guys are too embarrassed to talk about it. Like they say, good guys finish last. I sure wish my wife had worked with me and us for the betterment of the whole, but that requires dedication, discipline and plain old fashioned hard work. How in the hell could this country win WWII if it had the kind of women that are running around today? Must be something in the water.

Oldfriend,

I am very concerned for you. Isolation in itself is very difficult on an individual. I have some thoughts that may get you thinking. You may love your husband but is it a healthy love for you? Seek outside activities for yourself that will provide opportunities for your personal growth. Activities that allow you develop friendships or just personal connections that may open opportunities for work, education, or just building self-esteem so you will build your confidence to make a change in your relationship.

For example, joining school PTA and volunteering within a school can lead to awareness of becoming a substitute teacher. Helping in the local library gives you many opportunities to opened doors for employment and education. There are a multitude of financial assistance to families with low income and I believe you would be very surprised that you could tap into a year or two program and walk into a good job.

Is there a local community college close enough that you could get training there for minimal cost? What are your interests? Get involved in local churches and seek out their classes. Churches are often offering growth classes that will help you build yourself and make friendships for support. Plus taking your kids will provide them more opportunities to find support. You have access to a computer- there are many ways you can tap into resources like local health programs that can help you find support for what you are experiencing.

You need to find a way to build your esteem through outside people because as you stated your partner is not going to do this for you and to make change for yourself it takes strength. You can succeed. He has to make his own change. Work on you and your kids while being loving. But remember even doing simple things can make a start for you such as taking daily walks alone and with your children can increase your esteem. Best wishes to you.

Just a friend.

response: hiddenlove

sounds like a normal teenager. If not, where there is more to this then someone should take notice at the school.

Reply to: sf618

Thanks for your response. But I only hope that he will one day stop breaking the school rules and challenging the teacher.

Response to (hiddenlove)

What you have learned about him should only affect (good or bad) your relationship with him. You don't have the right to go around "warning" people, especially those who are his friends. Maybe his friends already know and just have decided not to make it a topic of gossip. Besides, if at first you didn't believe it, what makes you think that those close to him that don't know, will?

You can't "cure" him. Maybe he likes the way he is. Maybe he doesn't but the only way he can modify his behavior is by getting help on his own. I don't know what's wrong with some people that they are drawn to those who are (damaged) or harmful or have this driven need to "fix" someone when their aide hasn't been requested. You said that you wanted to tell his friends "so they won't suffer from his unkind way of treating them" again, if he is being mean or cruel to them and if they stay in the friendship or continue to keep him close that's their business. Do what's good for you, for you. Not what you feel is right for others.

I have a classmate who claims that he has such a behaviour and after I read this, I feel that what he said is true. I was actually shocked when I knew it as I had always thought he is a almost perfect person. Now, I don't really know what I should do as I have once loved him. Also, I am not sure if I should tell his friends about his behaviour as I don't wish that his friends will suffer from his unkind way of treating them. Can I have some advice on this and maybe some ways of curing him?

I have been in a 3-year relationship with someone who exhibits symptoms of antisocial personality. I didn't realize what the problem was until I read an article on the subject. I'm beginning to feel like I'm the crazy one, because he does things that most normal people would not do. He seems to have no compassion for me or anyone else. He can go from "I love you" one minute, to "get the ---- out of my house" the next. It keeps me torn up emotionally. He has an ability to lie at the drop of a hat, and he becomes a total monster when I point out that I have proof that he has lied about something. He has an insatiable appetite for unusual sex and seems to be obsessed. I feel like I am going crazy. To other people, almost exclusively women, he is charming and witty, and they have no idea of his violent outbursts and odd behaviors. He has no male friends, but he has many female friends, most of whom have bad reputations. We argue frequently about his continued association with those female friends, and he seems to be willing to give up our relationship rather than give up his women friends. He very, very seldom has feelings for animals, and he is often very cruel to his own dog. He has beaten his dog to the point that it passed out. His favorite activity is hunting, and he loves the thrill of killing animals. I am very seriously in need of advice. I love him dearly, but I am beginning to question my own sanity. I have never been around someone like him before, and I don't know what to do. Should I leave him or try to help him?

Thank you so much.

I think I have this disorder, is there anything I can do about it?

hi, i wanted to ask anyone who knows about this anti social. i have a friend who wants me to be more than a friend to him i don't know how to tell him no because i just recently found out he has this disorder what do i do?

thank u for your answers.

Once the emotional damage has been done, the trust is gone and the option to try to help these manipulative people is hopeless. You can't lead a horse to water if it doesn't want to drink. If these people admit that they have a problem and want help, then change can occur, but until then there is no hope. I have had compassion until I got burned!

After reading these reviews, I feel disappointed. I am currently with someone who has this disorder and guess what, he's actually discovered he needs help. Granted it took him having a blackout and attacking me, but still, he's shown me that there IS something inside him that realizes that he needs to do something to help himself.

