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What is a Sociopath?

An individual suffering from antisocial personality disorder may have difficulty sustaining relationships.
A person suffering from antisocial personality disorder may experience difficulty maintaining a job.
Sociopaths may be unable to conform to what is deemed a normal personality by society.
Psychotherapy may help treat individuals suffering from antisocial personality disorder.
Sociopaths often appear friendly, considerate, and charming.
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A sociopath is a person who has antisocial personality disorder. The term sociopath is no longer used to describe this disorder. The sociopath is now described as someone with antisocial personality disorder.

The main characteristic of a sociopath is a disregard for the rights of others. Sociopaths are also unable to conform to what society defines as a normal personality. Antisocial tendencies are a big part of the sociopath’s personality. This pattern usually comes into evidence around the age of 15. If it is not treated, it can develop into adulthood.

Visible symptoms include physical aggression and the inability to hold down a steady job. The sociopath also finds it hard to sustain relationships and shows a lack of regret in his or her actions. A major personality behavior trait is the violation of the rights of others. This can appear as a disregard for the physical or sexual wellbeing of another.

Although these symptoms are all present, they may not always be evident. Research has shown that the sociopath is usually a person with an abundance of charm and wit. He or she may appear friendly and considerate, but these attributes are usually superficial. They are used as a way of blinding the other person to the personal agenda behind the sociopath’s behaviour.

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Many people with antisocial personality disorder frequently indulge in alcohol or drug use. They may use these substances heavily as a way of heightening their antisocial personality. The sociopath sometimes sees the world on his or her own terms, as a place of high drama and risky thrills. The sociopath may suffer from low self esteem, and the use of alcohol and drugs is a way to diminish these feelings.

The causes of antisocial personality disorder are thought to be either genetic or environmental. Children who are influenced by antisocial parents may adopt these tendencies. Similarly, role models such as one's friends or peer group may also influence the behaviour pattern of a sociopath. Antisocial behaviour is more likely to occur in men than in women. About 1% of women have this disorder, while 3% of men are affected by it.

It is very rare for a person with antisocial personality disorder to seek help of their own accord. Treatment for antisocial personality disorder is usually through group psychotherapy. Sociopaths often find it helpful to talk through and recognize their problems with people they can trust. In a number of cases, this type of personality disorder tends to diminish from the age of 30 onwards.

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Discussion Comments

anon83156
Post 671

If you want a know a real sociopath you just have to to listen to them. Ask probing questions. You will find that they have been the victims of many situations if not all. They are quick to become angry at the most tiny sign of disrespect whether real or not. They do not give without reason. They have an agenda.

Social attack is what they can and will do especially if she is a woman. They will call you night and day to tell you what crap you are. They will demand apologies. They will post your name on the internet - call your boss or try to hack your computer or social website. They will go after your relationships and your name and livelihood.

They want you to feel as low as they feel about themselves and worse. They will try to hurt you psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. They like revenge and they are proud of the revenge they have enacted on others. It is their will to power.

anon82285
Post 667

You have no idea how many sociopaths are really around you. Literally 70 percent of the people I know are sociopaths. I'm not exaggerating. It's hard to find real friends in this world when everyone is a sociopath.

avictum
Post 666

Dear Angelina 25: Thank you so much for your response and understanding. I particularly liked your term "gaslighting." If you are referring to the movie wherein the adoring husband subtly tried to convince his wife that she was going mad.

My ex would be the best of husbands (no sex or affection, of course), declaring to me that he was my best friend all the time, but would periodically and publicly shock me by revealing another side of himself. While he always abused sedatives, it was the cocaine that brought the worst out in him and ended the fantasy of my marriage -- or rather, legal agreement. I don’t think "marriage" is an appropriate term. SPs can’t really "marry" in the full sense as they cannot give of themselves.

I also appreciate the notation of "detoxing" that you made. That’s exactly where I've been the last few years. I am at the end of that period, now, and looking to rebuild whoever I am. If the job market were better, I think I could have gotten a job which would have helped me move on faster.

I quit my meds as I wanted to get back to normal faster and don't like having to take meds to keep me normal. I, and my friends, think I am 95 percent back and I am really looking for something to start phase III of my life- after marriage!

At least he didn't leave me poor, and, being third generation vegetarian, I look much younger than my age, so, while it's scary, I am out there looking for, and am eager to find Phase III!

Wish I could say something that would help you with your situation.

angeline25
Post 665

elizaarn there is nothing wrong with believing in God and using that to help your situation your life....and having faith in something or in what you believe in....and many have struggled and it is important to turn to God or that which you can, to help you through your struggles...many people who have faith in God find that that can help them even get over the harshest of problems....or turn their life around.....so people who want to put that down, well that is just their own problem and ignorance, but you keep believing in what you believe in....

angeline25
Post 664

that's terrible avictum and a sad story, and so similar to what most people who are victims of sp's have to go through---some really sick bully and maniac trying to literally 'finish them off'...and that's what they do once they are done with the 'relationship' or situation....finish off their victims, and become more and more brutal with each blow....they stop at nothing to destroy their victims...the SP im dealing with has said the same thing as I said "you're driving me to suicide" and he said "anything I can do to help, let me know" rather than showing sympathy, remorse, or even easing up on the abuse, they get worse....it's a scary situation for anyone.....good to know a lot of people get out and move on...because that's all you really can do is survive....and move on....and move past what the sp did to you....the ending of a relationship with an N or SP isn't just a break up, it is the detoxing of some severe mental and emotional horror and abuse...that has been going on for a very long time...it is the undoing of years and years of nothing but trauma, humiliation, belittling, degrading, terrifying abuse....and the realization of knowing that there really was nothing there and you were just a victim of a monster, and a punching bag for that monster....the sad part is how the average 'person' doesn't understand the concepts of abuse....in general and abuse that Sp's and narcissists do to others...worse, most people are unsympathetic towards victims because they foolishly and horrendously think that 'people like abuse', 'women like abusive men' 'women go back to abusive men'...'people are allowing abuse'...etc....it is a disgusting and pathetic outlook at people who have suffered and are only in need of sympathy caring and love....rather than more abuse belittlement and criticism...there are also a lot of bitter 'males' out there in particular who have no sympathy towards women or people in abusive situations out of some form of deranged jealousy...that they can't get a woman b/c they are 'nice' and the 'jerks' get the female and people like abuse and keep going back to jerks....again it is a sad outlook and perspective many people have today...because of their own current situations or just lack of sympathy or care...or jealousy or other underlying emotional reasons...people don't help rather they hurt and criticize.....if people only understood the tragedy behind abuse and what people have to go through... then maybe they would think twice about the statements they make...but most people have the perception of 15 year olds...why don't they get out??? they like the abuse??? they're allowing it??? rather than...trapped victim with severe stockholm syndrome, victim of severe gaslighting, brainwashing, trauma...etc..let's help them out with sympathy and kindness not abuse and criticism..which is the reality of the situation....

elizarm480
Post 663

I feel for each and everyone of your stories. I haven't lived such a great life. My mother was a very controlling and negative person and my dad distances himself on the computer and work every waking moment. I hated them for years for all this and blamed them for my social inadequacy, low self esteem, and depression.

Later in life, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and struggle every day with this, have to take medicine the rest of my life, disorder.

Even though we have all had hard pasts, some a lot harder then others, let's not allow our pasts control our future.

I just want to bare my testimony that there is a Heavenly father and Jesus Christ and they love each and every one of us. Our Heavenly Father is our all loving father and Jesus Christ our brother who died on the cross so we can repent of our sins and return and live with him when we die and so we can return and live with our family when we die.

I know my Heavenly Father sent each one of us to earth so we can be happy. But we can't feel happiness if we can feel sad. He gave us free agency so we could choose right from wrong. It is up to us to choose which path we are going to choose.

I know the Book of Mormon to be the true word of God as long as it is translated correctly.

We need God in our lives by praying, attending church and reading his true scripture to always feel His Holy Spirit with us.

There are some of you who might read this and think, "oh crap, more religious garbage." I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, is the only true church on the earth today.

You all are my brothers and sisters and I love you all. I say these things in the name of Jesus

Christ, Amen.

avictum
Post 662

Dear angeline25: You are absolutely correct! When my ex was finished with me (a 24 year marriage), he couldn't just divorce me. After years of mental debasement and shocking treatment, wherein I was left so stunned that I couldn't even think of anything to say, he moved the ugliest Mexican woman in the world into my home without my consent, and the two of them tried to finish me off.

After months of lock-up in four different mental institutions and two suicide ER where something had to be injected directly into my heart to prevent it from stopping as I had tried to overdose- my mother found me on the floor and called 911, I am finally recovered enough to go onto this blog and see exactly what I had been living with!

He couldn’t just take my computer away from me; he had to block me from my email account. He couldn’t just take my cell phone from me; he had to prevent me from having my own phone number back. I found myself released from jail, where he had the police drag me from my bath on false charges that I had kicked him in the groin but his Mexican woman witnessed it, so I was declared guilty!

I was left at night in 30 degrees and 6in. of snow, out on the sidewalk in front of my own home without anything to survive. My home, a home the judge let him and his Mexican woman live in for a year and a half until the divorce was final!

If I hadn’t had a daughter, there is no way I would not have lived even one night more. I struggled through everything because of her. She loves and depends on me. I have an email in which he tries to get her to stop supporting me as he saw she was my one life-line. Evil is really not adequate for what these people are!

My last memory of my beautiful home was the police dragging me past the living room with the two of them standing sympathetically by watching me be hulled out. I was just catatonic; I couldn’t move or speak.

Later, at the police station, where I was totally hysterical, a kind officer asked if I knew why I was there. That is when I found out about the groin kick charge. If I had just actually kicked him in the groin, I might have at least understood and been able to handle what was happening to me.

But to be a most loyal and faithful wife, then falsely accused and then convicted by a judge who said that it didn’t matter that they were lovers, because he and his girlfriend wanted me out of my house so they could live there! What was that judge thinking?

The old, “he lied and she swore to it” scenario! Hey, Judge, if you can’t figure that out, what are you doing on the bench?

Anyway, that was three years ago now, and I am better. I got the house, and the top third of the art and antique collection. He wants to get back together, now. Says he never wanted a divorce No, he just wanted me to commit suicide, which I tried. Now, he must be realizing how stupid he was.

He is left with a most ugly woman (also a sociopath so, don’t get caught between two sociopaths) no house, and the best antiques gone. That’s what we did for fun, collect art and antiques. As he got worse with the cocaine use, the art and antiques fun dropped away, though we retained the ones we had gotten.

He’s just figuring out that, in trying to screw the hell out of me, he just screwed the hell out of himself.

Well, there must be a god, because that is what karma is all about! So, there is proof to God! At least for me!

anon81311
Post 661

As I said before, Angeline, good luck to you. May good luck, good fortune and happier times all be yours.

angeline25
Post 660

again anon812, you rest what case? Are you trying to prove a point here? Utterly pathetic on your part. For people who don't seem to get it, let me explain a little of how a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist 'tortures' their victims and keeps them locked into cycles of more hell and abuse. This is not just a basic 'abuse cycle.' This includes extreme amounts of brainwashing, shock, trauma, horror nightmares. The narc begins by slowly doing things to shock his or her victims by putting them through several incidences of extreme trauma. Trauma creates bonds and it weakens/destroys the person. The goal of the narc/sp is to destroy a person's self-esteem and identity and shatter their defenses and thoroughly destroy and weaken them. Once they do this, it's harder for the person to escape/leave.

They will do several different situations of extreme shock then while the victim is already weak, and in extreme shock, they will begin the major 'blow,' thus causing all the psych damage, trauma and shock to fully 'seal' into a person's mind and life this is how a narc/sp takes control of a person's soul, life and mind. Worse, they break a person down, so that a person can be dependent on them – dependent only for one reason, so they can continue and keep victimizing and torturing the person as they want, using them as a punching bag and puppet and destroying them completely, for a victim of shock and trauma. It can cause severe weakness and debilitation but after long periods of shock/trauma/abuse and major ones, the person is too weak and in shock to even be able to flee. They've lost all sense of their identity and soul, and themselves.

They've been stripped of everything and become an even bigger pawn for the sp to abuse them more and weaken/destroy them more, literally to major lengths, for which many can end up being abusive or suicidal themselves. Most narcs and sp's are just purging their inner demons or monsters onto their victims. Some are sadists and doing it for the sole pleasure of being turned on by causing suffering to others, and others are doing it for the power trip or high they get off abusing others or a combination of the above, so to get away from those who've destroyed your life/mind, soul, stolen your power is a very difficult thing to do. For they steal the power of their victims to gain power themselves and destroy the balance and the person and once they've taken that power, you'd better believe they will not give it back.

They will do anything to keep it – anything to dominate/destroy/control their victims. They will go to great lengths to do this so for people who sit around idly stating, hey get out, get out, they seem to have missed the entire process of what is involved in being a victim of a psycho/sociopath and how extreme and terrifying it is and the kind of severe psych damage and emotional mental trauma that a victim has had to go through overall.

People need to stop and think before making erroneous and stupid statements that make absolutely no sense. A sociopath is a vicious monster that stops at no length to destroy others and in extreme ways This is not just some simple situation of minor abuse. Nothing in life is that simple and getting out of the situation of an extremely determined monster who is out to destroy another person is a really difficult task and process.

angeline25
Post 659

again anon812: Everyone is different. Not every abused person sits around refusing to receive help. Again you're the one making 'nasty assumptions' about people you don't know. Not every abused person is trying to change an abuser or goes back because they love them. Every situation is different, so you're unfortunately going to have to look at the individual situations and judge rather than judging individual situations based on what you think you know.

What you claim is my 'message' completely isn't and that is pretty stupid to even say that or make those statements which make no sense. It's sad because people do what you're doing to others all the time and begin claiming that they're in a situation for such and such a reason, when you have no idea.

First you should find out the details about a person's situation then try to figure out assumptions or other things. And i don't think anyone out there is hopeless or feels there is no help. Domestic abuse hotlines aren't going to help people in dire need, nor are any hotlines.

What you're speaking from is ignorance, in my opinion, based on the lack of understanding involved and the general 'well most abused people are like this and do that.' That's just not true.

I'm sure some or many are and some aren't. Before you try to assess, don't generalize. And contrary to what you say, no, there are many people out there willing to help others, but unfortunately there are a lot of cold people out there too who really don't help others for that very reason – lack of understanding or general ignorance.

anon81279
Post 658

Whoa anon i really don't have any interest in communicating with you or taking your opinions on anything because i disagree with them. it doesn't matter what you've been through or what anyone has. I'm allowed to voice my opinion and I will.

You are the one making not only assumptions but horrid disgusting accusations that are so far off from what anyone would be on here doing to anyone going through any difficult situation.

i have no desire or interest in even responding to you or your statements at all. It's one thing to give constructive advice or criticism but to boldly state, "well maybe you like it and you like the attention," that is flat out rude insensitive and stupid to say to anyone. So no, you're the one making the 'nasty assumptions.'

I really don't care about your life or what you've been through. It's the fact that you have already made rude, ignorant comments for no reason. Your message is "blah blah." Who cares? I'm here to state my opinion. You can state your opinion. That's your right but I'm not going to sit here reading your ignorant, pathetic remarks towards those in bad situations to me or anyone else. That's just ignorance. Again, i really don't want to communicate or respond to you anymore. You seem like a troll, i.e., the one seeking attention, mostly negative one if anything

I'm going to continue posting about my situations as anyone else does, with the hopes of educating others and being able to vent about sociopaths.

Now you're going to nitpick my 'intention and message' for what reason? Who cares what my 'message is'? I'm voicing an opinion. Who are you to even judge or nitpick what i voice or write, or even talk about it or mention it? That's just blatant ignorance. You're joking me, right? i have no problem being rude to you and saying get lost in response to responding to me. Respond to others or even respond to me. It's your free will, but i don't want to communicate with you or respond to you any further.

anon81267
Post 657

@Angeline: All I can really say is: I rest my case. You don’t know the first thing about me or anything I've been through in my life. You're making nasty little assumptions that I have no clue what I'm talking about, because you say I haven't been in your shoes. Now, how in the world do you know that? Simple: you don’t.

I told you about my cousin because she has been through some of the worst things I know about. She’s been through things that would drive a lot of people to suicide, and lived to tell about it.

In my personal experience with these situations (yes, I have personal experience with it), there are two kinds of people: those who want help and those who don’t. Those who want help may be scared to death of getting help, and it may be several years before they actually get themselves together enough to take what help is offered, and they may even die before they are able to take the assistance, but they want it desperately.

Some women are caught in the cycle of being abused, leaving the abuser, then going back because she loves him. I understand that’s how they have to deal with the situation at that time. What most of them really want is their abuser to change and be a better person. Sometimes, joyfully, that happens. When it doesn’t, they have a decision to make: leave or stay? Get help and get out? Even people suffering from severe Stockholm Syndrome eventually tap into their anger toward their abusers and see how they have been mistreated.

Then, some people, for whatever reason, don’t want help. They stay in bad situations. They’re not interested in grabbing on to any of the lifelines people throw to them. All they do is yell louder about how abused they are. They become angry with people who try to help them. Often, they accuse those helping them of being abusers, of not wanting to help, of only wanting to victimize them as well. These people may get to a place where they do want help, but at this point, they don’t.

None of this means anyone is responsible for their abuse. What is means is that, at some point, if they want out of their situation, they make a choice to stop being a victim. They are willing to stop being victims, even at the cost of their lives. They don’t care if they die in the process. They refuse to be abused for one more second. They make a choice to stop being victims of abuse.

They don’t even necessarily just walk out. Frequently, they begin the process by getting help from people who have also been through it. They use resources available to everyone (like the National Domestic Violence hotline) to start the process. Most of the time, it is a process. But it all starts with the choice to stop being a victim of abuse.

I wholeheartedly support women's and family shelters, domestic violence support groups and every resource available to help men and women get out of abusive situations and equally as important, to prosecute their abusers to the fullest extent of the law. Unfortunately, my cousin’s ex was never prosecuted. The laws were different then. They did protect the abuser and prosecute the victim. But he’s suffering through a unique kind of hell. His (and Jane’s) 15-year-old son shot himself in their trailer and George found the body. Their son had gone to live with George and found out just what his father was. Sadly, he shot himself with his father’s gun. I hope George sees that image of his son with half his face gone every time he closes his eyes for the rest of his miserable life.

Your message has been to watch out for sociopaths and don’t allow them into your lives. This is a good message. Unfortunately, you’ve also pretty much said that you’re a victim and have no hope of ever being free of your situation, indeed that no one in your shoes could get free. I’m truly sorry you feel that’s the case. That is very sad. I'm sorry if you felt I was hard on you.

But I want you to know help is available, whether you believe it or not. And this is for all who feel they are in a hopeless, no-win situation. Help is available. The lifelines are out there. But no one can swoop down and carry you away, unfortunately. You’ve got to reach out for the help. But you might be surprised at how many people are willing to take your hand once you make the decision to reach out.

I don’t have to be right about anything. I’ve spent my entire life being wrong and it hasn’t killed me yet. I just want people who might be reading this to know there is hope, that there is help, there is a way out. There’s hope and help and a way out for you, too, Angeline, and as God is my witness, I hope you take it one day. I really do. Good luck to you.

angeline25
Post 656

To anon812: It’s not that simple and getting out of 'toxic situations' isn’t that simple either and just because your cousin will say, “oh yes i should have left him doesn’t mean that others can leave or that she could even leave. No, the other person is not 'responsible.' It's dependent on the situation. Some people can't leave, or have tried.

It’s a process and every situation is different. Again, family members are even more difficult to get away from.

It’s really convenient to sit behind a monitor or anywhere telling people "hey leave"! Oh you’re not leaving? It’s so simple though, just go! Ignorant people make these kinds of statements and that is like telling a rat in a cage, with an open door and some danger right outside, hey go. Leave. Just walk away. It’s really easy. You have no clue what you are talking about to even make such ignorant and erroneous statements.

Every situation is different so unfortunately its difficult to comment and tell people, hey here is the solution especially since most people haven’t even been in situations like that and have no clue what they are talking about. Again, unfortunately, it’s nice to be able to sit behind the couch and advise people and especially try to tell them, oh yeah they’re responsible. That is so not the case at all, and the point is not who's responsible, it’s that people need to stop blaming the victim who is in a bad situation.

Most victims are helpless and confused and need help, not being told it is their responsibility---that is a backward and ignorant thing to say. Even more disgusting is to begin making horrid statements claiming people like the 'attention' and are getting satisfaction out of the abuse. Your statements are just more proof of the disgusting nature this society has gone in. It seems as if they want to do anything to bring others down, especially those who are in crisis or difficult situations, and my voicing my situation or opinion is to help others.

How sick and crazy to claim that people are getting 'thrills' out of suffering. This kind of sick thinking makes me shudder and worse makes me sick having to attempt to defend myself against this garbage. Yeah, you would tell a rape victim or any victim as well that they are writing on forums seeking help and informing others, .which indicates they are thrilled to be suffering and going through terrible times with abusive sociopaths.

You’re the one who seems like you’re attempting to seek attention by posting these terrible and stupid things against people in bad situations. It’s so out there I can’t even write any posts arguing. It’s just beyond disgusting. How can you even say such awful things to those who are victimized and throw a few not only ignorant but utterly horrible conclusions about the entire situation based on your own ignorance?

Maybe you’re a sociopath too. They are everywhere and they are the ones who say these kind of sick things to others and deceive you. Before you know it flat out, you are dealing with someone who doesn't think in a rational or normal way.

For others, I hope people stop putting down the victims and help them rather than claim victims are responsible and stop trying to throw those statements out and prove that you are so right and win the argument. It is cruelty and injustice to say those kinds of things and it is abuse in itself. Everyone is responsible to some degree somewhere possibly, but to go around spewing, you’re allowing it, you're responsible. No, you as a victim are not responsible. You should do the best you can in your situation to help yourself, or get out, but the only person responsible is the terrorizer/abuser/sociopath..the rest of ignorant clueless society most of whom haven’t even been through anything like that will sit on their lazy butts, spewing ignorant nonsense as if they know better. When if they were probably in a situation like that they would shudder, cower and who knows what? It's always the weakest in the world going around trying to judge and ignorantly confuse others with nonsense.

There is little justice humanity and rationality left in this society anymore and its being run amok with more and more ignorant minded evil thinking people, narcissists, psychopaths etc. and if people are narcissists or ignorant thinking minded people.

anon81215
Post 655

@Angeline, you know, I've read your posts, how, over and over, you've said you're being abused by a sociopath boyfriend and a sociopath mother, how you've been brainwashed, beaten down, trapped and basically enslaved.

I don't blame victims, by any means. Let me tell you a little story. My cousin was a battered wife. Her scuzzwad of an ex-husband is a classic abuser, sociopath, deranged maniac. He's every bad name you can't say on television or in this forum. My cousin is a gentle, kind person and always has been. She married this uber jerk to get away from her sociopathic, abusive father. These things do tend to be cyclical.

My cousin --we'll call her Jane-- knew she had made a mistake early on. Her ex, whom we'll call George, was at least verbally abusive from the beginning. But the physical abuse soon followed. Jane missed her own sister's wedding because George had beaten her so she couldn't come. He did it so she would miss the wedding.

He did everything abusers do: disconnected the phone, cut her off from friends and a loving family, destroyed her possessions. You name it. Still, she had two kids with George. After she finally left him, he did everything he could to make her life miserable. He ran her off the road with the kids in the car, wouldn't allow the children to return home, destroyed their clothes, ad infinitum. She lived in constant fear of this creep breaking into her apartment one night and killing her and the children. George did everything by the sociopathic, abuser book. We had to wonder why it took Jane so long to leave George.

Fast forward 30 years. Jane has remarried, and is with a great guy who loves her dearly. If you ask her about her time with George, she will tell you straight out that she was, in some measure, responsible. She said she should have left him the first time he hit her.

She'll tell you about the fear and the mind games, how George intimidated her so, how he kept her in a state of constant anxiety for fear of making him angry, of inviting a beating. She knows now that none of that was her fault, but she will still tell any abused woman she has the option of leaving.

She will tell you that, if she could break free of the mind control, anyone can. She will tell you that you certainly have to get to a point where staying hurts more than leaving, but that it can be done.

I know what she would tell you: fish or cut bait. If you are so tormented by your mother, cut ties with her. If you are independent and don't need her financially, tell her to leave you alone--permanently. Who cares what other people might say? You have to do what is healthy for you, and getting that toxic woman out of your life sounds like a healthy choice.

That boyfriend? Get rid of him. Change your cell phone number, your home number, everything. Get that man out of your life. Yes, you may have been brainwashed, but the difference is you *know* this guy has been controlling you. Admitting the control is the first step to getting out. It's like an addiction. You admit you have a problem, then you take steps to get the problem out of your life.

There are numerous resources to help you, like the National Domestic Violence hotline.

Once Jane realized people could, and would help her, she made the decision to get out. It wasn't easy, but she's still alive.

Yes, you may be in a bad situation, but you are an adult and it's up to you to make healthy choices once you know you have a problem. I'd never tell a rape victim they were at fault. I don't tell you that you're at fault for getting mixed up with this guy.

However, you do understand what he's doing to you, which means you still have some capacity for independent thought. This being the case, you can make healthy choices for yourself. If you are incapable of this, then you need to see a competent therapist who can help you understand why you are unable to get out of toxic situations, and who can help you develop the capability to make good decisions for yourself.

If you don't make this choice, then a reasonable, outside, objective observer must conclude you're getting something out of this. Maybe you enjoy the sympathy you get. Maybe you get a perverse thrill out of people feeling sorry for you.

Or maybe, just maybe, you're as much of a sociopath as the rest of them and you get a charge out of people sympathizing with you while you laugh at how you've deceived us all into thinking you're a pitiful, shrinking violet.

I don't know you, of course, but I know I am considered to be a shrewd, insightful judge of character and I have what some people consider to be a nearly supernatural instinct where toxic people are concerned. I don't claim in any way to be a psychic, but you ring all my alarm bells. In the words of Shakespeare, "methinks thou doth protest too much." I'm not trying to be mean, but seriously, there's something extremely fishy here.

angeline25
Post 654

O.K. to post 568: No, no one allows anything. That is probably the dumbest quote used by people today. Can you say that someone held hostage in an abusive situation who is being manipulated, brainwashed, beaten up and abused is 'allowing' it to happen? Give me a break. Why are you people pinning the blame on the victims? It’s disgusting. This mentality seems to have begun years ago. That is terrible. You should figure out a way to get out. It’s “you're allowing this.”

Why do you people resort to this garbage? In a situation where a person is being conditioned and brainwashed beyond their control, and a person is using specific techniques to further abuse them, depending on the situation. It’s too sickening to hear that phrase from ignorant people today. No one allows 'anything' to happen to them. That is putting the responsibility on the poor victim who is suffering and needs help in their situation. If someone came to me in a bad situation, that is the last thing I would ever say to them. That's like getting raped and running to someone saying I need help and someone saying, "you allowed it to happen."

No one is allowing abuse to happen to them. Abusers entrap people. That's how the cycle of abuse is successful. That is the foundation of abuse. If it weren’t a trap people wouldn't be stuck in it if it was that easy to get out of. No one would be an 'abused victim' because no one allows abuse. Most people who are in abusive situations are helpless, dependent and broken down by the abuser. These are the basics of abuse.

Stop telling victims of abuse who are suffering terribly they're allowing it. It’s not empowering. It's utterly pathetic. It’s like saying you're allowing someone to slap you in the face when you have no power or control over the current situation. No one allows anything and no one is a “type that attracts abusers.” Actually, there is a type. Abusers choose all types, but they do generally choose the most caring, kindest people, and intelligent because they use people's kindness against them to manipulate and abuse them.

They don't choose loud-mouthed, belligerent, mean people to abuse because they can't. So, if a person is soft, kind, nice, abusers will always target that person as easy prey. People do not allow bullies to attack or hurt them. Bullies attack. It’s trying to find the right defense mechanisms to protect yourself, cope or get out of the situation. Stop placing the blame on the victims and making stupid statements that are not empowering, but just ignorant.

angeline25
Post 653

For the person asking about sp getting worse with age--yes it gets worse with age, especially if there are less people to keep the SP in check. The only thing stopping sp's from committing crimes is the possibility of getting caught or punished. If no one is punishing the SP they will keep doing it. As age progresses the SP has fewer people keeping control of them or keeping them in check. You'll find a lot of older people display these characteristics as well, along with being older, and being set in their ways, they have this degenerate type attitude of getting their way and being able to control and manipulate those younger than them. They have the experience and wisdom more so than their younger counterparts.

The older sp's can be more lethal, depending on what weapons they have to use against others, and less likely to change the habits and patterns they’ve had for years. They are also losing control of their lives in getting old and are going through various forms of mid life crisis and old age crisis. So with age, they do tend to get worse, and as parents and authority figures die off, then they have no one to tell them right from wrong and they don’t really care.

Stay away from those. I’ve dealt with several older Sp's and they are some of the most lethal I’ve encountered. They are the most disturbed, and as they get away with their tactics and actions, they have no reason to not go further and further with their abusive actions or ways. They only get worse, unless there is some fear of being caught stopping them.

angeline25
Post 652

My mother is a classic narcissist/psychopath. She is a wicked person, but as far as victims go, I’m her only one. She spent most of my 20's destroying my life in various ways and she is ruthless. The most disturbing thing about these monsters is their fierce determination to literally destroy their victims or prey. They will stop at nothing to win and to control and dominate those they victimize.

To this day, if I have an opinion against her, she fumes with vengeance and retaliation, insulting me, making sure that I am totally wrong, that she is proven right, that I have no clue what I’m talking about. I’m weird, crazy -- anything to destroy my credibility because she has to be right and has to make me look bad. She yells, screams, abuses and turns around and tells people that I’m abusing her and the worst part is that society caters to sociopaths. They will cater to a disturbed, bipolar, psychopathic monster just because she is a 'mother' and the monster also uses her 'mother' status to go around saying, "look at how you treat your mother." This is after she has abused me.

They are always a liar, two timer, betrayer, projector. They will do anything to make sure they win. They will lie, cheat and destroy. This crazy woman went around claiming she was a doctor, just to ruin my life even though she wasn't a doctor but had been to medical school 30 something years ago.

The general public and average idiot 'human' out there caters to some sociopaths, especially those fake older women who go around crying wolf, sometimes just to destroy their lives of their own innocent children -- simply for sick control and because they lost control of their own lives.

You can’t talk back to a psychopath. That only means you decided to have your own opinion and that isn’t allowed in their sick warped twisted world.. They are severely disturbed, hideous, deceptive monsters. I think anyone can see through them but people choose to side with them, from what I’ve experienced. They choose to look at the mentally deranged moron and say, yeah, she/he is right. Let's take their side and start putting the victim down as well.

They are good at lying and abusing and making the victims out to be the abusers. They will threaten, coerce, blackmail etc.

Beware of the damned sociopath out there. These predators are everywhere and their prey are generally nice, sweet, decent, caring, loving people who they somehow found a chink or hole or some weakness they could use to destroy that person’s life, and anything about them. The predator will also go to major lengths to prove they are 'right' and the victim is wrong, such as in doing serious things to the victims. It is beyond their control, and getting others involved as well.

The saddest part is that they are powerless freaks of nature. They have no power or control and use stealing another person's power, destroying their life and control in order to gain some of their own. In this they are vindicated and regain some happiness and power back of their own. Generally they're being controlled or weakened by another person or are just so stressed with life they can't cope and need to take it out on others, or they have evolved or are just full fledged sociopaths.

anon80944
Post 651

I am a sociopath.

I am a fifteen year old female

I wasn't born one, but I was abused into it. My mother is cruel, but a step up from my grandmother. I don't feel love, or happiness. However, I do feel negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, and self pity.

I don't believe in society. Look around you. Fire got the human race this far, and that was simply on accident. Government is imaginary. It's just people with power forcing you to abide by their rules. If these rules are broken, they send people they are in charge of, such as policemen, imprison you for what they consider wrong.

The whole point of a species is to survive and reproduce, but we have made it about money and material objects.

Laws and contracts are nothing but ink on a page. Promises are nothing but words from your mouth. Words are nothing but recognized sounds.

We know "right" from "wrong." Sometimes we just choose to ignore it. What some of you forget is the fact that we are human beings. We're just smarter and more evolved.

anon80056
Post 649

After some reading of articles like this, I realize that I am in fact, a sociopath. I am actually rather surprised no one has noticed it though. Though, I am improving a little. Though sadly my improvement appears to be changing me from a sociopath to a psychopath. Though it does make me feel better to know there's a proper term for my -- personality.

anon79822
Post 648

All psychology is crap. There is nothing wrong with being different unless it affects being able to blend in.

However, I ask you to question: is the person you're thinking of a 'sociopath' or just another selfish human being?

anon79441
Post 647

I used to think my sister was just narcissistic, but in the past couple of years her lies have gotten out of control, her manipulation is bad and several other traits.

Can people get worse with age or maybe because it has gone unchecked and was tolerable, although we always talked about "her issue" we have not confronted her.

Well, that time has come for her to stop manipulating our father and I need to remove her from the house. My brother is concerned about her retaliating against me, but not worried what she will do to him. Can it get worse with age? Or maybe it is her boredom.

anon78757
Post 645

But, none the people who say they are sociopaths *are* sociopaths. That's the real tragedy here.

You think because you use charm and wit through some online game that instantly makes you the ruler of the world you live in?

That isn't it, it never was. A sociopath is frozen in time, drawing power not from himself but from the image of himself, the idea that he is some God or Demon Prince from long ago, reincarnated.

It is a complete and total loss of control, handing control over to something else within, when you can't handle the world.

anon78731
Post 644

I think my son is a sociopath. I tried to be so good to him. What happened?

anon77930
Post 643

wow I feel worse than ever.

avictum
Post 642

Dear anon76739: You said: "If anything the only thing worth while doing is doing whatever that makes you happy. If being with a liar made you happy, is that wrong? If yes, you are a fool. Everyone in the world puts up a mask."

Right and wrong are not criteria for a sociopath so, why not lie if it is neither "right or wrong"?

Lying is boring- any fool can lie. It's like playing a game without rules. You can just go get the King and win without the challenge of the sport. So, no fun in playing.

Now, if you play the game according to the rules, can you still win? At least you have a challenge.

So, for someone like you, who is easily bored, I challenge you to play the game according to the rules and see if you are quite as smart as you think you are.

And, while you're at it, try taking off the mask so the other player can see the real you, or is there a "real you?" Maybe people who wear masks don't have real faces.

It's a lot harder to take off the mask and play by the rules, so, try that for entertainment and see if it helps your boredom dissipate.

anon77225
Post 641

@anon76739: "If anything the only thing worth while doing is doing whatever that makes you happy. If being with a liar made you happy, is that wrong? If yes, you are a fool. Everyone in the world puts up a mask."

Dear "Happy" parasite, would you like to elucidate what that actually means to sociopath, as clearly every other emotion is clearly not needed? By the way, I don't expect a meaningful response -- only humour.

avictum
Post 640

Dear anon76739: How rich is "rich?" and what are the things you want to do with her money?

I don't see you are a sociopath, just disillusioned. To help people and leave them when you're bored is not a negative, but a positive attribute. We all leave people if we're bored with being around them.

But for you to say that you leave them better off, that's a good thing! At some point, it is probably better for you to leave them as they should not be dependent on your generosity and support.

You said: End result is you get a caring, respectable person who will look out for you.

But you are a self confirmed liar so that could be crap, right? I mean, you may enter the marriage with this in mind, but the moment you see a better opportunity/or become bored, why stay? Out of commitment? I don't think so!

Maybe you just haven't found the right woman to fall in love with, though, that's elusive to begin with.

Maybe arranged marriages are the best way to go. That way, you're obligated to the whole family/business network and you're more likely to stay and take care of wife and kids.

You said: And honestly people, life is meaningless as itself. You come to Earth with nothing and leave the Earth with nothing. Everything you do in between is biding time trying to make something of yourself to help delude yourself from your fate.

But is life really meaningless? Why did you manifest here? Just evolution and chance? Maybe, so why not create God? Why not make life more meaningful while you're stuck here? Or, you can leave, of course. You're not really stuck here. Why not leave? Why stay, anyway, and just wait for the inevitable end?

OK, back to God. Where else is there to go? You can't prove that theory either way. Or, can you?

Well, your interest in helping others through the morass of life is really what God is all about anyway, so, if there is a God, you're at least on the right track.

anon76990
Post 639

I was married to an abusive sociopath for 25 years and after my divorce dated one for two and a half years. Perhaps it is something in my personality that attracts them -- who knows? I guess I am an enabler.

But in calling that out in myself, I can now recognize that I perhaps attract people with antisocial issues and now keep them at arm's length. But I commend anyone who has sociopathic issues for recognizing that in yourself and trying to deal with it. That in itself is a huge step!

anon76921
Post 638

I think what goes around comes around, and so behaviours always wear thin. Now I've been affected by these parasites, I can see them everywhere. They don't like the counter manipulation at all.

If you come against one, don't ever attempt to use dialog to fight them, they hate facts. Use email and texts to nail your points and then they can't use articulation and sophistry to hide behind their crimes. Oh -- and make sure that they know you have evidence to expose them. This is their biggest fear: exposure!

My parasite, know this now, and if anything should ever happen to me or my family, I will destroy the sociopathic excuse for a human being. Do not show them any sympathy, or fall for the Pity Play.

anon76739
Post 637

A sociopath, the ultimate survivor.

I am one to a certain level. But I learned to control it in a way.

It is true that I can't say I have a true friend. I trust no one but my own family. I naturally look at every situation and see what I can gain or lose from it.

And honestly, every friend I have made had me as their best friend they ever had. I listened to them, I helped them, and always gave advice and looked out for them. Sadly, my bond never went the other way and I left them in the dust when I became bored of them. I left when I felt I helped them the best I could and moved on.

I always had this nature to help people better themselves and make them grow stronger. This was my own personal goal like they were test subjects. And I noticed I can shape any person to whatever I desire them to be. Best way to do so is to make them more clairvoyant and see things from different perspectives.

I am a very fair person, however. My goal as of now is to marry a rich women and to be a diligent, protective and loving husband. I will always show her my loving face but deep inside I know I can't love anyone. Of course she has to be rich to fulfill my own wishes I want to do.

It is just inside me to see everything as a gain or lose situation that is just how my brain works.

End result is you get a caring, respectable person who will look out for you.

Problem is, the person is not capable of loving you and only sees the world as a giant math problem.

And honestly people, life is meaningless as itself. You come to Earth with nothing and leave the Earth with nothing. Everything you do in between is biding time trying to make something of yourself to help delude yourself from your fate.

Your life is a lie, so what is so wrong in knowing a person who is also a lie?

If anything the only thing worth while doing is doing whatever that makes you happy. If being with a liar made you happy, is that wrong? If yes, you are a fool. Everyone in the world puts up a mask.

avictum
Post 636

Here's a laugh for all you other victims.

Today was my ex and my anniversary -- that is, if he hadn't moved his lover into my house and had her witness. Well together, they tried to destroy me and would have if my mother hadn't had the ER pick me up off the floor and had something injected directly into my heart to keep it going.

Well, anyway, that was in March of 2007 and now, in 2010, I got the house, and everything worth anything, in it.

Well, he texted me: Happy Anniversary, wish things had turned out different. I texted back: Me too!

He texted: Maybe one day we could talk without hurting each other.

I didn't respond as this only encourages him.

Then he texted: Before it's too late

Typical sociopath! He doesn't acknowledge that he has done anything that would prevent me from coming back to him!

I was tempted to text back: I think you have your schedule mixed up. But I didn't respond because that is what he wants. As I learned from someone on this blog, that lets him into my head, so I just left it alone.

Anyway, I am sure he misses his house, and material objects.

anon76619
Post 635

Four years ago, I was injured several times by a sociopath who also happened to be a surgeon over the course of 18 months.

He was extremely charming, seemed very intelligent, but the more I got to know him, the more I discovered he was extremely egotistical to the point that he literally strutted. He was a pathological liar, so good at it that it was extremely hard to detect.

His personality and mood could change from appointment to appointment and within an appointment, often he scoffed and belittled, more obvious lying -complete 180 contradictions. The medical records he wrote were contradictory in many pages, and within them, he lied and attempted to plot a cover up. Unfortunately, with other doctors who didn't take the time to properly read the records, it worked.

I ended up severely traumatized - I still am. I am now financially destitute, my 14 year, previously happy marriage began falling apart, my husband was somewhat brainwashed and began verbally abusing me, using some of the exact words/phrases the surgeon used - I almost was also, while he tried to convince us that at first, my injuries were all my fault, then realizing that wasn't working on me, changed to trying to convince me the injuries (which all my friends noticed and mentioned) were all in my head.

I attempted to convince myself that they weren't there, but I knew they were. I was being psychologically abused. I somehow graduated during this time, with a degree I still haven't used. I have every symptom of severe trauma.

This man got away with everything he did.I have a case, but not $100,000 to put into the cost of a court case. Most other doctors often didn't and some still don't believe what happened, a few have and have examined the injuries and confirmed the issues.

But it's those doctors who scoff and act so highly arrogant that push me deeper into a trauma state. Every time they scoff, I am traumatized, which is why it's taken me so long to get over it.

I consider this man to be a sociopath and not someone with antisocial personality disorder, only because I have lack of knowledge of his private life, his childhood, etc. that could give further clues. But I also truly believe this man was on cocaine.

I consider myself very proficient at understanding trauma now, and at least some expertise on the mind of a sociopath. I lived through it - having studied criminal justice and forensic psychology has been a good background also, obviously and while I have been trying to get the injuries repaired, a broken nose that had to be reconstructed, it's taking longer because with no job, and no money, I can't get the injuries corrected.

avictum
Post 632

Just be glad you didn't have to spend 25 years of marriage saying, "Go figure!"

anon76272
Post 631

I dated a sociopath off and on for ten years. I just recently evicted him from my life. Now he's running around telling people that he doesn't have any idea why I kicked him out of my life and how crazy I am. Go figure.

avictum
Post 630

Your story about your brother's need to be the center of attention reminds me of when my ex and I were still married and he said a girlfriend he dated while we were separated was so beautiful that, when she entered a room, all men turned to watch her enter.

Well, there is a difference in a "wife" and a woman who is "out there." So, I decided to be "out there" so he could see me in the same light as his beloved girlfriend.

Next time we were at a business meeting: a table of 10 VIP men in his organization, I asked for butter, and three of them stood up with butter in their hands to offer me.

Instead of seeing that his wife was also worthy of male attention (I am sure he was not aware I had switched out of the "proper wife" mode, which can be most subtle) he became furious that I could compete with his attention at the table, and with the very slight request for the butter to be passed to me, command all heads at the table away from even the most intellectual concepts he could be explaining!

Worked for the girlfriend, but not for his wife! Worked for me! LOL!

anon76037
Post 629

In a nutshell: my brother reminds me a lot of people like Kato Kaelin. You know, the fellow who is so charming and lived in OJ's pool house. That's a perfect example of a sociopath. He is so charming and had this great personality, but he doesn't have a job.

His job is to sponge money off of celebrities and live in their pool houses, in return for pure glib charm. My brother now has a wealthy benefactor to charm, and when he is in town he stays in his pool house!

In fact, if you look up Kato Kaelin as a sociopath, you will find quite a lot of people who feel the same way.

Of course, there's a litany of attributes of a sociopath. I think it is a real shame that psychology has gone with this "anti-social personality disorder" which is very broad. When I read the original definition of a sociopath, I just am amazed at how they know my brother.

I firmly believe the original definition is so much more specific and spot on. There seems to be a trend in psychology to be so vague that anyone can be pathologized.

No, the original definition of the sociopath is so fitting for my brother, I feel whoever came up with these points must know him personally. This is so spot on, it gives me goosebumps. Other accounts of sociopathy also mention the pity story, and he has that too. Yep, he's not clinically depressed. He is a sociopath.

anon76034
Post 628

To anon75826: In your case, I don't think you really are a sociopath, because a sociopath would rarely admit to being one or harming people. You are probably someone who just uses people. Perhaps you are borderline.

A true sociopath is really bad (but like most diseases there is a range of sociopathy), and if you think bankrupting one's own mother so the sociopath can lounge around guzzling wine and steak, while she is clipping coupons and eating canned soup, you fail to see my point.

A sociopath exploits people and doesn't really care about his victim -- be it a family member or a "friend." They do not have real friends, but they appear to. In fact, they appear to be hyper social, and that's part of the glib, charming personality. The more "friends" the more potential victims. I have learned to be very suspicious of people who are too charming and have too many "friends".

It is very aggravating when I have to spend time with his manipulated friends. Even the parents of his friends are so fooled by it. The mother of his most brainwashed friend said of my brother "Why is he such a prince, and you are just not as charming".

I am normally social and have the same friends I have had for 20 years (since high school) and then some. I don't need to act like the center of attention like some stand up comedian entertaining groups of people.

Sociopaths often tend to avoid one to one contact, and prefer large groups or entourages of people, where they can be the center of attention. If one person figures out the sociopathic tendencies, he turns the rest against this person, which is what happened to me (and others). It's also part of their pity play -- "boo hoo, I am depressed and my brother treats me like crap because he won't give me money".

Yes, he knows I know. It's phrased much more glibly and with acting that would win an Academy Award. The sociopath is hyper-social and always needs to be the center of attention and putting on a show.

I think "prince" is the key here -- think Machiavelli. That and Dale Carnegie's fine work are the handbooks of sociopaths. The business world also seems to encourage a certain level of sociopathy, which for the most part is harmless, but one could argue it's the root cause of the last financial meltdown.

I am not the only one who associates investment bankers with sociopathy, and let's face it -- they bankrupted us and we had to bail them out. Harmless? I think not. People lost their homes and retirement funds, arguably because the sociopath-friendly industry of investment banking encouraged greed and short-term goals. Sociopaths think in the short term: "what do I need to do to get another $1000 to pay for my gluttonous lifestyle? Ah, I'll make up a story about how the company I used to work for (and has fired me) has a cash flow issue and they cannot pay me. This will work because I have fooled people into thinking I still have a job."

Ultimately, what's the harm if they get caught in a lie? They deny it, but will only admit it if the lie is as obvious as the nose on their face. Then it's just the "Oh, I'm human, I lie and I'm not perfect. Are you perfect?". Another pity play. There's a difference between perfection and being an extortionist without concern for one's own flesh and blood.

