OMG Does that mean that my name Alexis means "no words?" or "without words"?

I was dating a guy who is alexithymic. He is over all a really great guy, very outgoing, social, people friendly. I have read so many web sites to help myself understand more about alexithymia. He just recently broke off our relationship and told me it was because he was protecting me from him. I just want to know if there is anything that I can do on my part to help him cope with what's going on, sometimes he seems so lost and confused, I just want to help. Does anyone have any suggestions for me on what can be done?

Is alexithymia is a trait or disorder?

We have been married 61 years. My husband is not a romantic, either verbally with appreciation, compliments, encouragement, or such, not given to hugs, pats on the back, or interested in sex. Has difficulty expressing emotions and I find it cruel and abusive to hold back this communication if deserved. I raised five children who are terrific basically alone, and thank goodness, none are like their father. He has one emotion, though. That is anger. Throws things, breaks things, hits me. I stayed in marriage because, even though I worked all our married lives, two salaries were needed to help our children through schools who are all professionals and successful. I wanted to leave many times but because of what I wanted in help for the children played the hypocrite for all that this was a good marriage, which it wasn't. I am now alone with him at this stage and terribly sad, lonely, and depressed. Thank you for the chance to discuss this.

The letter about the married couple- histrinic woman and alexythmic man is interesting, sad and predictable. Alexythymics are competent and confident. For a sensitive woman, hoping to become more thick skinned, he may have seemed like a "knight in shining armor." She probably seemed attractive, warm and loving. She probably hoped that his confidence would rub off on her and that he would take care of her because he seemed so capable. But, when he felt inadequate, scared, stressed, as all human beings in the world feel- no matter how competent, he did not tell her, or even himself these feelings. Instead, he remained cold, or even worse provoked her emotions in such a subtle way that she could only seem crazy if she accused him of doing so. So she became more emotional, feeling alone, and thus became histrionic. As he saw her despair, he developed more self control, realizing that emotions are bad and of no value- while consciously and making sincere efforts to avoid behavior that she specifically told him provokes her. But only that specific behavior that she mentioned, to the letter. So she became more sensitive, he more alexythmic. In truth, he needed a "knight in shining armor" more than she did. He needed a wife who would love him and accept him regardless of his confidence or competence, who would "read" him and reassure him even as he hid his feelings from her and from himself. And her confidence would be built up by being there for him, not the other way around. These types attract each other- and I hope someone's marriage and children benefit from this post.

I am trying to learn so much more about people who show no emotions. My sister just moved back home after living away for almost 13 yrs. She was married and I think the marriage became quite bitter and maybe even abusive. She is like a different person now. Just this evening she totaled my mother's car as she was on her way to work and showed no emotion as to what she had done. She called my mother to let her know and was more concerned about getting to work that what had just happened. The police says she was very lucky. She hit a tree. The worst part is that she didn't really know what happened. Maybe she got sleepy b/c she works 10 hrs from 7pm to 5am. The family is just trying to figure her out. She just passed two drug tests with the two jobs she now has. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I found this article helpful.

I suspect that my husband may also be alexithymic. The article posted by pat sounds very much like us. However, I wonder if this is yet another elusive psychological category where only some symptoms apply. My hubby does seem mystified about emotions. Yet he does occasionally display anger, even throwing articles across the room. So this seems to defy the categorization. He also seems to fit "schizoidal type".

I only wish I knew how to find a competent counselor who could accurately diagnose. But I doubt there are many, so I will probably continue to live my life emotionally and intellectually alone until my cancer mets finish me.

Great article!

There is a free discussion forum devoted to alexithymia called the "ALEXITHYMIA EXCHANGE".

There is some lively conversation going on there exploring this subject.

Dr. Alex

I found this on the net and thought they were talking about me and my husband. i haven't stop crying since.

"Some time ago, I met a married couple who have struggled to cope with the husband’s alexithymia for nearly 40 years.

He is completely unable to process or comprehend emotions, and is always focusing on external things. He is socially skilled, non-quirky and does not shows signs of Asperger's syndrome. In fact, he is the most prototypical example of an alexithymic I have ever met. He is always level-headed, operates on a purely functional level. He doesn’t complain about work, he is very handy round the house, willingly tackling big renovation jobs, and is never rude, selfish or abrasive. He's very practical and helpful. He and never gets depressed or self-obsessed. By contrast, his wife is highly emotional and often histrionic.

*She* is the one who is utterly depressed and requires constant, strong medication. But he is unable to relate to her on a feeling level or to soothe her raw emotions. She cites his constant placidity as the main source of her debilitating grief. A battery of psychologists and psychiatrists have been called in over the years, to no avail. A few years ago, they "finally" split up and moved to different areas, but a year later circumstances forced them back together. Despite all the drama and interventions, he hasn't changed a bit, although he does what he can to stop irritating her. She still can't deal with his emotional blankness. I've talked to both of them about it, and as far as I can see there is no prospect of him ever changing. So what advice to offer? Should they continue to work on it, or finally call it quits? It's a tough decision."