Maybe he's an abnormality to this mental condition, but I just can't believe that pretty much everyone on here has said that instead of showing compassion, that the course of action when dealing with people with this disability is to shun the people.

Heck, of all the things to help him? My daughter! So all you people saying to keep their children away? Just remember this: Everyone is different, no two people with the same disease/condition are alike!

I myself have got enough mental issues to fill a text-book, but I have also spent several years getting help, and am on medication.

My advice (as a person who has a very similar condition to this) to people who are having to deal with people with this problem is this:

-If you can help them without harming yourself or your loved ones, help them!

-If you can help them get help, then you've just made your world, and theirs better by one little tiny bit.

-If you can't help them, then at least point them in the right direction...but don't shun/avoid them!

I met a gal in which we had a lot in common. As I allowed her to get closer to me and I pursued the friendship because I wanted her to replace my sister at an emotional level. She knew that. The thing is that I knew that she was a manipulator, very selfish and self centered, but I wanted to believe the best in her and see some sort of good from her. I don't believe any good to come out of this girl. She eventually betrayed my trust and friendship by committing identity theft against me and was able to manipulate and lie her way out of getting caught by the authorities. Somehow justifying what she did was okay. I also later found out that she forged another friend's signature on pregnancy paperwork to falsify a pregnancy to avoid from getting deployed to Iraq. She has admitted to me that she will do 'anything' to get what she wants and no one will find out. This didn't click to me until she was committing felonies. What is sad is that the authorities enable this type of behavior when they do not hold her accountable for her actions. I have reported her 'crimes' to the authorities and they do not seem to care. She is now starting a 'new life' with different friends in another state. She seems to move on, manipulating, lying, stealing and leaching off other victims before they realize the type of person she really is and the damage is done. She is very charming and outgoing, but it was very hard to get close to her on an deep or emotional level and she dictated/manipulated the friendship. I was ready to back out of the friendship and did but life threatening circumstances brought the friendship back together, maybe there was hope of a real friendship, but her narcissistic belief entitled her to do whatever she wants when she wants to with no conscience. She held her tears back when her grandma was dying and the sinful life she knew that she was living. Wow, she freaked out when she gets caught cheating on her significant other, stealing, driving drunk, committing felonies and the angel halo came out temporarily. But when she was able to lie and manipulate her way out of the situation, she became more confident with no remorse in the damage she does in other peoples lives. When she didn't want to be your friend anymore, how quickly she could cut you off and move on. Will she ever get caught and be held accountable?

only patience is the medicine of this problem

Hi, I think I need advice. I was married to a drug addict and he was very antisocial to his family. He didnt support his family either. He eventually died. I had learned a lot from this relationship. I thought I knew what to watch out for. I met my new husband and he was so charming and loving. He still is very loving to me, but to my son he is very negative. He is compulsive when it comes to money. He has no regard for paying bills. He owes so much to a lot of places. He told me I didnt have to work, that he would provide for me. I feel conned because I have health issues and no insurance. He wont stay with a job. I keep going over and over in my mind the negatives and the positives in this relationship. He lies about everything and it doesnt seem to bother him. He is liar on the spot. But then I am finding things out in a deceiving nosy way. I go through his papers and read his e mails. I feel I am dishonest too by doing this. I just want a good life and have been hurt so bad in the past. Now I am scared I will be hurt again. I have three wonderful kids and I am very close to them. My hubbie is estranged from his kids. But of course he didnt do anything wrong. He never does. He is slowly changing to when we have disagreements, it is my fault. But he is still very loving towards me most of the time.

I am 60 years old. As children my older sister lied, stole, started fires but always blamed me so I was punished, not her. She constantly tried to kill me but no one believed me, particularly the teachers. They laughed at me. They said I had an over-active imagination. They saw sibling rivalry.

My parents knew but they protected her not me or my younger brother whom she killed. She lived at home with them, never working, sponging off of them until she killed them.

Just this year I was so happy when she was incarcerated in an out-of-state mental hospital. She picked the wrong state to move to. It was almost like, in a perverse way, I told you so.

Do NOT protect the anti-social individual. Do not cover up their behavior. Get her/him treatment NOW and escape.

I found a book written by Lundy Bancroft called Why Does HE do that which I found most helpful, I just substituted she for he.