The charm and glibness are totally fake and they are what the sociopath uses to con people. He runs the same material, and only I see it (my mom is in denial -- thickest pair of rose colored glasses ever!)

For some time I used to play along and go to these events where he had his entourage of fools. I noticed he ran the same material: same jokes, same act, with every group of potential victims. "Oh, you're so funny and charming". So charming that people lend him money and when they want payback, they are paid with more charm.

Eventually, they wear out their welcome. Sociopaths don't hang on to friends (or jobs) for too long. If they do, I find that their friends have qualities of sociopathy, and they see this as "networking" or "synergies" or employ other euphemisms. One of his best friends is also a sociopath, and it's a weird competitive synergy of trying to out-bullcrap-the-bullcrapper.

Sure, they are not psychopaths wielding axes, but they do harm people. My mother is in her golden years, and had enough money to retire and enjoy life. She never had a "champagne and caviar" retirement fund, but it was a "wine and cheese" one. Then it became became "beer and pretzels". Now it is "canned soup and thunderbird".

My brother has extracted $70k from her in the past 18 months, and another $30k from other friends. It goes to fund an expensive lifestyle of hobbies and gluttony, while he claims to be depressed. He finds an awful lot of joy in spending money for someone who is depressed. He's really a sociopath with chemically induced mania from the medications he conned his therapists into prescribing.

He probably really thinks he is depressed. However, when I read over the symptoms of depression and read the symptoms of sociopathy, he's 95 percent sociopathy, and maybe fits depression about 30 percent (as much as any normal person would). Heck, I am depressed to see him con my mother. I know that anti-depressants won't fix that -- it's not a chemical imbalance. It's destructive people in my life and the lives of people I care about who make me depressed.

When she pushes him to consider getting a job, the sociopathy kicks into overdrive: "oh, you are making me feel worse and this is unhealthy for me because I am clinically depressed". Then he goes off to the gun range (frightening, really), plays video games all day, drinks wine, drives 40-50 miles to guzzle beef and wine. That's not depression. It's a con game. It hurts people. My mother cannot enjoy the retirement she deserves because she is the victim of a sociopath. He is living it up on her money with a pity story and if she calls him on it, "Oh, you make me feel so much worse". Yes, just money, no criticism please.

For me, the impact is minimal, because I know. I have donated money to his cause, but kept it to a minimum. He tries to shake me down for money, and did so a few months ago. Now I just play along and "whoops, I checked my bank account and I have some cash flow issues". For me, it is just the fact that he has turned his friends against me. It's another pity play. He tells lies about me and invents cruelty, but the only "cruel" thing I have done is not be another Bank of De Nile.

When I tried to get away from his sociopathy and cut off contact with him for over a year, he told my manager at work. My manager came to me and said, "Wow, you don't talk to your brother anymore?" with that kind of insinuation of,"What kind of person are you? He's so awesome! I just met him for 10 minutes and he exuded sheer awesomeness and vibrance!"

I'm just sick of the lies and manipulation. But that's what a sociopath does. To that extent, I can't always recommend cutting them out of your life (especially if they are blood relatives -- it's very difficult). They will make you look like the jerk. You have to play along, and out-sociopath the sociopath. If you have to lie to protect yourself, it is justified. Honesty will make you look bad and who knows? The sociopath may even approach your manager about it. He went after my manager and his friends and smeared me because I am not his personal ATM machine. That clearly shows his disregard for others. Sociopaths exploit people.

The other thing about the sociopath in my life is that he treats his friends like gold and his family like crap. He treats my mom very poorly and exploits the maternal bond. In fact, like many women, she seems to respond and respect the bad treatment and neglect. He didn't even show up for Christmas last year -- he came up with a lie because we were going to spend Christmas with a family that would not indulge his need to drink 4-6 bottles of wine in an evening. What he terms "social drinking".

My mom talked to him about our plans, and when she hung up, I told her he will send you an email tomorrow morning saying he is ill, and he will not show up for Christmas. Sure enough, this is exactly what happened. He showed up the day after Christmas, without a sniffle, and ate a few pounds of prime rib, a few pounds of bacon, and washed it down with 6 bottles of wine.

Speaking of "social drinking" the gluttony continued into the wee hours of the morning when we were asleep. He was alone, continually microwaving bacon and drinking bottle after bottle of wine. Classy, eh? I would love to video tape one of these evenings and show it to one of his buddies. How charming is this? He saves his charm for his friends, and we see the greasy pig in the soiled t-shirt and underwear (doesn't even bother to put on clothes) who hasn't showered in three days, sucking down meat and wine for hours on end.

The neglect just makes her want to please him more. For me, I have no maternal bond with him. If anything, brothers tend towards rivalry. But this is not some made-up rivalry concocted of psychological pathologies. These things he does are real, and really bad. The fact that he cons his friends and sucks up to them is all for getting more victims.

He doesn't have one friend who makes a modest income. To be the friend of this sociopath, you need money! Anyone who is broke or has a modest income -- they're crap in his eyes. Not worth his time. His new best friend is worth over $10m, so he doesn't even blink at loaning my brother $5000 here and there. I think one day he will get annoyed with this, but maybe not. It's a drop in the bucket, but I have found that most wealthy people are also kind of stingy, so we'll see.

I looked over what a sociopath is, and compared it to depression. He's not depressed. That's one of his pity plays. He fits the profile of a sociopath so closely, it's like they must know my brother!

The great thing about writing and reading here is that it has made me feel much better. Well, I do feel like I am on my own. I cannot really rely on my family for any help. That's fine. I am well off, and I don't need any help. If anything, I will be supporting my mom after she has been bankrupted by the sociopath.

Going back to your query, that's the harm. They bankrupt people and don't feel one ounce of guilt about it. They are womanizers. They are manipulators. They destroy their own lives and take down everyone else with them. They are quicksand -- the more you struggle the deeper you sink. Just don't step on the quicksand.

Do everything you have to do, even lie, to avoid interaction or fulfilling their devious plans. You must become a sociopath yourself to defend yourself against one.

What have psychology and therapy done? They've created an even worse monster by giving a sociopath anti-depressants. Now he is a manic sociopath who spends money like a drunken sailor, and needs even more money. I can't believe how much money he burns though, but when you don't have a job and you're more manic than depressed, the burn rate is tremendous!

At least psychology has given me the tools to see what he is, and thus predict his actions. I have an 80 percent track record of predicting his lies, and I tell my mom he is going to say/do this or that. She denies it, and then when it happens, she tells me she knew he was going to say/do that. Makes me wonder if my brother is a bit of a chip off the old block.

Anyway, I don't think you are a sociopath. That said, a true sociopath doesn't think he is harming people and is really unaware of what they do, and if you point it out (doesn't matter how many facts you have) they deny it and manipulate their way around it.

You may very well be a sociopath and have harmed people, but sociopaths will never admit to anything. That's what boils my blood -- it's all excuses and lies and people buy it! Even the people who are hurt badly buy it. They so desperately want to believe that this glib and charming fellow is their friend, when the reality is he's a con man and a fiend. If you even try to point out how they did you or others wrong, they will flip it around on you, and basically just make stuff up to make you look bad.

anon75826
Post 627

I seem to be a sociopath. While most of this is true (I lie, I don't care much if I harm others, I fake my personality and non-existent emotions) I'm not that harmful.

I don't abuse and I don't do anything to gain money.

I really couldn't care less about what other people think or feel, and I tend to be selfish and impulsive, but not violent.

Why do you make it seem like such a bad thing? It's not the best lifestyle, I know, using people isn't the way to do things, but I can't help it.

The best part about it is that I don't care, I don't feel, and I don't hurt anymore.

You don't know how much of a relief that is. Not all sociopaths are that bad.

anon75727
Post 626

"This persisted several times until I would say, "Do you know how to do this or that?" first! He had to say no. Then I saw his uncle do the same thing to his wife- only she hadn't caught on."

Wow! That is a powerful technique and a great idea. I have seen some really great ideas for dealing with sociopaths, and that's the best we can do -- learn how to identify them and learn how to deal with them. You can never deal with them head-on. They will manipulate the truth and convince others that you are the jerk.

When my mother has a flash of reality and starts questioning the results, then my brother replies with an appeal for pity. Basically he says what she is saying makes him feel even worse and doesn't help.

If he finds a job and he's "depressed" and fails at his job, it will be even more of a setback (even his manipulated therapists agree, or so we are told). The reality is, during his last 18 months span of unemployment, a job would have gotten in the way of his gluttony and alcoholism. Yes, what helps is lots of money going down the black hole of consumption. And yes, anti-depressants have made this worse.

He's like a manic consumption machine. The sad truth is he sees therapists from one of the top universities in the nation, and they seem to just suck. They're terrible. They give him anti-depressants and don't assess whether he has mania or anti-social personality disorder.

Of course, he does his homework, and like any true sociopath, he tells people what they want to hear.

One of the key influences in his life, and what I feel is the turning point that turned him into a sociopath (anti-depressants sealed the deal), was the discovery of Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". That is pretty much his handbook for manipulating people. It taught him that if you tell people what they want to hear, instead of the truth, you can get more out of people.

Dale Carnegie was some salesman/motivational speaker, and perhaps just another sociopath himself.

Anyway, please keep posting the great ideas on how to deal with these people. Unfortunately, for me, the notion of distancing myself can only work to some extent. With the situation of a family member who has manipulated other family members, this would mean distancing myself from my mother.

To a certain extent, I find her gullibility frustrating, but I have to realize the mother-son bond is quite strong. Even though I have pointed out the numerous lies, she continues to believe everything he says.

For example, she recently visited him, and he had her buying groceries, etc. even though he is now gainfully employed. (They're already asking him if he's interested in transferring to another department in another city after seven months, which he has taken as a compliment. Hmmm. Usually they want to keep good people.)

He has no intention of paying back all of the money he borrowed (of course he says he will). No -- now that he is employed (for now) he continues to get my mom to pick up the tab for lots of little things here and there that add up.

He's very clever about it too. He says he has to work late, then he goes to happy hour and loads up on booze and food. Then he tells my mother that since he's working late, and he'd appreciate it if she picks up groceries and wine for dinner. By the time he's had a few bottles of wine, he heads back, eats up the food she bought, and has a few more bottles of wine.

It only looks like he ate a large meal and only had two bottles of wine, but there was a pre-supper binge that was covered up as "working late". Oh, and it shows how hard he is working. My mom pays for dinner #2, which allows him to indulge during his "working late" dinner #1. It's not genius or clever, but just sad and pathetic.

I know this sounds terrible, but at least this will limit the time he has on this planet to exploit people. His greed and ability to manipulate himself are so profoundly strong, that he is self-destructing.

The really unfortunate thing is the collateral damage -- all the money my mom is losing and she will be devastated when he's killed himself with gluttony and alcoholism.

It's funny -- the last time I was in his company, he said he had work to do, and went into the den to "work" on his laptop.

I walked by 30 minutes later, and he was hard at work playing World of Warcraft, which I think is what fills up most of his hours at work. But my mom says how hard he works -- he wakes up early and gets into the office and stays late. But where are the results? They're already trying to wipe this booger off on some other department, and he hasn't been there a year!

He's lucky that the city/state he is in has laws that make it virtually impossible to fire someone, which is perhaps why his co-workers are suggesting he moves to another department.

It does take two to tango -- and my mom is gullible due to the maternal bond. She wants to believe the lies. However, this gullibility gives him a sense that he can get away with this with pretty much everyone. That's where he loses jobs. Managers and smart people can see through him, but my mom cannot.

That said, his sociopathy has become more finely honed, and now he has some very wealthy friends who wouldn't miss a $10,000 loan. He's so glib, charming, and fun to be around (for everyone but me, apparently. I have to try not to vomit in my mouth when he rattles off the same material over and over, like a bad stand up comedian who hasn't changed his act in five years.) However, he will end up abusing that and I already see some of these people distancing themselves.

In the end, mom will always believe it. My dad never believed it, but he passed on a few years ago. If he were alive today, he would not let this happen. He saw through the sociopathy and he really gave my brother a hard time about it, and he would never continually write blank checks to support a gluttonous alcoholic. For so many reasons, it's a shame my dad passed away. Things would have been so much different.

So what can we do? Sometimes we can distance ourselves, but this is not always realistic. I like the idea of ignoring the person. I did this officially for over a year, but he ended up slumming me -- he told everyone, including my friends and co-workers that I do not talk to him and that makes me a jerk.

So yeah, even if you ignore the person, the true sociopath has a strategy to make one look like a jerk. If you do avoid the person, it has to be done like a sociopath would do it. Tell the sociopath and his friends what they want to hear. Be charming and polite. Just draw the line at anything that will tax your resources.

Make up an excuse -- "oh, my money is tied up in investments right now". That's the same excuse my brother often uses to swindle my mom. I know he ate and drank up that money a long, long time ago. After all, the sociopath is so great, he's going to be a CEO some day, so he doesn't need to save money for a rainy day. He can just raid some other squirrel's acorns, which is what they do.

It really upsets me. I don't go out to fancy dinners three or four times a week. I maybe spend $10 on food and drink a day (I live in a place with an expensive cost of living). Then the sociopath who burned through all his money wants mine too! No, that money is for the real stuff that real people buy -- a home, retirement, a car. I'm not going to eat/drink it all up, and I sure as heck am not going to let someone else do that.

This strategy of "out sociopath in the sociopath" would drive my sociopath brother insane, and to a certain extent, this is what I do now. He shook me down for some money, and I told him yeah, but never followed up. I just ignored him from there on.

If I told him no, I would be the jerk, because it was for my mom (but really, it was a clever way of spending some credit card earnings he could only really use on my mom, and having me reimburse him in cash, so he would have more money for beef, wine, and pills).

Luckily for me, in my professional life, I do not run into that many sociopaths. Some careers are full of them -- investment banking and sales, to mention a few. No, I am a technical person, and for the most part, the sociopaths who are effective end up in management and the ones that are too short sighted find other professions.

In the end, technical people need to get the job done, and sociopaths who take credit for others' work tend to be painfully obvious. That said, I have met a few.

As much as one may say it is best to move on to a new job, if I had followed that advice, I would have missed out on some great opportunities. I have found that if it is one sociopath who is despised by the team, you can often get some momentum and get management involved. But it's often a pyrrhic victory.

The irony is that when you get rid of someone who is not a team player, the rest of the team can come across as dysfunctional. Also, there will be some cowards on the team who will not come forward. Sure, they'll whine about the sociopath at lunch, but they will defect when it comes down to any definitive and productive action.

It is probably best to move to a new department or find a new job, if the sociopath is that bad. But wait it out -- they can often self destruct. After all -- the inability to hold on to a job is a key characteristic of a sociopath. But if your manager is a sociopath, you usually must move on.

The sociopath is the hardest person to deal with, because they are so good at fooling others. It really is like stepping on quicksand -- the harder you fight, the more they make you out to be a jerk.

The best you can do is to out-sociopath the sociopath. Don't stick by your honorable code of conduct. No -- you have to tell them what they want to hear, and be flaky later when it comes to paying out. "Oh, I have a cash flow issue because I just bought a bunch of stocks in the recent down market".

Like a sociopath, you need lots of details. Sociopaths always have lots of details and a sad, pitiful story. Pity is another sign of the sociopath. My brother has myriad illnesses and problems that are tied to gluttony and alcoholism, yet he says they are genetic and have nothing to do with morbid obesity (even sleep apnea, he claims, is genetic. When he gets type 2 diabetes, it will also be genetic, even though he weighs 300 pounds). It's a pity story where nature is to blame, and then he guzzles down another 24 oz steak, a few pounds of bacon, and six bottles of wine.

The sociopath doesn't see this irony -- it's the mental gymnastics they do.

"Genetics" is a big one. He is convinced he has a chemical imbalance that causes severe depression, but anyone who drank six bottles of wine would wish they were dead the next day. He went from being a high school athlete to a sedentary glutton within a year, and that's when his problems developed. It's nice to think a pill can fix it all, but anti-depressants have made it even worse. I'm glad to see a lot of criticism of anti-depressants (no better than placebo, only good for very few people, but over-prescribe due to incentive programs and "ask your doctor about..." advertising).

I really think the advice about asking them -- "do you know how to do this" is very good, but it will work best in interpersonal relationships. Maybe you can get the workplace sociopath to admit this in a meeting, but chances are s/he will bullcrap their way through it.

Unfortunately, you can't always run away, and many times, if you want to spend time with the rest of your family, you have to learn to live with the sociopath. It literally makes my blood boil. I just want to scream, "don't you realize this guy is just full of lies?" That will only make you look bad. I found even if you quietly confront other relatives or friends about it, it will make you look bad. You have to shut up and put up with it, and be content in the fact that you know the truth. You can't get swindled too bad when you know the truth. If you want some satisfaction, you can try to mirror the sociopath's tactics -- suddenly you have no money to lend, as it is "tied up in investments" and you have a "cash flow issue", but you would really love to help out.

One anecdote that makes my blood boil (and this is a true sociopath at work) shows the pettiness and selfishness of a sociopath. No, it wasn't the worst thing that could happen, but it shows the mental gymnastics that they do. We went out for a night on the town with a mutual friend, and we went to dinner at a very fancy restaurant.

Since I had been to dinner at the friend's house several times, and never had him over, I paid for the bill without hesitation. However, the friend was in the bathroom at the time I paid the bill ($500 for 3 people). When he came back, my brother informed him that he worked something out with the bill. I had to speak up and said (very annoyed) "yeah, I paid for it". That made me look petty and bad, and my friend looked annoyed. On top of that, my brother had the lion's share of everything. We had a $100 steak dish that was to be shared amongst three people, and he wolfed down most of it. He asked if we could order another, but the wait staff said it would take 40 minutes. He drank most of the wine, and ordered bottle after bottle. Sure, I wasn't robbed or raped, and he has done much worse, but this is exactly what the sociopath will do. They don't pick their battles. Every little opportunity to be a sociopath is exercised. It's a way of life. It's not something they reserve for the big conflicts.

Sociopathy is in the minute details, from taking credit for someone else paying for a dinner, to acting like the guy who kept the Fortune 500 powerhouse company's CEO in line, when an attractive woman is sitting at the table. If you want to see a sociopath at work -- if you are in the company of an attractive woman, suddenly the morbidly obese unemployed guy is a sky-diving rock star who keeps CEOs of major companies in line. He'll say anything to get into those panties. It rarely works, but sociopaths don't care. I don't think they even realize it. It's automatic and not something they consciously do, which is something I just recently realized.

I could go on about the women he has manipulated. It just makes me more angry. I must say, however, that the research and the fact that I can't do much about this problem has resigned me to the notion that there is not much I can do. I have to let the disease run its course and if my mom is bankrupted, I have to take care of her. I just have to make sure I don't get swindled in a major way.

Sure, he'll take credit for things I do. He does this all the time. The last case of this was my mother's birthday party, where I did 80 percent of the work, and he spent four hours setting the table in an almost passive aggressive way (avoiding any dirty work like cleaning the house, cooking, shopping, which I had to do). He basically emailed people about the party and set the table, and he took credit for everything.

He's known for doing this at work. If there is a lot of work to be done, suddenly he has to fiddle with his PC for 15 hours, so someone else has to do the real work. I know some of his co-workers, and I hear the stories of him being reprimanded for playing video games, etc. Then I hear the side of it he presents to me and my mom: "I gave my life to that company, and they did this to me!" And yeah, it happens a lot. The world is just full of people who do the sociopath wrong, in their minds. They are the victim and they have a pitiful story they will tell you over an expensive dinner that you pay for.

In the end, I have to realize he pays a price for this; in the past 10 years he has been unemployed for five years. Most sociopaths do not hold on to jobs. He has not held on to a job longer than three years, but lately it has been less than one or two years. It's getting worse!

He fits 95 percent of the sociopath profile. The only things that don't fit is that he did well academically in high school (but nearly flunked out of college and conned a professor into letting him get into grad school with a < 2.0 GPA). OK, I think it's more like 99 percent fitting.

I am conflicted. There is a certain peace in knowing there is nothing I can do, and that engaging in conflict with a sociopath is like stepping into quicksand. That said, it frustrates me there is nothing I can do. As a technical person, I like to fix things. I cannot fix this. I don't like acting like a sociopath or fake in order to do damage control. But what are the alternatives? Look like a jerk to everyone he has manipulated? Cut myself off from my family?

In the end, I have to keep my distance and when the end game happens, I have to be the bigger man and say he was a great guy and how sad this all is (after all, who will keep that Fortune 500 CEO in line? he he he). I have to be prepared to take care of my mom after her savings are wiped out.

The best you can do is be a faux-sociopath vis-a-vis the sociopath and his sphere of influence. I can't convince my mom not to support him. I've tried and she says she can't just let him starve. Oh, there's not a chance of that. 300 pounds and growing... Again, where are the results? Look for results, and you won't find any. You'll just find a bankrupt, obese alcoholic who finds joy in manipulating people.

Talk about a million dollar baby -- he went to one of the best universities for undergrad and grad, which my parents paid for in tota. Then there have been the years and years of support during his bouts of unemployment. If my mom didn't have a sociopath for a son, she would be living the sweet life.

They are the worst of the mentally ill, because they do so much damage and they are nearly impossible to treat. If it really was depression and he was honest with his therapist about his habits, treatment for chemical dependency and depression would work wonders.

One thing I used to point out to my mom is that he's too depressed to work, but if his friend who lives 40 miles away puts on a dinner with wine, he's shaved, suited up and there in no time. Likewise, when I invited him to dinner at a fine restaurant for his birthday, he was cleaned up, suited up, and there on time. Wow -- the depression seems to be absent when it's time for gluttony. Again, pointing this out makes me the jerk. It's funny, because my mom got mad at me, and she saw a special on depression on PBS, and screamed at me, "this is a real problem and these people are so bad off they can't even get up to eat a meal". I mentioned that he will shower, shave, suit up, and drive 40+ miles for gluttony, so that doesn't sound like depression. No, depression is the pity story that allows him to get away with sucking my mom dry.

It makes me sick. It's not only a disservice to our family, but a mockery of people who are truly depressed. While he has been "depressed" he has never skipped a meal or the several bottles of wine, he goes to a rifle range (isn't that comforting -- a sociopath with a gun!), he plays video games all day. The sleeping in until noon is more about sleeping off a hangover than depression. He's not depressed. It's the sociopath's pity play.

anon75615
Post 625

I was married to a man who was narcissist for 22 years. I knew there was something wrong with him

but couldn't put my finger on what was wrong. He was totally controlling and nothing was ever his fault. I had to bow down to every need of his.

Looking back now, it's all opened up to me what he is. Now our children are slowly saying the same

things as they grow older and are seeing what he is like.

He's a real show off to people around him but to his family, he's a control freak and dominating and whatever he does wrong is caused by someone else. He is never remorseful for his meanness; he thinks its justifiable. Thank goodness for divorce.

He introduced me to his best mate's wife. She obviously is a sociopath. The problems that woman caused in my life were terrible. She got all my deepest feelings and secrets as we were very close after 20 years and she played games with my life. She went to family and lied about me. I never knew because none of the family spoke out and ever said what she was doing.

She borrowed money from me and told my husband that I took a large amount of money out of the bank and spent it. She went out with me and went off with other men and had sex with them and left me for hours sometimes returning at 4 a.m. and then I had to lie for her. She played around on her husband all the time.

She had a need for the opposite sex to think she was attractive. She stole all the time whenever we went into a shop. She told me to nick off because I looked guilty. She did do more things I could write a book about it but these were the main things.

In the end she got caught out and as smart as sociopaths think they are, the truth comes out. And yes, they think they are really clever at their games and lies they play with innocent people.

They think they're so good at what they do but eventually they stuff up and all is revealed. Yeah I got hurt and burned, but I cut all ties and you know what? Just show their photos to the shops they frequent and soon enough they will get done for shoplifting too. Tell others who they are and it will open their eyes to them too.

Just keep both eyes open and let common sense be on top of your list when meeting people. Especially be aware of people who are too nice and very interested in you. They're always false and more than likely are sociopaths.

It took me a long time to find out the truth and yes, it did affect me but now I am over it, being away from these people for a few years and you do get over it.

I still attract sociopath type people. My last boss was one but now I give back as good as what I got and I know how to deal with them and the quicker I get away from them the better.

Like one person above said, they lie and then lie to cover that lie and if that lie didn't work they use another lie and then they smooth things over with another lie. So eventually they get caught out there is no cure.

Just let them be and leave. They are not worth the effort. They don't give a crap about you or me so don't give a crap about them.

The only thing they care about is having their cover blown and when it is, they go mental and then lie again. When her cover was blown she told me her husband never wanted to see me again or speak to me. I thought that was strange but then years later I saw him somewhere and he was as friendly as to me.

It clicked -- another lie she had spun to me as she didn't want her husband knowing about all her affairs. Goes to show, eh?

avictum
Post 624

Yep, that was the first confusing encounter with my new husband. I mentioned that I had figured out something clever and how it worked, and his response was, "Yeah, didn't you know that?" I was quite sure he didn't know it until I told him!

This persisted several times until I would say, "Do you know how to do this or that?" first! He had to say no. Then I saw his uncle do the same thing to his wife- only she hadn't caught on.

Wish I had known what a sociopath was back then, instead of spending 25 years trying to get recognized as a good wife!

However, he was the best father to our daughter -- when she was little. When she was in her late teens, she couldn't bring anyone home because he thought he was "one of them" and would flirt with her girlfriends and be "too cool" with the guys. Embarrassed her.

anon75476
Post 623

Wow. I consider myself to be educated, but the notion of a "sociopath" completely escaped me for some reason. I have a brother who is a sociopath and fits the description to a T. He can't hold on to a job, he drinks like a fish and pops lots of pills, and is so charming and glib, but has worked his way through dozens of "friends" and jobs. I have learned never to expect a birthday or Christmas present, but instead, to be shook down for a few thousand dollars during the holidays.

One of his most annoying traits is to take credit for what others have done and said. For example, if we are having dinner with some people, he will echo a statement I just said, and act like he thought it up. He has taken credit for my ideas, and I have found out that other people he has worked with also complain he takes credit for things he did not do. This is the core of why he finds himself out of work.

I think this false sense of greatness and the belief that "That's a great idea, I must have thought of it, because I am so bleeping great!" is at the core of sociopathy. Not only do they take credit for good ideas, they shift blame for their screw ups onto other people.

There's this notion that they are perfect and flawless, and they do anything to persist in this lie. It doesn't matter how small or insignificant the matter -- they will never accept fault and take credit for anything that comes out well, whether they did it or not. It could be something like making a vinaigrette that is 2/3 vinegar and 1/3 oil (that will taste awful, if you don't know cooking, and it's typically the other way around). But instead of saying "Oh, I made a mistake", it will be "Oh, mom won't eat it if it is the other way around with too much oil". So he blames the mistake on an intentional desire to appease mother, who thought it tasted awful too. Just admit it! You made a bad salad dressing because you drank three bottles of wine.

That's the thing -- even something as minor as salad dressing has to be defended and he cannot take the blame for preparing a bad meal -- the blame has to be shifted. But believe me, it gets far worse than salad dressing! My point is, they don't pick their battles. They have to win everything.

The funny thing is, it was the TV show South Park that made me realize what a sociopath really is. I always wondered -- do these people know they are like this, or do they just assume they thought of this great idea?

The South Park episode "Fishsticks" completely covers this and it blew my mind that some silly cartoon had this great insight. Basically, Butters thinks up this joke about fish sticks (say it fast enough and it sounds like the slang for fish genitalia, which is the essence of the joke). The joke becomes a huge world wide phenomenon, and Cartman (who is a sociopath), takes credit for it. They really bring the issue of does he really know he didn't think of it, and is just being sleazy, or is he so sociopathic that he really thinks he thought of it? The answer is the latter. The sociopath does "mental gymnastics" so they convince themselves that they really did originate that clever idea.

This blew my mind. I realized that sociopathy is a pretty big problem and that these people really don't realize what they are doing.

That said, they do not seem to do well with therapy. He has had several therapists, and has convinced them that he has severe clinical depression (the "pity me" part of sociopathy). He has been on every anti-depressant and also drinks heavily (20-30 units of alcohol per day) and takes pills like vicodin and oxycontin. These patterns of substance abuse are also part of sociopathy (ahem, Rush Limbaugh).

The sad thing is, my mother enables this behavior and has shelled out about $70k of her own money during this past bout of joblessness. While she had to postpone vacations and eat meager meals, he was out wining and dining, not working, and basically being a parasite.

The worst thing is that he has turned all of his friends (for now) against me and he has incorporated all of his friends into our family. He has always done this -- and when the friends get wise to his sociopathy, they're gone, but it was always something they did.

One should wonder, gee, why does this guy go through so many friends? However, my mother is in very heavy denial and she buys the whole "clinical depression" thing, because he mopes around all day in a dark room, more due to a hangover from 20-30 drinks, than clinical depression. Of course, being manipulative, he tells his therapist he is a social drinker. He may even believe this himself! He has now convinced my mother that he is just a "social drinker" and that it is completely normal to drink 20-30 drinks per day. He doesn't admit to that -- he says he drinks at the level of a moderate social drinker. Then there's the gluttony. He's morbidly obese, which I find a common trait amongst sociopaths.

It is very frustrating to deal with these sociopaths. Their glib charm fools a lot of people, and so many people think I am the creep, because he has manipulated them to think that way.

I have basically had to distance myself. I see him for a few weeks during holidays and that's it. I have talked to my mother about it, and she's just the Bank of De Nile -- just pumping more and more money into this black hole of consumption. He wouldn't have a problem seeing her starve or go bankrupt, so long as he gets to eat another 24 ounce steak and suck down 4-6 bottles of wine -- just one more day, and then he will start going to the gym, eating right, and pulling it together. Oh, just one more day of doing what feels good. This "just one more day" has been going on for 20 years now. He did move away and sent pictures of the gym in his apartment building that he was going to use. But he just gets more obese. It's more manipulation -- pictures of gyms and stories of salads.

It really bothers me to see my mother fooled and slowly bankrupted by this. I guess if it wasn't her, it would be me. I know this sounds cruel, but I hope that he passes on before my mother, and soon. It's very likely to happen, as he is a morbidly obese alcoholic who pops a lot of pills.

It's more that I would like to see my mom enjoy her golden years and this can't happen when she is being sucked dry by a sociopath. We (me and one of his current friends) tried to get some real help for him. He ended up manipulating it so we were the jerks, and he was the poor victim (pity, once again!). His friend ended up going back to enabling him, and now I am the jerk. I really hate how it works out.

So you see, I've tried, but he has this support network of manipulated people that guard him from any sort of criticism that what he is doing is wrong. They do not know that he has nearly bankrupted my mother, and I told his one friend, but it is not something he discusses, because the clique of manipulated people will act out against him.

My only hope is that he finds peace and my mother can go on with the life she was supposed to have -- traveling and enjoying life. If it happens the other way, then I will be the next one he tries to extort money from, which he has already tried to do.

I guess one aspect of sociopathy is that they are often self destructive. They tend to be gluttons, alcoholics and drug abusers. Unfortunately, this is often financed by enablers -- good, caring people who are easily manipulated by familial bonds.

It may sound cruel to hope for an end to this, but I have been dealing with this for almost 40 years, and we've tried so many things, but the problem with a sociopath is that most of them can even manipulate their therapists. In fact, therapy seems to have made him even worse. He's a sociopath who has convinced his therapists that he is a clinically depressed introvert. His therapists are lazy and just enable him even more and write another Rx. The serotonergic effects of the drugs seem to make him even worse in terms of sociopathy -- as if they take an edge off of any slight amount of fleeting guilt he may have, and have turned him into a complete sociopath.

There's not much one can do in this situation. I've tried to intervene and convince my mother and one of his friends that he needs some real help, but that has backfired and now I am a real jerk in the eyes of these manipulated people.

Eventually, he does his friends wrong, and they stop speaking to him. The friend who had the most promise of helping was basically screwed by my brother. He hired my brother to work for his company, and my brother basically drank lots of wine, bull crapped his way through work -- he took the money, but didn't really do much in terms of work. He just manipulated this friend, and eventually he had to cut him off. Then he told my mother that this friend's business had cash-flow issues, and he needed her to float him some money. Then I found out that his friend had fired him quite some time before that. Surprise -- a sociopath lying to his own mother to get some more money.

This is a mother who lives on a fixed income and had to postpone all of her travel arrangements and eat cheap food for 18 months, all so she could finance steak and wine binges for her sociopath son, who claims to be exercising.

In fact, she did attempt an intervention during his latest bout of unemployment. She had him stay at her place and watched his wine consumption and forced him to exercise. He simply ended up manipulating the situation to his advantage. He would go out for a "two hour walk" which ended up being a 10 minute walk over to the nearby steak house, where he sat there for a few hours, guzzling wine and steak, with my mother's money.

When I heard about the two hour walk, I was pretty amazed because a month ago we were walking to a restaurant (my dime, but I was feeling pity on him) and he had to take a cab, because he could not walk for 10 minutes (morbidly obese). Now he claims he is walking for 2 hours? No, he was walking over to the steak house for happy hour. Of course, my mother believed it all and was so proud.

To some extent, it's hard to feel sympathy for someone who is just so gullible. If someone is morbidly obese and they cut out the booze and walk two hours a day, you would see a dramatic decrease in weight. I keep telling her, where are the results? You'd expect to see results! There are no results because the two hour walks are just a lie. He was walking over for happy hour, on my mom's dime. Not only was he not getting better, but he took advantage of this intervention to dig a deeper hole for everyone involved.

It makes me so mad to see how this all worked out, and in the end, the best advice I can find is to distance myself from all of this, which is virtually impossible. He has a clique of manipulated people -- my mother and 3-4 friends, and I have to deal with them all the time. The friends are "part of the family" or "circle of trust", which is about as sociopathic as can be.

Because I will not buy into the glib manipulations, I am the jerk and it makes these gatherings all the more unpleasant. I have to bite my tongue and just sit there and listen to him talk about how he kept the CEO at his last company in line. The truth is, he never met the CEO and was hanging on for dear life at his last company, because his manager realized he was full of it.

But yes, for a long time, I wondered: do they really know they are lying? I mean, these lies are pretty far out there. The truth is, they don't. Their ego is so huge that they do these mental gymnastics to convince themselves that they thought of that great idea, or they had the duty of keeping the CEO of one of the largest companies on the planet, "in line", when their rank in the company was near the bottom.

It's hard for me to write about this without being so upset. It's been 40 years of this jerk crapping on me, bankrupting the family, and basically sucking every last drop out of his victims like a spider sucks the life out of a fly caught in its web.

There are no boundaries for the sociopath. They will screw their own mother out of every cent as long as it means more money for fun. They are beasts and there is nothing you can do but distance yourself. If you try to intervene, you step on the quicksand, and he will manipulate people to make you the bad guy.

All you can do is wait, keep your distance (unfortunately, they have a lot of influence over the people you love, like relatives), and wait for the inevitable -- that call that so and so has passed on. It sounds cruel, but I almost look forward to that.

But the manipulation will go on beyond their life. Relatives will recount the stories of how great he was and how he kept the CEO at that huge company in line when he was working as a lower-middle manager. Even after the sociopath is long gone, the manipulations will persist. What I have learned is if you try to fight the legacy, you end up being the bad guy. It's just an irony and knowledge that you will have to keep to yourself and, as much as you know it is true, so many people will never ever believe you! Frustrating!

It's amazing how just some words from some sociopath's mouth can cause so much damage. In the end, that's their weapon of choice: words.

anon75284
Post 622

A lot of you don't seem to know what a true sociopath is. It's not some who's manipulative or who doesn't respect your feelings -- those are just plain old run-of-the-mill jerks.

A true sociopath finds personal joy in the anguish of others. I know because I suffer from antisocial personality disorder, and I spent many years robbing and assaulting people for little or no reason.

Some people get a smile from playing golf, or petting baby kittens, but some get a smile from making you a victim.

anon74714
Post 620

Yesterday, someone gave me the word that described someone with whom I work. She has so many of the attributes of a sociopath. I work in a mental health center and it is amazing how she manipulates our boss. She has him and some others at the top completely snowed. But not those who were or are her peers.

It surprised me that a person, whom I thought would not be aware of her lying, described her behavior so well. I guess I needed reminding that she is a mental health professional who clearly understands maladaptive behavior. And those who have worked with her for many years talk about some of the things she has done.

I recognize that our workplace sociopath has changed her strategy over the years and at this time, is doing things differently because she reads so well our new boss. But there were others who did not realize this factor. They did not recognize that her status and role in the organization had changed. It was good for them to find this out so they can protect themselves.

Our workplace sociopath targeted me before I even knew who she was (I have gained a better understanding of how sociopaths change their targets). I must have had victim written all over me as I went about doing my work. I now realized that I represented a threat and there was some jealousy of me.

She was spreading false information about me and telling staff that they did not have to follow my directives. Some staff told me what she was doing but I disregarded the warning and went on doing my work. This I now realize was a big mistake.

At my age, I am just coming to realize that I let myself be a magnet for sociopaths. I am in my 60s and just since I started reading about this topic in detail realized that my first husband, whom I held in the utmost esteem, was and still may be a sociopath! I have encountered at least two bosses (one a female and one a male) who were sociopaths, about eight others in various workplaces (all female), and two in my immediate family (both males).

Now I have to look at me and ask myself why I am attracted to sociopaths and what is there about me that sociopaths chose me as a target, and an easy one, I guess.

The literature says that in the workplace transferring or getting a new job are the only ways to deal with a work place sociopath. I kept thinking there have to be other options. The other choice, I believe, is to look closely at myself and come to understand what there is about me that needs to change. I ask myself if I navigate toward sociopaths and/or do I attract sociopaths. This I hope is a new beginning for me.

I have asked the holy spirit lots of questions, such as why are you just revealing some things to me. The first response I got was "you were not ready to deal with the truth about your ex-husband". It is hard to believe that this person I trusted so much was a liar, a manipulator and could do the things he did. This I have come to realize some thirty years later. It is frightening to realize how long I was in a relationship with someone who had no conscience, held me in contempt, was deliberate and calculating and wanted to see me my destruction.

What saved me was I did not know that and went on doing what I had always done well. I am so grateful for the insight I have gained in the past two days about sociopaths. It has helped me so much. I know and believe that I do not have to be a victim for I am more than a conqueror. This revelation has energized me. I feel more joy and hope, and although I realize I can never let my guard down, that it is important to maintain a supportive relationship with those in the work place.

God's truth is my shield. I shall not be afraid of the terror by night that it brings nor the arrows that it throws by day. I know I can do what has to be done, not just to overcome but to thrive. And with renewed confidence I plan to do just that! Thank you for your comments both victims and acknowledged sociopaths. I wondered if sociopaths were aware of what they are doing and why they did what they do. Now I have a much better awareness and understanding.

avictum
Post 619

Wow, thank you anon74260 and anon74365 for your insight! That really helps me! It makes me better understand my "full blown" and highly intelligent ex of 25 totally confusing years of marriage.

I am supposed to meet with him today to get some prints he still has of mine and I shall try my best to use what the two of you taught me! Thank you so much again.

I sent it to my daughter who is also confused about her father, whom she is really hurt by and does not understand why he isn't a proper father to her.

anon74365
Post 618

First of all, I think that trying to argue with the people here who are sociopaths is absolutely comical! It is not possible to reason with them, so why try? While they are not textbook insane, it is clear to see that evil is what drives these individuals.

By arguing on this site you are giving them exactly what they want: you are allowing them to get inside your head. They aren't worth the time.

Secondly, I work in a classroom with a few sociopaths. One of them is a complete sociopath, and the others have just a few characteristics. The one that is "full blown" hates me because I see straight through them and it is not possible for this person to manipulate me. It just does not work.

This person has absolutely no sense of remorse. Not to mention that I could stand right next to them while they draw graffiti all over a table, and then deny to everyone that they did it.

They are quite pathetic actually. They will spend their life in jail. No doubt. I say lock them up and through away the key. Lock them all up.

anon74260
Post 617

I was the victim of a sociopath. First of all, it stinks. It stinks to be lied to and hurt and used. True sociopaths feel no remorse. What they really enjoy is power. And what they manipulate most effectively of all is your trust in their fundamental humanity, which doesn't exist.

They are often skilled at putting on a mask of humanity, but at the core they are completely self-centered and desperately alone. They fight to hide this truth at all costs.

They lash out in anger at those they view as inferior because so called inferior beings possess the one trait they lack and crave, the ability to connect to others and not feel alone.

The false bravado of being superior beings is a mask. They feel utterly inferior.

Power is a poor substitute for love and they know it. And the worst ones take that rage out on people who can feel real emotion out of envy. They are not superior beings -- unless the human race is destined to evolve into a planet of jerks.

Emotion is not a weakness, it's the only reason life is worth living. They are also not devoid of emotion. They feel hate and contempt. Whatever the scientific explanation, the truth is that they are unable to relate to others and the contempt they feel for themselves is what they inflict on others.

The best way to deal with them is to ignore them. They can't stand it. It forces them to be alone and they want attention. They don't exist as stand alone individuals, they only exist as long as they feel superior to others.

So let them feel superior. Agree with them. And if they attempt to manipulate you, just tell them they are boring you. Drives them nuts.

avictum
Post 616

Dear anon73918: Thank you for your post and I'm glad to read that you are doing much better. My ex, also a cocaine freak, treated me as horribly as -- well, my brother-in-law, a divorce attorney in Florida, said that, in his 43 years of practice, he has never seen a divorce as bad as mine.

He has also told other friends (both attorneys and judges) of what my ex did to me and they have agreed that my divorce was the worst they ever heard of.

Well, a year and a half after the finalization of documents, and he refused to divide the personal property for a year later- he had stripped even the door knobs from the house, which I got, so he had all the movable property in storage garages at three different locations and I was not permitted to even know where they were, let alone access them.

Well, I got my stuff by Dec. 09. He still insists he loves me and did not want a divorce (though he is still with the Mexican women he moved into my house, yes, while I was living there)!

He texted me "happy birthday" earlier this month and today he texted "happy easter and passover". I feel terrible not responding, as it is only the gracious thing to do, but I do not want to encourage him. If I respond, he will persist.

I need to do as you said, and get free of him so I can recover. His messages of happy, only make me depressed for the rest of the day. He's lucky he cannot feel anything. Wish I couldn't!

anon73949
Post 615

From what I've read, sociopaths are fairly productive. I'm pretty sure a real sociopath doesn't go around two-bit sites trying to prove to a bunch of nobodies that they're bona fide with long winded comments, waiting for replies, to reply to with more long winded comments.

Too much free time, am I right? And it actually feels proud of how much time it's wasted being unproductive. Hahaha.

anon73918
Post 613

This sociopath/bullying personality is horrifying. I have a sister who is like that. I completely cut myself off from her. I blocked her e-mails and refuse to continue any relationship with that monstrous woman.

She has a 25 year old son who caught on and refuses to have anything to do with her, too. Good for him.

I hope everyone who has contact with a sociopath can find a way to escape. It's the only way for the healing to begin. It is ongoing but the longer you stay away from the bully, the better things get.

I've had therapy, talked to friends, and it's all clear to me. It's a horror but it can be dealt with effectively. It's been over a year now and I'm feeling much better, as I have knowledge on my side.

angeline25
Post 611

It's that entitlement that you're allowed to do what you want- that lack of caring. Society today is full of sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists – maybe not all full blown disordered people but many people exhibit these characteristics because there is a lack of caring about others overall, and a tendency of 'do what's best for yourself' and a terrible selfishness and psychopathy that has taken over people.

There are ways of venting abuse or anger but doing wrong to others is not ok or an acceptable way of dealing with even disorders. it doesn't matter how disordered they are. most sociopaths have the ability to do right or wrong. they can differentiate if they can get away with the wrong, they will do it as long as they won't get caught.

Everyone is wronged in life in many ways, or abused – some worse than others and some much worse to a point where it is difficult to deal with. That's where counseling, help, support or other things come into play. Sociopaths have this concept of being proud of committing these wrongs towards others. They feel they are entitled to lashing out at everyone for the wrongs done to them by a group of people or some people. This is completely wrong. This is evil. i doubt rehabilitation for these people happens often, or is possible, but the first step is recognizing that you are not entitled to hurting innocent people -- no one is.

And its not only sociopaths who hurt others, humans do in general, but sociopaths have a more cruel attitude towards it and do it more often and in specific ways as compared to normal people who may have limits, remorse or feelings. Narcissists are very bad, too, and feel they do no wrong and are entitled to abusing or punishing others or their victims. This has got to stop as it is destroying our society. More people are hurting others, and everyone else. People are venting their anger and frustration out on everyone else. Dysfunction is breeding heavily, and this is becoming the norm. No one is taking responsibility for their evil behavior and is justifying it and putting victims down or blaming those they abuse.

This isn't just with sociopaths or psychopaths, but with many people in general. The only positives are the so-called 'sps' here recognizing or claiming they are sociopathic in nature, but it's sadder that they are so proud to admit that this is what they are and what they do to others.

This is a sick, twisted and awful attitude to have. They have no remorse or even, i feel bad or want to change. If there were only some way of putting feeling into these people, or any kind of caring, maybe there would be some hope for them or those who have to deal with cold, heartless monsters like they are.

anon73897
Post 610

None of you are sociopaths. You're just another nobody in the world, and wish you were something special. Well, you're not.

anon73894
Post 609

In response to anon73819's query: 'Additionally, perhaps a knowledgeable sociopath could answer this one (honesty would be nice, but I understand that you may lie anyway): does cognitive dissonance still affect you similarly to empaths?'

This is a difficult question to consider, mainly in the phrase 'similarly to empaths'. From an outsider's perspective, it's hard to say exactly how a 'normal' person rationalizes the inability to satisfy a desire, when by the formally accepted definition someone with ASPD would simply take whatever it was they wanted.

Now while I can understand the feeling of frustration over being denied something that is wanted, convincing oneself that it isn't worth wanting is stupid and childish.

You could never be fully convinced, because you would know that you had initially wanted it, and therefore it must be worth wanting.

However, as a construct to help adhere to observed societal norms, the application of outwardly displayed cognitive dissonance can be very useful.

A declaration to friends that the expensive watch 'doesn't look like it's really waterproof', and is therefore not worth the money, generally only gets you a frown from the sales clerk.

