I am a shy introvert. Although I have become less shy with exposure, therapy, and social skills training, I have definite introverted traits. I always thought that once I became less shy that I would automatically love to socialize a lot and do parties, etc. While these things can be fun, my life is not centered around constant socialization. It’s centered around ideas, learning, new experiences and creativity.

I don’t feel the need to be social with people as often as my significant other, for instance. He seems connected to his cell phone, and talks to people every night. Every night! He’s the only person, aside from work colleagues, that I speak to each day. It should also be noted that I have very few friends and acquaintances owing to my shy and introverted nature. He seems to have the need to be talking to somebody, anybody, most of the time. I just don’t get that. I’m fine with not talking to anyone for weeks at a time, and I definitely rarely chat up random strangers as he does. On public transportation or waiting in lines, I generally care not to speak to anyone or be spoken to. Usually in these situations I’m pretty cranky anyway. Additionally, there are certain people I don’t call because I know I’ll be on the phone for hours. Unless the conversation is about movies, books, preferences, juicy gossip, politics or something deep and controversial, I’m not particularly interested in talking to you. I also prefer weird and/or funny people. Unfortunately, most people aren’t that interesting, I include myself.

Crowds bother me, I prefer the company of a few close friends, and although I enjoy a dance party, cocktail parties are difficult for me to tolerate for more than an hour or so. I think the emphasis on superficial talk and being asked those routine questions over and over again infuriates me. Once I’ve been asked what I do for a living for the 100th time (Marketing, go figure) I want to scream. All the truly interesting things to talk about are verboten for small talk. No politics, no esoteric things (i.e., I am fascinated by deviant psychology and know a lot about sociopaths), no fun nerding out on movies you’ve seen. Dry accounting of my last trip (I went to S.F., we did this, we did that, we stayed here and here is X miles from this place, *YAWN*)

If I am pushed beyond my introverted limits, I began to space out, and start imagining myself at home doing something solitary. I am not beyond pulling out a pencil and note pad or even a book to mentally transport me away from extrovertville. I find such activities as fun and stimulating to me as having a gaggle of people around chatting is to an extrovert. At the end of a long day at work, I am often uncommunicative at home, preferring instead to surf the net, read, or watch TV. This time is precious to me; crucial in fact, as I decompress and regain the energy lost during a full day of meetings and chit chat.

I have always been like this. Even though I was shy as a youngster, I did not long for popularity. I just wanted to be able to talk to whomever I wanted, speak up in class if I had a question, and stand up for myself without feeling like my chest was imploding and my face was on fire. I saw the “cool” kids and wannabes for what they were. I had no desire to denigrate myself trying to fit in with a certain crowd. I loved art and language, and these were my overriding concerns as a young girl. I’m glad, for that. I recognize so many of the extroverted need for approval and desire to please others as a weakness that has led so many teenagers into smoking, early pregnancy, and drug abuse.

These are definite drawbacks to extroversion.