I'm a psychopath. I know there are different kinds as I can tell instantly when I see another and I know when they are like me or the more violent type. I like to stay to myself and mind my own business but for the other kind. Stay away. This almost coming from the horses mouth. I know what motivates them. I know what they are thinking. I know exactly what they are fantasizing about and the moment you break the cycle you are completing in the relationship, once he feels betrayed or abandoned by you (imagined or not) then all hell breaks lose. You cant fix him. You can't love him enough to change because that's not what he wants. It's a game. And yes, he says he loves you but it's for as long as you are completing the cycle and eventually your usefulness will wear out. If you have children, especially children get away!

i have recently discovered that i myself am one of 'these people' and i hate myself for it. im no psychiatrist but i truly believe that i adopted this behavior disorder from my dad in which im turning out to be a spitting image of. but the truth is even though i know this (or think i do), there doesnt seem to be anything i can do or tell myself that will change the way i am.

i lied to my friends, cheated on my wife and have often done reckless, immoral things that harm me and those around me. the consequence? so far i've lost *all* my close friends, bankrupted myself, am disowned by part of my family and live a very unfulfilling life.

living with this disorder is so hard. i find myself not able to connect with the social norm. i wish i was ignorant of it so that at least i would have some bliss but i am very aware and can't control myself.

reading some of the posts here and i see there r those who live with ppl such a disorder. well if ur married to one of them, leave them for the sake of ur kids. my mom finally made the decision to leave my dad only when me and my siblings were all grown up. she said she didnt want to leave him when we were young because she didnt want us growing up without a father. that was her mistake because my dad refused to work. he'd work a job for weeks to a month and quit. my mom was the bread winner so naturally she left us kids to the care of my dad and *look at what a great job he did* the only good thing that came out of my dads parenting is my older brother who despised my dads ways enough to move out as soon as he was financially able (sometime in high school) and got himself a bachelors degree in business on his own. i wasnt so lucky.

my dad is quite something. arrogant, ignorant, verbally abusive, physically abusive (over the littlest things like eating a meal too slowly - which resulted in my face being pushed down into the soup bowl) and etc! he was or is a problem gambler, lost a ton of money my mom brought home and showed little remorse for his actions.

everything i have just described about my father has been passed down to me, minus the physically abuse and arrogant part but what he has passed down is enough to make me hate life. so why am i here posting this? no idea. i guess this is part of my antisocial way.

anyone in a relationship with someone who has this disorder, should do whatever they have to to get out. no job skills? go to the library & get books that will update skills, then go to college & take a test to get credit for what u have learned thru life. (testing out). try to find a mentor in your career of choice, try an apprenticeship somewhere. where theres a will, theres a way!!!! the worst thing u can do is take the 'victim' role!!! when u have done all these steps, then get out!!!!! for your own mental health & safety!!!!

I just recently found that a new acquaintance had this same behavior. I have since ended the relationship. He has a daughter that he is completely smothering. She has no outside interests other than those he is interested in. He too punished her severely for minute issues. I feel really bad for her. He was often snide when faced with any kind of adverse situation. At first I dismissed it as a defense mechanism. But soon realized that he was a sociopath! I am so glad to be away from him. I was constantly irritable and didnt realize it was him that was getting on my nerves!

I have just recently left a very toxic marriage to a man who refuses to work, parent his child or to treat me with at least a modicum of respect. He refused to show up in court (several times) for the divorce hearing, so I have alimony ordered. He cleaned out my bank account, sold my furniture which was in storage, and everything else he could sell. He refused to pay alimony or meet any of the terms of the divorce. He went to jail for three months, agreed to financial terms when released, but has yet to honor any of those obligation, including any alimony. If I did not hand over my hard earned money, he stole my checks and forged my name to cash them-or ran up charges on my credit card. The authorities say he had this right, even though he never earned a dime. He tells everyone that I am "an evil woman" and always portrays himself as the victim. While this was going on, he has renewed a relationship with an old high school girlfriend. She did not know about me and I did not know of her. He has conned her, too, financially and emotionally. Do I count my blessings and forget the alimony or keep on trying? My sense of caring is also telling me that I should at least do something to put an end to his victimizing this latest woman, before she too ends up broke, homeless, and unemployed as he did me.

Take your kids and get out. don't you see that you have become the "toy"...or the "tool".....better yet, you are a total victim. this was the plan all along. His plan has worked. After all, that's what "these people" need, a victim. for you to actually say 'I'm stuck"....says it all. Money, things, accounts....whatever, all these things are material. people living under bridges are probably more happy than you, and are probably more safe than your kids are. get out before he realizes a more harmful plan.

Help

My husband of 17 years has become more and more anti-social. He is aggressive, verbally abusive, avoids eye-contact, has no hobbies outside the house, prone to road rage every time he gets in the car, punishes the kids for small things (ex: 2 weeks grounding for dropping a plastic spoon), dislikes everyone, etc. You get the picture.

The fact is that I love him and think he needs help. He would be unwilling to admit there is a problem and would be unwilling, I think, to take medication.

The kids are intimated, and I suppose, after 17 years, so am I.

Lots of people would say: "Why don't you just leave?" Here's the thing: We've moved around so much in 17 years that my vocational skills are outdated. I do not have a college degree. I am not authorized access to the bank accounts i.e., not even a debit card. We live thousands of miles from any family. In effect, I'm stuck.

What to do. What to do.