Slipping said watch into your pocket, on the other hand, can get you arrested and/or banned from your favorite department store. And while you'd still know that you wanted it, the moment is past.

The impulse to simply take can be exceedingly fleeting. There is always something else.

Do I know if I actually experience the mechanism behind that the same as you do? No. How could I, without spending an equal amount of time making life decisions with -your- brain as I have with mine?

Interpretation of personal experience is a subjective science.

For what it's worth, that's honesty. It serves me no purpose to lie to you.

avictum
Post 608

Dear Manic D.: It seems to me that, as you were egregiously treated/abused as a youth, in order to protect yourself, you lashed back in hatred of all others- those who abused you, and those who did nothing to help you (re. the rest of us who were not aware of your plight.)

It is most unfortunate that you experienced such great distress that it turned you away from your sensitive self into a retaliating mess of ego suffrage.

It is a shame that you, and those others who experienced similar displacement issues, cannot turn back the damage and learn to live in a sensitive, caring and selfless spirit.

You can never know true satisfaction, as it cannot be found in hatred/evil and it would take too much effort to turn the clock back to rediscover the beautiful, innocent child you once were.

Here's hoping that you are able to have a better childhood in your next lifetime.

anon73819
Post 607

I think that some of those posting here have a point about the negative connotation of calling it a 'condition' - it would be better to call it an incompatible mental structure (incompatible with society's normal functions and expectations).

It gives some sociopaths advantages because they do not conform to expected behavior patterns, but not because they are inherently better than anyone.

Evolutionarily, it is either an artifact from another time when this strategy was more effective or, more likely, it is a peculiar structure that has appeared because - in limited quantities - it bestows advantages to those individuals.

Although, if you're looking through a strictly evolutionary lens, the rest of us have perfectly good reason to remove sociopaths from society or attempt to change them to be integrated individuals whenever possible, because your advantages come at our expense and society's expense as a whole.

I would be more interested in a Jungian approach to sociopathy. What gives a sociopath meaning? Symbolically, non-sociopaths would probably assign a symbol like a spider to sociopaths, but what do sociopaths assign to themselves, other sociopaths, and non-sociopaths?

Would this give an avenue for a Jungian to change a sociopath's mind about how to approach life, etc?

Additionally, perhaps a knowledgeable sociopath could answer this one (honesty would be nice, but I understand that you may lie anyway): does cognitive dissonance still affect you similarly to empaths?

anon73633
Post 606

I am manic depressive with sociopathic tendencies. Whether or not I am truly sociopathic, I do not know. I enjoy inflicting emotional pain on people. I do not care much for physical pain, as that goes away too quickly and doesn't run near as deep.

I was "transplanted" at the age of nine as a result of my parents' divorce and badly bullied all throughout elementary school. I began taking my anger and frustration out on my pets. I'm not going to go into detail about what I did, but it got pretty bad.

Eventually I stopped and got really bad into drugs at the age of 15 and 16. I would lie, steal, cheat, and beat people to get what I wanted from them. Even at that young age I was a very good con artist.

I got off drugs eventually and I still have many sociopathic behaviors. I laugh when others cry and are in pain. I enjoy being deceitful and tricking people into thinking I am something I'm not.

I derive emotional pleasure at the sight of others' misfortunes. I know I am not "supposed" to be that way but i have no desire to change the fact that I never feel guilty. It makes life much easier.

I do not engage in any of those behaviors that I used to. I no longer cheat, lie, or steal. I simply just don't care about others. Though I still have a strong need to hurt others and try new things, I suppress that side of myself and get by in life by pretending that I give a crap.

Not all sociopaths are serial killing psychotic monsters. Many of us do in fact know that normal society doesn't accept people who feel that way, and we act like we are something we are not in order to fit in with the rest of you.

anon73603
Post 605

Ha! These comments are hilarious. The self-proclaimed sociopaths here most likely have a disorder, but chances are it isn't antisocial personality disorder. Got to love the internet.

angeline25
Post 604

sociopaths aren't more highly evolved. it doesn't take higher evolution to commit evil actions. It takes just that--the capacity to commit these actions. which isn't higher intellect. it's less soul evolution and less evolution overall.

Most criminals in jail are sociopaths for committing crimes, not because they are more evolved than the rest of society. On the contrary, they are not only disordered, they are not fit to be a part of society due to the nature of their evil being.

The sociopaths who think that the capability of feeling no remorse and being able to hurt others and lack of emotions is progression are of course, deceiving their own sick selves and others.

Sociopaths are defunct and defective creatures -- you can barely call them human beings. They are more or less monsters. They have no remorse, no empathy and no care for anyone. That is a sign of an individual who is lacking in many things, including a fully functioning brain that is working normally.

Most people who are sociopaths have brain dysfunctions in their overall make up and in the brain chemistry.

Don't put disordered zombie monsters who commit cruel acts towards others in the category of being of higher intelligence than those who are good, thinking, feeling people.

Sociopaths seem more along the lines of the reptilian type aliens that only want to hurt or destroy, and are malicious.

avictum
Post 603

Dear Nigel P.: RE: Agreeing that a sociopath is more highly developed. A person without emotions, especially without concern for others over himself, is actually the lowest form of existence. A worm, for example, has the same capacity!

The more evolved the brain, the more concerned a person is for others and detached from himself. But this will not concern you because it is of no use to you. Sorry, but you will never really know a higher level of life! Best of luck in ruling the world!

anon73179
Post 602

I am a socialized sociopath. I work for a fortune 500 company. Shortly after graduating college, I had created a false perception of myself in the corporate world enough to earn a whopping $120,000/annum income.

I've manipulated and crippled quite a number of people to get ahead. It just goes to show you that being highly calculative and deceitful has awesome turnouts. I faux-project nearly all emotions. I market myself as someone who has very little ego, and even have people believing it. It's highly untrue.

The only thing that worries me are my patterns, like some of my activities on Facebook, or my lack of truly close friends. I don't want anyone to noticed these patterns for themselves and figure out that I have zero empathy or emotions coursing through my body. That might kind of stink because then people don't trust you, etc.

anon72972
Post 601

I am a sociopath as well as many of the other posts that have been written. The reason we are able to rise above everybody and take complete control over them is because of natural selection.

There are becoming more and more sociopaths because we've evolved to higher standards. Our brains gave us the capacity to not have emotion, therefore we use the space where we don't have the emotion and read everybody else's. We use what we've learned through monitoring expressions- interpreting them to be different ways to act in response.

The charm is easy. If you see a certain emotion or hear expressions in what they are saying or their voices, depending on what specifically it is we do what we feel is either necessary for them to think we are better than them, or conform to what the expression is to make them feel better.

But what kind of human being doesn't like a seemingly honest person talking about otherworldly stories of what they are going to do in the future while they are sad?

Victims are actually victims and that is hysterical to me.

The reason all psychopaths talk about ruling the world, is because that is the ultimate goal of one. The enslavement and power over anybody and everybody. Having every single person be your victim. Nobody else has power over anyone, only the sociopath. Hopefully someday one lucky psychopath will actually succeed.

As we are, we reap not just for pleasure, but also more experience. Money really has nothing to do with it. Neither does thrill. It's seeing how far what our "wits" can get us. So we keep trying to get more and more and as complicated as possible (If a non-sociopath were to be thinking this through).

The more complex, the more we learn. Hardly any mistakes are made if the sociopath is smart. There isn't anything wrong with us. We're just more developed. The whole reason many laws exist is to keep us sociopaths from getting too powerful.

I do not see how non-sociopaths can even "feel" anything for anyone. If everything around you is actually there, and you perceive everything through learning with your senses, doesn't that mean that technically sociopaths have another sense? Thus hinting at emotions being other senses that we just lack?

When you non-sociopaths are "happy" having fun, doesn't time "fly by" faster than usual? If you can use your emotions to perceive time differences according to how your other emotions are, doesn't that make that a sense? A sense that we lack?

And what is time? Time is what we call the thing that separates moments (as in a specific moment to the next). Everything before what is happening right now does not even exist. It's just in your memory. Everything we have been taught is just memory- we just pull up memories of things that we have experienced which makes up our knowledge.

Imagine having known that your whole life, without even knowing you know that. Obviously it makes us sociopaths know that what is yet to come doesn't matter. Only what is happening right now.

This is more explanation on sociopaths then anyone has ever given. I am not anonymous, I am Nigel P., age 16.

I've already got this whole submission written down and sent to myself in an unopened folder in the mail with the date on it, so you can't steal my writing, but if anyone can submit this whole thing to a higher intelligence that can spread this, that would be great.

anon72881
Post 600

A lot of the posts on this page seem to be from "victims" talking about "sociopaths" that have ruined aspects of their lives.

I am 15 year old sociopath who is being forced into therapy to "deal" with my supposed problems. Normally this would be a problem for me as i could lie my way through the preliminary evaluations, pretending to be just damaged enough to pique interest, then reach a "breakthrough" and continue on with my life.

The problem is my new psychiatrist is on to me. She is shrewd and can see through my crap. Manipulation does not seem to work on her, and my "age defense" (a tactic where i use my age as a barrier from all these professionals) seems to have been rendered ineffective. On the advice of this woman, i have come to this website to read about the damaging effects that sociopaths can have on people.

I have two main problems with this: 1. Who the hell gave her, or my father the right to decide i was "damaged" and who decided it was okay for me to be "fixed"? Why should i be the one to change and not all of you? Who can honestly say, and i mean honestly, that they would rather be hurt than hurt someone? Who can say they wouldn't turn off pain at the sacrifice of happiness and love? Because, believe me, it's well worth it.

2. I was labeled a sociopath three years ago after an incident involving myself and a girl. She saw through my childish and unskilled manipulations so i set her on fire. Since then i have never "victimized" anyone who didn't just scream victim.

i mean, it's clear as day on most people, they just want to be hurt. they want to be controlled.

It's how social groups develop. Nothing is equal, take the school yard for example. Cliques develop at my school, and they are not based on looks or strength as in the movies.

At first glance, it appears totally random, there are fat popular guys and athletic bully victims. Ugly girls torture pretty ones to attempted suicide. It's all in the attitude. these people believe they are victims and then they are.

Well, that's my opinion. Bring on the hate. I can take it.

anon72824
Post 599

my sister is a sociopath and we live together. she has no remorse for what she does, says to anyone at all. She breaks people down until they're literally about to beat the hell out of her. she needs help. badly.

anon72750
Post 598

i just have a question. Female sociopaths are very rare. What are their personality traits compared to men?

anon72246
Post 597

I was married for 33 years to a sociopath. We had two kids and then I found out that he was a habitual liar. He beat me almost to death, choked me several times, had a homosexual encounter with a man in a dirty bookstore, had sex with a 12 year old girl in our apartment laundry room, blows up at the drop of a hat then blames everybody else for the temper tantrum, thinks he is a cool 18 year old but he is 54, tells everyone that he has the potential to kill anyone who gets in his way so they will fear him, and is the biggest showoff I have ever seen in my life.

I have moved on with my life and I wish I had done it sooner. I did not know I was married to a sociopath until it was too late. I am now stuck with severe mental problems and trust issues that will take years to abolish. If you meet someone with these traits, run don't walk. Don't even waste your time talking to a sociopath, they are only interested in what you can do for them anyway, so don't bother.

avictum
Post 596

Dear anon71450: The point is, non-sociopaths do not take actions that hurt intentionally.

Sociopaths typically are not concerned with the effect they or their actions have on others, but only that they benefit themselves. And they feel very cleaver for most of their actions. Not normal, thank God!

And, yes, you do sound like a sociopath! Maybe because you learned from your mother's disassociation from you, that you had to look after number one. We here are all sympathetic with whatever the trauma was that created the sociopathic behavior, and would obviously not wish it on anyone. But, as victims, we have learned the hard way, that such "monsters" exist and that we have no choice but to find other friends and spouses to associate with.

I do not know if there is any cure for a sociopath. Can one just not put himself first by trying? or just by wanting to? Sociopaths must lead frustrating lives but, at least they don't know it.

anon71450
Post 594

I'm a fifteen year old sociopath. Like you've never hurt anyone in your life. Get over yourself. You act like we are burdens to be avoided, but that's just how we work. I apologize for seeing the world differently than most people (very heavy sarcasm in case you missed it.) Who cares? Seriously, so what if you got your heart broken, you're still alive. Pick up the pieces and move on!

I believe that we are made, not born. All of you out there calling us monsters? No, you should call my mother that, then maybe she would hit you instead of me.

avictum
Post 593

George B: The site isn’t for you, it’s for people who are/were victimized by a sociopath. As you are one, you could hardly understand what it feels like to victimized by a sociopath, particularly when you’ve never heard of one and think you, yourself, are crazy because your sociopathic thinking has completely turned all logic in your world upside down and inside out! Sort of like getting viciously stabbed in the back while your husband is in the front of you telling you how much he has always loved and cherished you- this can be very painful and confusing!

And, no, I did not play any part in the destruction of the marriage! While I wondered what in the world was going on, I laid low and raised my child. I just put up with things as he seemed to be such a good father. That was enough for me to stick in there; I might not have had what I wanted in a marriage, but I had what I wanted for a father for my child, and, as most mothers do, I put my child first.

It was after my daughter left for college that he started working on ending the marriage. He wanted a "post nup." Who's going to sign a post nup when there's no prenup? Not having the guts to just politely end things, he got totally wrecked on cocaine, and got another woman and a totally corrupt attorney to do his dirty work for him. Yes, he was involved, but he was stoned all the time and let both the attorney and the con-artist Mexican woman work me over.

Hey, but I got the better of the deal in the divorce. I got the house and the best of the antique collection and the best car -- and my daughter!

Now I have a wonderful boyfriend- the complete opposite from my ex, and things seem to be going much better for me now. No, in the beginning, there was no intuition at all as I had never heard of a sociopath and he seemed to be the most wonderful man in the world (as sociopaths often do). And no, I didn’t lie, and still don’t and neither does my new boyfriend! Only he lies!

And my ex, and his attorney and, apparently all other sociopaths. The rest of us don’t lie and don’t like people who do!

angeline25
Post 592

there is no such thing as 'victim mentality'. psychopaths break people down and they do so cruelly. people who are victims most of the time are helpless and under the dictatorial thumb of the narcissists, and the N's and P's go out of their way to assert their dominance and control over that person so much so as to doing anything they can to gain control and to abuse, brainwash and terrorize, in extreme ways too.

Most people under the abuse or trap of the N are almost like prisoners or trapped one way or another and it is difficult to free a person of.

It's basically the P's out there who are putting down the victims of the P's own cruel abuse, which is such a narcissistic thing to do. Let me abuse and break you down then call you a weakling for taking it--and that's exactly what N's and P's do and what they say to those who are victims.

Stop victimizing innocent people. The monsters N's and P's are out there then blaming them for not taking responsibility for the horrid abuse you psychopaths do to them. This is such a sad cycle that occurs. It's a shame.

For the victims of psychopaths, recovery is hard, but it happens and takes some time, just don't let the actual P's out there hoodwink you into thinking differently. That's what they're there for.

anon70640
Post 591

First, get over yourselves. I am hearing victim mentality, victim conscience, i am hearing sociopaths! very little in the way of ownership in whatever part of the relationship you played. You are blaming all the problems which you are having on the one person whom you trusted, but didn't you lie to yourself to begin with? Where was your intuition at the time? Hindsight is a beautiful thing but it is better to have the insight and trust of intuitive self, self honesty, know thyself.

Generally speaking, most people display characteristics that can be defined as sociopathic. In this world we live in, these qualities are promoted and sought after, just like egotism and consumerism are extensions of that.

The promotion of mental health is not paramount in today's society. Otherwise we would place more on the value of raising our children with love and care, rather than on how much we earn, what we are driving, and wearing.

it is not an inherent neurosis. I have the tools and awareness and insight to make choices that either benefit myself and others or selfish motivated choices which affect others, but i get what i want, like many people do!

Not trying to justify, nor detract from taking responsibility for my actions, my very own actions, because for 10 years i have worked to become less self-centered, to give something back to my community, helping others and myself on the way.

Yes we can be evil, controlling, manipulative individuals with no consideration for others, with grandiose ideas and dreams of world domination, at any cost. Not much different from you. today i practice spiritual principals in all my affairs. Honestly, i am a narcissistic sociopath, with a type A personality with perfectionism going on and most of what i read was just crap. sincerely George B

anon70633
Post 590

anon6502, clearly you are describing a person with severe manic depression. I know that you realize this but, I urge you to read more and understand more about this disorder.

She sounds like she is also a sociopath and/or paranoid.

You say that your other ex had mental issues as well. Speaking from my own experience, maybe you find such people attractive/compatible because you yourself suffer from severe depression? (Mania can be like a magnetic pull when one is depressed!) Your reaction to this woman's traumatizing you seems like a depressive reaction, in that you have sworn off loving anyone ever again. Or, maybe the PTSD has made you depressed and that can be a cycle that spins ever downward.

It's understandable but very sad for you! Maybe you could get counseling and/or anti-depressants to help recover from your trauma.

Some people just take anti-depressants for a while to recover from PTSD, and then they stop taking them. (Anti-D's actually repair brain cells which were damaged from trauma. They were very helpful to me after I witnessed a loved one die a horrible death.)

And also, an experienced counselor could help you to learn how to identify warning signs of disturbed women and give you confidence that you can avoid them, so you aren't so wary you can never love again.

Kind Regards, hope things go better for you.

avictum
Post 589

angelina25: I realize you are correct, now! Wish I had had this information before marrying Craig, and having his child!

At first he was so happy I married him. I was pretty and he was so proud to show me off. Two years and one child later, he had changed. They say women change, so I searched and searched within myself to see if I were the problem, but I couldn't come up with anything.

I did notice that he was different from other people and I often wondered if he were cheating on me. He was so clever! He certainly knew how to convince me he was the best thing ever to come my way. He repeatedly informed me that he was my best friend! (I thought that was something I should determine, not something he should say).

Anyway, I raised my child, got her through college and that was it. He replaced me with an ugly woman- and I mean ugly! but a really good con artist who, due to his cocaine free-basing, was able to con him into getting rid of me so she could have my lifestyle.

She moved into my house and had me out on the street in front of my house within two and a half months. It took me one and a half years to get back into my house (I got it in the divorce) and another year and a half to get my things back from them (He had stripped the house of everything, including the door knobs).

Now, he says how he loves me and wants to come back! I don't think so!

After years of therapy, and I am still on meds and treatment, I am getting my life back, and this blog is really helping me to see what I was living with and that everything I suspected, was true!

My therapist said that my problems were worse than living with a cocaine freak, that I was also dealing with a narcissistic sociopath! Well, he was correct! Sad thing, though, the person Craig could have been, and chose not to be, while he never really existed, he was a really great guy -- for the first two years of the twenty-five year marriage.

anon70463
Post 587

i feel that i am in a relationship with a sociopath but how can i know for sure?

angeline25
Post 586

to avictum: well it's not up to me to determine whether a sociopath can have a soul or not. I'm just going by opinion. these people are monsters. their actions are solely cruel and from what I've experienced very evil in nature.

how can a monster change their evil compulsive behaviors towards others? In most cases they can't. it's just the reality of the situation. Steer clear of N's and S's. The only problem is, once they inject themselves into your life or infect your life, it's difficult to get rid of them. many do so much damage and destruction most people don't know what hit them, and then it's too late. they have you trapped or stuck. if you can get away, get far away and do not look back or minimize contact; they "will" destroy you. That is their goal purpose etc.: to latch onto people and literally do destruction in many ways.

angeline25
Post 585

there are evil people out there, ok people with "bad" in them, then there are the psycho sociopaths, and those are amongst the worst when it comes to blatantly wrong and cruelty. They are terrible people and people should not feel remorse for them or care about them. they won't change. they're proud of being sadists and inflicting pain on others.

people like this do not need to be interacting with normal feeling empathic humans or those capable of it. they are also the biggest liars and hypocrites, double standard jerks, and twisted jerks you can imagine. everything they do is for the motive of getting something out of another person as well. they are takers, users, and many are cruel in their behaviors and actions.

avictum
Post 584

What's aspd?

Moderator's reply: ASPD: Anti-social personality disorder.

anon70354
Post 583

I was in a relationship with a sociopath. If all sociopaths and people with ASPD died, I would jump for joy. Screw those people. I hope they feel awful pain someday. And i'm sure they're getting pleasure out of this.

anon70273
Post 582

Ugh, I keep reading religious statements.

God does nothing. He doesn't exist.

We humans do things, and we can't rely on something that isn't there to change our personalities and how the world works and all that.

Sociopaths, in my opinion, should be shoved in an insane asylum for all I care.

No one who lies compulsively and takes pleasure in hurting others with no remorse shouldn't be able to walk the streets.

Where's the security there?

anon69993
Post 581

I am unsure of what I am. I am a sociopath, but also I am not. I think about the most horrific acts to commit to another and it fills me with pleasure, but I dream of having someone who fulfills me, who is just like me, so what am I?

avictum
Post 580

Dear anon69644: You must be young as you are idealistic. I live in our nation's capitol, Washington, DC, and there are a great number of men sleeping on the streets. No, they are sleeping on our park benches during the day and no one else can enjoy the park when it’s full of dirty bums. Yes, these people do not want to work like the rest of us! They choose to sleep and pee on public space.

There are many organizations that aid these people. They can be given their own apartment, furnished and supplied with all necessary provisions plus cash, yet they choose to trash up our cities! They should not be permitted to do this!

I do not like to give money to them as it just makes them stick around- it encourages them in their socially destructive ways! Now, this does include everyone, obviously. There are people who need other types of help; this is available to them, but they may not have the ability to take advantage of these services without someone’s help.

I toured India about 35 years ago, where people are honestly on the streets with no other recourse. Some are maimed at birth by an undercover organization in order to beg more effectively. This is a problem! In the US, there is really no excuse.

However, I doubt any of them are sociopaths- sociopaths seem to be more successful at taking care of number one-themselves.

anon69741
Post 579

I have seen so many people in great pain here! Most of those who say they've been called sociopaths are clearly not so.

I'm not one, but I've been terribly hurt and beaten severely, almost to death, by sociopaths.

Now I am empowered to move past victimization into survival and true life. I strongly encourage everyone who is so unhappy, especially the woman "Sabrina" #21, to seek, find, and make the best of, good professional help (if finances are a problem many clinics have a sliding scale) and get your life back! Good luck to all. You have a right to live.

anon69644
Post 578

By this description everyone I have known was a sociopath/psychopath at some point in their lives.

I am working on my Ph.D. in psychiatry, specializing in criminal behavior. Luckily I have a professor with a great deal of common sense.

All people go through these stages in their lives. Those who get stuck can be coaxed out of them at any point, though not the quick and easy way through medication, which in the end does more damage than good as well as in many cases is the cause of the imbalance, but through therapeutic attention.

One thing has been prevalent in our society: emotional distance from almost every situation not fitting into our idealized worldview. Thus we need excuses like ADHD, BPD, and so on to categorize and file away each person's individuality.

A great man spoke at the T.E.D. Talks Summit: Sir Ken Robinson. His views have changed the psychiatric world and allowed people with these issues to be seen as people again, to be treated as people worth being a part of society. You can watch his lecture on online.

I agree completely with the dangers of "deviant psychological tendencies" but consider for a moment the world we have created. This world wants people of productivity, and there is no room for those people who would have been called berserkers in the time of the Vikings, or we call people schizophrenic when they would be considered oracles, medicine men or seers.

Consider, if you can, how well you fit into the dysfunction that is today's society, because you may be far more "psychologically deviant" than those you brand as sociopaths, etc.

Do not misunderstand me -- I am not advocating the acts that arise form these conditions, just offering an alternate perspective.

In economics we are taught that for the USA to survive it needs a war every 20 - 30 years to cull the population and stimulate the economy. Nature used to take care of this, and it was called natural selection, but now we are obsessed with our appearance as opposed to our actions, we stress about being a little soft around the mid section instead of looking outside and making a sandwich for the tattered man sitting on the corner playing guitar.

We, as a race, can no longer be called human, because we no longer fit the criteria.

We have earned through our apathy to others and our inhumanity to man and everything around us the definition of parasite.

Gandhi had said it best: be the change you wish to see in the world, and treat others as you would wish to be treated if your lives were reversed.

If you are interested in more of these thoughts. I recommend reading "Ishmael and The Story of B" by Daniel Quinn, "Endgame Vol. 1: The Problem of Civilization" by Derrick Jensen, "Cartesian Linguistics: A Chapter in the History of Rationalist Thought" by Noam Chomsky as well as "Chomsky vs. Foucault: A Debate on Human Nature."

anon69433
Post 577

I dated a sociopath for almost two years, and three years later I'm still suffering because of it. Stalking, harassment, threats. He gets a kick of our frightening others.

Every word of this article describes him to the T. He was a pathological liar, seemingly charming on the top layer, unable to hold a job, addicted to alcohol and later drugs, and had no remorse for hurting others. He had no real feelings.

He's now in the U.S. Army, which is extremely frightening.

anon68662
Post 576

I just nearly read all the comments and I have not a doubt that the man I was dating for a couple of months was a sociopath. Thank god I broke it off recently and I hope he does not contact me anymore and stays out of my life

I was trapped before I knew it. He appeared so charming, witty and intelligent and actually everything else I was looking in a partner and I fell in love with him deeply. *But* one thing stood out. Somehow I sensed that he was acting. I just could not point my finger on it; it was a strong hunch.

He also had a criminal record when he was very young and used drugs.

He had me fooled for a month, but I could not help the feeling that something was wrong or not in its place. I looked up in internet and he does fit the profile, although I was not long enough with him to witness any violent behavior towards me (although he would get quickly angry in traffic). Also I felt very manipulated, even with the smallest things.

So, I got out of it and it makes me feel stronger to know how to deal with him and that is: No contact! While breaking it off, I made it look like it was *his* decision.

My point is: if you are dating one, the chances are high you will get warning signs early on, but we tend to ignore it. Go with your gut feeling and run! And I want to thank the ones sharing their experience here! Very valuable.

Although I had my doubts about him, now I'm sure I made the right decision and saved myself a lot of trouble. I'm sure he will seek contact in the near future, but this time I'm armed with the information and will stay out of his sight.

At least I know what I'm dealing with.

May all the strength be with you. And I thank god that there are also a lot good, caring people walking around on this earth.

angeline25
Post 575

That is not true -- victims do not allow anything to happen to them. Why on earth is society today using those harmful philosophies towards those who are victimized, brainwashed, abused mistreated terribly? It's a sad shame.

The first step in dealing with abuse abusers socio and psychopaths is to stop blaming the blame on victims. People don't allow others to mistreat them a lot of the time. Maybe some do, but in most cases, I doubt it. People are victimized beyond their control and breaking free of terrible abusive cycles is the hardest part, especially from those who have others totally controlled through submission, fear, trauma, shock and other horrors, so that is just so untrue and the first wrong this entire societal attitude has towards abuse and abusers.

But it won't change as this is the philosophy people today live by religiously. Abusers are cold-hearted; many are very cruel people who seek to control and destroy others and victims. Those caught in their cycle or trap mostly are helpless and can't break free and if anything, need the support of others and sympathy rather than the blame.

My first recommendation is for people to stop this erroneous "you're allowing it" garbage onto people who probably have suffered through severe mental or physical traumas at the hands of cold-hearted monsters. You wouldn't say that to a war vet with PTSD, or to a rape victim, so why would you say it to any kind of victim? Stop it.

anon68410
Post 574

My soon to be ex. is ever the charmer to others and the charmer I married, but the ugliness followed.

We ran a business so the clients adored her, while I did the work. Eight years of being married and hearing things like "I just wish I had been single longer" or "You are enabling my depression" or "I need this (dog/ motorcycle/ piercing/ animal/ etc) to be happy."

She would abandon the kids and me on a nightly basis to hang out with friends that "made her feel single" (although if she did not have a way of getting there, she could care less for them.)

Everyone had to have something for her and I guess I just did not understand what she had turned into, or what she was the whole time.

Been separated for five months, divorced finalized soon, and still she texts me about her dating exploits with the preceding statement "I understand and am sorry that this is hard for you..."

I like to believe the best of people, so perhaps that's why I stuck around so long or still get caught up emotionally by her needling. I hope she's not like this forever, but that's out of my hands. Being an eight-year victim I'm honestly just trying to learn how to trust my gut instincts on people again. Put bells on the necks of these people, please.

anon68297
Post 573

I am having a hard time dealing with my partner's ex-sociopath wife as they have a young son together and she is continually using the boy to manipulate him.

When I met my partner he was a mess; he was broken and was almost suicidal. One minute he would talk about the physical abuse and the things she had done to him mentally for the past six years and the next he would say how gorgeous she is and how nice she could be - he was almost doing my head in!

The things she had done were unbelievable, from falling "accidentally" pregnant when he finally had enough and said he was leaving, to abusing his own mother and female co-workers. She is 27 and still living with her mother, no job, didn't finish school and has recently offered a nursing diploma giving poor excuses and in six years she had not paid for anything when they had been out or staying together.

You may wonder why he stayed, and so did I, but the more I have learned about her and watched the way she still tries to manipulate him by using their son the more I am starting to realise, the abuse isn't over.

She is petite, reasonably attractive and uses a baby face and voice and puts on the tears and guilt trips constantly. Yet she had broken his phone, punched him in the face several times and the language she still uses (when she goes nuts) is just disgusting.

My partner has no interest in her whatsoever but she kept their son away from him for nine months until we went through the court process and gained legal access, so my partner is so afraid of not seeing him again that he will do almost anything she says.

When we have had the boy she calls constantly, threatens us and most recently, has tried to program the child to say that he doesn't want to come because mummy will miss him and worry about him (not that he misses her).

The power she has now is just unbelievable and our worst nightmare because even though my partner is away from her, we will always have to deal with her. I am forever wondering what's coming next, because she never seems to tire from her games.

anon68263
Post 572

I'll just post a little bit about myself.

Like most others have said before there is a lot of different degrees of sociopaths, and after reading a few of the comments it seems a lot of you were more or less born a sociopath.

I myself was not born one and became one later on (started "becoming" one around the age of 11-12 and now got a huge lack of emotions(19).

I believe i turned into a sociopath as a form of a mental defense mechanism because i was bullied since first grade.

I was overemotional and i got a bad conscience by killing even a bug. So i believe that to "defend" myself, my subconscious started to turn of emotions, which is the cause as of why I'm now a sociopath.

my "symptoms" are lack of emotions towards other living creatures/people.

i have aggressive tendencies when I'm angry. By that i mean i lose ability to control myself and tend to hurt those around me. An example is if my sister is hitting me, I'll start to strangle her without being able to think and reflect on the fact that I'm strangling her.

I'm not much of a manipulator, but that doesn't mean I'm unable to do so and that I've never done so. I believe the reason that i rarely manipulate people is because of my lack of social interaction.

I take joy in watching other suffer emotionally, and i made it sort of a game to get people to like me to then break their hearts (so to speak). I find this extremely amusing but because of my lack of social interaction it's quite hard to do this often.

That is a bit about me and my theories as to why I'm a sociopath.

anon67969
Post 571

Aye, I just recently had a 'friendship' with a sociopath. Controlling, manipulative, charming. He often got his way because he was always able to weasel the blame onto someone else. He turned the get-togethers with my friends a living hell because we all thought of him as a friend. These people are human, but coldly so.

As advice has said, it's no use trying to get a sociopath help unless you can beat them at their own game. If you're not good at manipulating people, just give up and drop them because it's not going to work. I had to hold threats that could land him in prison over his head in order to get him to even consider help.

And if you do manage to get them help, don't expect them to be happy about it.

And like the very first post said. You can't group all of us together. (yes, I said 'us') Just like any mental disorder, each person has a different degree of sociopathic tendencies. I, for example, am extremely manipulative. However, I try and do it for the benefit of a group rather than personal benefit.

anon67939
Post 570

- anon6106: what he said.

Here's my two cents. Please keep in mind english is not my mother language: most of you guys talk about sociopaths like there is only one kind. let's say there are at least two types, to not make things too complicated.

first there is the sociopath with the low intelligence level. he can't see that there is something wrong with him, because he simply can't think deep enough. he thinks he's very special, intelligent person, destined to great success in life, but actually fails in life. so he becomes a pathological liar. pathological liars believe what they lie about is real. that way he is able to self-justify the feeling that he is special.

he doesn't understand the feelings of others and sacrifices people close to him, because he feels he is so very special. he simply can't believe there is something wrong with him, after all he is so very special.

Second there is the sociopath with a high intelligence level, like me. he has a high IQ and can think way deeper than most people. he starts questioning his sanity, because he observes other people and sees that there is something different about him. this is the most dangerous type, but luckily also a lot rarer. as i am one of these people i'll write my story; it's easier than writing in the third person.

looking back to when i was a young child, age 6-12, i notice i already had some sociopathic tendencies. i could cry on command to get something done. i was extremely good at lying and noticed that i could get things done from people by adapting my personality. i liked observing others, especially if they had pain.

one time i invented a "game" where my group of friends and i were going to bully a different person each day, including the people in our group. when it finally was my turn i simply manipulated them into doing something else.

when i was around 15-16 years old i was terribly hurt by someone. sick and tired of emotion, i simply decided to not feel anything from that moment on. i succeeded. i will become very successful in life. i will destroy people who are in my way and i won't give a crap about them. hell i don't give a crap about anything. except... the people who are close to me. why? i need them to not become a monster. if they appreciate me as a friend/lover, i don't feel completely empty. i envy them, because they have real emotions i could never feel. if i can make them happy, at least someone is happy!

i can be anyone i want, so i can simply adapt my personality to fit other people's needs. i would never hurt those close to me because it will make me feel empty as hell. as you see i still only do this for my own well-being, i just found a way to not satisfy my needs a bit, feel a bit "alive", without becoming a monster and live a normal life.

so let's say i lose all this. i lose my way to fill just enough of the emptiness. maybe i would take refuge to the other things that fill the emptiness: drugs, alcohol, extreme sports, solitary hiking. or the thing that actually make me feel so alive i'm just starting to tremble in excitement just thinking about it. the pain of others. hurting others makes me feel so alive. i can't even describe what i'm thinking right now. i actually stopped writing there for about 10 minutes to try to find a way to put it into words, but it's impossible. besides it would get too scary.

just be happy i want to be normal, ok? and trust me, i will never resort to my inner cravings, as i will keep finding people i can care about.

anon67833
Post 569

#521: That is tragic. Thank you for your post.

anon67167
Post 568

- angeline25: are you for real? This man sounds awful but you stay and come back for more! You are allowing him to do these things to you. Either leave or don't but you need to know you are in control of you and if you stay with him and are this unhappy, you are choosing to do so.

anon66732
Post 567

These people are scum! They abuse and use. I had a "friend" who was a sociopath. She complained of the most nonsensical, selfish crap constantly.

She acted nice in front of her "friends" then complained nonstop to me about how she couldn't stand them behind their backs. I pitied her. I bought into her story of being a victim.

They aren't victims; they're beasts in disguise. They get bored and can't find pleasure in life because deep down they despise themselves, yet can't get over their pride.

They can't connect to their hearts and realize that they are the ones at fault.

Don't ever try to truly help a sociopath. They will resent this to the nth degree. They will say they're disappointed in you for helping them. For calling them out. For trying to teach them that their actions affect other people. They don't want friends. They want victims and accomplices.

They are the scum of humanity.

anon66712
Post 566

Is Tiger Woods a sociopath? Based on the definition would it be fair to classify Mr. Woods as a sociopath?

anon66602
Post 564

this answers a lot. I've never understood my dad. I always end up feeling so hurt by him. he is so charming and is whoever you want him to be-- completely different around different people, has no friends, made my mom nearly lose her mind with affairs, sleeping with prostitutes, being done for child porn and indecent exposure, treating her like crap, not paying bills.

When he left he wouldn't give her any money for me, and for his next wife it was the same but not quite as bad with my mom. Now he's with a headmistress. I have bipolar and he would go through stages of telling me he loved me and then sending horrible texts.

He lies all the time but he's so good you end up thinking you are wrong, and he doesn't speak to me now because I have recently been in hospital with bipolar and he says I need to sit back and realise its all in my head, but next time If I see him he will probably say something completely different. he completely screws my head up.

anon65781
Post 562

My mother in law is a sociopath and a paranoid schizophrenic. She has stolen money from our own children twice now and they are only four months old.

I had a baby shower and my husband's family had gathered up a bunch of money to give to us since we had to buy two of everything. Well we couldn't make it to the baby shower due to me being in preterm labor.

Therefore, my mother in law was supposed to bring the gifts and money to us. Well we got the gifts but no money. Then when we had the twins my husbands grandma sent $70 with my mother in law up to the hospital to give to us to help with formula.

We got released on a Monday and my husband didn't get paid till that Friday. Well guess what? No money. She recently left her husband and right before she did, she maxed out all his credit cards. And we're talking $5,000 and above. Then she got other credit cards illegally in his name and maxed them out also.

She stole her own father's credit cards and did the exact same thing. And nobody knows where any of this money went.

Also, she tends to be overly nice to people. And then when you're not around she runs her mouth about you.

anon65512
Post 561

I'm a sociopath, and while i lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, use and abuse, and engage in a whole list of fun stuff, I don't do it to everyone.

In fact I've found with myself that if i play games with everyone eventually I'll do something that makes me feel bad.

And while it may not be my place to decide who deserves my 'special' attention, it's more satisfying, to me at least, to completely tear one person apart then wait and find someone else.

Do I like being like this? no.

Am I ever going to change? no.

If hurting three or four people a year makes me feel like I'm not wasting my life on this rock floating through space, so be it.

avictum
Post 560

Dear Unlv44: I have read that a sociopath is made and not born, perhaps made by a loss of a parent or both.

What you say is interesting. But the fact that you recognize you are a sociopath and want to change causes me to pause in your diagnosis. To label all inner-city kids who had to toughen up to grow up a sociopath, may be a bit hasty.

The fact that you compare your behavior to that of a sociopath's may be accurate, but you are obviously caring enough to recognize there is another side to life which may now be available to you and that you would like to "try out."

This fact is an indication that you are not a sociopath, but just a misdirected child. The fact that you are able to turn around and notice that you have hurt others shows that you are sensitive and caring, even if you have not been able to act on your feelings.

For you, making a change to "enjoy" life instead of "manipulate" it should be entirely possible. It may not be easy since "old habits are hard to break," but that's up to you. I think the quickest way to achieve such a personality change is to "fake it until you make it."

Given the context of this blog, it may sound funny for me to suggest you "fake" anything, but if you intellectually know what personality you want to achieve, I find that the quickest way to accomplish the change is to reinvent yourself as an honest, loyal, caring person.

Consciously think, "What kind of person do I want to be?" and then star in your own "movie." I could be fun and entertaining along the way.

Let us know how you're doing and best of luck.

unlv44
Post 559

growing up in the inner city I've always found ways to lie, cheat, scam, bully and torture people that got in my way.

I've hurt relatives, friends, girlfriends, co

workers, etc. my mother always knew that i was hyperactive, but she didn't want the doctor giving me anything that would "slow me down."

the point I'm trying to make is, being a sociopath comes in stages, from toddler to adulthood. Had this condition been caught earlier in my life it could've prevented a lot of people from being hurt.

i feel like a villain in a comic book, but I'm tired of using my "evil powers" to bring harm to others. i can be normal. i will be normal.

avictum
Post 558

Dear Angeline25: You offer no hope for the souls of sociopaths. I don't know if you are correct but how could God make someone without a redeemable soul?

avictum
Post 557

#555: It's good if you can realize your problem. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving side of sociopathic behavior and do not know if there is a cure, meds, or therapy that can help you, but you do need help from a trained professional Finding a good one can be difficult. Maybe get a reference from friends. Recognizing the problem is half the cure, so you're halfway there! Don't give up and don't give in.

Anyone can lie and steal- that's the cheap side of life. You are only throwing your life away to engage in these tricks and hurting others. Best of luck with your efforts. my heart is there for you.

avictum
Post 556

Dear #554: You are not bipolar, but PTSD. I am taking Neurontin for going through a similar situation (on this site).

I don't know if I can ever love and trust again, but I haven't given up as you have, and I lived with him for a 25 year marriage and am 62 now. Hoping for a chance to love again, but not there yet.

These people are so skilled at fooling everyone else, but they are the ones to be pitied. Give it time, and maybe neurontin (sp?)therapy could be good.

Just be careful next time and be glad it's over! There should be a sociopaths-anon.

anon65077
Post 555

I think I am a sociopath. I need help. I can't stop lying, stealing and hurting those around me. I don't want to be this way but I cannot seem to help myself.

anon65062
Post 554

I am a male who suffers from PTSD directly caused by a severely manic sociopath last year.

She was greatly charming and warm in the beginning when my career was hit by the economy. She had this well-developed story of being a victim of your cheating ex-husband, supposedly the father of three of her children and an adopted father of her first child.

I took her and her four kids into my house last year and I was a caretaker while working full-time and trying to accomplish my undergraduate degree.

My ex was very exciting during sex. I always had a healthy sex drive which I enjoyed it about once a day or every other day. My ex, however, seemed to have an addiction to euphoric behavior where the sex was always on hyperdrive and very rarely "romantic".

I got used to not having an orgasm for long periods of time so that she could maximize her count or orgasms. However, it seemed as though it was just sex, not really love. In my mind, I loved her and felt her thighs when I caressed her. But, I was often confused.

As time went on, her background stories seemed whacked. She boasted of being a valedictorian, having a full scholarship to St. John Fisher and being accepted to Georgetown when she was in high school.

My ex enrolled in the army when she was 18 and got married just after she ran away from home in her upper teens. My ex was also disowned from her family at a young age.

Throughout the relationship, her outbursts got more intense and irrational. I got used to walking on eggshells and being fearful of threats.

My ex would go days without sleep and could not sit still. She was usually broke and I lent her thousands of dollars to pay her lawyer and taxes.

As months went on, her threats of ending our relationship became more habitual. I could not stand up for myself without being severely mentally abused. Nobody could control her and begging would not help.

The hygiene neglect was the worst. She would go three days without a shower, but she would hit her children for going days without one. The kids went periods of five days during the summer without a bath. Because of her strict rules on men not giving young girls baths, I could not call the shots. She refused to listen but only do things her way.

During the summer, my ex was extremely hypersexual. She was obsessed with having risky sex in public places where she could be seen and caught; who the unfortunate witnesses were was of importance to her. A mother and her kid were the first to experience her exposure in a public park during the day, and my ex was completely happy and had no guilt.

She repeated these acts back-to-back over days. She had no fear of the consequences. When I refused to engage in these behaviors one night on a public street and a playground, she threatened me and bullied me. I was essentially mentally raped. Then, I had no choice but to give her what she wanted or face more pain. The traumatic anger and sadness was building up.

The final blow came when I was chased around my house over cooking ground beef a certain way. She charged at me during her manic rage. My ex moved out and tortured me and the kids to protect her pride. Then, she engaged in promiscuous sex with men she met online and socially. She gave me their names and told me I had no right to be upset or cry while I was breaking down on her steering wheel.

I had to change my number three times because every time she gave me a new line of her changing, she would deliver another emotional blow to attack me. I was rushed to the mental ward to get help for suicidal thoughts.

When I talked with her ex-husband, the biggest shocks came. Hardly any truths came from her mouth. She was never a Valedictorian or a Georgetown accepted. There were three biological fathers. She was committing paternity fraud on the first kid and had strings of delinquent debt, which included a civil lawsuit from a private school regarding a private student loan from 2007. The amount was $4800.

Also, she claimed to make $60,000 a year as a home-based LPN and $36 hourly. However, she never gave meds and usually monitored patients overnight in their bedrooms. She had trouble affording a one-bedroom apartment in which two small single mattresses were clunked together. She could not manage a home or keep it orderly.

In the end, she broke into my emails and posed as her ex-husband in an attempt to break my hope and thwart custody efforts.

The judge now has sufficient info on her fraud, guilt and other evidence of her compulsive lying. But, I am still so damaged by my trust in her. People say she is severely ill, and I should pity her. Bipolar mania is bad, but I am still angry.

I could have had AIDS, lewdness arrests, bankruptcy, mental breakdowns, etc. I hate her so much! I hate sex now. I hate love now. My first ex was also a borderline personality; she was a sadist with major depression.

By now, most women have had kids already (baby-daddy drama), and been married. I am 30 and in graduate school and thankfully got away without my credit being destroyed. I just pray for her kids the most. I miss them so much.

All I want now is to adopt children and raise them on my own when my PhD is done. My trust in women and the chances of marital success is finished. My mother adds to the mix, but she has a separate matter of lies.

Good luck to singles! Bachelor for life and proud to be one! Adios, dreamers of marital bliss! I am making realistic dreams come true.

angeline25
Post 553

People need to stop putting the victims of sociopaths down. They aren't 'naive' vulnerable or anything of the sort. You can't tell if someone is lying to you or jerking you around. That just says they are nice and trusting people, which is what a person should be.

Sociopaths have no remorse or conscience. They are cold and sick people, and victims are not pushovers. Only an abuser would state that, so stop putting the victims down.

Sociopaths are not chosen. They are evil, and evil is basically chosen or destined for wickedness and not much else.

avictum
Post 552

Dear unlv44: It is not that we hate our sociopathic husbands, it's that we spend our lives trying to squeeze "blood out of a turnip" is. The more we love and give, the more they take and take advantage of our vulnerability- ultimately, in my own case, discarding me in the most demeaning way.

So, you sociopaths are not to blame (you never are- that's the diagnosis) it is we who just don't give up soon enough to respect ourselves.

Oh, that we could be among the "chosen few" too. then it wouldn't hurt so much!

unlv44
Post 551

I'm african-american, male, 36, in good health. sociopath? yes, i'm a sociopath. we are not cursed, we are but a "chosen few." Go ahead, place every sociopath on an island, because you "normal"people would still find a way to hate others.

anon64814
Post 550

i am a sociopath. i am an american. i am a writer. i am a human being.

anon64352
Post 549

I am living in fear every day. My ex has sociopathic traits. He has a much younger girlfriend who has taken on his "cause" to drive me crazy.

He is very uneven, being abusive one day and sweet the next. She terrorizes me by accessing my home, my computers, my phone via spoofing and in public.

I am frightened by what their plans may be for my future. I believe by accessing my possessions they have been falsely staging a reverse stalking of me to the girlfriend to set the stage for a lawsuit.

This is not my ex's first affair. But this one is a she-devil and things are scary around me.

anon64281
Post 548

It is incorrect to state that only psychopaths derive pleasure out of hurting others, it is more a matter of degree and overall self concept. Psychopaths tend to have less varied areas when it is involved with pleasure and overall have in other areas a better defined personality in consistency around their living patterns in other area. They are utterly ruthless and aware of the thrill the power of exercising harm or eliminating persons seen as obstacles are.

Sociopaths and narcissists are harmful to others to meet their ends, with no empathy or conscience, happily able to justify and deny their actions if criticised.

They too, get enjoyment in the power of hurting others outside of their goal directed behaviours with no acceptance of the need to abide by social rules or laws if not likely to be caught. Sociopaths to some degree and narcissists almost completely actually need to believe that they are not bad people in the main projecting it on others and denying responsibility to the point of believing some of their own lies.

Narcissists through their grandiosity and creation of a false self are actually extremely chaotic as they require the most attention to feel alive through the reactions of others. The narcissist in needing admiration is often less likely to be outright a criminal law breaker if sufficient attention he depends on socially can be gained, but no less otherwise.

All three are equally disposed, ultimately, to be criminally behaved or avoid behaviours with serious legal consequences contingent on their understanding of the gains or costs breaking laws would mean for them.

Sociopaths and narcissists are always eventually abusive in personal relationships as they are devoid of any real empathy for others, capacity for sustained relatedness and a conscience requiring novelty.

A psychopath -- potentially the most dangerous -- may sometimes sustain some semblance of a stable family relationship if it meets certain needs (image, a calm base to retreat to a conventional undemanding spouse) enacting his proclivities with other targets.

A number of serial killers were a total surprise to their families when arrested.

Narcissists and sociopaths cannot cope without the petty bullying of their spouses or cope with their spouses' criticisms around dysfunctional behaviours or the boredom of a spouse.

Some psychopaths intelligently select to fit in with them. The sociopath creates frustration by continual bad behaviours and the narcissist cannot cope if the spouse is satisfied by him his envy, forcing him to disrupt that status quo.

Unfortunately if women fail to recognise early enough the danger signs, mistaking them for a lack of understanding and poor early learning (true of a few oafish men who are willing to change), they can get trapped for a lengthier, more damaging time before ending up free from them.

They can suffer from the confusion created from "traumatic bonding", damaged self esteem from "letting " themselves be treated so and actually are ostracised (often silently so) by their kin and kith, made dependent on these abusers (they took lots and give something needed) plus under threats of serious harm or losses.

All people have occasional stages in their life where what often may have been just a personal brief period of vulnerability that would pass ends up a major catastrophe if one of those personality disorders crosses their path, competently recognising this and playing on it.

Frequently they have had a parent with some of these traits they had learned to excuse as while having degrees of negative impact overall not disabling them when sufficient alternative strengths in their life counter-balanced this --hence the surprising blindness for some often functional women.

Recognising the parental training is a major key to disengaging from the abusing partner and never engaging with a similar one. While one can get to accept that's what their parent did (can't change the past or them, if still around), but realise they won't excuse it, they cease excusing the abusing partner or dreaming about him ever changing (parent didn't or ever could or would).

Finally, once awake and ending with the abuser watch everything they do (like bringing in a new party), knock it out of your personal sphere, never being around such to be an abuser's false witness- generally the main point if you are allowed contact with new party.

The rest of the time act flawlessly calm, being ready to record and other respected parties able to verify further abusive actions or any impropriety.

Be assured by the time the partner of these personality disorders has worked out it's time to seriously go the abuser in attachment (not emotional, has none) is well a head by months in his plans. Fortunately the abuser always underestimates his victims' capacity to wake up to him, and the pits he would set for her as well as a concrete final exit with some plans around it to be effective constructively even if he instigates at a suddenly unpredictable time (you can almost count on that) if you couldn't get out fast enough first.

I am writing from lengthy experience. Nine years (tried to exit well before) with a malignant narcissist who was then to me unclear regarding definitive diagnosis via excess drinking, subsequent fits, temporary cognitive impairment, plus a number of cats (at certain points he deliberately made them hostages- hard to prove accidents to cats) he owned needing his recovery plus training him to look after them with no outs (besides preventative health vet visits he didn't do before me anyway) as part of his private and public image is he really cares about his cats.

Importantly with no contact /intervention order I can't ever find out if harm befell a cat that would distress me so no point in hurting them.

As he eventually recovered, the full on NPD abuser was there intent on destroying me, plus I had finally worked out my aging dying mother's narcissistic traits. I don't think there is anything abusive that others mention here by male adults that he did not do a parallel version to me. I am almost recovered and away from him,by the grace of God, my sons becoming mature enough and to assist, the alert almost perfect behaviour on my part preceding the end, a bit of police and a one-year intervention order is all it took!

Once he woke up, I was truly gone, refused to deal with him in any way again and he realised I saw him as he was. That happened without saying much more than enough and over after he did a presumed temporary exit. Hence his accelerated expression of really violent intent and harassment.

He has been violently injurious to me before and I could not earlier get the protective orders required until injured and saw it was safer to return to avoid worse (like kill me and dump the body) until a later point plus his bonds for assault meant for over two years he was not allowed to outright hit me in everyday contact.

It took his last threatening and out of control behaviours some witnessed via phone with police, sons catching him outside my place, threatening and damaging some things with the history of his serious assault that occurred in the past after my first request for an intervention order had been denied. Plus I was genuinely shaky and terrified at court about him, whereas I was calmly presented depicting my concerns about his less severely injurious behaviors in a chaotic and bewildering situation and he just denied and made up lies. Nor could my more recent work as a social worker, slim and well dressed, have me appear sufficiently a victim. Older out of work for years now, some extra weight, basic clothes did make me look more a victim, plus the flawless recent controlled behaviours (had avoided all his traps re emotional outbursts others could have heard) reduced imputing additional fault to me.

In hindsight, the solution is for any women not to worry about whether a man has a serious personality disorder, just never accept any degree of(abusive behaviour or disrespect of your personal needs if not completely rectified after a clear apology and truly trustworthy as unintended. If he has no disorder of a serious type, he is just not into you anyway, and you're being used as a gap filler that is simply unacceptable and demeaning.

All these behaviours are unacceptable and if you allow any excuse or hope for better times with such, look back at your parents and what you learned to tolerate from them. As a child you had no choice, but you have now and an adult responsibility to do so. Remember what you do is what your children will learn, to be either victims or abusers.

anon64268
Post 547

to anon62407: what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

angeline25
Post 546

This sociopath also has mocked me claiming that I would be happy if someone raped me, because of the fact that I'm a virgin have never had sex, and he refused me sex, or most elements of sex at all, and just toyed with me and led me on. He also brags of ex girlfriends who he had sex with 18 times in a day. He is a sex addict and brags to me as I'm still a virgin who he refuses to have sex with.

It's very difficult for a virgin as you are emotionally attached to someone who will not have sex with you and sex is a huge element in anything, and the same person refusing sex with you is offering to have sex with any creature alive, except for you, but saying that you are their girlfriend, and proclaiming their love for you.

It is the power and control and destroying of a female sexuality completely and very cruel, for this particular sociopath. As any man aches to have sex with women or their partners and women generally have the control or power sexually, but this particular sociopath stripped his victim of sex and sexuality completely, to even degrade her to 'whore status' but refuse sex with her completely, and she is a virgin so it is a much bigger trap for her to be in.

angeline25
Post 545

The sociopath I knew moved in with me, was living with me rent free, refused to touch me. When I tried to touch him or asked him for physical contact he claimed I was coercing him and wanted to call the police for blackmail, or my mother claiming, I, a virgin who he refused to have sex with was a ‘sex fiend’, all while he was molesting my cats, and leaving my place daily to drive an hour to have sex with people he knew from the previous city he came from.

To this day he still hasn't had sex with me and I'm a virgin, and he calls me a ‘whore, slut prostitute’ and claimed he wanted to turn me into a prostitute, though again I had never had intercourse and he refused to take my virginity or have sex with me claiming that it would be 'one more thing he had to do to me' and too much work for him.

he also got off on the sick power trip of having me scream for him to touch me and gave me severe ptsd by having no physical contact whatsoever, no sleeping in bed together, no touching at all while we were living together for two or three months, and I had to beg him for a hug or any contact while he yelled no and screamed at me and said I was pressuring him into 'sex' and that he wouldn't have to do anything with me.

he would go for four or five days with no physical contact, nothing -- and this was the first time we had lived together or been together. it was supposed to be like a honeymoon period type situation, yet it was as if he was a roommate and nothing else.

I had to force him to give me a hug or do anything. he did this to me because I was a virgin who had never had a boyfriend or a relationship and it was his way of torturing me with no element of sex closeness or a relationship ever, and not even him laying a hand on me which was so extreme and unfathomable. And he was degrading me daily and mind tormenting me to a point of severe ptsd, and in turn he was having sex with my cats--or oral sex and who knows what else, while he refused to lay a hand on me or do anything with me

That to this day still scars me and is sick, disturbing, strange and insane. and he got his own cat later, which I believe he has constant sexual relations with, while he still rejected me daily and refused to see or be in my presence, except for maybe once every two weeks which involves a lot of torture/torment to just be able to even occur.

At the time I couldn’t understand how a man could live with an attractive woman he called his girlfriend, for the first time, who he had never had sex with and refuse to even literally lay a hand on her and would go for days with absolutely no physical contact--no hug, touching anything, and have her chasing him, begging and screaming for him to just touch her in any form, while he still refused and watched her suffer.

And on top of all that claims that she, the virgin, is a sex fiend, while he is chasing everyone including animals for sex, except for her, so scary and indicative of a very sick and cruel sociopath.

anon63659
Post 544

I am four months and two weeks pregnant. We have been fighting pretty badly. He has told me he is schizophrenic but i can't understand it whatsoever.

Last night he was extremely drunk and just spilled everything about being a sociopath and other people in his head. from what i have been reading, my only option is to get away. Unless i want my life to be a living hell. what about my child? i need answers.

avictum
Post 543

#535: Oh, I should state clearly not to say anything to him about the restraining order until the police come to get him. They will protect you then. You can just explain that you're sorry, but you've asked him to leave before and he wouldn't so you didn't know what else to do.

avictum
Post 542

#535: I think you need to find a secret time to go down to the courthouse and file a restraining order against him for physical abuse, then get the police to come escort him from your house. Be sure you can prove in court the abuse, i.e. 1)a friend has seen bruises and will attend to court hearing, 2) pictures of bruises and/or damages in the house, 3) a hidden tape recording, etc. You want the judge to grant the restraining order which should last for a year- hopefully he will find someone else to bother before the year is up. Also stipulate in the restraining order that he cannot come within 100 feet of you and/or you house and children and your place of work and that he cannot call you or anyone you know either friends or co-workers.

If he breaks the order, call the police immediately and have him arrested and/or file a report to take to court.

The Court can put him into jail for breaking the restraining order. Sounds like you need to get your life back, and good luck with finding a new boyfriend!

avictum
Post 541

#538: I do not know if all murderers are sociopaths, but certainly all sociopaths are not murderers so that would not influence me that your son is a sociopath.

But, 1)his willingness to steal and try to pretend he owned the item, 2)that he lies without a conscience, and 3) that he can be so charming and switch so abruptly to another personality is what would cause me to agree with you.

He belongs with his father so that's good. He won't fool him! You and your family need to return to normal living.

I am sorry that he is your baby. Wish there were a way to cure these people- oh, but they're already perfect! We're the ones who need fixing!

anon63606
Post 539

Read this book. It is very helpful.

"How to Break Your Addiction to a Person"

by Howard Marvin Halpern. Sometimes they are very hard to leave as they are charming and exciting but you can never win.

anon63534
Post 538

I married a sociopath. And have only just been able to realise what he really is. We are divorced now after seven years of abuse, torment, threats, and him sexually abusing my daughter from my first marriage.

We had two children together and I am still living with his torment after being divorced for five years. Not only his torment but that also of our son. He is 10 years old and I am positive he is a sociopath also.

Since as long as I can remember, he has been a difficult child. At two years of age I was asked to remove him from childcare as he put a pillow over a child's head and tried to suffocate him. He has tried to harm kids in the school yard, tried to strangle one child at school and also my older son at home. He is conniving. He is controlling. He threatens to harm himself and tries to make me feel guilty for it.

He threatens me and my other kids. He continuously steals and then believes the things he steals are rightfully his. He wont accept any responsibility for anything he does and he doesn't care if anyone gets hurt. He will always turn a situation around and make it look like the other person involved was in the wrong.

He promises to never do things again, even has tears and within 10 minutes he will do the same thing again.

I have had him to counselors, psychiatrists, and he was even admitted to the child health youth mental unit of the hospital for two weeks, where they diagnosed him as having severe ADHD. I believe it's way more than that as his medication does not work for him.

He can be loving and affectionate one minute to get what he wants and when he doesn't get it he either gets nasty and does a total turn around or he says he understands, only to wait for me to leave so he can plan how to get what he wants. He is now living with his father as I couldn't control him running away and he had become a danger to himself and also my other kids. Is there any help out there anywhere in the world for a 10 year old boy?

He is still so young and my baby. How do I help him?

anon63475
Post 537

Heaven helps those who help themselves.

anon63262
Post 535

I've just figured out that I'm dating a sociopath. He really had me fooled in the beginning, he made himself out to be everything I wanted and needed at that time. Now we can barely stand each other most of the time.

He lives with me and my children and doesn't pay a dime and refuses too. I tell him to leave and he says, no he'll leave when he's ready and when he finds someone else to replace me.

I'm scared to get the police involved because he hits on me and threatens me. He has used me to the core and taken over 15k from promises to pay me back in the future. He's let a brand new car go back that I paid for because of his unkept promise to pay for it. I'm ready for this victimization portion of my life to be over with. Heaven help me!

angeline25
Post 534

well no, it's not consensual at all. most abusive relationships or situations aren't. that's the important part of understanding abuse. most abused people have been broken down in lots of ways and have been conditioned, depending on the situation. Those who like the abuse, or are used to being abused and don't know any other way, that's a different story, but I'm sure they've also been broken down throughout time to accept that kind of behavior.

it's just important to not blame victims of especially the abuse of a sociopath or psychopath, as i'm sure every situation is individual and different but have similar elements, but most victims aren't allowing it to happen to them – not on a large scale especially. you can't negotiate with a narcissist or psychopath. You can't get your way and in most cases you can't get rights, but it is important to get support to try to get away or out of the trap or lure the monsters have people in. victims of psychopaths have learned helplessness and there are a lot of other elements involved when it comes to being involved with people who are abusers and especially those who've done heavy brainwashing etc.

amypollick
Post 533

Angeline, I'm sorry, but you must be getting something you want out of this association you have with this man, or you wouldn't stay with him. This sounds like a pretty extreme S&M relationship, and one with some level of consensual behavior.

If you want out, you need to get help and get out. If you don't get help to detach this man from your life, then you're getting something you want. Maybe, on some level, you enjoy the degradation, or think you deserve it. You need professional help to find out why you're allowing yourself to be abused, unless this is, indeed, a consensual S&M relationship. There are options. Please get some help.

angeline25
Post 532

I’m also the thinking of a sociopath like this one is more along the lines of, “well, if I let her come and go as she pleases then that means she's dominating me and I have to show her who the boss is and not give her her way. She’s not allowed to come and go as she wants” and he's stated, “this isn't a hotel, you can't come and go as you please.” and totally controls and dominate me, even if it means constantly terrorizing me, and on any level possible and in every situation.

This person. if allowing me to see him, will rarely let me leave once I'm there without hell and terror and serious abuse and will not allow me to see him or be in his presence without extreme, extreme abuse, torment, psychological torture, degradation, having to beg, and go through this hell that is indescribable for long periods of time.

If I am finally being allowed to see him, I have to wear specific articles of clothing, mostly that emulate that of a slut or prostitute along with make up the same way, high heels and this sociopath also worships prostitutes and will only allow me to be there a limited time. Then he kicks me out and calls me a whore, his whore and that I’m a piece of crap whore all the time and non-stop. After pointing the loaded gun at me to scare me and threaten me, he invited me back to his place, and said the door would be unlocked for 20 minutes and I should go back to his place, despite threatening to shoot me all in the same hour many times.

angeline25
Post 531

It’s terrible reading what these monsters are capable of as stated/continued in previous entries very recently.

Just to give an example of how cold they are and evil: I stayed at the sociopath's place--he “allowed” me to go to his place after extreme torment and severe psychological torture and begging and degrading myself. the moment I got there he was physically abusing me in many various forms: biting, slapping, hitting, pushing, pulling treating me worse than a rag doll he could just push around. He hit, bit, shoved, pulled on, degraded, put down, called me awful names and abused me terribly physically. I’m fragile and petite and have CFS and fibromyalgia, but he doesn't care. He just does it more, to the point of where I have to tell him to get away from me. But he still refuses and comes and pulls my leg up as if I’m a contortionist, grabs it, twists it and bites it hard. It is terror-inducing and painful, along with many other things, but the worst part came when, as he decided to let me stay the night rather than kick me out, I needed saline solution at 2 a.m. and that deviated from his control game.

at first he offered to go with me but then decided not to. It's freezing cold I’m wearing a strapless dress, no jacket and no gas. I asked him if I could use the internet to find 24 hour stores. After yelling and telling him he needed to let me use it, he did but then took it away fast and began telling me I didn't need saline and refused to let me get directions and was telling me to stay and being obnoxious. He was being a jerk, halfway drunk but still capable and sane and I went ballistic at his behavior that he is denying someone the right to go to a store for their health though he is saying how Important my health is to him.

In past situations if I needed fresh water while sick he would lock me out and make me drive an hour back to my place or say if I leave, then I’m locked out –it’s my choice. This time I grabbed my things and decided to leave since I needed the saline, but he calls me telling me to come back.

I had to call stores to get help so I hung up on him and found a walgreens, but in the freezing cold was wearing a dress, had no jacket late at night got followed by the worker there, not a safe situation. He never cared or called to find out how I was doing though he knew I had no gas either and have health conditions. After a lot of crap and stuff, finally I decide to go back to his place as it's 2 a.m. and late to drive on the highway.

I walk up to his door with my drink, solution, etc., knock on his door and window. He gets up, opens the door and is pointing a loaded gun at me for no reason at all and he knew it was me. I threw my drink in anger and walked off as he kept pointing the gun and was blowing on it but then said, "oh I didn't know it was you," which was a lie and domination control and a terrorizing game for this sick sociopath.

I drove off. He didn't call to tell me to come back. When I called he said, "if you come back I will shoot you. I'll put a bullet in your head." Then he said much later while I was about to get on the highway, “Ok well come back. I just want to sleep with you and cuddle and be with you," but then said he'd shoot me and said, "I know you’re scared but you want to come back."

It was horrible as I had to drive back home at 3 a.m. on the highway late at night, for no reason, because this sociopath felt like he lost domination or because I needed one thing and had to leave to get it and he wanted to punish or terrorize me for that. he also kept lying and claiming he didn't know it was me, though he blatantly stated that if I went back there he would shoot me. They are scary, sick, dangerous and crazy people and unpredictable even in their sick predictability.

avictum
Post 530

Wow! After reading A few of these posts, well, they all describe my ex. I was in a 25-year marriage to a sociopath and I'm free now!

I was determined to raise our one daughter with her own father (I aborted the second pregnancy as I never knew when I would be on the street on my own.) Always cleverly flipping things to make me seem stupid or at fault. Ficking AH was my name as much as Ann! No one has addressed me in that way since the divorce.

After 25 years of marriage, he moved another woman into our house and had me train her for my job at his/our office so that she could take over the office and I could return to my own career. One night after work, I opened the door to find the police. He gave me three minutes to grab my things and surrender my keys. I found myself outside my own house, in the snow, 30 degrees, at night with no idea what had happened.

An hour later, and frozen to the bone, I returned home and entered with a hidden key from outside. I saw her first and she had "no idea" what was going on. I saw him upstairs and asked him. He, too, had "no idea" what I was talking about. I took a hot bath as I was frozen to the bone. He called the police who hauled me from my bath tub to jail. At the police station, a kind policeman asked me if I knew what was going on. When I said, 'No" he said my husband had charged me with kicking him in the groin and the girl was his witness!

As he had a witness, the judge convicted me and I was banned from my own house for a year. Couldn't go within 100 feet of it or make contact with him or anyone relating to Craig's business.

When I found out that they were sexually involved, I reported it to the judge and he said it had no bearing on my case! Well, I ended up in a padded cell in a mental institution and, after two suicide attempts and four mental facility stays, I am almost back to normal.

Reading this post is really good for me because, sociopaths make you feel crazy. Always twisting reality.

I spent 25 years trying to make our marriage what it should have been and realize that could never have happened! So, if you're involved with a sociopath and have any chance of leaving, go get a life and leave that sucker behind!

anon62437
Post 526

I've always suspected I was different than other people. I tried to kill my baby brother for crying so much. I called him "that kid" all the time to my family.

It's now twenty years later and lately I've become pretty sure that I'm a sociopath. I don't consider myself human, I'm something above human -- better. A more evolved creature. Not held down by such things as illogical emotion.

I have been diagnosed with antisocial behavior and low affect but not as a sociopath. I was very intrigued that a doctor was able to see the antisocial behavior through my facade, even though I did actually try to tell the truth.

It's almost like I don't know what is truth and what isn't anymore.

I'd like to get an MRI to show the doctors the truth. Does it really show up like the tv shows seem to make it?

anon62407
Post 525

it is a curious phenomenon that of the several psycho/sociopaths which i have met in my lifetime share an almost universal quality. that they positively "seem" to enjoy their condition - or at the very least feel that they are in possession of a quality (or rather lack the "disadvantageous" emotional qualities which they cerebrally know other "normal" persons to possess) which gives them an advantage over others.

I say “seem” because, according to the mechanics of their condition, it should not be possible for them to take any more pleasure from, say, acts of kindness and charity on the one extreme, to acts of graphic violence or sadism on other, yet this appearance of pleasure seeking malevolence remains.

this is patently so. their condition does, in fact, give them a means of advantage over others, inasmuch as it also gives them a willingness to exploit said advantage.

my interest is in the fact that such individuals are not *supposed* (medically speaking) to be able to feel the same way as is related to the dynamics of risk/reward, pleasure/pain, etc. as "normal" individuals, so how is it that they share this self-same quality of relishing their own antisocial behaviors?

i would offer a warning to these gleefully malicious individuals. your condition is likened to that of a born athlete: naturally in possession of skills others must instead train and work diligently to attain; therefore, it is no surprise that you may take your "god-given" (sic) aptitude for granted.

Take care as you pass through this life crossing and double-crossing those unfortunate souls that come to know you. it may be that you are unwittingly training some of those "normal" people in your midst to be some of your toughest competitors.

littledoll
Post 524

I just turned 19. I too. am a sociopath. I'm mean to my little sisters. I'm very mean to my parents.

I make my mom cry then I laugh or scoff about it.

I'm mean to my friends. I use guys all the time.

strictly because they tend to use me first

I will do anything for revenge. No matter what it is, I'll do it. I always look for the worst in people, just so I can be very hypocritical towards them, in the meantime, acting like the saint that I'm not.

I kept this secret for a really long time. I have no intentions of stopping anytime soon. This is what I know. I'm happy with this lifestyle.

This is my happy place.

anon62046
Post 522

I just figured out that my sister is a sociopath. What an awakening for me. She is 13 years younger than me and has been controlling the family for quite a while. Our parents are dead. She used my mom to get more than the rest of us in her will. Now she is threatening me and telling me that my mind is flawed and that she is "dumbfounded" by my logic.

I cannot change her and I hope I am able to disengage myself from her. I do feel that she will try to hurt me more. We don't live in the same state but she comes here every winter with her brain injured son, on his money. She'll be here next month and I have no idea what to expect. She manipulates our other sister and this sister does not see her as "bad" and this sister is coming to visit at the same time. I'm sort of between a rock and a hard place.

My good sister sides with my bad sister. I will do my best to keep my good sister out of my situation with the bad sister and hope that in time she will figure things our for herself. I have a headache from all of this.

anon62034
Post 521

Like one of the other people in here who posted, I thought I was an alcoholic for years. Went to a 12 step program for almost eight of them. But recently I started to notice how, all my life, other people, even alcoholics, maintained relationships for years and I couldn't. Other people still talked to people they knew since childhood. I just hop from person to person - crowd to crowd, and get tired of people quickly.

People like me don't want to hurt anyone -- it's just that we lack feeling and therefore have no incentive do anything. That's why we are so lazy and can't ever finish anything we start. We get bored easily.

We are very witty, charming, and good with words. Everyone tells us how smart we are, because we are, but we keep dropping out of school, getting fired from or leaving jobs, and always piss people off and wonder what on earth we did wrong.

I have had more than a few roommates who ended up hating me, have tons of unpaid bills, etc. Only recently was I able to deduct that I am, in fact, a sociopath. My own father, and a friend who had put up with me for years both have called me sociopath. At the time, I didn't agree. But, now I realize they were right. My existence is devoid of meaning and the only time I ever feel happy is when I'm intoxicated.

Sociopathy was always the underlying reason for my addiction problems. By the way sociopaths do feel. We feel fear, anger and hurt. We also experience lust. It's like the animal part of our brain is in overdrive. We lack the special thing that makes people human.

We are not pleased about it and sometimes are extremely angry when we see other people being human. "What is everyone so bleeping excited about!?" We envy them.

Some sociopaths lie to themselves, saying "this makes me a better person." I know better; I lack something very important to the human experience: a heart.

anon61997
Post 520

My mother is a sociopath. I'm trying to find a therapist who will believe this even after they meet my mother, and not be fooled from her facade.

anon61808
Post 519

I met someone close to two years ago. He showed signs of being a sociopath right away. I found out he was dating someone else still constantly calling me and/or getting mad at me for one reason or another. I knew right away that this guy would not be an option for a potential partner so I closed the romantic door.

We remained friends for a year but over time he got more and more serious about me and started confessing his love. I would tell him there was no chance in us ever dating. He was relentless in courting after me. After several months of this I started to break and started to think that he had actually changed.

He was playing nicely for quite some time. I thought that maybe his love for me had changed him. Typical, classic textbook traits here that I couldn’t recognize because I got drawn in.

After several months of this one day he told me that he was so low and depressed that he was going to have to put space between us because he loved me too much and it was hurting him that we couldn’t be together. I thought to myself, "What am I doing? This guy is a great guy and he’s in love with me. He’s cute, charming, funny, successful, etc."

I told him that day I would give us a chance and from that day forward we started hot and heavy. He asked me to move in two weeks later, which I did. I got rid of my apartment and all of my things. Weeks after moving in we started arguing. I couldn't voice my opinion because it was always wrong. He would flip every situation around on me to make any issue my fault. He never was accountable for anything. Nothing. It’s like he thought he was absolutely perfect.

I moved in with him in early September and things started going south very early on. This past New Years, only four months since moving in, he got physical with me. He pulled my hair out and threw me down the hall on top of many other things. I called 911 but he stepped on my phone till it was broken then threw it in the tub. After some time of this arguing I lost it and eventually went after him trying to hit him. I was shaking, crying, and screaming don’t you ever hit me again.

Finally the roommates came home to break it up. I had bruises all over my body, a cracked rib, no phone, chunks of my hair missing. I should have gone to a hotel that night and called my family for help but I stayed.

When I woke up the next morning I could barely move. I asked him why he got physical with me. Why would he do that? He replied “because you tried to break up with me”. He had no remorse and even worse he made it seem that he did these things to me because I was attacking him which was completely crazy.

I went after him over an hour of enduring his abuse. I took pictures of my body and told a very close friend of what happened that night. Since then things have gotten progressively worse if you can even imagine. Crazy crazy things.

He texts and calls me several times per hour which he has always done but now I’m realizing these are the traits of a sociopath.

He has selective memory. He has no remorse. He has a terrible temper. He gives me absolutely no space. He calls me names to make me feel bad about myself. He turns every situation around on me to make it my fault. One minute he’s telling me to f* off and get out of the house and the next minute he's telling me I’m more than welcome to stay.

If I don't want to have sex he will get angry or pout even if it makes me cry. Then he'll try to comfort me and as soon as I stop crying try to have sex right away. He's crazy.

He kicked me out of his house last night in a torrential downpour at 11 p.m. I begged to stay and he continued to tell me to leave.

I finally realized that he was doing me a favor and I packed my bags and left. I'm staying with a friend now and I'm planning on having people move my things out over the next two weekends when he's out of town. I'm turning to my friends and family for support and I thank God that I have them.

It just makes me think of the girls in my situation who don't have anyone or anything. My heart breaks for them. I might not have my place anymore or anything to my name but I do have my dignity and I do have my friends and family and that is all I need. The rest I'll figure out one day at a time.

anon61710
Post 518

everyone keep in mind that my boyfriend is very very charming, sweet, intelligent and sounds very educated when he wants to.

I believe I'm dating is a sociopath. When we first met, like every other relationship he was charming and full of exciting stories about his past.

We have been together for two years and now is when i finally open my eyes to a lot of things that just don't seem right to me. At first I noticed the continuous lies to his clients and no he's not a lawyer.

I couldn't understand why simple yes or no answers to his clients would turn into elaborate lies. In time i noticed that he was lying to everyone from strangers in the street when we were together, to his parents, to finally our kids. i couldn't take it anymore and demanded an answer for his constant lies. i made him aware that he was a liar and that it was making me very upset that he had included me in his lies (when i mean lies, I mean liar. he lies about anything -- any small thing). His favorite thing is telling stories in which i can tell that half of his stories are lies.

When it comes to the kids he loves having a sense of control. I could be talking to them and he just gets involved even if i don't ask him to, always wants to know what's going on but is quick to keep certain things to himself about him.

I'm very quick to tend to his needs, especially if he is in a financial jam, but he's very laid back when it comes to me.

For a few months now i noticed every time we argue he would have a reason for every argument and even if I knew for a fact he was wrong, he would never admit to it or say sorry. To him it seems he is never wrong and would find ways to turn things around in every argument.

It was until last night I was watching a show about a possible sociopath in Aruba that kidnapped and killed a young girl in 2005. When they described the behaviors of a sociopath I was shocked. It sounded just like my boyfriend.

There is no doubt in my mind i have to leave this man before things get worse but i must say I'm a bit scared. Although he has never physically hurt me.

anon61446
Post 517

A few days before Christmas, a 12 a.m., the sociopath who had been living with my children and me for eight months had the air conditioning unit and TV on. The air conditioner noise prevented us from sleeping so I asked him to turn it off. He was irate. I was shocked. At about 12 AM I stated that my request was not unreasonable and I was rather shocked by his irate reaction. This behavior from him had been occurring often. I also stated that his frequent displays of anger needs to be addressed or he may need to consider moving and getting a job to support himself. I asked him why his behavior and attitude was so nasty. He said, “You don’t know what nasty is. I’ll show you.”

A couple days before Christmas, sociopath was deceitful, devious, criminal, ( 1990's - 2006 criminal cases, 1990's - 2005 official records ), and malicious as he did not let on that he had intentions of leaving, made plans, took and charged credit cards without my permission, packed, took items in the tens of thousands without my permission - and quietly, stealthily left.

In March, the sociopath, whom I had known before and we were also engaged before, stated that while serving time in jail, he found God, gave his life and heart to Jesus Christ which helped him to overcome his self-centered, deceitful, disrespectful abusive, criminal life style and drug addiction. The sociopath's sinful, immoral actions on Dec. 23 do not reflect this. He also stated that he had been a former worship leader in church and was playing music at church services on a regular basis and stated he had been clean from his drug abuse for years.

I was not aware that he had episodes of relapse (smoking crack cocaine) several months prior to March 2009 which prevented his playing at church. Also that he has also been lazy and not been motivated to have or hold gainful employment for many years which has resulted in homelessness, no vehicle, obtaining food, etc. from charitable organizations, and a history of lying, manipulating, misleading, cheating, stealing from, deceiving, hurting and taking advantage of relationships with family members and former friends. I was told that I was probably his last chance at having a normal life. How insane and unfair for my children and me! He needs professional help and treatment.

In Sept., my disability income stopped. The sociopath stated he would contribute by getting an evening or night job and mentioned other options for work and posted items for sale on Craigslist to help pay bills. He stated that he was not taking advantage and would stop spending since he was unemployed. He did not contribute since he took cash from selling deceased spouse's things, expensive diamond ring (which we took much time to shop for, that he did not pay for) and other items without permission that he said he would pay for, never got a job, never paid me money, caused bills like the electric to skyrocket since he always complained he was hot, (irritable, impatient, threats, verbal abuse, out of control temper) and also said he needed it on to maintain the humidity level for a musical instrument.

He was never hired or employed by me. He made a false statement to the police that he was hired and employed by me, financially dependent on me. I do not think that taking children to and from a nearby school, preparing simple food, light house cleaning, occasional yard work, errands for several months means he is entitled. I have requested that the items be returned to me. He stated that he needs money for his life and his business.

For the last three months, he claimed he was not well so he was visiting the emergency room/urgent care and the clinic for treatment, receiving intravenous pain medications, taking prescription pain medications, eight or more pills at a time due to the lack of what he said was adequate pain relief. He stated he was frustrated as he was not prescribed an adequate amount of pain medication and was also being denied pain medication. I was not aware that his medical problems were related to drug abuse.

I was not aware that he was charging things on a check card he had opened up. It appears that he also told someone that he was stealing - putting money away as he puts it.

It was overwhelmingly difficult to live with this sociopath who at first said he did not know why he was irritable, impatient, insulting, aggressive, agitated, would leave for most of the day, etc. and would work on it. He also cried at times, e.g., once when I had calmly brought up goals and in seeing the misery it created.

I cannot begin to express what we (young children and myself - sick widow) are going through. We have been living with what appears to be of/from pure evil. I am grateful that we are of which may not have been the case when I can recall him asking me what would happen to the kids and him if something should happen to me within the first few months he was here.

He appears to have Antisocial Personality Disorder which is characterized by a long-standing pattern of a disregard for other people’s rights, often crossing the line and violating those rights.

I wish I had known the truth about his behavior and past. Wish I had known what evil we were dealing with. This was written to hopefully help others avoid hurt and harm.

anon61151
Post 516

I know this dentist. He and his wife live and work in OKC. Sadly, I believe they are both sociopaths. Although I don't believe they have killed anyone, neither one has much regard for human life.

They have lied, stolen, cheated and maimed. Neither one will hesitate to create chaos in any situation if it can or might serve to benefit them in any way.

I am frightened for the future of their small children. I am afraid to leave my name. Does anyone have any advice?

anon60727
Post 515

I had a friend/love interest in and out of my life for 27 years. She is 25 years older than I am. When I first met her in 1983 I was a mere 26 years old and she was already 41 years old. She was physically so pretty to me. The Liz Taylor look. Dark hair and the most beautiful blue eyes I ever saw! She was reserved yet seemingly "sweet". I didn't care about the age difference. i just knew I wanted her.

In the incoming weeks she took me off the streets of Phoenix and took me into her home. From then on I would have done anything for her-I loved her so much! Well as it turned out I almost did everything for her, becoming her "Houseboy" technically. She has a sordid past and I knew it (Not all of it) but some of it. I knew she had married and divorced three different men and lived with another for five years before "jumping the fence" and becoming a lesbian. Then I came into her life.

She doesn't care what sex you are. If she can find a weakness and sees you as a commodity-she would screw a knothole in a tree if it had money in it. The days wore on and I was becoming depressed and unhappy. Everything I did for her was never enough. She became bored and decided to play a game on me. She moved me to the second bedroom and then invited a friend over to stay the night. the walls were paper thin. And she knew it. She started making noises like they were having sex while I lay against the wall in the next room crying my eyes out.

The next few days I flew back to the Midwest and picked up my life. But I kept in touch with her for years to come as a "friend". Ten years later, just after my second divorce, I called her again to tell her. Again she pulled me into her web. "I wondered why we never got together?" That was all it took. I spent six weeks getting ready to go back to the Phoenix and during that time spent endless hours talking love and romance to her. She sent me pictures of wedding ring sets with some circled, making me believe she wanted me as a husband. When I flew to Phoenix to meet her she met me at the gate. Instead of greeting me with a passionate kiss and hugs I could see she acted "put out" and peeved off about something. She never got into that romantic stage with me.

She wound up leaving me for another lesbian lover, after i had taken care of her home and dogs while she set up the new romance. I found a letter under her bed that described in detail her every future move with this woman. It ended about a month later when I got a call from this wench stating that she was flying home and that I had to vacate the premises by the time she got home. I was devastated.

After 27 years and doing the homework-I finally know that she is 100 percent sociopath. I just recently broke off all friendship and otherwise with her. I never want to see her again. I hope to God I don't.

anon60661
Post 514

I have a sister who i believe is one. she cares about no one's feelings at all. She has lied to our family and torn us apart. and in the end she does not care. she was kicked out of our house and moved in with our aunt. she did not even seem to care that she does not live with us anymore. she has lied to us and put us through hell for about a year or two. and we have given her so many chances.

anon60471
Post 513

I am a sociopath.

I am a male, sixteen year old. I live in a horrible family held together by fear and manipulation. Both my parents are dead, I currently live with my abusive grandparents. I decided that I'm going to wait till one of them hits me, then I'll call the police and have them charged.

I don't feel emotions, I just have this feeling of apathy all the time. I find it kind of funny, infact on the news there's this earthquake in Haiti and I seriously could care less. They were talking about all the deaths and I just wanted to shout outloud "oh, boohoo, so they died. Move on."

I lie -- a lot. Sometimes I don't even know I'm lying, it just comes out. It's quite useful for manipulation. after about a year in any new school, I have enough information to bring mass rioting and rebellation.

Knowledge is power to me. I worship knowledge, because without knowledge so many things would not be possible.

And believe me, I do have an addiction. I am addicted to math, I use it to fill that emotionless void inside of me.

Now, in general, I hate human contact. Because those sacks of crap are completely useless and worthless. I could care less about anything that happens to them, however I always put on my mask of smiling joy and happiness. But, in reality, I'm apathetic.

Now, I don't commit crimes. However, I have a strong inclination to. I do want to take a knife and stab my grandfather to death, but I don't because I have foresight, and I would rather not go to jail.

I do steal, but it's hardly noticeable. In fact, I haven't had a chance to steal in the past few months.

I think that what caused me to be this way is that as a kid I moved around a lot. And I learned that the less emotions I invested into a person or object the less hurt I would feel if it left. So, now I am a completely materialistic loner who cares about no one but himself.

Have a good life, and for my fellow sociopaths out there: "We are the youth of the nation."

anon60293
Post 512

I am realizing that the man I have been dating for two months is a sociopath. I found a lump in my breast and was scared to death of having cancer and he just lay there and played with his cell phone, had a blank stare and didn't show any feeling at all.

I continued to give him the opportunity to rise up and express some sign of interest and concern or reassurance, and continued to share about my feelings and thoughts, none of which aroused any animated signs of life. most of the time he talks about himself and I don't think he has asked one question about me -- hmmm.

He's an aggressive dog trainer and needs to stay up on coffee and down on pot, and sex seems to be his focus most often with me. He accidentally sent me emails he had been sharing with another woman, very romantic and charming, and no, I wasn't special. The love of his life, his mate that he wants to be with for the rest of his life. No, I was blessed with his email typo, and now can see his charm, disconnect, lies and manipulation. Not to mention, I always felt drained by his chaos and negativity, it often took me a while to get back to center.

His ex tried to warn me and the woman before her tried to warn her. Gotta love those red flags and my gut feelings. It hurts to feel like a fool, but I am counting my blessing and thanking the universe for showing me the truth before I really got hurt.

anon60255
Post 511

Very useful site.

anon60254
Post 510

I didn't realize I might have been constantly talking to a sociopath until someone told me I might be. I've been reading many of these comments and I'd have to say this person seems to resemble a lot of these behaviours.

Not everyone is good and some people really do enjoy putting others down and wrecking things for them. I believe that with time and effort some good can be found in everyone. But that effort isn't always worth it.

I really cared for someone whom I guess I could easily call a sociopath but for years he tore me down. For no reason would fight with me, put me down, lie and simply care for himself. Yet he would often say he did things for others and didn't care for himself. Sure, low self esteem, a lot of charm, even was a good friend often. But his behaviours always turned sour, constantly degrading others and myself included.

I loved him so I tried to talk things out and be okay with him but that never lasted. He'd lie to the point that it'd make no sense and would betray like no other, with what seemed like no regrets. We would be okay at one point and then the next he'd he insulting me endlessly or making me feel like I meant nothing.

To feel like complete dirt because of someone you truly care about isn't a nice feeling. I loved spending time with him because he could often be a good person but it would always end up the same; my own end. I always liked to think better of him until the point that he left me with nothing more.

To this day I think there was some good in him, he was just a lost soul like many others. But if you are tortured to the point of your own depression and wanting to just end things then you have to ask yourself is it worth it? It probably isn't.

For whatever reason you got yourself around a person like this might have been inevitable but learn from it and move on, if they won't be helped then let yourself be free from them.

Don't torture yourself to no exit, you'll simply be getting nowhere. There are many good souls out there. The thing is, not everyone is a good one. But if they truly want, they can change this, and it isn't your job to completely do this for them; they have to want to change too.

-Lilith

anon60249
Post 509

Blah. Interesting to read everyone's comments, but people being manipulated by sociopaths, look; you're being pushovers. (All except the couple intending to leave their nasty daughters to rot.)

Am I saying its your fault? No. But I am saying it's within your power to stop it. Sociopath magnet? You have a problem too. Just a different problem. Get out of their or stay, its up to you.

I know someone who's a sociopath right now. Not out of there; my fault; I can't resist playing with him, he intrigues me. But also a damn pain in the butt.

Sociopaths; if you're sociopaths why do you care? Why do you want to be diagnosed? I suppose what society is really saying is that a sociopath is a person in whom the socialization process just didn't take.

Perhaps their primal instincts or their insubordinate streak got in the way. Society tried to stamp them down. They got angry = jackass.

Thing is, human (modern society) morality (supposedly) has a relatively universal standard that hurting others is bad. Explains why we have so much exploitation and corruption built into our infrastructure, huh?

Those in the system, those outside it -- variations on related breeds.

Nature, on the other hand, has not. Is is really disordered to be a moral nihilist? If something gets you up the food chain, it's all good by nature. Universal morality is a human construct.

Difference does not equal disorder. All depends how far outside the box you fancy thinking.

I make no claims at expertise - this is crap from off the top of my own head. Nor do I expect its original. Said before, said again, I expect.

As for psychopathic pride; are you proud of being a conscientious human being? "Tribal pride" is a recurring feature in the human race. Is this pride surprising?

Also, psychopaths are rejected by societal norms simply by their nature, and aware of this they may also go through life constantly feeling they have something to hide if they're attempting to "play the game". Due to this, accepting those norms as the ideal leads to the dejection and low self-worth often seen in "I think I'm a psychopath" posts. --DF_2010.

anon59592
Post 508

I am the step father of two daughters that are Sociopaths.

It took us, "Mom And Dad," years to put two and two together, no excuses. Maybe it was denial to some degree, what parent wants to accept the truth that both daughters are Sociopaths.

The girls are each unique in which characteristic of being a sociopath is dominant.

Both are violent, but the trigger points are different. Neither cares for anyone but themselves, when they are with each other drama is but seconds away. Everyone is fair game and if one of them is close to being uncovered for a dishonest or unlawful act, anyone and everyone is going down with them even the innocent.

I could one day make a comment that one is acting like peanut butter, and this would trigger

a violent 24 hours of voicemails and threats.

This will go on for months even to the point she doesn't remember why she is upset -- just that at some point something happened and I am going to pay. We started recording the voicemails and threats and keeping a journal.

Cons: Both are brilliant cons, but unique.

Both will sleep with anyone with no remorse or guilt. Male or female partner, even swapping the partner between each other like a contest.

One is narcissistic the other malignant, The Narc Socio one has been in prison off and on since 18 for drugs and DUI's, never once has owned up to being responsible even after serving three years in a state prison. She is the most accomplished con of the two, or most skilled, no self esteem, she has not yet figured out how to use it to an advantage.

Only interested in hurting family members, especially her sister.

When she doesn't get her way she turns uber violent, will grab a bat or knife and attempt to stab or beat whomever did her.

The malignant sister is different, not as accomplished a con but lies about everything and anything, explodes at non issues but seems uncaring of issues that should be important.

Refuses to pay bills, would prefer to explode over the power company turning off the lights for the 12th month in a row but refuses to take responsibility for not paying the bill.

This one is the most devious, very addicted to pills, takes handfuls of xanax at a time. she

faked having cancer to collect money from work, then claims to have been cured. "It's a miracle" and pretends that nobody has figured out she made it up. She used the fake cancer to try and get money from the family. We figured it out at this point, asked to speak with her doctor and she exploded in a rage. No doctor ever turned up, and she claims to not remember the doctor's name.

She's the most dangerous of the sisters, we sleep with a loaded gun now, can't answer the phone.

We are planing an escape from the state, we decided that we can't deal with them any longer and are changing our names and relocating 10 states away. It's either that or I fear I will have to kill one of them breaking in to murder us at some point. Wish us luck!

anon59485
Post 507

A sociopath has charm, a butt to sit on, and is set. They need to get off of it a while.

anon59011
Post 505

Most psychopaths and sociopaths are not murderers, but there are the few who do. Psychopaths are more likely to murder than sociopaths, in my personal opinion.

I'm a psychology student in college right now, and I am studying sociopaths and psychopaths. Thankfully, I have never come across either sociopaths or psychopaths in my life, but I do hope to study and work with them.

anon57789
Post 504

I'm 52 and finally figured out my mother is a sociopath. As a result, practically all my relationships have been with either narcissists or sociopaths due to the fact that "You go with the behavior that you know," meaning anti-social behavior was "normal" to me as I was brought up with it and didn't know differently - though one suspects "something" is wrong.

Thank god I now know my mother's behavior *is* unacceptable and am running away as fast as I can, as we all need to do.

There is no help for these people as they are missing a genetic link for empathetic behavior. Scientists are now able to "detect" a sociopath from MRIs performed on their brains which have abnormal brain waves. This information is available online.

So if you have a sociopath or narcissist in your life: get rid of them. And I don't care how "cute" you think he/she is, for you will be the loser in the end with your precious life piddled away on someone who is incapable of giving a hoot for anyone, save themselves.

If you accept a sociopath's behavior patterns, you need to objectively look at your own family's dynamics to understand what it is about you that allows you to accept the unacceptable -- like being treated like dirt for no reason at all.

I'm only giving the advice I wish I'd received 30-plus years ago as my life would be much different and happier than it is now.

Good luck everyone. We need it. Adios from New Mexico, Cynthia.

angeline25
Post 502

Right now it's trying to fight with this crazy, sick, deranged person who won't see me in person but feels that he can control my life, which is so strange to me. He won’t see me, won’t even talk to me anymore, but still feels he can control me. I don’t get it and I’m confused because that is strange behavior even for a sociopath.

He feels he is entitled to controlling me and makes sure I can’t do anything but he can do what he wants, plus never see me or rarely contact me. When he does contact me he just degrades me. The game is that I get so mad and frustrated I drive an hour to go see him which to me is the biggest nightmare because it just is and he may not allow me at his place and who knows what else -- degrade or abuse me for showing up then kick me out. He's mad because I’m not playing his game and showing up so he's upping the psych torture, which is designed to make me drive there in torturous anger and frustration but I don’t do it out of major fear.

I’m so mad that this is his method for getting me over to his place, this horrid abuse that he can’t just invite me over -- he has to torture me. It’s a scary situation I can’t just walk away because it’s not possible to. It's a bad trap and just a strange situation to me.

It revolves around the holidays too, as we never spent a holiday together because it was always revolved around this torture and abuse. he won’t invite me over but will rearrange circumstances so that he’s ignoring me.

I’m frustrated and want to see him and he keeps tormenting me so I show up at his place which I’m too scared to do and never do anyway.

I don’t know of other sociopaths who've done this. It seems too crazy to me but it is just really hard to understand and deal with that in order to see each other you have to go through this kind of stressful frustrating horror and it is a mind game that you can’t get away from.

angeline25
Post 501

Being alone is ok, but the problem is, once you're victimized by someone or even have formed attachments, you feel you can't be alone or live without that person. That's what it's designed to do-- make you fear being alone so you stay clinging to that person when in reality loneliness is not bad, but it's the attachment that person created with them which you can't get rid of, which would make you feel even lonelier if you tried to break it off. That's what most people fear, because you were alone prior to meeting the person and you were generally faring ok.

It’s trying to convince yourself of how to get rid of that fear. That is hard because the manipulator has made you believe you aren't anything without the person or emphasized how alone you would be without that person and ingrained it in your mind somehow. that's what the abused victim can’t get away from,: the serious brainwashing and mind manipulating that was done to them.

angeline25
Post 500

well this is true, though there are many reasons. It’s not that easy with deep rooted brainwashing and conditioning and tons of mental abuse. i know why it's happening but I can't stop it because of the nature of the abuse, though I'm trying. I have tried to seek professional help but so far the counselors I’ve been to weren't very good. It's hard for anyone in an abusive situation to get away especially based on the situation.

I was in love with him too, but it was more a conditioning like stockholm syndrome. right now it's more like I feel like a prisoner and want to get away. The worst part is we’re not even together physically and I can't get away but it is hard with a sociopath in the sense that you don’t want to believe the things they do. You see them right before your eyes, you know the truth but you can't believe they are this cruel. E.g., times he was kissing me goodbye, I believe there was a male prostitute or male 'buddy' driving right past us about to go to his place or other sick things like that.

He offered to have sex with homeless people and I think was stalking this homeless man outside his complex, and I think kicked me out so he could try to get with him one day things like that are horrifying and you don’t have the proof but in some cases you know, and don’t want to believe and you can’t believe, especially if you are in love or love the person. For me, the SP took advantage because I had been through a lot of abuse and really had no real support or friends so I was an easy target for him to get me to become attached to him and mentally torture me so he could make me the puppet he wanted. but he took advantage of the love/kindness I had and is an extreme manipulator. They are master manipulators and it is terrible. People should just beware of them in general.

I have no sympathy for them and many seem to be proud of their evil actions and yes charming -- that's what they get by on-- their charm, that narcissism and that facade of what they seem to be, even if you know the truth.

well I know the truth but still can't get away because the SP made me want him so badly but never let me be with him and that’s his game so that i can keep wanting to be with him and in that case never leave him. Regardless, it is a sick game and they are sick people. I hope people realize and get away before they have you hooked and their puppet or yes just drain you dry of anything you possess.

amypollick
Post 499

angelina, I feel for your situation. However, you've got to realize you *can* do something about this guy. You can leave him. He is doing all these horrible things to you with your permission and compliance. You are his willing victim. Stop taking his phone calls. Stop calling him. Don't have any contact with him except to tell him to get lost and never contact you again.

I've been alone and without a man before. I would rather be alone to the end of my days than to subject myself to the kind of humiliation and abuse you are suffering.

I honestly think you need to see a counselor to find out why you are willing to allow this creature to treat you this way. He obviously needs help, but I think you need to see someone who can help you understand why you are allowing this behavior. Good luck.

angeline25
Post 498

Women think they have it bad, but imagine your 'partner' (not that he is a partner) refusing to have sex with you, but offering to have sex with anyone alive, molesting your cats or trying to. This person has never even slept in a bed with me two nights in a row.

He claims that beds are for f* and we don't f*. He won’t even be with me in person. he tried and I believe molested my cats while living with me.

While living with me he refused to touch me while he was molesting my cats. He refused to sleep in a bed with me or do anything with me. Rejects me sexually and laughs about it -- even says that I would like rape from someone else, because of the fact that he won’t have sex with me.

He worships prostitutes. He is one of the sickest people I’ve ever heard of. he mentally tortures virgins. those who are so cruel to the most innocent, abusing animals, even raping them in many forms. these people are criminals or worse. this one is extreme but they are capable of anything. no sympathy or remorse for them. maybe the ones who step up and admit at least kudos to that, but they are monsters and will be in hell.

angeline25
Post 497

To add to the previous post: -this crazy 'sociopath' refused to have sex with me for two years---what? he is so cruel that because I’m a virgin he refuses sex with me, and laughs and says "i don’t wanna f* you. get someone else to break you in so i can f* ya then."

this sick psychotic man is a slut and offers to have sex with anyone, anywhere. he is crazy, insane, deranged. He even has sex or tries to have sexual relations with animals. He is a sex addicted, promiscuous sadist and maniac, who did all this just to mentally torture a virgin girl who's never had sex or a boyfriend. How cruel can that be? So cruel i can't fathom it. The things this sick person has done are beyond shocking. I can't say that garbage crap like that isn’t going to hell one day. I pray he is, but these are the worst. they are not human. how can their behavior be considered human? They are monsters. Worse. Lower than the devil himself, I think.

angeline25
Post 496

How can you say they are not monsters? the things these people do -- they are horrible. Give me a break. I have a sociopathic "boyfriend" but he is not a BF. He is the devil. He uses me like a mouse to play with, but he won't even see me in person. He tortures me mentally and makes me want him just to reject me and have me do and say things to please him so he'll 'want' to see me. He does this week after week: terrorizing me, refusing to see me, saying I'm not saying the right things, then finally he'll "have me come over". It is not without horror. I can only go 'this day or by this time."

Usually he'll call in the morning and tell me if i want to come which is still rare, he calls and if i don’t answer, then that was my chance to see him. then there is not another chance.

when i go to see him I have to be dressed a certain way, with make up and these high heels that make me look like a prostitute.

The weeks he doesn't see me he calls me and makes me call myself a "piece of s* whore." he said i was the 'love of his life" but he is torturing me for fun sadistically. When i see him, he abuses me, degrades me, physically abuses me, treats me like a rag doll. He terrorizes me and destroys my property. It is hell and horror. He then kicks me out after a few hours -- or less -- and never lets me stay the night. If he does let me stay the night, there are rules. I can’t leave the apartment and if i need water or if I’m sick, I’m stuck. Or if i leave, I get locked out. After he kicks me out for no reason i can’t return and have to drive an hour back home. Then wait to see him again because he has mind tortured me into wanting to see him and made me love him so he can torment me in this cruel way.

there is a lot more and he keeps making me write more and more, and judges based on what I write and it is never 'good enough" and makes me write nice things but gives me nothing and keeps getting this supply. This is horror and you’re telling me these sociopaths are not monsters. Of course they are. they are inhuman, sick people.

They shouldn’t be in this society. Throw them on an island together and let them destroy each other, rather them taking advantage of nice people or others. They are sub human. He sees his ‘apartment complex’ people every day. He is torturing me because I’ve never had a bf or a relationship and I’m alone and using me….

they are worthless people-- they do evil to others. I know that seems harsh but all the criminals who are hurting people are sociopaths. How can you pity them? Many know the difference between right and wrong but don't care .they can't stop their impulses? unless they can be rehabilitated how can you feel pity for them while they are out destroying others?

anon57397
Post 493

I have a history of Conduct Disorder, ADHD and psychopathic tendencies.

I've been in over 50 fights, I've gone looking for a few boys with my knife of whom I never found and I robbed a boy at a bus stop before.

I have been called sadistic in not so many words by my psychiatrists and called sadistic outright by others.

I used to throw frogs on the ground to kill them without ever feeling bad.

I used to wet the bed way after I should have stopped, I lie all the time (especially if there's something in it for me), I manipulate people and play them off against each other, I steal from college, I am very impulsive, I get angry a lot every day, I try and start fights in college, I have trouble tolerating boredom, I used to play with fire, I'm only nice to people when I want something, I don't know what's going to happen to me in the future and don't care either.

I have broken the law many many times, I'm always looking in the mirror and am quite narcissistic. I've been drinking heavily for nearly a year and used to smoke weed. I'm always irritable and aggressive, I hate the police and I brag all the time.

My psychologist said it's difficult to diagnose Antisocial Personality Disorder in people with Autism.

She said this because Asperger's Syndrome is commonly misdiagnosed as a personality disorder.

She also said that I meet all the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder and it's more than likely that I've got it.

I used to get punched in the face by my dad, but the other day I kicked him hard in the stomach when we had an argument. I have more recently punched him in the back too.

I don't have a conscience, either.

But one thing I don't have is superficial charm.

I am a perfect match for what I've read of aggressive sociopaths.

Does this mean I'm a sociopath?

anon56326
Post 488

The fact of the matter is that i don't want to deal with the sociopath mother i have. the problem being my father, whom i love to death doesn't want to hurt his ex-wife, even though she's the one who left him, won't let me stay away from her. i would like to hear some of your opinions on the matter for i haven't gotten an answer yet that helps. i am christian so nothing stupid please.

anon56043
Post 486

All of you want attention. Seriously, quit posting things about your personal lives on the internet.

anon55539
Post 485

Seems like half the people here are sociopaths (or claim to be) and are very proud of it. The other half seem to be "enablers," people who tolerate, and even encourage the sociopaths in their behavior.

The enablers say things like: "My boyfriend is a sociopath, but he's a good person, I love him," or "my ex-husband was a sociopath, that bastard! He ruined my life, but I still care for him." The enablers, I take it, have a disorder of their own where they expect or enjoy being treated like garbage. Perhaps the sociopaths and enablers deserve one another.

anon55149
Post 484

I think many of those posting here self-diagnosing themselves as sociopaths should also look up schizoid personality disorder, which is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, and emotional coldness in persons aged eighteen years and older.

Sociopaths are way more than that, they tend to have other issues such as manipulation, anger/violence, inability to plan ahead, impulsiveness, chronic lying, etc.

Just not having feelings towards people doesn't make you a sociopath automatically.

anon55015
Post 483

Hello, I'm Bob, and I'm not an alcoholic. I am a sociopath, though.

First, to everyone whose been abused or mistreated at the hands of a sociopath, I'm sorry. You obviously crossed paths with those of us that have discovered what we are and use it to benefit.

Most of us aren't like that, however. It's unfortunate, and it's something we can't help. Most of us don't intentionally lie and cheat.

The first thing I'd like to address is the substance abuse issue. We're not just unable to bond with others, we're also incapable of bonding with ourselves.

This usually (not always) is a response to something that happened when we were young, and we've grown up keeping the world, and ourselves, at a distance.

And so, to bring those walls down, we drink. Or smoke, inhale, or inject. It also fills in the emotional void that otherwise is untouched. Once we're intoxicated, at least now we feel something.

Then we get sober, and realize what the substance has done. Oh god, here we go now. And now, to run from ourselves, and whatever else we've caused, we run back to the substance.

Fortunately for me, I've never fallen for the trap of addiction. I was lucky enough to grow up surrounded by addicts, and I was able to keep things in check. But I have come close.

It's hard to discuss or explain the lying, but I'll make an attempt. Typically, things start out with good intentions, and the large part of what we say about something is true.

Then, as time wears on, and things start going in a direction we don't like, we lie to cover those things up or avoid dealing with them because we're unsure of how to. But the more lies you tell, the more you have to hide, necessitating more lies.

And as we grow and experience things, we become used to things ending terribly, so we stop trying to prevent it. That's probably how most victims in romantic relationships end up being cheated on. "If this is going to end and fall apart anyways, why should I stop myself from sleeping with someone else?"

It's not right, but that would appear to be how it is. And that's why I've avoided romance.

I think the easiest way to explain being a sociopath is to compare it to buying a puzzle at the store, but once you get it home, some of the pieces aren't there.

From my own experience, I'm able to process and feel negative emotions such as sadness or anger in a normal way, but I don't feel things like happiness or love the same way. Or at least I can't express my feelings in normal ways.

But, since you won't know you're missing the parts of the puzzle until you're done, you still have most of the picture, and you can still look at it and know what it is.

Much like how you have the "picture" of the person a sociopath is, but as you work at it you discover pieces are missing.

When we initially meet people, we charm the ones that we might like, but when we discover that we don't, we don't really know how to "dispose" of them, and that's when people who we aren't romantically involved with feel cheated and misled.

Unfortunately for society, some of us learn how to control these abilities that we have and are able to use them for personal profit, but that isn't most of us.

I hope I've been able to contribute something to this discussion, and I thank you for reading what I've had to say.

anon54816
Post 482

Are there grandmothers out there? The mother of my grandchildren is on meds for bipolar and depression. She's a control freak, liar, with no empathy for anyone.

She controls me by keeping my grandchildren from me if I say or do something she doesn't like. My son is in denial. And believes everything she says. He smokes pot and has a drinking problem.

I've tried to protect my grandchildren from their parents. But the constant lying by the mother has exhausted all my efforts.

I feel from reading your posts that it will get a lot worse. My mother and son believe her and her lies. It breaks my heart. when the grandchildren call I don't answer the phone. They don't understand.

anon54624
Post 480

Sociopaths should be seen as higher forms of being. The necessity to be constantly victimized by emotions and whatnot is the downfall of men; by overcoming that barrier, those generally labeled as sociopaths manage to bring Homo sapiens as a species to a more superior level.

Empathy is mistakenly evaluated to be over-significant. The rightful selection of social Darwinism is jeopardized due to excessive empathy in decisions. The capability to view others as simply a matter of calculation is a transition from being merely animalistic creatures to incorporating scientific computation as to ascend human beings' stand.

Morals are fickle; simply a product of social manipulation. To identify lying, stealing, for example, as foundationally wrong by law is ignorant. There is no reason to conform to what another view as right or wrong. The concept in itself is subjective and is fallible in nature. Think again.

anon54569
Post 479

My personal experience with the father of my four year old daughter, that has been my partner for six years (i also have an eight year old son) is really irrelevant in the issues at hand.

First of all, i think it is virtually impossible for there to be a complete and accurate definition or label to a "personality disorder." each person will make that definition according to there life story. one thing is undisputed: whether or not we "normal" people can understand or relate to a logic behind someone becoming so selfish and heartless.

They (sociopaths) were cheated and not given a very important and crucial survival tool that was just given to most people. i think it is so sad from a mother's and lover's standpoint. what a crappy hand to get dealt and never have a real chance for a better one.

It is hard to love someone so much knowing you will never be able to connect with or be genuinely loved by that person.

in my personal relationship, there were a lot of these labeled unhealthy issues. but i can honestly say we both tried in every way each one knew how. but six years later, I and my kids still love him very much, and can't change how we feel. But I have been forced to accept the things i can't change.

our language will never have the same meanings and in order to not cause more heartache for me or damage to my babies, i have to let go, completely.

It's pretty damn sad that mainly we mothers, and this human race, have screwed up the lives of the ones we brought here,(our babies) so bad, and we can't figure out a way to fix the problem anymore than labeling our damaged product as permanently broken and dangerous? --mthranda

anon54304
Post 478

Please read. I need help. My mom pulled up a page on sociopaths for me to look at. She's convinced I am and after reading all the symptoms I'm starting to think I am too.

I've been telling myself for the last four years that I've simply been diagnosed with a major depression but I'm not sure that's the case anymore.

I am 18 and I thought the life i was living is what every 18 year old did. I went through high school with a lot of friends. I had a couple of best friends that I kept all four years. For the most part I am an outgoing, popular, kind girl but I felt it was always fake. I was never truly happy. I felt I was scheming and I would always find myself lying about anything to get what I wanted.

I feel like I always need to be the center of attention and I have the ability to use that "charm" you speak of to get my way. I am sexually promiscuous (without out ever feeling regret anymore) and I can never seem to ever get close to someone. I've had relationships that last about a month or two then I get bored and move on to what I consider something better.

I am constantly worrying and thinking of what other people think and find bad in just about everyone. I hate authority and seem to be reckless. I have this feeling that I am invincible and put myself into dangerous situations yet I don't care about the consequences because I deal with them and things usually turn out fine.

I'm a very big manipulator and I feel like I'm a con artist in the making. I steal almost every time I go out shopping. Drama and constant stimulation are a necessity for me. I feel like my life has to be one big movie. I have a hard time trusting anyone and automatically assume everyone hates me when in fact they do not.

I've already gotten in trouble with the law several times because of my carelessness. I rarely ever accept responsibility or blame for my actions. I am constantly changing my lifestyle (moving around a lot).

I would have never known I had this disorder until I researched it. I thought I was just a normal teen rebelling and it would all eventually come to an end but as I get myself into more and more trouble I'm starting to get scared. Am I a sociopath and if so what do i do now?

anon54037
Post 477

I'm getting the feeling that i might be a sociopath. I feel like i'm a very morbid and cynical person. Very monotone. A lot of things don't worry me. I'm not worried about my health or crashing my car. I've even considered suicide just to avoid certain situations.

Other people's problems don't really bother me unless they some how affect me or my usual routine. I recently found out a friend of mine got pregnant which she really didn't want. I remember driving home from work laughing to myself, thinking about how funny it was that it happened and how interesting it would be to watch these events unfold.

I've stolen before without remorse and tried to justify my actions. I've even stolen before because i know people wouldn't expect me to have done it and it amuses me to watch people try and solve a problem even though i know the answer.

I enjoy extreme violence and reading about it. I enjoy blood running down my hands. None of this seems to bother me but i know that they should. Just need some advice. ASAP

anon53598
Post 476

Mizz Shady and anon52340 I am on the fence between your two arguments.

Anon52340, I don't think you can compare the damage a sociopath can do to a PMSing woman. It just doesn't seem like a good comparison to me. However, I thank you for your break down of the two types of sociopaths. It was very insightful and I really am no expert but I have my opinions.

Mizz Shady, I agree with you to the extent that type two sociopaths should be dealt with by using severe action, but not so strongly as to kill them. I'm not sure what an adequate solution would be, but I know that the blood of those people on my hands, and soulless or not, it would make me feel like a horrible person. Being responsible for someone else's death would be the death of me.

Anon52340 I think that you need to understand that the worst damage a sociopath can do to someone isn't murdering them. It's not always easy to escape from someone with this disorder, even though you know it's only doing you harm. Being near them becomes an addiction, and you keep telling yourself that, despite the fact that they've done horrible things to you, they have to feel something inside. There must be some empathy in them, you ache for that charm that they hold. Escaping can be the hardest choice a person has to make and even still after escaping that choice can haunt them and make them think that just maybe things will be better if they go back -- even though clearly it won't. It's a terrible trap.

Also, personally, I believe that yes, type two sociopaths are monsters. They are inhuman humans. I don't think that they should be allowed to mingle with the possible victims in modern day society. I'm not saying that they should be killed, but they shouldn't be allowed to take any more victims. And I'm not just referring to murder when I speak of victims. --Kay

anon53406
Post 475

For all you people saying that sociopaths have no soul, or should be killed or anything along those lines, you have no idea what you talking about!

I recently found out the man i love has been diagnosed as a sociopath. I have known him and loved him for over two years, and i have been hurt many times throughout that period. After researching it online i began to realize that he does fit the description in many ways: the lying, stealing, charm, substance abuse and he does have a lack of remorse, but at the same time he has done a lot to prove that he does love me and he does care.

A lot of people and articles have said they will make you think they love you so they can "win" in order to get what they want or drain your bank account etc. Well i have no bank account. when i met him i worked part time at a fast food restaurant, i lived with my mom, both of my parents were in debt so there was no money for him to try and "win." my car was broken down in the carport. he's the one who paid to fix it. i didn't have much to offer him yet he was still by my side.

We weren't together long before we found out we were going to have a baby, and he was happy as anyone could ever be, truly happy. When we lost that baby it crushed us both.

He didn't milk the situation or try to put the focus on himself or make anyone feel sorry for himself. he did what he could to comfort me, putting his own feelings to the side. Shortly after that we found out we were pregnant again, and once again he was thrilled. He was there for me throughout the pregnancy. Toward the end when i couldn't sleep comfortably, he would spent the whole night sleeping on his side so i could prop my leg up on his hip and be comfortable. Regardless of what "act" he was putting on, why would someone who didn't care about anyone but themselves sacrifice their own comfort just so their partner could get a good night's sleep?

When our son was born i had to have an emergency c-section, and he stayed by my side the whole time, and for two weeks afterward i was in a lot of pain and he did what he could to help. when i couldn't even bend over to wash myself he would stand in the shower and do it for me.

when i was still in the hospital he would help me to change dirty pads because i couldn't do it myself. He was there to help me out of the bed when i couldn't get up myself. That's a lot to do for someone that has no soul or just doesn't care.

He and his little brother had a very rough life. Their parents were drug addicts and spent most of their lives in jail, and he did everything he could to make sure his brother was taken care of, went to school and worked just to make sure his little brother didn't end up on the streets. That's a lot for someone without a soul or just don't care.

He spent two years of his life with a woman he hated, just for her kids. He treated them like his own. She refused to take care of them so he stuck around to make sure these kids were taken care of and loved, a pretty big move for someone without a soul.

He had a drug problem before he met me. He had quit for a while and fought it off the best he could while we were together because he knew how much i hated it. He quit drinking because he knew i hated it. We didn't have much money and sometimes he would blow it on himself out of greed and selfishness, but at the same time he always made sure our son had what he needed and that we never went without.

When times got really bad, me, him, his brother, and my son were all staying together. We were running out of food, and had no money, he went and did 3-400 hundred dollars worth of work in someone's house in exchange for 100 dollars in food stamps, just to make sure we had food. That's a lot for someone without a soul.

He has said a lot of hurtful things, he has lied to me and when things got really bad he blamed me. I'm not saying he's perfect. All i'm saying is for those who say sociopaths have no soul, or cannot love another person, that's the biggest crock I've ever heard in my life.

He's done a lot to hurt me but he's done even more to prove that he loves me and his family, far too much to be an act, especially considering the fact that he didn't get anything out of it except love. He didn't get any money, or cars, or houses -- nothing, just love.

He has a problem, and it's something that he cannot help. He doesn't try to hurt me or make me feel bad, it just happens before he realizes what's going on. He is currently seeing a psychic and trying to learn to manage it and talk more about his feelings so we can be together and be happy and raise our family together.

anon52340
Post 474

mizzshady: What is wrong with you? You're out of your mind. Sociopaths should be put to death? These are not serial killers. There is key difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. Your opinion is also faulty due to personal bias. You dated a deceptive man who broke your heart and has sociopathic tendencies. Did it ever occur to you to get away from a monstrous person when signs of abuse or lack of caring started to show? Do allow me to cry for your own idiocy at dating the wrong person. Again, key: wrong person. We all end up dating the wrong person at some point in time. My advice is to look past your own convictions and speak from rational thinking instead of emotional turmoil.

The kind of person you're speaking of is not the poster boy for sociopaths. I don't care how utterly disgusting he is as a human being. He is not the face of all sociopaths. Get that through your head. While I am glad you got out of that relationship, I implore you to wisely push that breed of person into a different category. Your everyday sociopath is not that category. Your lack of understanding is what drives your ignorance to a breaking point. I'm truly astounded by it.

Soldiers of Satan? Perhaps your ex was. But not all sociopaths are. As a matter of a fact, most aren't! Your everyday corporate tyrant is likely to be a sociopath. Do you see his wife dead or being beaten daily? Unlikely.

Let me spell things out for you. I found a few good flaws in this article. In case you're wondering, yes, I do know what I'm talking about.

A sociopath can range from some minor tendencies that mark him/her as such, or a severe sociopath that is largely disconnected in many aspects. Note when I say ‘Marked’ I mean that in the case of no. 1, this is someone who is being wrongly compared to a psychopath because they have mere tendencies. No. 1 is not a full blown sociopath.

Marked Sociopath No. 1: Tends to tell lies (we've all done it before) for one reason or the other. Mainly to avoid trouble from falling upon his shoulders. Does not deal with the pressure of blame well. Thus, is prone to the 'point the finger' method. Childish to those who don't appreciate such actions .(most of us) is capable of love and will lie to not hurt those that they care for. May not open up to others well. Inadvertently and usually without knowing why they told a stupid lie to a loved one, they’re avoiding any form of guilt. By him lying to someone he cares about, he’s avoiding hurting the person who will give him much grief and trouble over the matter.

Despite his caring, this does serve him for selfish purposes even if he truly doesn’t wish to hurt a loved one as well. When they get away without telling the truth, they usually brush the incident off like it never happened. Thus, they don't need to feel guilty. Personable. Extremely intelligent. Not an alcoholic or drug user. Can come from any family. Like anyone else, likes getting what they want. Knows right from wrong and -sometimes- chooses to do as they please despite the consequences. Why? Because they're well aware of them half the time and are prepared to deal with it in their own way.

Overall, this is a description of a lot of people in the world. This person has obvious faults but is not deserving of death. And below is the more extreme this article chooses to focus on.

Marked Sociopath no. 2: Adept at manipulation to the point they're so used to it, there is no guilty feeling when using any and all forms of manipulation. Lie as they please and seek out sympathy to get what they want. Will commit crimes without care and even more inclined as long as they are likely to not be caught. Sometimes will commit crimes in likely knowing they'll get caught yet clearly don’t care. This is generally due to a combination of rage and lack of empathy. Even so, they will justify the action to themselves or own up to it without fault (due to being completely caught red handed) because they believe it was fine. Thinks himself above the law for one reason or the other. Generally, an extremely selfish person. Thrill seeker in some socially acceptable ways, yet this can morph into thrill seeking in ways that are unorthodox. If prone to drug use, the need for that better high or more feeling due to drugs or adrenaline from thrill seeking acts is due to always wanting more. This explains why they want to be winners. Winners obtain more and hold more. Thus the ideal of getting to that high point and achieving the feeling of being “better than the rest.” Emotionally they are disconnected yet are extremely intelligent enough to adapt to acting as though they are caring individuals. This is how a sociopath can be the most personable person you’ve ever met. They blend into society easily because of this adaptation trait. Psychopaths generally are not capable of this. While a psychopath is extremely secretive to the point you'd really have no idea he was a complete loon and charming enough to make someone look past that mystery, a severe sociopath can flexibly change themselves to appear the farthest thing from what they are.

Like any other person, a sociopath is capable of extreme acts of violence and what not. Terrible things so on and so forth. Regardless -- until someone commits an act so heinous they deserve death, I would not condemn them to it. Just because someone is capable of something terrible, does not mean they should be murdered just because of possibility. How many women should be shot in the head when they go ballistic from PMS? And yes, PMS has urged women to breaking points in which they have killed people. Plus, have you ever seen what birth control does to females in the first month? Psycho doesn’t cover it for some. Shall we slaughter the makers of birth control? They are essentially playing with a person’s hormones and this does not go over well for some. Just based on mere possibility, should we ban birth control as well? By your rationale displayed, yes. I digress however, I wholeheartedly disagree. All humans are capable of murder. It is instinctual.

Mizzshady, your own hatred towards the one who wronged you is understandable. Yet by so carelessly displaying your own wish for every sociopath’s death, you are the one who seems less level headed than the ones you hate. A tyrannical attitude such as that has no place for validity.

I’m just telling you to see people as they are. Not all sociopaths are monsters in disguise.

anon52287
Post 473

I have dated a sociopath for four years and it cost me a tremendous lot emotionally.

It was strange, because from the beginning, even before dating him, I found some things that were really strange with him.

His mother came from the east coast to visit and basically saw him for one day and took a train up north to travel around and then came back a month later for like a day and then left, after not seeing him for a couple of years. He was always withdrawn from dinners I used to cook for about 30 people during the holidays, even though I invited his friends and family, so he would feel comfortable.

He started to put me down for cooking dinners and acting like a slum for no reason. I didn't realize he was anti-social -- I have never dealt with this before. I did know that he had PTSD from serving in Afghanistan.

He also drank Jack Daniels everyday and used drugs on a consistent basis (something else I found out later). He had a great job as a manager in Long Beach and was fired because he tested positive for cocaine. Initially he told me a lie that the big managers were having meetings and they told him to take a few days off until the meetings were over (I smelled something rotten in Denmark). Then, he told me the truth, that he got fired.

He told me that he got fired on purpose so I would leave him and it was my fault, of course, that he got fired.

He hasn't had a stable job since then. He has purposely caused me tremendous pain for the last four years and has never felt remorse. He had all of his friends and family believing that I was crazy and constantly chasing him, when all I wanted was to communicate for answers. He acted very, very childish and empty.

He has beat on me a few times out of nowhere and I was the one wrong for calling the cops. Thankfully, I am out of the relationship forever and have taken time for myself. Reading these poses has been extremely helpful. They answer a lot of questions that come from your head, heart and soul. I now feel at peace and am able move forward. Hopefully, I will make a better choice in a man.

anon52285
Post 472

I love being a sociopath. It is a skill, not a disorder.

anon51849
Post 470

You know what my wife said I have some of these traits and yes Ive lied to her. That doesn't mean I don't feel pain for lies I would tell her. I just didn't want to start fights about me hanging out with friends and smoking pot. How selfish I've been about things I realize and I couldn't believe she had the nerve to tell me to stop acting like a sociopath.

I feel bad though I put her through so much crap, getting over hanging out with friends and smoking dope. I pushed her away -- my best friend -- the woman I got married to, and it's like I would do anything to make what I did right.

I've been working so hard to not tell lies about anything. Nothing stupid, nothing trivial. I want my wife and son back. I want them to have a happy home and I want my son to have one set of parents, not two. My wife said there is no trust left in our relationship, and I would do anything to rebuild that trust. I'm going to a therapist to talk to them about my problems and I realize that my marriage problems were 100 percent me, but I refuse to believe that I have something genetically wrong with me that I have to tell a lie about anything. I've given up pot and I gave up hanging out with people that were my friends. I realized who and what is important to me. It's just that it took me too long to grow up out of this phase. I don't blame anyone but myself.

If my wife does give me another chance then I will make the best of it. I will never screw things up with her by risking hanging out with crumb bums or telling lies about stupid things. I can't believe I've pushed my best friend to the point where she's considering a divorce.

I feel so guilty for all the mistakes I made and want to right my wrongs. I can't be a sociopath. I will work on my problems and try to restore what I have lost.

I hope you all do not hate me because I have lied, and hurt my wife with my lies. I never cheated on her with another woman and never looked at another woman the way I do her and never will.

I just need to grow up and finish school and show her that I want a real family for my son. It's the only thing I've got to go on.

anon51580
Post 469

To everybody who thinks they recognize themselves in the description of the sociopath, check out pervasive personality disorders first; it's a more likely diagnosis.

mizzshady
Post 468

I am getting so mad right now reading this crap. Anon 605 thank you for helping me prove my point that every sociopath needs to be put to death. That will be the very first time I will go about my day with no regret. All of them -- every single one of them. My ex is a sociopath. It is the biggest hell anyone can survive. They do not let up or hold anything back and they do it in the most deceptive way -- far greater then any normal person can even relate to. It’s been a year and a half since we have been broken up. I'm still just as much in love with him as I was that first day we met. It was pretty much love at first sight. I am one of the lucky ones. I'm still here and alive. I made it out and I didn't die.

Anon605, thank you so much for speaking out. Hell yeah. You may be lying through your teeth right now, which is exactly what I expect from every single sociopath. but your problem is that you all can make choices not to be bad and think that, in fact, you are not sick at all. You are exactly perfectly normal just like we are. The only difference is you’re spawn from Satan. You’re Satan’s soldiers. You’re walking around in empty cages we humans would call a body. You have no soul. but your brain works just as well as us normal people. In fact the sociopaths are the dumber of the two. Let’s put it this way: if the saying was true (father like son or son like father) sociopaths are the six-year-olds belonging to psychopaths, Everything about sociopaths is childlike. Think of it this way: six-year-old brains walking around in adult body. They act like kids. They don't know how to share or be polite.

The exact clone of a sociopath pretty much is the psychopath, but the psychopaths are more planned out, more intelligent -- genius level, in fact. Sociopaths are spoiled rotten, selfish, rude, abusive, lying, vengeful, calculating, thieves, drunk losers who don’t give a crap about anything but what it is that they want at this very instant.

Sociopath creatures shouldn’t walk free among us normal people. They all should be dumped on a deserted area of land to live among themselves. That is my wish for everyone of these evil satan experiments. I know exactly what these things are -- they are sane as you and me but they lack the ability to connect with humans. They never learned how to bond with people. They are unable to connect. They have no sense of guilt, period, unless they are affected by their bad choices and then they regret causing themselves pain. They never learned how to connect with people. The bonding process between them and their mothers never happened. They had no one their bonding with them.

That age between 0 and 6 months is where infants gain the ability to bond and feel and connect with people. They can never be helped. There is no fixing them. If that process isn't learned during that 6 month widow it will never develop. Once a freak always a freak.

Warn everyone you see about these predators. Tell anyone who will listen to you talk about it. It is our duty to warn people about this very dangerous threat among us. No one is safe. They know right from wrong. They are not mental at all. Their brains are just as good as ours are. They just have no hearts inside. They are empty creatures. I’m really not even sorry about saying they all should get the electric chair and be removed from our world. Every last one of them.

Survivors, hold your heads up high my friends, because you survived an experience far greater than the soldiers in Vietnam did. Thank about that. You feel drained, exhausted, broken, abused, violated, embarrassed, humiliated and you even feel like you’re about to go over the deep end. Yes, I get that, I understand that. I really, really understand every emotion. Guess what, you guys? Even though you wish more than anything in this world that you had never met them, just think about this: they didn't win. They didn't break you. You’re here and you’re alive. Yes, you made it out alive.

Do not spend another second ever thinking about those pieces of crap ever again. They are lost in every way possible -- trust me. They lost because you’re here and alive and not broken. They lost. They lose a second time too. Life is short so short and they lost here on this earth but guess what? They are burning in hell for an eternity. They will suffer for an eternity my friends. Don't even feel sorry for that pile of trash. Other than educating others about their existence on this earth with us, give them no other thought. You may have had a few years of hell, but by them doing that to you they bought themselves a one way ticket to hell. Believe me -- that is exactly where they will stay.

Free your minds and your souls of that evil that once was. It is over now and you’re alive. Be grateful these things are just a bad memory of another time that is no more. We have the ability to love and what a wonderful gift that is. They will never get that experience -- not nearly on the same level as we do. They didn’t win you guys. They didn’t get the better of you. They will never know what it feels like to love a person. Real joy and happiness are mysteries to them. We are the blessed ones. Don't even feel sorry for them. Feel nothing for them and move the hell on. Thank you.

anon51451
Post 467

- Escapee I want to give you the biggest hug anyone has ever given to a person. I don't have time to read all these comments. Doing so would be to hard anyway. Hey everyone, hear this I was head over heals madly in love with a sociopath. It's been a year in a half and I'm alive. I'm still alive, but it's been a year and a half since we broke up and I miss him so much and I have no desire to date anyone else. I only wish for him. But if I let the piece of trash back into my life I might as well just put a gun to my head and shoot. It would be about the same thing as letting him come back but just a little bit less suffering.

It is torture having one of these things in your life. They have no soul. They are walking around us without a soul. They are not sick --they are perfectly normal just like you and me. The only difference is they never learned how to connect and bond with people. They have no guilt whatsoever and they really don't give a crap who they hurt. They get off on destruction and chaos.

Their brains work just as good as ours do they only lack the ability to connect. So they feel nothing. I call these people satan's soldiers, because more times than not, they live for evil. They are the ones who already have land purchased in hell because that is exactly where they will spend their eternity. Survivors, heads up ok? You're alive and you're ok now. They are gone and you will not ever let them back into your lives again. You are strong and you have a story now to tell so get out there and educate others about this very dangerous threat every one of us is exposed to.

It is the threat of deception. Everyone is at risk. Help get the word out about these predators so people will know it's not them. They are not going crazy. So they know to get out. I had always felt there was something not quite right with Scott but I couldn't put my finger on it. They lie so much to everyone all the time that I don't think once has the truth ever been spoken. They lie just to lie if they have nothing to lie about. Just for the sake of it.

They must drink to the point of death each and every day. They drink like you and the rest of us normal people drink water. If you hurt their feelings get ready for it cause they are going to get you. Smile nice and loving to your face and the second you turn your back they got you. No mater if you're the daughter or the wife or even the friend. They will be coming for you.

They are the most evil things to walk this earth. They know right from wrong perfectly well, but most choose wrong because they don't ever believe anyone is smart enough to bust them. They are above the law. Selfish pieces of crap is all they are and they can never be fixed. They will always have this condition. They cannot be fixed. Don't ever forget that. They can never be fixed.

They are nothing but destruction in the most messed up way possible. I hate him. I hate him with my soul. I also fell in love with him and loved him deeply from my soul as well. I'm still in love with him. But the pain of missing him and not having him in my life is heaven compared to what life is like with him. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to ever have to see him again.

I pray one day this being in love with him crap leaves. I pray for the day I can think on him and feel nothing.

Warn everyone you see about your stories. We are obligated now to save others from this same hell. It is hell. Thank you. I fell in love with a sociopath and I'm still alive today to tell about it. I'm one of the lucky ones. Thanks.

anon51418
Post 466

I am a sociopath. I just realized this a little while back after I'd heard the term and did some research.

Turns out I was raised by three sociopaths, two biological parents and a stepmother who was the meanest. All of them are pathological liars and are complete narcissists. One is addicted to prescription medications, another to recreational drugs, and one is a recovered alcoholic.

I recently had a discussion with one parent, who I discovered likely contributed the most to my condition. This one's in law, where it really pays off to be utterly cutthroat and disregard others and their emotions. Some of the revelations were quite enlightening.

I do recall not having a very sympathetic upbringing and after enduring several years of verbal abuse from one of my parental figures, I also learned that emotions could only be used against you.

Now, it's pretty hard for me to care about anyone, really. I'm not close to blood relations. I can't even really call them family because I just don't feel the connection. I have maybe a handful of friends who stick around because they understand what's going on. But that doesn't stop me from manipulating them. It's so easy for me to do, too. I can especially work the really empathic ones. It's small game, like shooting fish in a barrel. I know exactly what to say and how to say to get the result I want.

My mother often complains that I'm just like my father in that I can walk into a room and already know how to push everyone's buttons. I constantly lie to my teachers and always get away with it because I'm so convincing. I suppose when there's no real emotion behind it, especially guilt, then it's more believable. And I don't trust anyone. I find it difficult to place trust in someone who I can so easily control with carefully placed words, or someone who might try and manipulate me.

I'm suspicious and self-concerned and I get bored incredibly easily. The longest relationship I've ever been in was four months and I was getting restless. I'm just not interested anymore after the newness wears off. It's like I've got what I wanted and now I need to look for the next win. I also typically start planning my exit strategy after a week and give a pretty clean break, regardless of the other party's emotions. They simply don't matter to me anymore and are way too messy to ask me to deal with.

I also don't like how most places define sociopaths. We can be like normal members of society. Yes, we do fake it, but not all of us are gagging to destroy another person. Some of us don't even intend to do so in the first place. I know that I am a master of blending in with people. I make friends in all of my classes and activities, even though I tend to make myself the center of attention, and I am relatively well-liked and received. But this act is a work of art I've perfected over the years, and I can guarantee the minute I get alone, the smile falls and the blankness returns.

My own mother accused me of being unfeeling and told me my lack of concern and emotion bothered her. I've had to often stop friends from relating events in their other friends' lives before I snap at them. I've had to explain that it's not that I don't want to hear what they say, it's that I don't have the emotional capacity to care about someone I don't know and haven't accepted into my small group of people I deem worthy. As a matter of fact, on more than one occasion, before I had a name for my general behavior, I was known to say that the only thing I really cared about was that I couldn't make myself care. Apathy is my most prevalent emotion and I have discovered recently that I don't have any regrets. Not even things I expected to regret. There's just nothing.

I actually enjoy being this way. A friend of mine with major depressive disorder constantly tells me how much she wishes she could be an emotional robot like me, her words. She also thinks therapy would do me good, but I can't help but feel like I'd only screw with the therapist, play with him/her and see what I could get away with. I'd also have to admit that my being a sociopath is actually a problem, which I don't believe it is. It's the way I am and the way I was made to be and I've accepted that.

Also, for reference purposes, I'm female and in my twenties, and I've been like this my whole life.

anon50092
Post 465

i smoke weed, i am numb, i hurt evwryone i'm around, i'm constantly being told by my ex that i don't care about anyone but myself. i hear that from my siblings too. i am an amazing artist who wants to be a doctor. when i was in middle school my i.q. was 117. and i had the mental standards of the average 18 year old. i cheat on people, i had sex with someone a year into a relationship and i don't care, and it was ok because i didn't kiss the guy. i'm 16 now. everyone likes me at school. besides the ones who are threatened. i'm smart, pretty and i don't feel bad about hurting people that dedicate their lives to me. my life is about me. i won't sacrifice my satifaction or happieness for someone else's. i have extreamly violent thoughts about people. but i'm very compassionate towards animals. i think people are creatures less than me. and i like animals because if you pet another dog, your dog wont get jealous. i don't regret anything. and when someone close to me dies i don't care. and i distance myself to people who are passing away. i scare myself and i would like someone out there to agree with me when i say i'm normal. just kinda off. (female)

anon49954
Post 464

I'm dating a sociopath, he told me what he was when we first met. I found his openness and honesty refreshing. A lot of men who aren't sociopaths will lie like mad or charm women to get what they want from them. So far he's fun to be with, undemanding, easy going, and the sex is great. I don't see his sociopathy as a problem; it's just the way he is and he can't change it. The problem is when people feel they have been tricked or duped in some way and only find out at a later date what their partner really is. I don't have that "nasty surprise" waiting for me so we can just enjoy each other's company and there's no hidden agenda. The sex is great too - nobody ever mentions sociopaths are great lovers! well perhaps I've just been lucky. lol

anon49036
Post 463

The self-proclaimed sociopaths are more narcissistic than anything, that is part of the disorder, not the whole of it. It is interesting that there is a clear relationship with weed and booze in all of this. Is it self-medicating behavior or does the weed/booze perpetuate behavior making it worse? In other words, are people this bad or do the addictions make them worse? I don't think weed is harmless like all pot smokers claim -- too many people rely on its effects to make themselves feel better. It ruins just as many lives as alcohol. Pot is in your body days after smoking. It makes you think what you are doing is okay and everyone is okay with what you did. Remorse is gone. How sociopathic. With so much drug use in today's society it is hard to tell if people are ill before the drug taking or from the drug taking. Are people self-medicating or causing more mental illness from too much doping? I think people are causing themselves more mental illness from the drugs than actually being ill. They start out with pain and hurt from bad childhoods but are now making the problem worse by changing the brain chemistry further. Drugs and alcohol destroy the brain filter of right and wrong. Addicts care not for other people -- just for their fix, again sociopathic behavior. We are all in the most addictive, fast-paced culture ever. More sociopaths and narcissists are coming. Behavior is key. Do what you say. Say what you do. If people don't live up to their word, then their word is meaningless. A man is only as good as their word. If their word means nothing, they mean nothing. I think the "duel" should come back. We would all have more integrity if we were to kill each other over honoring what we said and did. There were reasons this tradition existed in civilized countries in Europe. Most of these sociopaths would be dead!

anon48855
Post 462

I was recently the victim of a sociopath. I was seeing a guy for over two years who smoked a lot of weed and gambled frequently. He was very charming and could get along with any crowd of people. He told me how much he took care of his family (sister, mother) moved them in with him and respected their privacy. He claimed everything he did was for them. I would speak to him all day and he would sleep over almost every night. I did so much for him out of sympathy for the "bad hand life dealt him." i would make him dinner, bring him lunch, buy him gifts, lend him money, etc. I found out that he actually had a new baby and was engaged to the baby's mother, lived with her and was leaving her to be with me daily. Everything, his entire life story, his daily activities were all lies. Everything he ever said was false to both me and her. When i found out he blamed me and became enraged.

anon48469
Post 461

I've been with a sociopath for seven months. First she all was good and loving and then she turned and then started to hurt me with no feelings! i tried to stand but just she keep hurting me and i kept wondering is this normal? i asked my friend about this and then he told me my girlfriend is sociopath and because of that she does all this. i really want to know how to help her though. she hurts badly with no emotions -- nothing! she is a poor girl and only 18 years old.

anon48102
Post 460

#5 is a sociopathic liar. " i am studying behavioural science at the University of New South Whales". Whales? It's Wales! If you are going to fake a university at least know how to spell it!

anon47734
Post 459

I was in a relationship with a sociopath for nearly fourteen years. All i have to say is get away. Avoiding them at all costs is probably the best answer. We have two children. He drained me. I was a victim at first. I realize after that, I became a volunteer to him. I knew he was sick, but i kept staying. My life is in order now. I had to realize that he was incapable of loving anyone, even his own children. I was free of him when i let go. I became sick too. He is incarcerated now and it has nothing to do with me. He just won't stop tearing people's lives apart. My wish is that one day he would at least feel bad for one thing he has done.

anon47324
Post 458

I kinda think i'm a sociopath also. i do feel bad for people and sometimes have compassion and stuff but sometimes i don't, and for some reason I'm a real jerk to my mom since she tells me that a lot and i do insult her intelligence and act out a lot, too. I do smoke weed, lots, but don't drink. i'm not really a violent person but i do have thoughts about doing violent things. I never killed or hurt animals though, maybe occassionally killing a fly. I don't know. I don't really have the heart to kill an animal like drowing a cat like that other sociopathic idiot did breaks my heart. I do have an abundance of wit and charm too. i think i guess, like I'm smart and know the right things to say at the right time but i'm not that much of a manipulator or con, except when i want to be and try to be but it works maybe like half of the time so i don't really try anyway. I never had a job and am having problems getting one because of I don't know, problems like i for some reason can't get a stupid job application because I don't know, I'm too scared or lazy, make up excuses or something, I don't know. I can sustain friendships and have lots of friends but i guess i'm extremely insecure and paranoid and think that they actually don't like me and try to stay away. i have issues. I'm not sure what it means to violate other's rights but i'll say that i do i guess. I kind of don't want to conform to society and do what i'm told because I have developed a stupid idea that they have enough followers and one person deviating from that line isn't much of a loss, so i prefer to be myself, which is a loud (when with friends otherwise chill/quiet) person and i sometimes am smart but act quite retarded and make a lot of smart/retarded remarks. I don't kow, when i actually think about it i may not actually be a sociopath but i do feel that something is a little wrong. maybe i should just see a psychologist -- again.

anon46274
Post 457

My former lover has it and has it badly! He's demonstrated all traits of this; the lying, the donimation and so on. He needs help! But I really don't think he's going to get it. When someone has something like this they are usually in denial over it, and he's going to go through people like people go through toilet paper, until he gets the help he so desperately needs!

anon45922
Post 456

So nice to have this kind of website to learn about this subject. I just found out my husband (now ex-husband) is a sociopath. He fits all the profiles I have read for last few days to a T. God, I never knew what it was about this guy, but living with him was very tiring. I have a son from him (13 years old), and I plan to get him some kind of help. I have never and ever seen a profile 100 percent match with this man. I was so tired and confused for so many years and didn't even know how to get out. After the divorce (only four months ago), I've been getting e-mails and calls, and learned to ignore them all. I changed the locks on my house until I move out (still in the works). I still feel I am not safe, as I have noticed some unusual things happening to me and my family. I could write a book about this guy, hope he goes away. I don't regret living with him, or even having a child from him. It was all meant to be. Now that I wanted to live a peaceful life with my son, I am not sure if we are going to be safe. If you have any tips how to get this guy out of my life, please let me know. I cannot stand his e-mails or calls, so I don't respond to them. Is this a good thing?

Moderator's reply: Even if you feel you were not a victim of domestic violence, per se, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 800-799-7233 if you do not feel safe. They can give you good advice about helping your family stay safe.

mybrainhurts
Post 455

I don't know what's going on in my head. I know this great person who would do anything for me. And I admit, some pretty crappy things happen in my life, but when I tell people about it, I exaggerate and manipulate things, and sometimes I make things up entirely. It's like an impulse, its not something I want to do, it just happens. And particularly with this person, when I tell them about things that happen, I almost get a kind of -- joy out of their stress. I am capable of love and empathy, I just don't know what's going on up there. Any smart people on here who might know what it is?

anon45339
Post 453

so today i was sitting in psychology and we were covering sociopathy. In other words today's the day everything in my life began to make sense. I've been researching it like crazy. I don't act violently towards animals or humans or anything like that. I'm a great liar, i con people all the time into doing what i want. i have a very clear reading of people and know what to say and how to act. Basically i see it as a gift. I'm always one step ahead of everyone. i can read people like a book, i can act sympathetic or whatever. I'm not sure how to explain it but it's like i have the power to analyze everyone and work them to my advantage. I understand the concepts of emotions like guilt, I know how to mimic it, and more importantly how to use it to my advantage. I might not be high on the sociopath chart but I'm happy with the gift I've been blessed with and i plan to use it to get myself far in life. it's a blessing not a curse. don't get it misunderstood.

anon45023
Post 452

i think my boyfriend is a sociopath. his father was diagnosed in 2001 and institutionalized - and he fits the description perfectly (his father), but my boyfriend only fits some. things such as freaking out over something as silly as highway traffic or just driving though town -- anything can set him off at any time, so i never know if what i say is going to make him mad. i feel like i'm constantly walking on glass, but he's only 21 and i want to find some way of helping him but i'm afraid to approach him about it. he is also a pretty heavy marijuana smoker, but he's not entirely anti-social. he has his times for sure but, not 100 percent of the time, and he hasn't had any trouble keeping his most recent job. he picks seasonal occupations a lot because he hasn't got much to choose from since he hasn't got his grade 12, but he loves making money and he's a very hard worker, so i don't see how some of these "typical symptoms" fit him. he has a very strong connection with his dad over his mom and it makes no sense because his father has never cared about anyone in his life. he uses everyone, especially his children and it's awful to stand by and watch. my boyfriend is the most skilled liar i've ever met. he can break down into tears like it's nothing and make me believe what ever he's telling me, even though i still feel like its not right. if anyone has any idea of what i can do to maybe help him and myself, please let me know. i love him more than anything and i really believe that he loves me too. any advice anyone gives will be taken into great consideration. i could really use the help.

anon44621
Post 451

Some of you consider yourselves to be a "sociopath" and it's great that you follow the law. Unfortunately, the majority do not. Perhaps those of you who do follow the law had a decent upbringing, the proper parenting and therapy needed to keep the impulse to lie, cheat, steal or even abuse or kill at bay. But I dated and lived with a man for two years who admitted he felt no compassion or remorse when he had hurt someone emotionally. He used to be violent as a child and teen, but had learned to control these impulses. He also was with me just to try and see if he could get money from me out of my family's business. Before my dad passed away, even his sister asked me on the phone one day, "when your parents are dead or retired, will you have access to all the business' profits and will *exbf's name* have any right to it since you will be married?" To me this sounded like a con, but when I confronted my boyfriend, he was like "my sister's a greedy nose B!#ch! and I had nothing to do with her asking that." He acted angry at his sister for a while over it. But after my dad passed away and he realized I wasn't going to come into the money, he started picking fights all the time over trivial things. He once told me in front of my mom during an argument that he didn't feel compassion, and didn't see why he should feel bad or remorseful for saying or doing something that hurt someone emotionally. I also found out the whole time he was going behind my back to mutual friends, to my family in which ties were strained, and to his own relatives and lying about me. He was making stuff up or telling them I was doing what he had been doing all along. This was going on the entire time we were together. It was a way for him to discredit me with everyone so I would be isolated and look crazy and or dumb. I told him I thought he was a sociopath. He lied and said he was seeing a therapist, who said he wasn't after three sessions. OK? Found out later it wasn't an actual psychologist or psychiatrist, just a caseworker for him at the Veterans Administration who was trying to help him get a discharge for personality disorder overturned. They are there to listen and assist, not to diagnose. Anyway, we split up after two years, but a month later he called and wanted to talk and meet at his new apartment. He was all teary eyed crying wanting me back regretting the break-up. I found out later that was because he wanted more of his stuff he left behind. He denied that even after i found out from a text to his sister stating that. He led me on, conning me, playing on my emotions and grief for six months. Then one night out of the blue, he told me he didn't care if i was so upset i drove myself off the interstate and died. And that he had done this all along just because he was the one in control and could do it. it was a very hard choice for me, but i changed my number and moved an hour away to start a new life. and he's every so often used other people in his life through social networking to get at me and rub it in my face that he was having a baby with someone he hooked up with the weekend after i left him for good, knowing i have reproductive issues and trouble with pregnancy. this guy is beyond sociopath. oh yeah, did i mention he admitted he drowned a cat when he was younger, said it had rabies. and that he used to see demons coming out of the walls. ok. anyway that's my little story.

anon44066
Post 450

After reading several comments from people who are sociopathic, I felt the need to respond. Most of them say that they don't care about others' feelings and lack empathy for anyone.

I have a stepson who is a sociopath as well as a narcassist. He loses every job he's ever had, gets evicted from just about every apartment he's had, but yet he claims to be normal. He beats on women if he doesn't get his way. He is in total denial and refuses to get any help because he really is mentally deranged. He is not fit to mingle with normal people in a civilized society. I told him to either get some help or have himself committed to a mental institution because he is extremely dangerous, and normal people should not be made to suffer because of his immature and violent behavior. He, and people like him need to be put away.

anon44006
Post 449

@445

If you'd like to add constructive information, I suggest you know what it is you are talking about.

"No big deal"? Stealing is kids' play based on how sociopaths can destroy a life. They care not about even their own family. It's all about them. I believe the 'Masters' are some of the most dangerous people around us.

anon43757
Post 448

If a sociopath needs to win, can they confuse losing as an emotion?

anon43605
Post 446

The only way to deal with a sociopath is to avoid them. They will never feel remorse for the things they do. They will never see the error of their ways. Your feelings of love and compassion are a weakness and they will exploit it until you are either dead, broke or come to your senses.

anon43311
Post 445

Unless these people are robbing you, I don't see what the big deal is. So what if they don't care about your feelings? Who cares if they lie about everything? If they're disrupting your life, deal with them. If they're not, who really gives a damn? I don't see this as a personality disorder.

anon43009
Post 444

To #175: Do some research. Hell does not exist. What kind of god would punish you eternally for being created in his image? A pretty mean and obviously non-omnipotent one since he cannot hear and understand your thoughts. Thank you, ~Taylor

anon43007
Post 443

Part of me thinks my psychiatrists were right about being a sociopath, but I choose not to believe it. I'm just crazy! I have strong relationships and bonds with people and I have a great job which is easily maintained. I am the least violent person you'll ever meet also. And I do not give a hoot about half the people I meet everyday, I work off tips and in doing so I have become one hell of an actor. Sometimes it is hard to break that character outside of work, but hey other people enjoy the charisma!

Regrets? I don't have those! Crap happens for a reason and you learn from your mistakes. I always had a tough time explaining this; if you learn from a mistake then you shouldn't regret it but instead value the wisdom you gain from the experience. Psychiatrists don't understand that though; at least the many I went to did not.

So I'm a sociopath? Pffft! Who cares? I have great friends and I'm doing excellent in school. There's nothing wrong with that is there?

anon42662
Post 442

I think about 90 percent of "psychology" is a bunch of guesswork and we're all the guinea pigs as the pseudo-intellectuals prop their egos by passing judgment on others and then appease their egos by plastering the "diagnosis" label on it. Frankly, we have a long way to go in science to really understand why this stuff happens and I don't think sociopath, psychopath or most of the other so called "diagnosis" are valid, period. I think they are like "best guesses" more than anything. The only disorders science can profess to have even a small bit of factual/actual knowledge about are those that are biochemical or have physical components that can be tested, measured over and over again (called empirical evidence) - the rest is just guesswork and guinea pigs (and making money at others' expense). I love how the mainstream intellectuals laugh at religion and other "spiritual" beliefs people have - yet their science is no more science than any of this stuff.

Wake up, look inside - you know that when you're not posting on some board or bs'ng someone - all of us know ourselves inside - even when we're in so-called denial. And understand - if you're a pig, or want to chose to kill someone, or hurt someone - just remember, all choices come with consequences, and I firmly am convinced that what we don't pay for here - in this life/physical form - will carry with us when that energy that makes up our consciousness travels on. Good luck!

anon42555
Post 441

"I'm a sociopath. I am being completely honest when I say this. I'll agree that yes, I lie often and I do "charm" with a fake facade perhaps for selfish reasons. Yet I do not like the fact that most articles portray a person with this "condition" like they do. I don't drain people's bank accounts or abuse them. Yes I feel a utter lack of empathy for people, but it does not ensure that just because I could not care less that I'll harm them. You put negative connotations about a problem that I can but help but have. I live my life the way I want to and that doesn't involve doing stupid things that could ruin my lifestyle."

Thank you so much for posting this. I was going to say close to the exact same thing. Just thought I'd repost it for anyone who hasn't read this.

anon42412
Post 440

I was in a relationship with a sociopathic woman who told me every day I was special, the best man in the world. She told me she loved me at least 50 times a day. All the attention really hooked me in considering I came from a loveless marriage and was in desperate need of a caring woman.

Then all the big business plans came about. How we would travel the world buying and selling gem stones from Africa, then buying and selling truck parts from Denmark to Africa. One of her sons warned me about her but I didn't listen. All my family and friends did the same and still I stuck by her. She tried to commit suicide and take her sons with her. She was charged with attempted murder. I stuck solid and looked after her after she got out of jail. She was totally into herself. She would constantly stand in front of the mirror saying how beautiful she was. If I made an innocent comment about her appearance or what she was wearing, she would get very angry.

I tried to break up with her many times but she could always talk me into staying, always making excuses about her behaviour.

Her other son is also a sociopath. He even told me he loves winning above anything else. He loved to be polite to people and win them over and later steal and use them for all he could get. Even when his mother was in jail, he stole her jewelry and sold it to support his drug habits. He would lie to my face and even though I knew he was full of it, I would always help him out. The charm they possess is mesmerizing.

Now, thousands of dollars and one house later, she has moved off to her next victom. It feels so good to finally be free of the whole family of snakes. I became depressed but finding out why she behaved this way has helped me understand and heal. I am more cautious now, no sociopathic witch or any other witch will ever use me again.

anon42143
Post 439

I really think i am a sociopath because sometimes i go crazy.

anon41499
Post 438

hi. i've for a time thought i have some behaviour and personality issues, but i'm not sure what are and why i think this. maybe this is me, sounds like me.

anon41291
Post 435

I think that the person who made the first posting about George Bush and Cheney being sociopaths could not even spell sociopath without spell check. What a slanted/weak Liberal minded thing to say. As if America would put them in office, twice. Furthermore his anti-American CEO stance on the health insurance industry denying life saving treatment can be attributed to obamacare -- just wait and see. It is the cost that has to be controlled in America not the salaries of those that run these institutions.

anon41226
Post 432

I believe that dick cheney and george bush are sociopaths. I think that many ceo's especially those in the health insurance industries that deny life saving treatment to people but take home 30 million dollar salaries, bonuses and stock options are murderous sociopaths.

anon41015
Post 431

Dear #165. Haven't you read *any* of the posted comments in this site? Get the hell out of the relationship! You, yourself, said it was getting worse after 8 years.

anon40990
Post 430

Notice that every common profile of a sociopath is very close to Nietszche's idea of an "ubermensch." Really, Antisocial Personality Disorder is really an enlightened state of mind, free of rules and morality, free to enjoy oneself freely. Anybody who can say that in the end, they put others before themselves is either lying, or an imbecile. The "sociopath" is just the embodiment of the logical progression of that idea. - daM doG

anon40945
Post 428

living with a sociopath is very hurtful and mind-ripping. what i would like to know is how do you help them. how do you forgive all the pain,do they deserve to be loved? Don't all people, but how do you love a person that hurts you? how do you live with the pain? how do you face people after being embarrassed?

anon40108
Post 426

I wish I found the site sooner because my wife robbed me blind, prostitution, bribed the court, killed someone's baby, choked out one of her employees, almost killed me and left me in a hospital for dead, ripped my family apart while making me look like the monster, stole the rent money, turned my children against me, took the kids out of state. Manipulates her family, always in someone's pocket also, a phlebotomist that gets high as a kite before drawing blood at work every morning. Always one step ahead. Heartless with a smile.

The hardest part is getting people to believe, that this charming, great, awesome person is capable of murder and chaos.

A lawyer told me the only defense I have is to document every event. Take her to court so that it shows some kind of history of her actions.

So, there is a log to what heartless actions they take by exposing them which, by the way, is almost impossible.

Best bet: run. Run hard and fast because if you get in their way and expose them, they can befriend you and later poison you or make it look like an accident. They have extreme patience when it comes to revenge.

I was a casualty after 15 years of fighting in court for my children's sake and lost everything.

anon39696
Post 425

I have all the symptoms described here. Who likes stupid people anyway? I'd rather be a sociopath than an idiot.

anon39327
Post 424

Please please please stop using the internet to diagnose yourselves, go to a health professional. 2 paragraphs of information a diagnisis does not make!

anon39261
Post 423

reading this, i have realised i am a sociopath. i have no feelings of love or empathy for people they disgust me in every way. i don't have a problem being this way but others most likely would see it as horrible or or not normal. i can be nice to people but i'm detached from them its seems as though i'm not the only one like this and from reading all of this i have come to the conclusion that some of us are just wired wrong. people who don't have this disease don't know what it's like and therefore should not judge others. we can't help the way we are.

anon39228
Post 422

i find it hard to show feelings and emotions towards others. i don't care about my mother or any of my family. i don't seem able to bond or connect with them same with people i don't see the need to be social with others or make relationships. i despise them. It's clear that looking at all this i'm not the only one and that there is something seriosly wrong with me and yet i still don't care. it's normal for me.

anon38855
Post 420

dead. that's how i feel, empty and hollow. when i'm with people i look at them but i do not see them. i find i don't have a social conscience. i don't care who died in the news today or tht my father is terminally ill.

but i am not a sociopath. i just don't care.

anon38819
Post 419

I have read most of the comments over a couple of days and it is obvious there is something wrong with us all or we wouldnt be here right? my story, single boy a bit of a loner growing up sniffing glue then onto weed. tried acid, mushrooms, speed and coke but only smoke a few reefers now and again to try and keep my head together (its the only thing that works).

always had that sort of detached feeling from about 11 till present 38 years old. getting a row at school or at home and giving them the finger and telling them to eff off but only in my head. in reality i would just standing there holding my breath and biting my tongue (a trait i still do) tried my hardest at relationships but i always just seem to wake up one day and say to myself what the eff am i doing here and walking out the door --end of...

confrontational wise i try to avoid it. that's why i don't drink. i'm not scared. if you had my back against the wall you certainly wouldn't like to be standing in front of me but i just can't be arsed with it. I hate violence against women with a passion. have the lack of remorse thing and tell the odd lie. i don't know why it just happens. have had more jobs than tongue can tell and worked hard for my money in atrocious conditions.

its like if there are any issues in my life at work or relationships instead of finding ways to deal with it i would rather just walk away from it all. i have no friends and used to spend all my money trying to buy friends. but wised up to that and don't trust anyone. i have very little or empathy or time for people's sad tales. as long as they have no impact on me i couldnt care less.

"To a sociopath other humans come in three flavors: useful, irrelevant, or in the way.

- anon2058"

had to quote that as that's how i feel most of the time. i am not here looking for an answer. i am just here to let off some steam. and to be honest, i couldn't care if i ever get correctly diagnosed. i like it in my wee protective bubble. thanks for listening.

anon38779
Post 418

Heh, you people seem like a bunch of losers. Why are you staying with people you don't trust? Why are you associating with them? Your wives, husband or boyfriends may be sociopaths but that doesn't mean you have to live with them. Sheesh, get a grip on your life. Stop whining about life and take control of your own life. You are the one who makes the choice to stay in a bad relationship so make a different choice.

The situation you are in is your own fault. Leave. Sociopaths aren't going to change because they don't care what others think. *You* are the one who needs to change. Don't keep doing the same stuff you've been doing because it isn't working. Get yourself out of the situation.

Perhaps you can get some help from this site. Self help, growth and self improvement. Sheesh, at least get some self esteem and get away from what you don't like.

anon38697
Post 417

OMG...to finally have an explanation has bought me to tears. His continuous mental abuse, causing so much pain and then trying to fix it with "I'm sorry," but I know those words mean nothing. And I fear about the next attack. I'm not crazy. I am his victim! I hate myself for giving him the control for such a long time but now I know. It's time to take my life back.

anon38637
Post 416

Remember there's a difference between a sociopath and psycopath. dahmer was a psycopath.

anon38597
Post 415

My sociopathic ex-husband had no regard for anyone's feelings but his own. He is now a post-operative transsexual. He stole money from his own children to further his own personal direction. His children and I now live in poverty due to the debt that was left to us. He cared of no one's feelings but his own. He had the surgery without any preparation for the children. Self centered, demnded that his children worship him and now can't understand why *no one* wants anything to do with him.

anon38595
Post 414

I believe I am married to a sociopath. He lies, and repeats mistake after mistake. His pattern is so predictable after living with him for over 15 years. Somehow after the drama, my husband manages to bring blame around to me and my faults. He steals something from me or depletes his household and feels justified. He commits some costly mistake and then yells at me or his mother to cover unnecessary behavior which usually ends up costing one of us. I am also certain he abuses drugs. I know he absuses alcohol. After hearing the former Mrs. Buttafucco, I recognize this repeated and destructive behavior. It is draining and I have had my fill.

anon38594
Post 413

Dear 408... I too was where you are, my daughter was molested, I was trapped by fear of what would happen if I left. I sent my daughter off to a girls school, for her protection, and it wasnt until almost six years later that I had confirmation of the molestation. She was safe, I was not. He would sometimes sleep with a gun under the pillow, just to "protect" me. But if I got out of bed at any time, the gun would come out, and mounting fear kept me there for way too long. He was injured in an accident, while being a hero at an accident that had already happened, and was hurt. On the day I finally got the truth out of him about what he did to my then 13-year-old girl, he put that gun in his mouth and killed himeself. Not from guilt, but from what he knew was to follow, which in the state I was in at the time was a minimum of 40 years in the pen. My life is better now, but I remain in some fear of making that same mistake again. Continue to heal, and kneel; it gets better in time. Blessings.

anon38577
Post 412

I think all sociopaths, and you know who you are, pick your victims, the ones who are the most forgiving of your crap! You mental deviants will get what you deserve. you in the end will lose everything, the people in your life whom you treasure will have nothing to do with you! You my friend will pay in the end. My advice to you is get help, find a priest before you eventually rot in hell!

anon38234
Post 411

Difficult to comment really after so much waddle, it's obviously a very attractive disorder to have.

When there are so many wannabes out there it's difficult to come to any realistic conclusion about one's self. I am not alone

anon37876
Post 409

Im not sure if im a sociopath. Ill start by saying that i like to cause trouble on occasion and then put myself in the middle of the problem and act like the good guy to resolve it. I enjoy doing this for my own entertainment and ego boost, because no one suspects me to have done anything wrong. Ive stolen before because i enjoy the challenge of not getting caught and have always convinced myself that what i am doing is somehow justified. I have a girlfriend who i don't love but still want to be with. She loves me a lot and im not sure what to make of that. Ive lied in the past for no real reason. and i am rather secretive. I don't like being around other people, but when i am i seem to be able to turn myself into a nice guy not matter how i feel.Im not sure what to make of all of this.

anon37580
Post 408

After reading some of the articles on this subject,I am convinced the father of my children is a sociopath. I know that term isn't used in the medical profession anymore. It took me a long time to realize what I was dealing with. This person has no empathy for anyone but wants everyone to love him, praise him, take care of him and forgive him for the things he does over and over again. Everything is about him. He can't engage in casual conversation, it always ends up being about him and he always has to teach you something you don't know. (so he thinks) I write this days before I move. My children are 18 and 14. My daughter is leaving for college and my son is entering high school. Notice I said my children because he has no regard for them either. It's a shame it took me so long to leave. It really hit me when I realized my children came into this world,grew up and now they are going on with their lives and he's still the same way and doing the same thing he was doing before they were born. He's a career student and can't or won't keep a steady job. He has no relationship with my children, even though we are all in the same house. It's like he doesn't exist. Finally, he will no longer exist physically in our presence anymore. Please be aware of all the people in your life and don't overlook things because you think you're in love. --s

anon37573
Post 407

my friend is in the process of leaving an abusive relation ship with someone who exhibits *all* the traits listed here. There have been multiple instances of physical abuse, and excessive verbal abuse. Every instance of physical abuse has been when their partner was severly intoxicated (which is *every* time they drink) so maybe not all sociopaths drink, beware of those who do. I was aware of the verbal abuse happening, but it wasn't until the other night when I discovered the physical abuse, which could have cost someone their life. I always knew there was something not right but couldn't imagine exactly what it was.If you are reading this article and finding you recognize *most* or *all* these traits in someone you know, do all you can to keep yourself and those around you safe.

anon37418
Post 406

I've always wondered if I was sociopath. I believe I have a conscience but can't really be sure because I don't know how others minds work around me. I guess I always just thought that I don't like people. I don't sympathize with them much but I do with animals. I once shot a chipmunk growing up and cried about it for a week and haven't killed anything since. When my neighbors would hunt I was the only kid that had a problem with it...they seemed to enjoy it. But...at the same time I watch the news and hear the terrible things people are going through and feel nothing. Maybe Im desensitized, I don't know. I have hurt a lot of girls in the past, ditched friends with little regard, etc. but I'd also help anyone out who was in a jam and I take a lot of enjoyment out of helping strangers. Im somewhat calculated though I don't use it to my advantage per se....I think I might just have low self esteam and like to keep peoples expectations of myself low. Never tried in school, know what I should say but choose not to, don't let people get to close to me, have a temper, a lot of flaws for sure but I still don't know if im a sociopath or not. Maybe Im fooling myself.

anon37416
Post 405

Sociopaths aren't all bad. That is a common misperception because they do not adhere to the accepted standards of our civilization. Most sociopaths don't agree with socially accepted morals and principals but operate within them anyways. With sociopaths you can't really judge them as a whole because they aren't all violent like it says in the article most are very charming and witty, which they use to get what they want. Hell most the world does that on some scale.

anon37406
Post 404

Unfortunately, my brother is a sociopath, and sadly, my son is a sociopath. The two are like two peas in a pod. My son inherited the genes that make for such a personality. "I'm right, you are wrong. It's my way or no way" "I made up that idea, you didn't, You are going to be the way I want you to be, or I'll emotionally whip you down til you give in." "The people I love must revere me and worship me in order for me to love them'. 'Forgive me for what I've done'. Forgive me for what I've done again'. "You will forgive me, yes?' 'People I love are secondary to my importance.' In order for me to love you, you must be servile'.

'I must be the 'giver', the boss, the leader, the head of the 'family'.

If you don't match up with any of the above, I'm going to punish you emotionally until you give in.

Recognize any of those sentences, reader? This is what I've lived with for 30 some odd years. Now my son and brother have gotten together and formed a team. Imagine? They have destroyed the underpinnings of my family structure so that there is nothing but termite eaten support left.

I refuse to be in their company; I refuse to speak with them on the phone. They are betrayal personified. I reached the end of my rope and the only way I can protect myself from their insidious I love you/I hate you personalities is to make believe I have no son or brother. Isn't that a terrible way to live. I'm 81 years old. By not communicating or being in their presence I feel so free, but on the other hand I've lost so much. There is no solution. They were born with this genetic disposition. I can't count on how many forgivenesses there was, all to no avail. They want to rule me, be my boss, be my father, make all the decisions. -smile- But my personality says no one will be my father, or my boss, or make my decisions. So there is no point of conciliation except the peace that comes from staying away from them. Protect yourself. Be aware of who and what they are and what their goal is. Protect yourself. Get away from them permanently.

anon36941
Post 403

i don't think this drug and alcohol abuse bit should be in here. because a lot of people do who aren't sociopaths. its an unrelated issue which misguides people into believing drink and drugs are an active part of being a sociopath when they're not.

yes teenagers can be antisocial when they're drunk and in large groups but that doesn't make them sociopaths.

anon36921
Post 402

I knew of a couple sociopaths. I'll say one thing, their work never fooled me. I saw right through their manipulative sceams. Lying, using people to get ahead. These people feel they're above you and God. No matter how hard they try they'll never get away from their wrong doing....

anon36802
Post 401

Sociopaths never second guess themselves. They laugh and smirk while we cry. They are very well disguised only because society today has taught us to accept crazy behaviors or be in complete denial when we suspect someone to be. We need to not play their game because then the game no longer becomes fun for them.

anon36593
Post 400

393 - I fear you may be wrong. I think they do have the power to assemble and become a threat greater then the some of their parts. My opinion is based on the existence of Goldman Sachs.

buny73
Post 397

I am worried about my niece. She threw a ferret up against a wall (several times), choked it and put it in a dryer(ultimately killing it). She shows absolutely no remorse or guilt. She is blaming some one else and thinks she has done nothing wrong. She is a very habitual liar..she can lie straight to your face and make you believe her. She is only 13. what can I do?

Moderator's reply: Animal cruelty is a serious sign. Please try to convince her parents to have her evaluated by a mental health professional.

anon35791
Post 396

I'm really worried here. After reading this and other sources about sociopaths, I think I may just be one. My parents don't think I am one, but they don't know my mind. The part about the friendly appearance is what really go me. I do appear pleasant, even to people I really dislike for no particular reason. Are you really a sociopath if you think/ know you are?

anon35187
Post 395

My now ex husband made up a lie to get rid of me and his kids, just 2 months after having his second son. He made up a lie that he was coming back to be a recruiter and I fell for it cause I wanted to return from where we were to go to college and finish my degree. He gave me the permission to buy a house and get everything ready for his return he then proceded to not even help pay child support or pay for the house payments. Come to find out that he was traveling Europe with our married next door neighbor and could never come back to be a recruiter. This was the second time he made up a lie to get rid of me and his kids. I also found out that he was intimate her when I was on bed rest with his second son! What kind of a person does that? He took everything away from me, until I met him I had 5 horses a nice truck, trailer and a car! Now all I have is our two kids which he has almost nothing to do with, he only shows up every 2 years so I can't get him for abandonment. He won't even help pay for medical bills. When I ask him to help pay he turns me into the state for not taking care of my kids, which is not true!

Fenix
Post 394

I have to say, after reading all of these experiences and hearing all of your advice, I think I'm a sociopath too!

But seriously, i don't think a sociopath would put itself into any kind of personal perils or risky situations. So yes, while they constantly hurt the people they use or the people in their way, they won't risk being caught or discovered for what they truly are. At least that's my personal opinion. I believe that, to them, being understood can lead to them losing their power over normal everyday people. Because if we all understood them we could easily disarm them of their worst weapon, their ability to blend in and manipulate anyone. They most likely work in secret, undisturbed and unopposed, able to flow towards their goals as normal people. And any sociopath who is afraid or fears it's own abilities can't possible be described as a sociopath.

I have personal experiences with several, they consider themselves more special and gifted than anyone on Earth. They know this and they are humble of the immense "gift" they have, they are aware oh what they are, they fully understand it, and they cherish it.

I highly doubt that any sociopath would dare risk losing what they have, because they are definitely aware of the power they have.

At least, that what i believe.

anon34793
Post 393

It's scary to think that these types of people are out there. But here's a thought, it would be hard for any of them to work together! If they all see themselves as gods and such, then i doubt they get together very well. So i suppose we should be grateful that they don't have the capacity to assemble. Just think of the self destruction that they could accomplish on people everywhere. I believe that the real dangerous ones are the sociopathic people capable of truly disappearing into society, just think. Maybe many of the worlds leaders and successful persons could in fact be these people. Simply so well hidden, that we follow them without a second thought... That's scary.

anon34764
Post 391

May i kindly say that sociopaths are still people. My family his the genes of sociopaths and i was lucky it skipped me. However both my older brother, younger sister and father are all sociopaths. My sister finds pleasure in tormenting (mentally) the other children at her school, i love her and treasure her and she confides in only me. My brother goes through women like there's no tomorrow and although he is incredibly smart he screws up every college he gets into.

I can't handle the pain of others and i am (and i really am not trying to brag lol) a sort of caring person. My boyfriend is also a sociopath. He is cold to others and has gotten into many fights but he confides in me. I know it's not a facade. But for some lovely reason he seemed to have some feeling toward me.

My point is that sometimes sociopaths are feared more that they should be.

anon34286
Post 389

So you want to meet a sociopath.

I want to say first off i was raised in a normal middle class home mom and dad lil sis and a dog LOL,, I feel i don't have a disorder i don't see anything wrong with the way i see things. As far back as i can remember i felt like i was better than whoever i meet, I was smarter then my teachers friends and so-forth. I have not one friend but i am popular, Never had a birthday party as a kid never felt the need to talk to anyone, I think i have an edge not a disorder. As soon as ya meet me I quickly mold and conform to your opinions for one reason so ya will open up and speak. I will smile listen and encourage you to go on. I will be just as ya want me to be,, but the whole time im analyzing everything. This is subconscious and i have no real agenda. I get a kick out of changing peoples minds and making them think i have all the answers. I don't see it as a flaw that i can out wit you, that i can read you, I think people want to be a sociopath cause it sounds cool, no remorse, no guilt, no cares, it's like being superhuman, I don't know, i can't change who i am, I mean i didn't even finish high school.

I live in a new house, new car, i work in an office doing nothing and last year i made over 60k. Im 29 i have several girls that think im a god. And i like to keep them and i love the things they do for me, but if even one of them stopped hanging out with me i wouldn't care. Truth is love, loneliness, sadness ect are all weakness to be exploited. The 4% rule is stupid, nobody knows what i feel, what i do, and if your x was a sociopath {well a true master} you would still long for him/her and feel empty and worthless without them.. this is the spell as you call it.

anon34163
Post 388

I just want to ask.... You think sociopaths are happy with their lives? I mean after moving on from one victim to another, you think he can be happy?

anon33781
Post 385

Hi im anonymous and yes i am a complete sociopath and people hate me for that but im not crazy, dangerous or scary. i was just born never crying and uncaring and guess what my family is intact and strong (oh and i do not have a big ego or am insecure)not including me though. think on that.

also forgot to mention that i could care less about hurting people but that doesn't mean i'm gonna do it! Also most sociopaths that are my age (which is 13)can't w8 to leave their families and often fantasize of running away so watch out!

anon33713
Post 384

anon31201:

"It is *not possible* for there to be this many people who are dating a sociopath, considering that sociopaths make up about 4% of the population."

I absolutely *love* the emphasis on *not possible*.

See, I'm just trying to figure out why, out of the 4% of the more than 6.7 billion people on earth that would be sociopaths, there couldn't *possibly* be 50-100 posts by sociopaths (or people who know them) on a page that ranks highly in searches for the term 'sociopath.'

anon33665
Post 383

I am in a state of disbelief after reading several websites featuring Jeffrey Dahmer, many of which attempt to explain his murderous lifestyle to be the result of an unhappy childhood. Many children suffer childhood illnesses and traumas and come from broken homes, but almost none of these kill and mutilate others for personal pleasure. Jeffrey Dahmer did what he did because he was a sociopath, more prolific in murder and more damaging to society than most, but a sociopath all the same. It is time for Americans to take a hard look at what is happening around them. Sociopathy, also called psychopathy, follows the maternal DNA, and is now present in approximately 1 in 32 Americans, with no decline apparent. Although the overwhelming majority of sociopaths never murder anyone, their negative influence can still be felt in almost every company and in many households in America. I encourage everyone to self-educate by using the internet. Learn the warning signs. Protect yourselves.

anon32931
Post 382

Anti-social or Borderline personality disorder are often characterized by child-hood trauma of some sort - not always, but it's a common theme.

I know one person in my life that I can label to be the closest thing to a 'sociopath' that I have ever come across. Lack of empathy, remorse, overly sensitive, unhealthily self-loving, liar, manipulator and so on and so forth. He does have a 'nice' side, though it's impossible to tell if that's a facade or not. I do think that everyone needs people in their life, so even a 'sociopath' will endeavor to maintain some relationships...if only out of necessity.

When it comes to love...the 'Sociopath' will turn on the charm to the extreme - if the object of his affections doesn't 'cave in' immediately, he/she will do whatever it takes, because the object here is (usually) to feed one's ego and achieve 'success'. Once that success is achieved - it's onto the next thing.

The 'Sociopath' probably doesn't have a close relationship with his family but it's important to note that he or she doesn't lie to everyone - there will be one person (maybe more) who he/she can be honest with. This person will usually be of a stronger personality type and the 'sociopath' knows he/she can't fool them.

Mostly, though - people can be fooled, and they know this and this is why their behavior continues -because a lot of the time, they are successful. Their 'victims' are generally people who are somewhat insecure and naive. For example - the 'sociopath' may be all over you within a relatively short period of time - uttering "I love you's" and idolization - a more secure person would know that it's all hot-air, a less secure person will latch onto it for dear life. They have no desire to form a long-lasting, loyal relationship so their aim is to fool someone as quick as possible and see immediate results. Once you've given them what they want, you'll be ignored and forgotten about.

A disregard for human life, lack of empathy etc are all part of the parcel but it may be surprising to know that sociopaths are generally fearful of other people (especially 'stronger' people) and will feel intimated and paranoid quite easily - this is not something they can usually hide, you'll see the fear written all over their face. 'Sociopaths' are extremely fearful of getting their ego's wounded - so, let's just say a lover cheated on them...they'd feel incredibly angry, not because they loved their partner necessarily, but because they were wronged.

The 'Sociopath' will generally have a grandiose and delusional sense of worth - they think they are amazing in some way. This might be some sort of mechanism to deal with insecurity - remember back in high-school, how the bully usually had 'issues'? Well, it's not so different here.

For some reason, 'sociopaths' like animals, especially dogs. It may have something to do with the sycophantic, loyal nature of dogs but it may also have to do with the fact that the 'sociopaths' disdain is towards humans, not animals or objects. Again, this goes back to the 'childhood trauma' thing - he/she was most likely traumatized by human beings, hence the hatred is directed towards them.

Whether or not 'sociopathy' is an illness or not is debatable but it definitely has some elements of other known illnesses. They have periods of low moods, manic moods etc reflective of Bi-polar/manic depression. It's a hard illness to pin-point because diagnosing a mental illness relies on honesty and often, the 'sociopath' is unwilling to surrender to honesty. Also, because they are very capable of maintaining appearances - it's hard to tell. About the most obvious symptom is an inability to hold down a job, but this is true of most mental illnesses also.

Escapee
Post 381

In response to 6571 - lesson hard learnt! Well done for escaping - do not be tempted to back-track with this person - he will just drag your life down again. Painful for the victims of sociopaths that it is, he *will* have moved on to the next 'sucker' (as he sees it) who will meet his needs and that he can abuse, with impunity. One of the things that makes these types appealing to us genuine folk is that we admire their ability and intelligence to 'read' situations - it is how they 'choose' to use this mechanism to manipulate us - I believe all talents can be used for good or bad - *they choose.*. It's all very well thinking that we can develop techniques to to keep the worst of their behaviour at bay but, let's face it, they are always one step ahead - because they have mastered their art - in my opinion, they aren't sick and suffering, they are too lazy to do life for themselves and are enjoying having power over another - it makes them feel clever and important and we, as normal people, with empathy and conscience cannot understand this. Before any of you sociopath supporters out there get on my case about being 'judgmental' about this 'illness' - maybe you should experience trying to recover from your whole world being torn apart because you were naive enough to love and care about one of these people - genuinely - to have everything taken from you that you held dear and your whole financially foundation destroyed. Trying to rebuild your life when you and it have been shattered and exhausted takes real strength and courage and that's before you have even dealt with the pain, hurt and ensuing bitterness in the realisation that you have been used, abused and battered by some half human who feels no sense of guilt or remorse for all the destruction they've left in their wake.

Pat yourself on the back 6571 for ridding your life of this parasite - what's certain is that they and their 'disease' cause other people to become ill both physically, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically. I don't recognise it as sociopathic - I'm old fashioned - it's just plain selfishness - maybe a therapy session in the three good old "ilities" - 'humility, accountability and responsibility' would be more fitting instead of pandering to their already over-inflated egos that they are 'special' cases by giving them a nice neat little phsyco-babble title.

anon31931
Post 380

It seems crazy to some people that everyone seems to know a Sociopath. I attended last year a course on Attachment and Loss of children and as we went through the problems young children can face if not properly connected with their parents, these children display the very same symptoms that sociopaths display. My daughter has them and that is because our relationship was strained since she was a small child.

With the climate of broken families growing day by day I fear we have a rising generation of antisocial disorder adults to be released on the world. This problem is far more common than we realise.

Because of my own experiences I can detect quicker than I used to people who have these disorders and can take or leave their friendship. For me, it's fine as a friend to a certain degree but not in a personal romantic relationship. I know the score so I can keep it at bay.

anon31866
Post 379

i don't think S's just make up 4% of the population...there are so many sick people out there today that it's not just a tiny portion of the pop who are psychopaths or sociopaths...

there are so many that too many ppl exhibit these characteristics of no remorse etc and they are so easy to spot.

anon31859
Post 378

Wow, now I really believe I work with a Sociopath. This person has no remorse for anything or anyone. She and I work with troubled teenagers. She has done more harm than good to these kids. She has lied and talked her way out of so many things she has done wrong at work. She is very promiscuous - has been with about 5 guys in 6 months. She is 28 and is now seeing an 18 year old. She thinks she is better than anyone else and cannot name one thing she doesn't like about herself. She blames everyone for her mistakes, thinks she knows it *all* and is never wrong. If she is proven wrong she quickly says "whatever" and gives an attitude. She breaks rules constantly at work and has serious issues with those of us who follow them. She has been at this job for only a few months and is trying to take over. She is divorced and has a 3 year old son who she really couldn't care less about. Her credit is destroyed, yet she blames her ex. I can go on and on. Some of us have gone to our supervisor, who is looking into things, but we are afraid of what type of revenge she will try to get if something happens.

anon31809
Post 377

sociopaths are easy to understand...they just don't care...no disregard...only out for their own benefit...extremely selfish greedy narcissistic sometimes dangerous...they're everywhere unfortunately.

anon31772
Post 376

anon31201: you sound like you may have trouble yourself. not everyone does things to benefit themselves with no regard for others, not everyone shows these types of personality traits.

anon31405
Post 375

the post by anon12546 helped a lot. the story was fresh and cruel and i feel bad for her.

anon31201
Post 374

If I read one more post saying, "I'm a sociopath," ot "My boyfriend is a sociopath," I might actually go insane. It is *not possible* for there to be this many people who are dating a sociopath, considering that sociopaths make up about 4% of the population. I don't doubt that all of you were mistreated at some point or another, but that doesn't make your ex a sociopath. Most people will at one point or another do something immoral and feel no remorse afterwords, most people will at some point manipulate others to achieve their own ends. There are bad people in the world, and there are plenty of them. Being a bad person does not make you a sociopath. I'm sorry to say, but you got mistreated by a jerk. He doesn't necessarily have a psychological disorder.

And for all of you saying, "I'm afraid that I might be a sociopath," stop being dramatic. The very definition of being a sociopath is disregarding social norms for personal gain with no remorse. In worrying about being a sociopath, you are *regarding societal norms.* A true sociopath wouldn't care whether or not they were a sociopath, and they *certainly* wouldn't seek treatment. Even if they recognized that they had a disorder, they wouldn't care. So yeah, you may have done something awful and immoral. And yes, you may not have felt guilty afterward. That just means that you've successfully justified your behavior to yourself. Congratulations, welcome to human nature. Diagnosing yourself as a sociopath is just another excuse as to why your behavior isn't your fault. Everybody does it at one point or another. Reading up on psychopaths will only make you paranoid.

anon31098
Post 373

I've been reading these posts for about one hour, and I think what most of you people ought to know is that there are *very* few people who can actually be qualified as a full sociopath, many others (such as myself) have traits of immoral behavior and the great majority of people just act normally.

I am not the nicest person in the world, and often find myself hurting those I supposedly love, but that does not mean that I wouldn't suffer if they were gone.

I've grown up moving constantly from one place to the other, which has made me feel that I basically have no home. I am *very* insecure of my social status, even though my parents are very well off. However my ambition of being the son of bill gates has made me lie on basically 90 percent of my life. This occurs in such an intensity that *none* of my friends actually know what my life is actually like. I am cold, arrogant and mean to 80 percent of the people who surround me and have lied, conned, manipulated and sabotaged many people in high school and university to obtain the so-called popularity (which, coming clear to me many years later, was actually a very shallow group of people who never cared about me at all, but where drawn to me by the power I held in these places) that everyone so eagerly looks for on these stages of their lives. I yearn to be the center of attention of *any* place I go to. I steal from my parents, sister and grandmother on a regular basis to fill up this false "rich boy" facade that i put out to the world, because deep down I know that this is what most people actually like. I feel no remorse or guilt for any of the *numerous* bad actions I commit, because I always find a justification for them. I am a firm believer that the punishment should exceed the crime (talion law) and that the ends *always* justifies the means. I live in a false bubble of glitter that makes me alienate myself from the real world and makes most people who meet me hate my guts. I have virtually *no* respect for authority, but *never* get on their black lists because I know they are the ones who can back my actions with others (this rule does, most emphatically, not apply to my household relationships, where I could not care less what my parent's do or think of me). I also seem to be blatantly unaware of the consequences of my actions, not caring what these are, or what they might do to my future.

You must think I'm quite a jerk, right?

You are probably right, but it's not all bad, know that. I can be *very* kind and considerate, I am extremely loyal to my *real* friends, and one of the things I *hate* the most is betrayal of trust or of any sort for that matter. I can put myself in the shoes of those whom I care about (which are *very* few, but be that as it may, they exist) and advise them *from the heart and with no hidden or secret agenda* what they should do in times of awe. I am not at all envious of people, and least of all those I love. My sister is by far the *only* person I fully and unconditionally love, and the one and only person I’d jump into the fire to save, but I have also 3 friends who are my pillars of trust on this world. I *love* animals, especially dogs (more than humans) and I would *never* do anything to deliberately harm or hurt them (unless my own life or that of my loved ones is in danger of course).

So to sum it all up, I think I do have sociopathic traits, but, like most people in the world who have a good and a bad side, they represent no real harm to people, unless they're looking for trouble, in which case I am capable of going to any end.

anon30938
Post 372

ok i want to make a post as a person who has been called both the most crazed and demented person ever known and an absolute saint and a grace.

i may be a sociopath for all i know, i have no value for society's rules, seeing as they have failed me many times and i have no problem using people, because more often then not people want to be told what to do, and in fact i take a great amount of joy scaring people out of there complacent little lives by telling them the absolute truth in the worst ways i can.

i also have to deal with a debilitating pain caused by the bureaucratic lawyer fearing doctors not willing to do what is right because they knew it was not "supported" by society (might be a part to my mood).

i rend truth from everything i can no matter the cost, i have exposed the lies and broken the psyches of so many, i have caused divorces, destroyed families, exposed frauds and sent people to mental health facilities kicking and screaming, and not once from all of those people, not once have I a meet a single one after and have they said anything but thank you, except the ones who found themselves in jail.

so here is the question: i care nothing for a society that has not helped me, i willingly destroy peoples lives with the starkest truths i can find just because i cannot see people living in there disillusions while i have to suffer from a pain no medication can take the edge off of, but does that make me as bad as those who do more terrible things?

there are too many levels to this, my point is said though it could be worse, try dealing with someone who is passive aggressive.

anon30815
Post 371

I am a middle aged woman and a high school teacher and church chaplain. A young man came to me over a year ago allegedly wanting help. His parents were incarcerated and he was on the streets. I poured love on him only to have our relationship continue to worsen as he tried to dominate me, abuse me, etc, etc. Finally his family told me he had been diagnosed as a sociopath, had been locked up for child molesting, couldn't keep a job because of stealing, not showing up, etc. I couldn't believe there was such a thing as a person who has no conscience, no morals, no ability to give or receive love or to know God, no empathy, no hope for a good life. Only a question of how many people he hurts before he dies. But now I do know and it hurts me very much to say that there is no hope, no cure. The only important thing is to protect the innocent people whom he will try to victimize. I have had a lot of spiritual counseling for this and still do not understand. However, I have stopped questioning and released it to the Great Unknown.

anon30814
Post 370

I'm a 63 year old woman and want to warn other "old ladies" about young male sociopaths who aim to prey on us -- live off us. They call us Mom and promise to be the best son we ever had. We are especially vulnerable if we have no children and no husband. They are charming and sweet-talking and will bleed us emotionally and financially. When they have gotten all they want or think they can get from us, they leave for one of their other old ladies -- they have plenty. You can spot them like this: they come on too strong, too gushy, too attentive. They want pity. They want you to give them things and do things for you. Their needs are always more important than yours. They think they have never done anything wrong -- they believe they are victims of an unfair environment, upbringing, etc. They say they want to help themselves and are trying so hard. They lie, manipulate, play games try to dominate you. They want you to help them, and they promise to help you later. They will only hurt you in the end. Get away. Tell your friends about them and believe your friends -- not them.

anon30640
Post 369

I was the victim of a sociopath. He became extremely possessive of me -- not wanting me to spend time with friends or family. To get away from him, I first went to an attorney and threatened him with a temporary restraining order if he came near me or contacted me in any way. That worked for about a month. Then he got really weird and I got really scared. So I went to a psychologist who told me that the TRO threat had actually put me in greater danger. I should re-connect with him and then get away by making him think it was his choice.

Working day by day with the psychologist, I gave him what he wanted -- just always a little less -- so he saw me as less and less of a willing victim. After three weeks, he started saying things like "I'm getting tired" and "I'm wasting my time". Finally he ditched me. That was several months ago and I am starting to feel safe again. Yes, I miss him as the good times were very good, and I am still going to the psychologist to make sure I don't go back.

anon30639
Post 368

A sociopath looks at his victim the way a dog looks at a bone. He loves his bone. Prizes his bone. Doesn't want anyone else near his bone. But the only intention he ever has is to get what he can from the bone and then ditch it. If you are a bone who loves your sociopath so much you can't leave him, you are sick and need help. Go to a psychologist before your sociopath takes you further down, makes you mentally ill and ruins your life.

anon29781
Post 367

this is a personal opinion and has no judgment on anybody's comments above or below this one:

Psychopathy is a socially feared, man-made condition that is stereotyped by the media.

Speaking in honesty with a bunch of strangers on this comment board is purely encouraged by my insult and disgust that society can band together in approval to judge and outlaw a type of personality because it is deemed collectively unacceptable. This social dogma should be seen as negative profiling as severe as profiling homosexuality, or other cognitive matters that have not been intentionally created. I find it unbelievable that this ‘disorder’ has gone as far as “What To Do When You Discover a Psychopath” with such advice as "get paper trails and evidence", "tell everyone you know". Soon it will be okay to run at people with pitchforks and torches. And to think that these profiles are written by apparent educated people. Most of these articles have pulled statistics from Wikipedia which was likely edited by your neighbor with antisocial personality disorder!

I am tired of psychopaths/sociopaths being compared to “Normal” people who are about as deep as limbo. Isn’t this all just a little bit hypocritical? These articles are saying Sociopaths/Psychopaths have a highly narcissistic view of themselves…but has anybody stopped to look at the psychiatrists and doctors writing the articles? These articles are socially outlawing sociopaths and instilling fear in the readers. Wouldn’t this be a little bit ‘high on one’s self' for you all to agree that these people are of a lesser value than yourself with your “normal” socially constructed way of thinking? I suppose it is easier to walk in herd of sheep than to stand alone.

I'm positive that every human alive has been conditioned to act on their imposed morals which have become like a second nature. Because the majority practice their morals does not make them anymore human than the populous of sociopaths.

So is psychopathy really as toxic and unnatural as most make it out to be?

Remember that not every sociopath has been diagnosed with the condition. The percentage of "effected" sociopaths is much smaller factually than actually. This small percentage (3% males & 1% Females) is sure to make the condition that much more intimidating to those in fear, because it subliminally tells you that these people are the small percentage of outcasts, the bottom feeders of society…but they’re still out there!!

I can guarantee that many of us with sociopathic tendencies have not been included in that 4 percentile…instead we’re hiding in protection behind those with the torches and pitch forks.

anon29619
Post 366

Most of you are not sociopaths. By just listing things that "Dexter" does or you think a sociopath might do, doesn't make you a sociopath.

anon29587
Post 365

Although I doubt anyone will reply to this, I have a question.

I don't obsess over 'what I am' like a lot of people might, but something a friend mentioned to me made me uncomfortable in my own skin. He said that sociopaths recognize an act they're perpetrating is wrong (in the opinion of others or in general) but do it because they don't feel it's wrong. Not wrong in their opinion, but that they don't have such an comprehension of things. They just do it because it has to happen in their minds.

I recently killed an animal because it upset me. I knew while I was doing it that it was wrong, or at least people would be mad that I did it, but I strongly felt it had to be done. When I was finished I told people it ran away and got rid of it.

In my mind, it was just a thing, so I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel good either.

I don't think I am a 'sociopath', but the words of my friend discouraged me and I wanted more insight into my situation. Any ideas?

J

anon29250
Post 364

If someone were truly a sociopath I sincerely doubt they would waste time posting about being a sociopath here. Sociopaths view people are nothing more than objects that are either assets, liabilities, or useless. Nothing more. They would have no reason to care about educating us about their lives. Would you talk about your life to a pile of rocks? You are a rock to a sociopath, you're either in the way, or they can use you as a tool, or you're irrelevant. The people here claiming to be sociopaths are probably not.

anon29241
Post 363

Just wanted to say the post by anon13340 is right on the money. That was the first post I can say I thought she was dealing with a true psycho or sociopath. If you have to, read it over and over again till you get the concept.

A real psychopath doesn't care what you think. The basic concept is they don't care. As long as you don't belittle them. If you do, watch out. It is all about them. They control, manipulate, and yes they lie to make you think its you not them that is the problem. They suck you into their game and play with your emotions. The sad thing is you don't know it till it's too late. The psychopath I knew was Ooohhh so charming.

anon28868
Post 362

I truly believe that I am a sociopath. Although I may be only 16, I'm not an idiot. I admit, I know there is something really wrong with me, my mind seems to work differently then the average being. I'm anti-social, and obsess over my writing and artwork, my rather dark attitude. Although I am creative, and have a rather brilliant/intelligent mind, there is something wrong. I have what they call here as the two sided person dr jekyll and mr hide. I feel out of touch with people, if I'm sitting on the bench at the state park I'll watch the people like an animal, like I'm something entirely else. "People are pathetic...just prey...idiots..." I have this animalistic posture, usually crouched low to the ground, or my shoulders slumped. I use different noises rather than speech, like a growl when I am annoyed, a whimper when I am sad.

I think constantly, my thoughts never cease and can go on forever. I like when others feel fear. It scares me because I lack guilt, I lack emotion. I consider myself not human, completely different, people are lower than myself.

When I appear fine around others, when left alone the other side of me emerges.

I tell lies and don't realise I lied so much until later. I'm asking now if there is anything that could help me from doing something incredibly stupid in my future, because at times it feels like I could do anything, commit crimes and such. After a while I gain comfort...then eventually trust. I'm like a stray dog, when people get to close too early I snap. When I get trust my actions are over-affectionate, like excessive hugging/groping and I feel the need to be very physical whether it be to wrestle or just lay beside. But if that trust is lost or if I pick up some vibes I don't like I snap, feel the need to hit and mock.

anon28765
Post 361

I've been reading a lot of these posts and I think people are using the word sociopath too generously to apply to people who are probably not. Every time someone's boyfriend behaves like they are heartless and don't care doesn't necessarily mean they are a sociopath. I think a true sociopath is someone who truly cannot feel any remorse and doesn't have a conscience. They can see it intellectually from the outside but don't feel it inside. Like when Ted Bundy killed those women and said he knew intellectually it was wrong but could not feel it at all on the inside. A lot of those people have a really chilling, cold quality that is pretty extreme and unmistakable. A lot of times when you are around those people you get this instinctive fear reaction from your gut. You're not able to connect to them at all on an emotional level, it's just not there with them.

tonto1234
Post 360

I have had a lot of problems with my husband's ex wife, she would show up at my job, she would lie

about my husband paying her child support, she knew some very high officials in our city, and had the police called on my husband more than once even though he was paying child support.

She came to my work, and just stood and stared at me and everyone that was there wondered what in the world she was doing. She knows all the right people, and does all the right things.

She told the child support agency she never received any of my husband's payments for 2 years, but they had all of her checks signed, and they said she lied, we could have prosecuted but did not.

She lied to their sons' and told them and the church that my husband had an affair and he never did, he left because she is a stalker and a control freak, and lies.

My husband asked her why she lied to the child support agency and she said because she could.

Obviously, I don't want to be anywhere around her. If she ever ever comes to my home or work, I will call the police. She is also a practicing "counselor" in the community, and accepted.

Any advice how to handle someone like this?

anon28195
Post 359

Is it really so bad to be a Sociopath/Psychopath? You have charm and wit. You can get what you want and you can get things done. Shouldn't this be ideal?

Emotions can keep an average person down. However, for Psychopaths/Sociopaths you have no conscience or morality. You can do things to get what you want, things that normal others can't/wont do. Doesn't this just prove how determined and single minded you are? In the end, isn't it usually the Sociopath who leaves with the last laugh and the money? As gleaned from the stories which have been told.

aithein
Post 358

I don't think you are a sociopath, Anon26650. I think you might be

categorized as a psychopath. The two terms are often combined under

the term Antisocial Personality Disorder, but there are many doctors

who are trying to get them recognized as different disorders.

anon27865
Post 357

the comment by 'anon27071" describes *exactly* what happened me. My "friend" of 3 1/2 years went into business with me, we borrowed 50K and she used it for her own needs, without my knowledge, not only that, she took 3 mobile phones in my name, ran up a *huge* bill, in my name, took all my belongings and done a runner to another country, leaving me in a whole world of debt. She fits the profile of a sociopath scarily accurately! She was as friendly as you can imagine, but it turned out to be lies.

These people ruin lives, we have learned a very very important lesson in our lives, to never trust anyone again, no matter how charming and friendly they seem... this person nearly destroyed our lives to live her own dreams and when she bled us dry, she took off and looked for another sucker to latch onto.

She emailed me (after i emailed her threatening police) and told me this whole story about how she was going to pay it all back the next week and how her and her husband had split up... it was all lies...

She and her husband left on a plane the next day, together to fly to their new lives with all my money, furniture and not a care in the world about how it affected us.

Very dangerous people and unfortunately most people don't realize who they're dealing with until its too late.

anon27271
Post 352

anon26650....you are not a sociopath....you are just lost...

anon27071
Post 350

Yes, I know it all too well. I trusted people and eventually went into business with someone I trusted. Now after a very difficult lesson have lost my business, my income, just about everything. For "fun" I checked out the behaviors of a sociopath and guess what, she has so many of the traits, but tends through drinking to hide the non social bit as she drinks in order to be social.

These people are dangerous and will stop at nothing to get what they want and who is in the way gets taken down. After removing the "dagger" from my heart, figuratively speaking, I am now moving on learning yet another big lesson in life. Don't trust no one and get everything in writing.

anon27011
Post 349

If you find yourself in a relationship with a sociopath you need to *run* away as fast as you can... they are experts at exploiting us "weaker" types... please please please don't learn the hard way like I did.

I was married to a female sociopath for four years... the only reason it lasted that long is because I completely supported her and she found that very useful and was careful about what she did to me directly... I witnessed her do unimaginably cruel things to everybody who was ever kind to her. Her impulsiveness and reckless behavior was bewildering. Currently she is sucking dry her mother, the last person she has left. Trust me *stay away*… you can't help them, they don’t want to be helped.

anon26863
Post 348

I'm not completely sure I am a sociopath, but perhaps there is some other condition that fits my symptoms.

Although I do feel emotions toward some, I feel nothing towards others, like it makes no difference if they were never a part of my life. And these are people most would consider us to be great friends. When I do feel emotions, they are often extreme bits of anger or great sadness, though neither is for very long.

McLovin
Post 347

I feel that my boss is a sociopath. He fits the comments everyone has left above. Lies, manipulation, stealing, and much much more.

My question is how do I bring this to the attention of the higher ups to fire him? Do I have to become one myself?

anon26650
Post 346

Too bad about 80% of you are wrong. Sorry if your ex was a jerk, but that's probably all he was. And if you don't feel any emotions, you're probably just dissociating. I should know, I do it sometimes and I've spent years of my life feeling nothing.

Or maybe I'm wrong. After all, I had an easy enough time getting labeled "borderline personality disorder" and "antisocial personality disorder", so maybe you (or your ex) would too. And, since I'm rather bored right now, I'll be a sweetheart and share.

I'm female and in my mid twenties, if it matters.

I don't lack emotions. Actually, at times I feel far too many emotions, too intensely, too quickly, and sometimes I feel none, but that's the borderline. I also am capable of empathy... sort of, a little bit, under the right conditions. I see someone and think, "yikes, wouldn't want to be in their shoes," and get a nasty feeling, and that's pretty much what empathy is. Nor am I incapable of friendship. I don't have more than a couple of real friends, mostly because it's almost impossible for me to form real connections with other human beings, and so most people (friends or lovers) get boring and are discarded after a few months. But I do have a couple of real friends, people I have a faint but real connection with, and I value them as part of my life. I even want them to be happy and safe, though not because I would feel bad for them if they were miserable, just because they're better that way. It's even worth my time to comfort a friend in distress, though it can be a bit of a bore.

What I lack is conscience and morality. I feel no guilt, no remorse, and no regret when I lie, steal, manipulate, or maliciously hurt another person, all of which I do fairly frequently. Actually, I will say I don't like to lie when there's a chance of getting caught, most people can be easily deceived by misleading word choice and omission ("you really think I would do something like that?" works way more often than you'd think). That way I haven't done anything I can be held accountable for.

I'm often puzzled by normal people, that is, ones who do have consciences. While I know why they do what they do, I can never really understand it, and at times I can have a hard time predicting the way moralistic people behave because of this. A part of me wants to believe that everyone else wears morality like a mask, same as I do, and would happily drop their cover and behave in a pleasantly rational manner at the slightest excuse.

Sometimes, though, it bothers me to know that everyone I know has experiences which are totally alien to me, they're pushed and pulled by drives which I will never feel. I've spent hours at a time talking with friends, trying to understand them. I've concluded, however, that unless I "grow a conscience", I'll never really know. That's fine, though, I'd much rather be occasionally vexed by my lack of understanding than burdened beneath the irrationality and self-defeating logic of morality.

Reading all this you've probably decided that I'm a pretty awful person. Thing is, though, that I'm not. I'm not a good person, frankly I'd never want to be, but I'm okay. My own view is, of course, basically distorted because I can't see my own actions as bad (sometimes foolish or reckless, but not immoral), but most people who know me think I'm a pretty decent person too. Even my closest friend, who I don't really hide my nature from, thinks I'm nice. Thing is, I am usually pretty nice, unless I'm in the mood to be mean, and even then I have a series of (loose and sometimes broken) rules that I've developed to avoid impulsive actions which are often detrimental in the long term. Like, I don't steal from friends because I don't want to get caught and so damage the friendship. And I avoid heavily manipulating or telling big lies to lovers because the more I can control a person the less I respect them. The thing is, I'm a social parasite, and like any good parasite the last thing I want is to be noticed for what I am. Naturally, I also try to be careful about anything which could get me thrown in jail. There's usually some reason for the police to come after me, but so far so good... so wish me luck! :D

Anyway, that's my bit of sharing. Hope it was enlightening... or something.

divineman
Post 345

25101, they don't know if its genetic or environmental mostly. It can develop out of either. ODD is not the same, and doesn't even go hand in hand with psychopathy. Love your son, make sure he doesn't get put into a traumatic situation, such as any form of abuse, and that's all you can do. If he does grow up to be a sociopath, then as a parent you have key behavioral influence, make sure you get some sort of morale code and consequence ingrained in his mind. Sociopaths aren't always bad, so with your support, maybe he will make it out of his childhood still human. I was lucky to have such a good mother, and I blame her on me not being a lunatic, but rather just another member of society with his own handicaps and problems to deal with, and no overwhelming desire to hurt others.

25039, I've been right where you are. Hell, I am right where you are, almost once a week. The only way I can answer you is this, accept who you are. Whatever you feel, that's probably all you ever will feel, so live with that. If you don't manipulate, con, lie, etc, and you are a sociopath then you are in control more so than almost anyone else. The most important thing in a relationship, sociopath or not, is trust. You have to be able to trust your girlfriend with everything, and if anything brakes that trust, then you, as a sociopath, will not forgive or forget it, even if you say you do, and you have to be trustworthy, in turn. Lies kill relationships, especially, commitment oriented ones.

anon25101
Post 344

I have a question about this disorder. My son will be turning 5 years old very soon and has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. His biological father is a sociopath in every sense including violent. He has no contact with our son. I read the part that says....

"The causes of antisocial personality disorder are thought to be either genetic or environmental. Children who are influenced by antisocial parents may adopt these tendencies."

So my question is.... Is it more heredity or environmental? With my son already being diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder is that something that can turn into being a sociopath like his father without even knowing him but just from genetics?

anon25039
Post 343

I have recently been troubled with the idea that I am a sociopath. I am 19, living away from home at school. I am not much of a liar, though I used to lie a lot when I was younger. I think I love people, but sometimes I have my doubts. I don't know exactly what love feels like. I am an unselfish person, and while i used to steal for my own gain I have grown out of it. I don't make fun of people nor do I manipulate or con. However, for some reason I know that if I wanted to do something of the sort, I would be very, very good at it.

My behavior has really affected my relationship with my girlfriend. We get into a lot of fights, all started by me, over stupid, trivial things. I think I love her, I really think so, but I am just so unsure about the feeling itself it is tough to really know what I feel. I want to be normal person who loves and hates and feels. Any advice from anyone would be appreciated

anon24919
Post 342

ragonrok: sociopaths do not engage in physical violence themselves. Our true thrills are manipulation through words, it's easy...don't listen=no harm done. It is your fault that you take advice that took you backward instead of forwards and then you come back to me for more. not you specifically, it's just a trend I see in normal people.

anon24731
Post 341

I will pray for u all. I have hope for you. With god you can and will overcome. Keep ur head up!!!

divineman
Post 339

I feel a need to answer these questions, or comment on stories that are going unnoticed. anon23572: I can't tell you what to do on the information you've given me.

divineman
Post 338

Anon 23504: The opposite of a sociopath? There is no opposite of a sociopath. You’re very empathic, is what you’re saying. Able to see and relate to almost anything presented to your mind, but, being that, you should be able to see these ‘bastards’ coming for you. Sociopaths can tell a lot about people by the smallest details, does that mean you know nothing about a person on first meeting them, can’t see even the slightest nuances in their lives? Glean nothing about fellow man? Being very empathic is a contradiction to that. That being said, you’re not the anti-sociopath. You may have victim written on your head in bright neon letters, however. Empathic people are usually people with large ‘hearts.’ The bigger a person’s heart the easier it is to use them. The human race, that most people put so much faith in, is not a good thing. The nicest people in the world will take advantage of someone, if they feel they can get away with it. My advice to you is, stop your pity party, move on. If Heaven really is as hard to get into as you hope it is, mind you, I don’t believe in Heaven. Do you really think you’ll make it in condemning so many of your fellow man into whatever other space there is?

divineman
Post 337

Anon 23332: She doesn’t sound like a sociopath, she sounds like something else entirely. Sociopaths aren’t obvious about their being so, actually, anyone on this site whom says “I was married to a sociopath.” Is probably wrong, or you’re dating an inhuman being, in all of his persuasion is an idiot and lacks the proper cunning to truly pull the wool over other’s eyes.

However, she can pull the wool over eyes, the above comment was just for others reading along. So, she has friends and family ostracize you? This is one thing I’ll never understand about the human race, do you really put so much of your own being into a relationship if someone severs it you cannot find your own self worth? If someone will stop talking to you for any reason, what someone else says, etc, then they aren’t worth being around in the first place. Perhaps that’s my own sociopathy speaking, but honestly, what have they got that Vivica down the street doesn’t? Genetics? That means very little.

If you DO want your family back so bad, well then, lets take this in steps.

1: PROVE your accusations of her being full of excrement.

2: Obtain documents saying so.

3: Show them around.

4: Buy a recording device, simply use it where you see fit.

5: Show her for what she really is. Undeserving.

6: Be sure. Be safe.

Know this, God, has very little to do with the Human Race, on a whole. If you put your faith into a being, then don’t blame him for his absence, there are billions of people on the planet, what makes you special among them if they are all his children?

divineman
Post 336

Anon23131: It’s possible you should look into a restraining order. Sociopaths don’t want to get caught, the same as everyone else. Every broken twig you hear, call the cops, that is what they are for, after all.

He is a controller, he controls by fear, which Machiavelli said was the best way to control. If someone is afraid of you, they will be in terror if the other wants to disobey, all you have to do is realize that you have as much power as he does. He is not a God among men, he is simply using his manhood more efficiently, and making you believe his lies. He needs to feel important, feel in charge, all you have to do is take that control away from him, individually or through law enforcement, but make sure you are safe, if he is truly a sociopath, you need to make sure the cops are involved.

divineman
Post 335

Anon23075: Talk to a psychologist. DO NOT, say you don’t think you’re a sociopath. No one will believe you, since most sociopaths do not want themselves to be known as such. Speak from your head and your ‘heart.’ Describe your emotions, as only a human can. May take a few sessions, but you will dissolve the false diagnosis if you do this.

divineman
Post 334

Anon23072: Sociopaths or Psychopaths aren’t violent 100% of a time. You’re misinformed, sociopaths can be sociopaths without violent behavior. However, I do agree that far to many people believe themselves to be sociopaths, and aren’t able to comprehend the magnitude of the disorder. It isn’t as simple as wikipedia would have you believe.

divineman
Post 333

Carrie0138: You know the symptoms are listed at the top of this page. You want someone to CALL you a sociopath, did you know that asking someone a question that you know the answer to is a form of manipulation, getting them to commit to something that is or is not certain, especially trying to get someone to call you a sociopath because you say you can’t feel regret, that is a listed symptom a mere three turns of the mouse wheel away.

divineman
Post 332

Anon22344: It’s a condition. You don’t feel feelings. You can’t. The most we can feel are impulses. We know how things work, I have a girlfriend, whom I am very fond of. I console her when she is upset, I compliment her when she is being self-conscious, sociopaths can put for effort and act like a normal citizen that no one could detect. He isn’t smart enough to fake consolation? He HAS impulses for you, not feelings. He ‘Wants’ you, like a dog wants a dog. Sex is a driving force in all life forms. It is up to him and you if you can handle being together, if you can’t handle being with someone you KNOW has no feelings, then by all means, brake it off, don’t wait, he won’t magically grow feelings, if he can’t feel then he can’t feel. Its basic science, don’t try the same experiment hoping for different results, because hope doesn’t change anything.

divineman
Post 331

Anon22145: You have a very bad outlook on life. Destruction, Apocalypse, Death. Such a wide array of things you think we can all amount too. Despite being a Sociopath, I’m an optimist, I prefer to think that people can deal with their problems in a manner appropriate, and, honestly, what does it matter, anyway? You’re born as you are born, nothing did it to you, live. Be happy. Well, sociopath, you’re incapable of happy. Live Satisfied. If you’re incapable of being satisfied, well then, I’m not entirely sure that saying kill yourself is legal in someone’s direction, so, I won’t. As pathetic as suicide seems to me, self pity is even worse. Honestly, we ask ourselves why us? Why not? Its all probability, cold, uncaring odds.

divineman
Post 330

Anon22119: Haha, you’re assuming we’ve all killed, tortured, and otherwise practiced wild acts on others? For the most part, anyone here that claims to be a sociopath hasn’t harmed anyone. Sociopaths are much less hostile than real humans. Sociopaths can’t feel, and it is only out of some other attempt, not hostility or for the sake of violence, that one would commit heinous acts.

I don’t fear. I don’t feel fear. Sure, self preservation. I am able to be startled, I turn and react like a human might, claws and fangs bared ready to defend against a would be predator, but if I were tied down to a table being assaulted with a knife, I wouldn’t beg for my life. Life and Death really aren’t our choices. We can’t choose where, when, how, why we were born. Death is very much its twin.

divineman
Post 329

Anon21851: No, drugs. Psychotherapy helps some, is useless on others. Group therapy, same.

divineman
Post 328

Anon21696

Lack of Regret and Emotion is the key element of sociopathy. Without that the rest of the symptoms are just other observations of things, that most sociopaths tend to develop. It is highly possible you’re just a crass/selfish person.

anon23794
Post 325

anon23572: You don't give a lot of detail about your situation. I suggest you find the strength & confidence within yourself (you know you have it), to learn how to deal with your situation by learning coping strategies or removing yourself from the pain & stress that others seem to be causing you. Trust me, I know- I had panic & anxiety attacks, was a nervous wreck, and doubted my own sanity...I chose to cut myself off from this person..it still haunts me to this day- the dangerous situation I was in-but each day gets a little better) Go to the library-(it's free) & educate yourself as much as possible w/regard to Sociopaths. Don't despair-your best defense is educating yourself for your own protection & before you make any decisions about your situation. I care. (also a female who's been there)PS-I don't trust anymore-either.

anon23572
Post 324

it has affected me so much i don't trust. but i would like to show im serious and if you email i will give you my number and you don't have to give me yours you can do the star six seven and i am female if that helps. i am a real person, do not post hardly at all, and am so panicky now it is affecting my health, and im tired of living like this. we need to do something to take back some control of our lives. i live in fear of my loved ones, and it is taking its toll on me. i am fairly despondent. ill tell anyone who calls

anon23504
Post 323

I am the opposite of a sociopath. I have since I was a child had an incredible capacity to love. I get great joy from helping others, whether I am recognized for it or not. I can look at an animal or a human suffering, and it is almost as if I become them--- I feel everything they feel and want to help them. I have been told by many people that they can tell I am a good person-- and I remember once a girl I worked with said something I found strange at the time-- she said to me "I think you are a truly, inherently good person. I don't think I am". I found that baffling at the time. She did end up stabbing me in the back at work. I ended up fired because of her. And I went on this sociopath site because of a longterm relationship with a man who absolutely without question is a sociopath. I now know that I am as hard to understand for the evil people as the evil people are for me to understand. I attract them, bait them, make them want to destoy me, without even realizing it, because of my goodness. I now know to be careful and hold some of my kindness and openess in, because there are so many of you bastards in the world-- whether sociopaths or just mean selfish, little people. What a shame. Sometimes I believe there is a heaven-- and that contrary to popular belief, maybe it is not so easy to get in........ maybe if heaven exists, it is actually a very tiny, tiny, little place. Hopefully.

anon23332
Post 322

I'm worried that a family acquaintance that i've known for 20 years is a sociopath. When she was younger, she would spread malicious gossip to ruin a person's reputation to the point of creating this "mob mentality" and had the ability to convince others who feared her to bully her victims emotionally, physically and sometimes sexually. i was very observant of this and tried to keep my distance but she eventually moved onto me.

I remember the day, I was at church for this funeral and saw the sociopath from afar and heard she was complaining how she couldn't understand why the family was crying over the loss of their baby even though the family had other children and was mocking the parents' painful screams and cries in the church. she saw me cry and i remember her looking at me with these cold-dead eyes and smirking at the same time. this girl will make you believe in the devil.

She has stolen so many times, has convinced people that she has several PhDs and works at all these corporations when in reality, she can't hold a job down. She tries to give out compliments but they come out too strong and awkward. She absolutely LOVES to criticize people w/special needs, i mean it's sick.

Anything that i say or do, it is twisted around in this manipulative manner to the point where my words have no weight. she has taken my sarcasm that i've reserved for my friends and used them literally and convinced people that i was crazy! She has had people follow me, beat me, sent her friends to sabotage my friendships and family relationships for YEARS now!! She has succeeded in having several of MY family members ostracize me and gets into my family business. Most of my friends left because they are scared to death of this girl and the wrath of destruction she tries to create. I can't even make new friends without her knowing about it and trying to convince them that I'm bad. omg, it's disgusting! I'm not backing down because she has a hold on certain family members of mine and is brainwashing them for her own amusement and it pains me to see this. God, where the hell are you?

anon23131
Post 321

Defining my ex-boyfriend as a sociopath seems dramatic but is the conclusion that I have come to.

It doesn't help that I am paranoid as I write this that he is will read it and I paranoid that he has bugged my phone. Incredible to be in this state now - I am plagued by fear of him and fear of the consequences of any of my actions - I do not want to provoke him. I even feel like I need to cloak the details to truly remain anonymous but I will tell the truth so please, if you can, listen, and maybe help.

My ex-boyfriend has recently been released from jail. He claims to not have done anything but he was, in fact, a "guest" there for almost eight months. Since then, he has called me repeatedly and has even left a voicemail at my work amongst other things that I will get to.

I practiced what I would say because I knew that confrontation with such a person would be inevitable - I thought he would come looking for me - even though I had ignored every single letter I received. I have come to reason that there is no way around dealing with him except for to confront him and then ignore him. At least that has been my reasoning. I said "I do not want to talk. I do not want to be friends. I do not want a relationship. Please respect that." I repeated it over and over. I tried to be reasonable but maybe I was naive. He called several times after that demanding the few items remaining at my house (everything had been picked up by his brother). He has since called about twenty times in the space of two weeks under the guise of needing to show me the man he could be while simultaneously accusing me of many of the same hurtful things he accused me in our relationship. He has since threatened to send "dirty" pictures to my office. Last night I received a phone call saying that he was in town and he had a gun. I called the police. I have already spoken with them twice. I am sure this sounds dull to many out there but I am truly freaked out.

Two weeks into our relationship, he read my journal from my teen years in the middle of the night and then woke me up and hurled it at me, accusing me of lying about my past. I watched him, in suicidal moments, slice so deeply into his wrist and hold a lighter under his arm until the flesh bubbled. His face did not grimace. I begged him to stop. I begged him to stop drinking. I succeeded in this so I thought that I could get him to change. I thought that he would change for me. His way of really, really, saying "I Love You" was to say "You are the only girl I never cheated on." He told me of the conquests. I hope he lied about violent prowess which I won't even mention here. He stole things. He didn't work and I supported him with out feeling resentful because I rationalized that I would want someone to do the same thing for me if I were in his position (a back injury - addiction to pain medication).

Writing this, I can't write the worst even - I'm ashamed. I can tell you this: he charmed me into a relationship (I can also take credit for accepting wounded birds), he conned me and my family out of money (my bank card, which he had the password to - he would go take money out of three machines in the space of one hour, charge stuff to my mother's account), he degraded my body in a way that made me feel like I was being molested, he lived off of me (racked up 20,000 miles on a brand new car and got it dirty as dirty can be - this is also the car that was impounded when he was arrested - he thought it was his even though this is ridiculous because we had only been together for two years and I was the one who bought it and was making the payments), I couldn't see or call my friends.

I know this sounds like a controlling relationship but can he be a sociopath? He has no sense of consequences, no remorse. He chose to be with me over seeing his daughter on a regular basis. Any thoughts? Any advice? I don't feel safe. I feel trapped. I feel like he's coming for me and it's only a matter of time. I know some of this is my own anxiety.

My apologies for the length. Please do read this and please do reply.

anon23075
Post 320

I was in active drug addiction for about a year (crack cocaine) and ended up trying to get some help for myself from a mental health team here in Vancouver BC Canada. For some reason the Dr that did the evaluation decided that I had Antisocial Personality Disorder or that I was a Sociopath. Now that I have this label in the system here it has caused me problems trying to receive any sort of further help from the mental health community and Dr's get a very bad impression of me right from the start. The only reason I accepted the diagnosis was because I had no idea what it meant. I have normal feelings, that range all over the place from happy to sad... I feel real empathy for people that are suffering. I know that I am not a sociopath, and I don't know what to do about this label that I have received from a Dr that did not even know me... or even spend much time evaluating me. I am scared because I am at a point in my life where I know that there is something wrong with me but I think that its more like Borderline Personality Disorder than full on Sociopath.

The fact is I have a really hard time coping with the feelings that I do have and often they overwhelm me so lack of feelings are not my problem. I don't know what to do, or where to turn at this point. I am scared that I will end up not getting the treatment that i need because of some Dr that had no idea what he was doing gave me a label over four years ago.

If anyone has any ideas, I sure would like to hear them. I will be sure to bookmark this page so I can check back for comments.

anon23072
Post 319

To anyone reading this article do not immediately leap to the conclusion that you are a sociopath. In any individual there is a form of psychopathy. Only those who practice violent behavior are truly psychopaths. Understand that many people match symptoms on 'Hare's checklist'. Most serial killers, ritualistic killers, and manipulative killers have IQ levels of extremely high quantity such as 160+. One in every three hundred people are psychopaths but non-violent. In their brains the the part of the brain that controls your decisions does not fully communicate with the recently evolved Front Lobes of the brain because it is up to thirteen percent smaller (the size of your thumb nail is average size). This is what gives them lack of guilt or remorse.

carrie0138
Post 317

i am 16 years old and maybe a year ago...my feelings for a lot of things completely disappeared. I do not tell people, because most will not believe me. I can't feel feelings towards people let alone guilt or regret. Are these symptoms?

anon22344
Post 316

I believe I am married to a sociopath. We've been together for 5 years, married for 3. we're only 23 years old and we have a 2 year old. Our relationship was perfect until he joined the navy. About a month ago, he said he's getting out and that he thinks I cheated on him ( which wasn't true at all) and he made me look bad to his friends and co-workers. ever since, he's had nothing to do with me really and it came out of the blue. He has no regular feelings. He says he fakes them. He doesn't feel happy and sad. He just is. He doesn't believe anything after death. He has homicidal thoughts and told me about them but says he'd never act on them. He has nightmares. He had a really messed up childhood and I'm sure that didn't help. I want to leave him sometimes too but he tells me that he really does love me, he's just not in love with me and he wants me to be patient with him until he finds his feeling for me because he knows they are there. How long am I suppose to wait? I deserve to be with someone who loves me and misses me and is honest with his feelings. I'll never know if he is ever truly happy with me because he pretend to care for me for over a year and now he said he's just done pretending. I am scared of him but I told him that I'm not. I want to be there for him but I don't know how. It's too tiring being the only one who had feelings. He has no sympathy for me or anyone else which makes it hard if I need comfort. I don't know what to do. He's very very smart.

anon22145
Post 315

I am a sociopath, a female, middle-age on my horizon. I am not slowing down; I am picking up speed. I live in a place with several others like me, but no two of us are alike.

No, I would not choose it if I had the choice, but on the other hand, I don't believe I would survive an "awakening" even if it were possible to suddenly send the right neurochemicals surging across long-dead synapses into a maldeveloped temporal lobe...I'd probably die in violent seizures.

Mostly I don't speak out loud, I keep to myself and cogitate endlessly on the coming Apocalypse. I do wonder repeatedly why all Creation exists merely to be destroyed. There is no point to life, no meaning; everything exists to be destroyed. Death is all any of us has to look forward to.

Sometimes I can't move; I am awake but stay frozen for hours on end in one position. I hate being touched. My hair, which is blonde gone white, hangs in my face, but people tell me I have a stare that could melt through steel.

I am aging at a rate of about three years now for every year; what they sometimes term a partial progeria, onset in midlife instead of in childhood. Sometimes I call myself a "Stillborn."

All my teeth are falling out. I look like a heroin addict, but I'm not. I hardly ever eat, and I keep getting severely dehydrated because I have no thirst mechanism.

My ravaged face was once pretty, twenty chronological years ago; adjusting for the accelerating rate of my aging once I reached about 33, that twenty years took forty-five out of me.

I do sometimes have paroxysms of desperation, wanting to break free, to stop what is happening to me, to this body in which I am trapped. I am a Nihilist and I do not believe in the afterlife.

I wish I had been born ALIVE!!!! Why in the world would anyone want or aspire to be like this??? You think it's cool??? It's not -- it's cold-- ice cold.

Hell is not a fiery place; Hell is endless featureless tundra, no life to be seen in any direction.

anon22119
Post 314

Just curious...to any of the self-described 'sociopaths' here...do you feel anything when thinking about someone doing to you the more awful things you've done to other people? Does that elicit any emotion at all?

anon21886
Post 313

Here is something I wrote while living with a sociopath. He robbed me of my spirit and twenty years later I still suffer every day. Run if you can, ironically the name of a song he wrote.

The plates in the earth shift under the weight, the pull, and the bombast

Pains shift to new places, reel at another blast and hang still

without movement, in waiting

The air is darker, the water less clear, the leaf is burnt

The insides feel good, healing continues, more tranquil than before

But the outside is not.

The weather scrapes the sheen. It stings

Winter comes

Will we survive another cycle.

anon21851
Post 312

My question is, are there any treatments for sociopaths and psychopaths? The person I recently was involved with (for only two weeks, thank God) just seems like a totally hopeless case. What kinds of drug or group therapies are there to help them?

anon21696
Post 311

I'm not really sure what I am? I seem to have a lot of the symptoms described I have made a lot of effort to change but nothing seems to help. the only symptom i don't have is the remorse or the lack of regret i really think my is do to my upbringing rather than genetics but im not real sure i just turned 40 recently and the sad part is i think my condition is getting worse never in my life have i been aware of soooo much hate and cruelty in this world and i am becoming something i never thought i could become! after all the head meds and psych hospitals nothing has worked think its time to try something different a little more extreme if you will! so just a word of caution to those of you reading this the next time you feel so satisfied with yourself for hurting or getting one over on one of you fellow humans that walk this no God planet think before you act because it may be me!!!!!!!after reading my words do you really want the consequences of your actions turned back on you ten fold??????

anon21682
Post 310

It is not a possibility that we fear the sociopath, it's very real. Family and friends feel that way due to the behavior of the sociopath. We are all responsible for our behavior. If the last writer thinks we shouldn't be so open then they don't see if from the other point of view. The mistake we make is when we are open with the sociopath. Being open with others gets the word out and gives a place to share, from one healthy human to another. No one said they didn't love the sociopath in their life, they said they were hurt by them. There is a difference, but then a sociopath wouldn't recognize that. But the last writer was right when they stated they have problems of their own. It's obvious that they do, other wise they would be leading normal, healthy lives. My prayers go out to both.

anon21628
Post 309

My mother is a full on sociopath. When me and my sister were little, she brainwashed into believing that our father was the devil and that she was the queen of the world. My sister, thank god, was only 2 years old while a lot of this was happening, so she has turned out pretty normal (19 now). But, I was a bit older (4) and got the brunt of her brutality. She never hit, all she did, was mess with my head. Im now 21, and am sad to say, that i have turned out like her, I am a sociopath. Oddly enough though, i have a very neurotic side to my personality too, which is what the therapist says is my golden key out of this hell.

It took over 10 years of therapy for me to forgive my mom for abandoning my sister and I, and for being such a mean person, but than i got older, and began to realize the extent of her damage, especially to me, and for making me a sociopath, i don't know that i will ever be able to forgive her.

I do not entirely agree with how they portray people with this disorder. I would never intentionally physically hurt another person, or steal from them, but i lie all the frigging time, and i don't even mean to, it just happens, its like a second nature. I can't really cry, I really don't feel to often, and its especially hard for me to deal with others emotions.

I really want to go back to therapy, i want and know i can change and become a better me, but unfortunately for now, i am uninsured so i can't really afford it, hopefully soon though.

anon21504
Post 308

you all shouldn't be so open to everyone about your problems, your solutions lie within, its just people have so many buttons, its hard not to push them, but that's just me, and yes, i am a sociopath or "psychopath". but its not like sociopaths are just monsters, we obviously have our own problems to deal with, and im sorry to say to the people who have children with that, you should love them no matter what, maybe the possibility of you fearing them is making them stray away and disassociate.

anon21390
Post 307

It seems like my EX may have some of these traits; but not all. He didn't harm me or animals physically. He was more emotionally abusive to me. He was never a big charmer. However he is disconnected with his family. His only form of contact is phone, and email. I have known him since 2005, and he has visit his parents that lived less than two hours away 3 times. He and his father have no relationship at all. I never met any one in his family except for two cousins. One I just happened to know before he and I met. Along with the one that he lived with. When he and I met I was very broken from a previous relationship with a man that was bipolar that did actually harm me and animals physically. I can say now that I was on the rebound. I was more focused on the things my EX was not doing versus what he was doing to me. My ex was totally against being in a relationship for about a year. Then he said he realized he didn't want to be alone the rest of his life. He was draining, he lied and said he was dying. He was controlling, and was a bully. Things was done only when he wanted to do them. He would punish me when things didn't go his way. He would give me the silent treatment. He would blame me and project his feelings as mine. He would break up with me on a daily. He was very inconsistent with what he said versus his actions. When he was being hateful, he would admit that he was selfish, and hard to get along. Then he would flip like he was the victim. His cousin shared with me that he has always been a difficult person, and none of his relationships lasted. He displays no remorse for his actions most of the time. He would reject me when I would try to make amends. That is what I have the most difficult time to process is the rejection. Knowing what I compromised in order to have peace with him. Despite the fact he admitted that I was a good woman and was the first that accepted things with him. It just doesn't seem to be enough for him to stop being so spiteful.

anon21386
Post 306

I believe that I am currently dealing with a sociopathic ex friend/neighbor.

She was always very flattering, charming and generous - but always overdid it to the point of discomfort.

If she wanted to give you something or do something for you that you didn't want her to - she would insist and insist and insist - she just wouldn't stop, until you accepted it to get some peace.

After that - she would use that and hold it over your head - no matter what you ever do for her that could be equal to it. No - it was like she is a saint and what you do is nothing compared to what she does.

She goes from job to job, she's been arrested for theft, she used an alias before, she has outbursts at people who ignore her.

I made the mistake of accepting money that she insisted I borrow. Now, although I have almost paid it back in full - I get threatening notes, emails, knocks on my door every single day - and the letters all about what a generous friend she has been and how angry she is with me. I have told her to leave me alone and that she will get the rest of the money soon - but she won't stop. She insults me and does the melodramatic act about how disappointed she is in me and how I am this and that - and it's because I am ignoring her. I looked up the definition of 'sociopath' - and this woman covers all bases.

anon21183
Post 305

Am I trying to get over a sociopath? He was so handsome and charming, but he controlled my actions without knowing it. I am independent and able to take care of myself. I moved to a new country 18 months ago and met him one year ago. We spent a year living a fairy tale, although my friends would tell me he bossed me around. Suddenly he decided I was too old for him and he slept with his friend he would see once a year when she came on vacation. He first told me he didn't want to lose me,then after I moved out he said I was too old. Not much to go on, but I guess given what I know about him and the way he controlled me he is a sociopath. All my friends hated for him to be with me because of his behavior, always beyond drunk, always bossing me. I wish I could explain this away and move on. He keeps insisting on being in my life since I moved out, calling, texting saying that we lived a dream but that is over. It was a dream despite his character because he was so charming. I think I need to run away but it is hard because of the charm.

anon21083
Post 304

After reading this i am now certain that my ex boyfriend was a sociopath. And a very good one. Its unbelievable what i put myself through for him! Im staying far away from him forever now.

tonton
Post 303

After reading up on sociopath I do believe I was married to one. I divorced him after 7 months, but let him back into my life 5 months later only to end up right back where I started 4 months later. He is a pathological liar, conning, charming, has stolen ALL my stuff, has no remorse, shame or guilt or any emotions for that matter and at face value no would would ever think he was more than a southern gentlemen!! If you are involved with a sociopath run, run, run, run...or you will end up broke (I had perfect credit and ended up bankrupt within 1 year), sad, alone, and if you had anything like furniture, tv's, etc...you may not when he/she gets done with you. Be careful and don't blame yourself because my ex-husband conned my whole family, but I'm moving on heart broken, with bad credit, broke, and nothing to furnish my home as he came back months later after being divorced and split and broke into my house and stole everything he could get his hands on and now I'm having to prove the stuff was mine...and the kicker...his mother helped him load my stuff up as my neighbors saw them. It is no fun dealing with such a person, but if you are involved with someone like this please adhere to what I am writing and RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!

shhann77
Post 302

here is a description/synopsis of what this

psychopath has been doing to me...and it involves

heavy brainwashing/manipulation/conditioning..

the tactics used are horrible and he is always

using 'tactics' playing a game..to generate a response and more and more responses...and claims

his victim is his 'sub' and 'whore' but refuses

to see be with or even sexually interact with

the person...his power seems to be not seeing the

person or being with them...even claims to be an

astral traveler who is with the person astrally

hence the reason he doesn't need to see them in person....but everything involved to me even seems

strange for a narcissist or sociopath...he also

gets off on the 'degradation' and is sadistically

turned on by it...and if u ever attempt to try to

visit the N sociopath-- he will not let u in,

lock u out or yell at you which you haven't tried

or tried once...and is bisexual or out with other

men half the time... and the abuse this psycho has done to me is just really odd and just confused as to how a person can get out of something like this especially when the absence of the psychopath has made the person like a drug or addiction and you keep wanting more and getting

nothing along with just more abuse/control which

seems to just cement all the trauma and psychological hell and make the situation harder to not only get out of, but want more and also...

deep root the psychological terror it entails...prior to meeting him he did not have

A job and freelanced….after meeting him and ‘hoping’ u could be together..

He gets a job and literally…says “I choose my job over you” or “leave me and my job alone” and has even said “some people are married to their jobs”…in some creepy Sick odd form has turned his ‘job’ in some form of a spouse or gf…or even his cat..and turned his job into a vessel or another thing to use you to torment with...and reject you for his 'job' in essence making you hate 'work and jobs'

And literally did ‘choose his job over you’ and will be at work all the time no matter what and will keep rejecting you-- no mater what…while you are saying…can I see you or be with you…ie made you attached so he could torment you and keeps it going by never Seeing or being with you-- and creating this horrendous weird maze…that u almost

Can’t seem to get out of…because it is a string of hopes and expectations not only

‘marriage’ or other things but literally just spending any time with a person…

That u never got….in a year has only seen victim a total of four weeks hour wise… And will literally ration out his time to see person…and will ‘rush’ the time they Spend together…calls this a ‘relationship’ and the person he’s with ‘abnormal and weird’….will even say things how “how about I treat you like a REAL piece of meat and come over and do this to you sexually and just leave”…literally treats person

Like a whore or lower than a whore/slave…ie a whore gets paid and not stressed out…Calls victim his ‘whore’ and ‘slave’ and sub….

This person treats victim lower than a slave an in order to see the sociopath victim

Will have to jump thru hoops begging writing long paragraphs expressing vows of love,

Being forced to ‘entice’ person to see her…he will say “based on how long u write

They are not together…and he is not obligated to see or be with her….he will say

You have until 9:00 pm then you have to leave…u get there around 6:30...and you only have 2.5 hours to spend with person…while he is rushing… will reject you on holidays...and make you hate holidays as well....and do everyting just to reject degrade abuse insult you psychologically...never spend time or be with you....and try to control you long distance and make sure u are 'alone' and have no one not even him...it is hard to get out of esp if u are alone and vulnerable...

anon20183
Post 299

Anon20105, I think what you describe is pure NPD, Narcissist Personality Disorder. They love law enforcement. Good luck to you, try find a support group for (ex) NPD spouses.

anon20105
Post 298

This is very hard for me to write but I am doing this in hopes that it will help someone. I was married for almost twenty years and recently divorced and I have no doubt that he is a sociopath. He was very charming and had a way of always turning every argument around and truly making me believe I was the cause of everything. He always said I was lying and was very good at twisting my words around and making it seem like I was. He actually made me feel guilty as if I had really lied when I knew I had not. He told me convincingly that he had never ever lied to me when in fact I knew he had. I could not have friends because they would turn me against him and even if it was someone he had no reason to not approve then he would just simply point out a flaw and use reasons like she was too fat and that showed that she was a weak person. He "got rid" of a litter of kittens we could not care for and when asked how he got rid of them he only smiled. He has beat me down emotionally and mentally for years. I had zero self esteem when I left. He had over twenty jobs in the time we were married, he tried college and dropped out. Every single time it was someone else's fault. He would go into his manic mode and just start running through the house ripping things out of the closet and doors and I would ask what he was looking for he would not speak then all of a sudden he would be done and look at me as if nothing had happened. Just maybe say he was looking for something like what he had done was normal. He sent me text messages that would be nothing but a picture of his eye as if to say he was watching me. When we were going through our divorce which he dragged out for two years, he was suicidal, would send me up and beyond sixty text messages in one night. He called my boss (which he did not know) asking her to help him get me back. He repeatedly talks about me and people in our small town listen to him because he is so charming. It is so frustrating. Also he bought a motorcycle while going through all this and out of the blue joined the military and volunteered for Iraq and he went for a year and came back messed up as ever. In the meantime I have moved to a different town trying to stay away because he still harasses me and he is currently going to the police academy(just because he did a tour in Iraq gets him in) and I found out he has applied for a police job in the town I moved to. I am scared of him and don't really know how to handle this. I am out of hope and almost ready to give up fighting for my rights. Him walking around with a gun and the power of being a cop is not an ideal situation

anon19784
Post 297

What has helped me a lot is the Alanon program. It's not just for family and friends of alcoholics. It's a way of life. They help you learn to distance yourself emotionally from your qualifier, as they are known. I don't argue anymore with my son who I believe is a sociopath. No more lectures. He doesn't live with me any more but when he did I bought a small safe, I put a lock on my bedroom door, I got a P.O. box and never left anything of value, including my purse, around. I can't stop him from doing what he does but I can do my best to protect myself from him. I still live like that today because I never know when he's going to stop by. It was a slow process and a lot of work. I felt so bad for having to do all of those things, but it had to be done. If you can't get to an Alanon meeting, look online. You might fine it helpful.

anon19692
Post 296

I think my daughter is a sociopath. Since she was a teenager she's been lying about things the smallest things, stealing from me. Once she took my bank card, took money out and when I confronted her she said it wasn't her. I told her I am going on line right now to check the account she stood right there and denied it until I showed her on the computer that someone took the money out at the local gas station. Only then did she admit it, looking me straight in the eye denying it. She is now 25 years old and a single parent living with me. She has been fired from most jobs some for stealing. Right now she looks for jobs only when she feels like it and then cries when I ask her why haven't you found a job? I don't know what else to do. Please help. I cannot kick her out because I would worry about my sweet little grand-daughter.

anon19375
Post 295

I have a son who I believe has an antisocial personality. He is 19 and recently diagnoised with bipolar. It is very scary to deal with him. He has stated to me that he thinks I'm afraid of him. It's almost as if he's telling me to be afraid of him! I've been having less and less contact with him lately. When he's been in a structured environment he does well but when he's not you can clearly see somethings wrong with him. Is there anyone out there that has children with this disorder? He doesn't want legitimate help. He just wants things his way.

anon19197
Post 293

Wow, I just realized I'm going through the same thing. I have been with the same guy for only 3 years, on & off. We have a son together who's 16 months old. He is 39 years old - looks much younger and acts it too. I feel like I'm parenting 2 kids. Right now we are on off mode. He's been gone for almost a week now. I call him the master manipulator. He goes out, drinks til all hours of the night, doesn't call, and then I find out he's slept at this fat woman's house. This woman picks him up at 4am or whenever he wants her too & rather than coming home - he goes there. His reason for going there is so that he doesn't have to put up with my nagging. She also will drive money to him in the middle of the night when he runs out of it. Then the next day he has the nerve to say he wants to come home! This time I put my foot down - I told him that I've tried to help him but that I just don't love him anymore. I can't love someone I can't trust & depend on. I haven't heard from him since.

He's lost 4 jobs since I've known him. His drinking is more important than anything and he pre-meditates his drinking ventures. He lies & has pawned things for booze money. He's very charming & witty (like the description of a sociopath is)

He tells me I'm the one with the problem because everyone else thinks he's a great guy. I never understood how his own flesh and blood doesn't matter to him. How can he not care???? It breaks my heart & I don't want my son to grow up with insecurities wondering if 'daddy will be home tonight'

I've suggested couples counseling and he usually says yes to it but that's the end of the discussion. I am positive he's an alcoholic too because it's his drinking that makes him lie even more.

Is there any kind of treatment for this? If so where can I look it up? Does it EVER get better? I really wish we could just be a happy family. Maybe I should just take the advice of most of you and RUN.

anon19187
Post 292

What most people do not realize about sociopaths is just how bad it is living with one. My mother was married to a sociopath for ten years, i spent my childhood growing up to the sounds of him beating her and it eventually led to the molestation of myself.

I can't even begin to describe the pure torment and hell that i grew up around. Sociopaths have no remorse, and no conscious.

That man enjoyed beating my mom until she bled, ripping her clothes off, he wouldn't even let her go to the bathroom by herself. He would look her in the eyes and smile while she was covered in blood. He is devil, pure evil.

People look at my mother like she's stupid for staying with him for so long, but that's what a sociopath does, they find ways to keep you trapped in. Somehow, someway they will weasel their way back into your life and never get out.

We literally ran for our lives away from him a couple of years ago and since then my mom hit rock bottom. She's now going through counseling to try and get better but she suffers from PTSD and depression. She feels hopeless and like she can't go on living.

I feel so bad for her because of what she went through, it may seem like it's not that bad but you guys really don't know the half of it.

For those who are reading this that are in love with a sociopath, get out, now!

You will be broken down, beaten and just hopeless before he/she is through with you. Your just a tool for their bigger agenda. They don't care about you at all, i'm serious.

I don't want to see anyone else suffer from something that another person has done to them. That man ruined my mother's life and she has never been the same since. I swear that if i were ever to see him again i would kill him. That's how badly he hurt us.

Sociopaths are trouble, plain and simple. They'll use you until your all dried up and left for dead. I realize that my he might have been more extreme than other sociopaths but the fact is they don't care about anyone but themselves and they'll destroy everyone and everything around them.

anon18370
Post 291

I have heard the term "sociopath" before, but never really gave it any thought until this weekend. A guy I have been seeing brought it up to me and he said "I think you may be a sociopath." I was a little offended, but after he explained to me what it meant, my life started to make sense!! He is a admitted sociopath too, so we kinda click on that level.

However, I don't agree with everything doctors or psychologist say a sociopath does or can do. I don't use people for their possessions or take their money, but with my own money and possessions, I do not share. I refer to it as "mine" even if it partly belongs to someone else. I'm very prideful in my belongings. I am witty & and down right charming and that scares me sometimes. I am very anti-social, but I will give a complete stranger a gaze and next thing I know, they are over in my corner talking to me and giving me the lowdown on their life story. I guess my charm goes further than basic conversation, maybe a sweat it, I don't know! One thing is for sure, I do not use or abuse people, so that part of a so-called "sociopath" doesn't apply to me.

anon17881
Post 290

i believe i am too myself a sociopath. i am only 18 years old but yet i have encountered many of these symptoms through my life since the age of 14. i do care for others such as family but not to the extent i probably should be. the thought of being a sociopath scares me but on the other hand maybe i am just using that label as am excuse for my manipulative and charming ways. i do lie on a regular basis because it comes to me like second nature. I am trying to change i have been completely honest with my girlfriend i am with now so hopefully there's some kind of breakthrough. regardless i hope it doesn't get out of control. good luck to those suffering from this disorder.

anon17728
Post 289

Shame I wont have the same anoy #. Im the one that wrote his father is a sociopath. My father wouldnt come on to this website and say he's proud of being a sociopath. No that would give you arms against him. And that arms of knowledge could lead to taking a possession. And in his mind everyone is trying to take his possessions. 24/7. He's usually depressed. Unless he's angry. Then he might tell you he's a sociopath (for starters). Fear is something that helps his anger.. feeds him in those moments.. idk its weird. Its like he knows he's met his goal cus your afraid to take something from him. Cross him. Talk about him. Use the phone bathroom or think badly about him. Anyhow anoy 605 you may be a sociopath but then you're lying about not breaking the law. The rest of you seem like posers 2 me. He would be upset that the "condition" is being talked about. But not enough that he would post about it. Really he wouldnt care what you think. Just upset there's a manual being ran around about him. I.E. ammo to take a possession.

anon17725
Post 288

My dad is a sociopath, and I could fill this discussion with commentary of my life and events. The sociopath only cares about their selfs and the possessions they account for. Defense from one is a dangerous move. Likely you must threaten them from a DISTANCE to take something of value. Something there powerless to stop you from taking. Drawing a weapon in defense is powerless if you wont use it.(They will charge you and hurt you for joking). But if you do. Its the best ... bargaining chip there is to be left alone.) They may break the law. But by breaking the law they will only do so if getting caught wont cause them to loose there possessions. (Or at least they think that).

anon17702
Post 287

I agree. If you come into contact with a sociopath...run...do it as fast as you can. If you don't, they always find a way to get back in your life. I've been in an off and on relationship with one for 5 years. He manipulates, lies, cheats, steals to get what he wants. He can't keep a job. He's violent. He has no remorse. Everything is always someone else's fault. Even when he gets mad, he'll find a way to blame you for making him mad. Then, after time passes, he forgets what happened, he forgets the events, he forgets his part in the whole thing. It's his world and everyone else lives in it. If he's not happy, nobody else is happy. At times he's the sweetest person. He's at all times sweet to the people that surround him. Charming and handsome. Yet, the people that know him personally know there's something wrong with him. They make you feel like you're worth nothing. They make you feel like you're a piece of trash.

I wish I would have left sooner. They always find a way to trap you in their web. They lure the weak back. They spend their lives learning to manipulate and do a great job.

Run is all I can say. Run before you get attached. The second you see it, get out before it's too late.

anon17672
Post 286

I've just come to realize my ex partner had this condition but not until we split. Now it all makes sense. She was always manipulative but clever in the way she did it. If there was something she wanted done in a particular way then she would not just say so but convince others to want the same thing. Her emotional responses were fake and she could switch them on and off at will. Everything we shared - house, car, child - were always referred to as 'mine' no matter how many times I corrected her and said 'ours'. Our relationship ended after the second affair. Even after I found out she never gave me an honest answer to anything I asked; she was a compulsive liar. She is now seeing someone else and I can see them being taken in by the same act but am powerless to do anything about it.

sistergone1
Post 285

Any body out there who has a family member who is a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist??? I am new to this internet support group opportunity and would like to speak with anyone who has lived with this personality disorder and learned to cope.

anon17531
Post 283

I'm in love with a sociopath. He manipulates my feelings, makes me feel inferior sometimes, and sometimes just completely cuts himself away from me for days on end. The torture is killing me because no matter how much he puts me through, I come back because of his charm and wit. It's ignorant, I know, but it's hard to leave someone like him. Despite his mental issues I love him and in the end I feel like the insane one. I want to leave sometimes...but I can't. He'll constantly tell me how much he loves me, or call me all the time. He says wonderful things to keep me around, but then the other side of him comes out and I feel like running far far away from him, cutting away completely. I try to talk to him about it but he gets hurt if I bring it up...I don't know what to do...I feel trapped and scared...and extremely confused.

anon17529
Post 282

someone tried to warn me, and i've been doing research. i can't stop though, i'm falling for him anyways. sociopath or not, i'm the one refusing to believe it. i only hear what i want to hear, see what i want to see. i feel like it's my fault i feel this way, and that's what's so screwed up about all this. i'm caught in his snare and i don't want to get out.

anon17456
Post 279

i think my ex boyfriend was a sociopath. we were together on and off for about 3 yrs. i think i really loved him and i suppose i thought that in his own way he loved me too. i knew that sometimes he was lying, about other women and trivial things. He always used to talk himself up, came off as though he had a super ego. but i never thought he would be dangerous. i only found out when it was too late that he had been putting the drug GHB in my drinks. i overdosed. he was with me at the time. i was completely aware of what was going on around me, which was a nightmare in itself. he was practically bragging about it before it happened, telling me about how he'd heard stories of girls being drugged, raped and thrown on the beach. i'm sure he was getting away with it for quite a while. so when he gave me too much, and all the pieces fit into place and i realized what was going on, as i was in a state of hysteria, going in and out of what i thought was insanity, wondering if i was going to die, i asked him why he did it. he denied it. i told him i was scared. he looked terrified. i don't think he meant for that to happen. he told me, in his frenzied state that he only had himself to fall back on in the end, so he wouldnt admit to anything. maybe it was paranoia from the drugs but i was afraid he was thinking about killing me. to keep me quiet. kept telling me to lie down with him and go to sleep. he wasnt in control as he usually appeared to be. he ended up leaving me to go through it alone. as he walked out, with me tripping off my head and in a state of disbelief, he said goodbye...in a way which made me feel so sick, and left. im pretty sure he's a sociopath.

anon17447
Post 278

I take issue with the statements made above. Is it a crime to be unable to feel what you do? I can fake it. It's just as good. Everyone lies anyway, why bother with the illusions of morality, or emotion? Give me cold hard logic every single time.

anon17418
Post 277

OK so many tales and confessions here. Obviously if I am posting I am either one sociopath myself or I have encountered one or two. I just wanted to say that I'm sure this site as well as other internet sites like this one are supposed to be used as tools to spread knowledge right? Any idiot should know not to trust all the "facts" listed on a sociopath online. And any idiot should know not to classify EVERY person that has maybe one or two of the so called symptoms as a sociopath. I think and hope this site was geared to serve as a warning of the capabilities of a person that has sociopathic habits and tendencies. I know full well there are people that may feel like a sociopath from time to time and then there are the ones who make a lifestyle of it. Whether by choice or not I don't know, does it matter? Just beware and be careful if you think you have become too close to such an individual. They could be a minor annoyance to you or they could be very harmful!!!!!!!! It's your life, better safe than sorry.

anon17303
Post 275

i've been the victim of this one sociopath for the past 15 years. she has tried and succeeded to alienate family members, friends and acquaintances away from me. i get angry because i try to convince people of her maliciousness but apparently, I'M the bad guy. it hurts when people ostracize you all because this one sociopathic girl has this "obsession" with me. she fits all the symptoms and characteristics of a sociopath. this has been going on for so long, that i decided to give up and let her win the war (even though i had no interest whatsoever in having battles with her). my reputation is tarnished, i've been physically attacked, who knows for how long can i stand such abuse? mind you, i'm 30 :O whatever, crazy girl is just jealous :P

anon17280
Post 274

My ex is a sociopath, was only 17 at the time - age really isn't a factor - He needed the intensity of a new relationship every couple of months - so sticks to dating 13-16 year old guys and girls who fall in love easily. When he broke my heart he continued to twist the knife for the next 2 years via hate mail and prank phone calls and spreading rumors....

Can't stress enough the fact that if you come into contact with anyone you suspect to be a sociopath - just cut all contact and run as fast as you can... Don't try and save others, just get yourself out.

anon17267
Post 273

amusing how the ones claiming to be sociopaths believe they are invulnerable to manipulation. while lacking emotions some of you at least have cravings, which makes you almost as easy to manipulate, believe me (you should know, actually, that playing with emotions is not the only way). as for the others with underdeveloped emotional capacities, don't go announcing your own sociopathy just because you didn't cry at your grandma's funeral or when your dog got ran over by something heavy on wheels. this doesn't make you a sociopath. and if anyone among all of you like seeing people suffer, well you are probably messed up in some way. if you are vengeful or envious you may be prone to making others suffer for your own amusement, but you would usually need emotions to get there in the first place.

anon17166
Post 272

i have dealt first-hand with sociopaths

they are very dangerous

my experience including back-stabbing, slander, and violence

the violence was vandalism to my car with a sledge hammer

this happened at a major lawfirm

when i took a policeman out to look at my car - has asked me who i thought did it. now this policeman worked part-time for the firm. i gave him the name of a fellow partner at the firm, and his response was "i can see that, i have heard things about her"

incredible

not exactly "the firm" - but, pretty damn close

if you suspect someone is a sociopath, minimize all contact with them. if you must interact, have a witness present or use a tape recorder - i am not kidding

these are dangerous people

anon17157
Post 271

This is a very interesting site. Finally I understand what my ex-husband is. I have suffered immensely due to his behavior, and have never been able to explain it to anyone properly. He would always blame me, change his mind, lie constantly, have no remorse, always wanted things his way yet argued to say the opposite, there was never any compromise and if I didn't do as he wanted I was punished, he would refuse to do anything at all for me. I am happy I am finally free from him, yet feel sorry and worry for our children - what will happen to them when they get older, when he manipulates them and drives them crazy as he did me? I will always live in fear of him when he has them.

anon17098
Post 270

This is to everyone here who has a sociopath in their life. Get out, run, don't walk. You can't change them, they don't have your best interests at heart. They will continue to hurt, humiliate and manipulate you. Get them out of your life, totally, completely and for good. And then see how your quality of life improves. You've been warned!

anon17020
Post 269

Just out of curiosity, how would someone go about diagnosing themselves to be sociopathic? Is it possible to self diagnose? I fit many of the criteria for sociopathy, and even for some other personality disorders, but does that necessarily mean that I am, in-fact, a sociopath? Is there even any fool-proof way to diagnose it?

anon16971
Post 268

I finally realize why i feel and act the way i do

anon16901
Post 267

no one will ever know the pain of what a true sociopath can do until it's too late... you try to help, until they find their next victim.

purplerose
Post 266

is there a register where these people have their name listed to warn potential victims? if not there should be. i live in australia. i never knew there were people like this in the world until it was too late. after reading other peoples' stories i feel better it wasn't me. i was blinded by love, his charm, and lies. i was a free ride. he has no remorse which i couldn't understand till now but i wont fall 4 another one. so thank you.

anon16490
Post 263

Would you say that I am a sociopath?

Examples: When I was a kid, my little brother wrecked his bike resulting in a very gross and bloody foot. I sent him home and continued to the swimming pool. I remember the look of fear in his eyes and thought I should feel bad.

My wife's dog got run over. I came home to her crying over this bloody furball wrapped in a towel. I really didn't care. I tried to be comforting though.

I don't feel loss over the deaths of loved ones, pets, or much else. I have hurt people and animals before but not because I enjoyed it. It seemed like it should be done at the time.

I have 4 kids and am trying to encourage them to be expressive with their feelings and such but that's like having an atheist teach a bible class. I'm doing my best to assure them a relatively normal life.

I'm actually just fine with who I am. I'm confident, employed as a writer, have wife #2 until that is destroyed which it will be eventually. I don't take any medications unless they are for recreation.

My two biggest emotions are anger and boredom. If I'm extremely bored it used to mean I'd cause trouble but luckily I just play video games and keep to myself.

My friend first brought up that he thought I was a sociopath at age 18 because he was one. The difference is that he is very manipulative. He knew I knew what he was doing and seemed to like showing it off to me. I didn't care enough to bother with manipulating people but it was impressive how he did it. This gave me a general disdain for the public because most people are so stupid.

anon16489
Post 262

I have to agree with anon605. I have no doubt in my mind that I am and have always been a sociopath. Like they said, I don't go out of my way to harm others but I really don't care that much about the stupid little issues that plague the city I live in, couldn't care less about Mrs. X who's house burns down, etc..

Actually, I usually will help people if they need it and it isn't an inconvenience to me. I also don't lie that much. Instead, I'm overly blunt. If people can't take the truth, screw them.

I can empathize with people whenever I want but usually they just have their own problems because they are weak-minded and co-dependent.

anon16431
Post 261

I have a 19 yr old brother who I believe is a sociopath. He lies like nothing is wrong with it. He will never admit to his mistakes but instead blame others for it. He certainly knows how to be a good actor and fool anyone. He'll get angry and lash out at anyone including his parents... because he has no respect for anyone anymore. He's ran away and after tracking him down and bringing him back he wants to go back. He has no money because he spent it all when he ran away. He will argue over the smallest most ridiculous thing and he thinks he is charming and can use his looks to get away with anything. we are trying to make him seek professional help but he is very stubborn and he will instead say if anyone needs help, it is us (his family). How can we make him see a doctor or psychologist without him realizing it? Life with him is so tough now because it feels like he is a burden on our shoulders. We don't like his behavior and it is tearing the whole family apart but when we tell him this, he blames it all on us. please help

anon16318
Post 260

I was involved with a woman who at times seemed to have different sides to her personality. One time she would seem very solid and down to earth, the next, she would be very mysterious and seem to enjoy a secret life, and other times, she would be very exhilarated by destroying a relationship or deceiving or cheating someone or a relationship. I wonder what type of disorder I would consider researching to learn more. Thanks I didn't know where to start.

anon16260
Post 259

I met my boyfriend, now ex about 7 months ago, and came to the realization that he is in fact a sociopath when we began living together for about three months. He put on a game face and then things started changing. I caught him in several lies and he blamed it on me and "that I didn't listen." He told me that he had been with 7 women. Then it changed to 14, then the last time the subject was brought up the magic number was 19. Every time I corrected him about something I was always to blame for everything, and that I wasn't listen or that I didn't listen and he was tired of repeating himself. I felt sorry for him when he lost his job. I fed him, his friends, and basically took care of him. I also found out that his fourth job did not fall through, but he was fired from the main boss. Not "his" boss that he was singing songs about and who praised him so highly and thought of him as a God. But the head honcho of their little f-off painting crew. I encouraged him to get a job and he told me to quit my complaining and nagging. I didn't really consider it complaining, because I would just suggest things. i never raised my voice, but he always did. Everyone saw us at our worst because he made me so angry I would just explode and then he would punch walls, slam doors and leave and not come back for hours. He smoked pot like a fiend but I suspect he did other drugs too. He used to be a meth-head but would talk about taking other drugs and ridiculous stories about how he used to do drug runs to Mexico and ppl would hold guns to his head. He told me a crazy story about how he got these scars that ran up and down his arms by 30 armed men who held him down for high tech secret information that only he knew about the government because he was a big time hacker at 13. Yet, another time he told me his scars would heal rather quickly because he had been shot twice, and I asked to see the scars and that was the remark to cover that lie. The final straw was when he was very abusive to the cats we had. The older cat mysteriously disappeared for two days yet never went outside. He was just too old to make it out onto the roof of the apartment building that we had. He turned up at the animal shelter with a broken back and could no longer use his legs. I cried, and he tried to pet him and the cat lashed out in anger like trying to defend himself. I should have known at the time that he was indeed trying to protect himself from my ex. More than likely because he hurt him. His only reply to his lashing out was "He's still an a-hole" recently my friend's cat was staying with us and my ex was playing one of his games, and the cat was bugging for affection. He picked him up by the scruff of the neck and threw him across the room, breaking his leg. I saved my own cat, and was hit in the process, but I don't care about that. I saved his life. He went for mine like he would have indeed broken his neck. My ex was upset because he knew it was over. I was leaving and his free ride was done with. He hit me, and my head hit the back of the wall. How do you spot a sociopath? Get to know someone very well. Make sure their stories line up every time. Men have 37 pantomimes women have 18. Don't be in a rush either.

I obviously was and if you play with fire you are going to get burned. Wait for the universe to line up and always focus on you. Never go looking for love, let it come find you.

anon15902
Post 258

This is pretty interesting, and informative. We(1) have people who have been hurt, most suppose that they have been hurt by someone with a pathological personality. We have others who (2) claim to BE sociopaths, and all are proud of it and claim that they've never really hurt anyone. Then we have those who are (3) "afraid" that they themselves are sociopaths.

Sociopath?

(1) Maybe, Maybe not most cases. (2) Quit pulling my leg. (3) You are not a sociopath. Interesting stories still. My experience with sociopaths, as ex-friends, co-workers, etc. varies along a sliding scale that rarely leaves the realm of the ridiculous. Most are entertaining at first, always the life of the party right? You get the feeling after a while that they are somewhat dangerous, prone to take offence and "get even" with you, for something as odd as treating them like a "normal" person. You eventually avoid them, or they "attack" you when you are no longer needed. It is acaually quite pathetic the way most end up, except for those who are very attractive, or talented, most I have known eventually wear out their welcome with everyone, and lose the youthful energy needed for such a high-maintenance con-man lifestyle. Just my thoughts.

anon15898
Post 257

Amanda17, I do not feel that you are a sociopath. I think that the numbness you describe is your mind's way of dealing with the painful depressive emotions you suffer. Your over sensitive nature has caused you pain and the numbness you now feel is your subconcious means of ridding yourself of the source of pain by nullifying it.

I am no Dr. but I suggest strongly that you seek help for your depression, good luck kid and keep your chin up :o)

anon15600
Post 254

My name is John Temple and I am superior. You call it antisocial personality disorder, or sociopathy. It's foolish. I am the next stage in evolution. To feel no guilt to be able to control those around you. To be the elite, and be able to manipulate those around me.

anon15584
Post 253

I was married to a sociopath for 11 years and have a son with him. It took me years to realize what was going on. He was very convincing, controlling and manipulative with me, his family and a long line of other women.

The best advice I can give to someone living in a similar situation is to get out fast. People with this disorder are incapable of remorse, do not see a problem, so therefore see no need for help. You will just continue to live in a never ending circle of pain and betrayal.

anon15583
Post 252

I have a younger cousin that is a sociopath. She lived with my parents for about a year. She was 13/14 years old. They felt sorry for her and wanted to help. Over the year, they gradually became aware of how manipulative and deceiving she was. She took thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and collectibles from my parents and sold it at pawn shops. She stole money from their wallets. When she visited her father, she would steal his pain medication and sell them as well. When she wanted something, she would get it without asking and have it charged to my parents. They tried to discipline her, but she was out of control. They set up counseling for her, but it didn't help either. When confronted, she would deny everything even if caught in the act. One of us would catch her red-handed. There would be no doubt! She would still deny it. It was unbelievable! She always placed the blame on someone or something else. She never took responsibility and never felt remorse for what she did. She then started to tell my parents that the house she was living in (my parents home) was her house and they had to do what she said. My parents witnessed her lack of sympathy for others. She even abused her own disabled mother. Yet, she was so good at getting other people to believe her and to feel sorry for her. She could turn on the tears at the drop of a hat. After failing to discipline her, my parents resorted to the law. They hoped that local government could help her since they couldn't. The police officers, of course, felt sorry for her and took her side over the side of 7 adults who had witnessed all she had done. Again, we were all astounded! Obviously, she was an excellent actress and could make anyone believer her. She even managed to get a slap on the wrist after pulling a knife on two young girls in the park. My parents were afraid of what she was capable of; so, they would lock their bedroom at night. They feared that she would murder them while they were sleeping. She had and still has absolutely no conscience and considers no one but herself. Finally, after about a year of struggling with her and fearing the uncertainty of what she would do next, my parents cut her out of their lives. It was a HUGE relief for all of us. My parents certainly don't need to fear closing their eyes at night and they shouldn't have to be under the roof of a manipulative, deceiving, and selfish thief who lacks a conscience.

I do hope that my cousin can get some sort of help. Perhaps, she will gain a conscience later in life. I truly don't understand how you can go through life and consider no one but yourself. And, I don't understand how you can feel no guilt for hurting someone or doing something immoral. I hope that I never see my cousin on America's Most Wanted; but, I would not be surprised if I did.

anon15557
Post 251

i am a 15 year old sociopathic female and i do not see why it is considered a disorder. i think that everyone should be this way. i do not understand why someone would want to feel bad for something they do, what is the point? being able to manipulate people is the most useful thing on earth if you want to get ahead i mean come on now people how stupid do you have to be to think it is a disorder?

donetsk
Post 250

amanda17, i am not a doctor, but reading your post makes me think that your current emotional (or lack of emotion) state is probably due to your extreme depression. have you been treated by a doctor? if your parents have not taken your illness seriously, then you should talk to your school counselor to try to get some psychiatric help. good luck!

amanda17
Post 249

I am 17 years old, and I haven't felt any emotions in over a year. Could I be a sociopath? I used to be a highly emotional, sensitive person. I loved my family members and friends with all my heart. I never had any trouble feeling empathy for others. When I was 6 or 7, I actually saved a ladybug that was in our swimming pool, "rescuing" it from drowning. last summer, my aunt's cat died while in my care, and I cried the whole day, terrified that if might have somehow been my fault. But I can't feel any emotion anymore. I don't love my family or friends, and I don't feel connected to anyone anymore. I can't seem to enjoy anything. I am bored all the time. However, sometimes I get caught up in narcissism, and I find myself thinking about how superior I am to others, mostly in intelligence, and tell myself that I am destined for great things. I guess you could call my feeling (or lack thereof) "numb", or empty. Is it possible that even though I was not born one, I could have become a sociopath? To tell you a little bit more about how I got this way: I always used to be a painfully shy person, and instead of forcing myself to reach out and make friends, I let my loneliness grow and eat at my soul until the end of my 10th grade school year, when I developed severe depression and thought about committing suicide. My world seemed to shut down. Ever since then, I have not been able to feel anything. I try to pass my hours on the internet, but it's hard to know what to do because I feel so hollow and nothing makes me feel pleasure anymore. I avoid the movies and books I used to love because I know I can't enjoy them anymore. I ignore my friend's calls and don't feel guilty about it. In fact, I don't think I would really care if I never heard from them again, even though they are my supposed "best friends". That thought scares me. Also, I never lie, and would never hurt anyone. I just feels so empty, and was hoping someone could tell me what's wrong with me. Can extreme numbness be caused by depression, or have I truly turned into a sociopath?

anon15275
Post 248

i am 22, in the military, and married to another military member who is believed to be a sociopath. we are contemplating divorce. everyone says he is a horrible person and i basically need to run. i am an overly compassionate person and naive...apparently what they dwell on. i completely love the guy and would do anything to help him, regardless of what all he has done to me. i have contemplated whether what i love is him or the idea of him i have emplaced in my mind. i read there are different ranges of sociopaths. i know he is capable of emotion, i just cannot decipher if it is sincere. he can be an amazing man, but then it's one extreme or the other. he wants a child, but i was sure it was just to lock me down. he does things and it's like he frankly just forgets to think before he does them. i honestly think he loves me, he doesn't know how to accept anyone's love. which is a sign of a sociopath. i think a general misconception is that a sociopath fits every and all the characteristics, when in fact there is a wide range of what a sociopath actually is. they don't have to have every check in the box to be one. i believe i will go ahead w/ the divorce and just take it from there. we have discussed it and said we would both get counseling...i am already, if he really will, is the question. who knows...this is a time i wish i had all the answers and all the cures.

to chris who says he is a sociopath: i wish they knew a way to help you. i have been looking up ways to help sociopaths. i think if you truly want to help yourself, more power to you. -k.

anon14819
Post 246

I have been in an awful rollercoaster relationship ride with a true sociopath for over 10 years now. When we met I worked as an escort and lied about my job. Even though he knew what I was doing he constantly drilled me to the point of exhaustion until I would tell him the truth. He set me up in a hotel room, video taped me and used this to blackmail to stay with him, in hopes I would receive this tape as who knows where on the internet it could of ended up. From this point it was sheer hell! Every time I would talk with a man I was screwing him, he made me feel so bad about myself I could have no social life what so ever and further more every time we went out, which was not often I was always flirting with other men. It was never anyone else's fault but mine. I even wanted to go to counseling and he did not take it seriously. I was accused constantly of doing things I wasn't doing and he would go at me for hours. When I would break down and be sobbing he would smile and totally ignore me. He would also put me down to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen. At the time I was completely oblivious to what was going on as I am a very genuine person and somewhat naive. When my son was 2 I found out I was pregnant with my twin daughters and when I was five months pregnant a physical altercation took place and the police came. Keep in mind they came many times before this. He was removed from the home but for some stupid reason I still had feelings for him. I made plans at this time to move to a different city and when I was packing my stuff up I found a body bag tucked away in a kitchen cupboard. When he was confronted with things he would always lie, lie and lie. One time I remember he put me through the psychological ringer and I picked up a half cup of cold coffee and threw it at him. I was at this point an emotional mess. Out of nowhere he head butted me right in the face busting up my nose and blood was everywhere. When I finally got away from him and moved he would come back and forth to see the new twin girls. The abuse minimized for a short time then when it picked up boy did it pick up steam. He was worse than ever. I was always sleeping around, and lying when I wasn't. He came across like he was better than me through the whole thing and one time made a comment when I was becoming a Christian that he was GOD. He now works as a paralegal and believes he is the best thing going in the court room when he truly is not. He received no education for his practise but calls himself a lawyer. He can never keep a friend for too long unless it is someone he has managed to manipulate and con. He shows no emotion and no remorse and never takes responsibility for any of his actions even to this day, but has become addicted to crack cocaine and now if I thought it was bad then it is even worse. He gets people to watch my home, even under a restraining order, accusing me of the most outrageous things you wouldn't even imagine. I put myself through three years of college and have run a web design business for three years now and I never lie. When he speaks I have always thought - oh my God, it is some serious delusion and I cannot understand it. Now I am researching this and trying to understand the mind of a mad man. It is so hard to keep it together emotionally because of everything I have gone through and to share ALL the details would be too much and would be the stuff of a very long novel. I now need to go to counseling to try to fix my emotional state of mind as it is crushed and every day with my three children is a challenge. To all other women out there that can relate to my story I feel for all of you and wish you God speed and may God bless each and every one of you.

ipanemago
Post 245

Well aren't we all just a big bunch uh happy sociopaths =d mmmm :]]]] lets start another race, whudya say?? ;)))Hahahahhaanon11583 how are you feeling??

anon14697
Post 244

Most sociopaths can't help their conditions from the sounds of it. Does that justify some of their actions? Of course not. I have seen people saying that sociopaths should be avoided. Avoiding them will only make them more manipulative and possibly make them angry as well. How about finding a way to help them?

anon14615
Post 242

I have tried to keep terms clear as concepts may appear alien to some and I have paraphrased often as anyone who has read this probably has some background information. A great number of people here have said something on the lines of "seek help" or "you can change", but the changes you would observe would be purely superficial when would they get the "emotions" back? Can anyone know how deep their lies go, and how one could recover from a entire fabricated life? Do you want to think like one of them? Why do you believe they want to be "normal"? Most are not after normality, some want to understand why situations affect them differently to their neighbors. Which does fit very nicely into their self-focus, as it is always in ones best interest to know what is going on with one's own mind or body.

Obviously, science hasn't figured that out yet, and instead they are labeled/treated like standard asylum-fare which cannot exist in normal society, which in most ways is false in the case of a run of the mill sociopath. Holding a job has been touched on many times and is understandable from their point of view, as it must be a very clear that they are doing what’s best for #1, they will not go beyond the line of duty without a visible reward, and as such, minor go-nowhere jobs bore them, nor allow them to advance due to the "what’s required" attitude. On the other side though, a sociopath CEO would take bribes, cut corners, fix books/(lie) etc in order to their lives better, I'm positive that if existing CEOs were examined closely enough they would match the profile as well.

These people are not broken or crazy, they merely think differently. They are a small but present portion of the population, not all are as two faced as described, nor are they stone-faced robots, even when they are alone. Yes, many are parasites in relationships, but so are leeches, and in many cases do just as much long term harm. The extreme drains are the exception, not the rule, the worse the drain, the more visible. While it may be true that some of them cannot feel "normal" love, but that term has such a variable meaning why doesn't their version count? To those who believe love really requires all those emotions, the sociopath might consider his partner a very interesting/attractive person and remain loyal even without this true emotion obligating him, and his partner would have the normal version of love for him. No one is hurt in said relationship. They are out for themselves, but that doesn't have to be negative for their partner, many people are not right for each other, and that would constitute a breakup eventually. If you suspect your partner is one, you have very few choices; keep him interested if you want to keep him, break it off, or be prepared for when he does. Your suspicion tells you something on its own. The really good sociopath won’t even have you suspicious for as long as you know them, in which case why do you care?

Their version of friends is very similar to yours; you keep these people as a form of entertainment as they do, please correct me if you can give me an honest observable difference. What else is there to them, if done properly the friend has no idea and the sociopath isn't hurting anyone. In the case the "friend" gets too boring, the friendship ends, this has happened to normal people for equally stupid reasons. Why hold onto a friend who bores you every time you see him/her?

These people are not monsters, these posts of: "My girlfriend/boyfriend did all these horrible things..." therefore he/she is a evil sociopath is just plain stupid, how do you have any idea what is going though their head. Does this mean everyone who commits murder is a psychopath (enjoyed it)? A sociopath would not do these things maliciously, with the exception that it was entertaining, they would toss you aside because you no longer pleased them (entertainment/sex/lifestyle) and then forget (not literally) about you. Quit the mind reading, it only enhances the misunderstanding, perhaps it may have even been one of the causes of the breakup instead.

Interested is a very loaded term here, whatever draws a sociopath to something is their interest, be it for financial gain, sex, or just keeping the boredom at bay. This is their guiding star, doesn't mean you can't gain something from them at the same time or simply co-exist with them. Simply put, realize that even though you are a screwdriver, they won’t necessarily throw you, instead of placing you in the toolbox when done, he/she might instead put you on the velvet cushion as the favorite tool.

anon13870
Post 241

Please beware of diagnosing yourself or others who have hurt you. Just because someone has lied to you, tried to take your children from you, or done other wrongs to you does not mean that they have a mental illness. Similarly, just because you have done these things does not mean you have a condition. People by nature are hurtful and selfish; does that mean we should diagnose the entire world population as sociopathic? Such a diagnosis, if false, could ruin a person's life, as well as the lives of the people around him.

At the same time, if you do come into contact with someone with the above qualities, sociopath or not, you should probably steer clear of them! They are clearly bad for you and don't have your best intentions at heart.

Lastly, it is possible to be "slightly sociopathic." Maybe you have trouble showing emotions or feeling guilt. How is this any different from someone who has trouble cooking or singing? Everyone is born with some abilities and without some. You shouldn't be persecuted because of it, and you shouldn't feel like less of a person for lacking such abilities.

anon13631
Post 240

I was married for 23 years to someone who fits the profile of a sociopath. We have a daughter who is 17 who he does not provide for. He wont even call her. He could never hold a job and we were always on the verge of poverty. He like to use other people's money for "investments" but it was always a dead end. He was abusive and had no remorse after one of his fits! He acted confused when we wouldn't be happy or act grateful after he would verbally or physically bash us. Charming, he was dripping with charm, everyone liked him and thought he was funny until they spent more than 2 hours with him. Bottom line....be careful he is out there and there are people like him. He will drain your account, send you into bankruptcy and hurt your children and smile all while he's doing it.

anon13471
Post 239

i dated a sociopath. thought i loved him, but in fact loved the person he pretended to be. he is a person who is capable of lying, cheating and stealing without feeling the slightest bit of remorse.....what's worse is that he comes from a wealthy family back east, so his feelings of grandeur, entitlement and invincibility are amplified. He claimed to have been molested by his sister, and that as a result he couldn't have sexual relations with those whom he loved (allegedly me).... however, I came to find out that while he wasnt' with me, he was with a laundry list of girls ranging from out of town whores to one that actually lived in his apartment building. this truly evil and disgusting creature is named jesse. watch out for jesse and other sociopaths.

scorp5543
Post 238

Thank you on the "better control of emotions" - that is valid and since I posted, I dug deeper into all of my work related performance evaluations, finally had the courage to read my dad's journal to me that I've had for over 20 years. I am a post-traumatic brain injury survivor and I couldn't figure out what was keeping me so reactive emotionally. It was far more involved that the frontal lobe aspect of my injury. You're spot on about extreme resentment and bitterness. Until I was 6 years old, I was very loved by my dad. Witnessed my mother try to kill him with a butcher knife (he caught her wrist mid-air) and we kids were sent to boarding school in another country for three years shortly thereafter. I projected in spades towards my father who raised us as for some reason, it was extremely important to him that we not be like our mother (they were divorced while we were in boarding school) and the more he tried to make us not be like her, the more compelled I was to protect her. I must have been having the longest temper tantrum on record if not projection off the charts all the while clinging to the parent who was in fact abusing us. Good grief - I knew she was sick as it was kind of hard to miss but I never came to terms with the fact that she is so classically devoid of conscience and inability to connect to anyone emotionally. She competed with me my whole life and some of the covert behaviors this woman engaged in all the while creating the illusion of the poor me sacrificing martyr nearly destroyed both my daughters. My oldest one is as masterful a manipulator as her grandmother and her birth father, and further just heard via my younger daughter that the older is pregnant now with her 4th. I already have concerns about the grandson and third grandchild. My own sister is like my mother.

Criminy - is this genetic?

Funny thing is, now that I recognize and stop avoiding dealing with the truth my anxiety has already substantially diminished.

Just2BMe
Post 237

I have read many of the postings here regarding the recognized characteristics of a "sociopath" (a.k.a. "antisocial personality"). I googled the term "sociopath" because I was in search of the definition of a sociopath, and whether I might be one. Several postings go on about the individuals in their life that they have determined to be sociopaths, as a consequence of some failure or setback in the development or success of their relationships with the individuals that are the targets of the appellation; still others self-portray themselves as "sociopaths" simply because some other the criteria embedded in the "accepted" diagnosis models fit what they perceive to be an integral part of they personal make-up. I think by and large that the latter individuals are a product of their own making; and the former individuals may or may not be in the grip of what is a very "human" need to assign fault to or in a deeply disagreeable situation.

What I have discovered in this attempt to bring understanding to the complexity of my life's experiences, in connection with my relationships with other human beings, is that "sh** happens!" It is a biological circumstance of necessity for both personal relief, and continued development. I read somewhere (or heard it expressed) that "life" is a cycle of "waiting for stuff to happen," "dealing with (or suffering with) stuff as it happens," and "making stuff happen." Of the 6 Billion people mentioned that occupy this planet, rarely (at any given time in history, at present, or in the future to come) is anyone immune to this consequence of living.

True some people experience far more of one or more of the elements of that cycle than others, and might wonder why (as is a natural response). The bottom line however is, as individuals occupying this realm of existence there will be points in time where we all experience and exhibit personality traits that are anti-social to someone or even a host of someone's. For those of us that seek to modify or minimize the negative impact these occasions have upon ourselves or others (which it even appears the self-proclaimed "sociopath"'s among you attest to having done, or are doing), the success or failure of the endeavor is not as fundamentally substantial as the acceptance of the reality that we are "individuals" subject to the cycles of our life's individual experience; and as such, to find personal peace in the realities that comprise you, in a world where it may not always be fashionable Just2BMe. Peace.

anon13340
Post 236

To all who have either thought they are a sociopath or have shared why they believe they are, I say you are not. A true Sociopath doesn't care whether they are or not and they don't care what you think. I've seen many use lower case I's as they describe their antisocial nature. A true Sociopath would not use anything but upper case I's. Many of you believe lying is a big reason. It isn't. My mother is a sociopath and doesn't lie, she doesn't need to.

If you are a sociopath, you would be trying to tell us why you do the things you do, not stating symptoms and how they match your personality. A sociopath is the pedophile, the emotional abuser and the stalker. They don't care what their victim feels, they don't care that your best friend just died, and they don't care if you return their advances. It's all about them and how great their accomplishments are. Everyone else is chopped liver to them. They may or may not be abusive.

They bottom line is they don't care and nothing you say to them phases or sways their beliefs why their way is superior to everyone else's. They can justify every negative thing they do. They would not be here commenting about this on this site because they don't need to and don't care. lack of empathy without conscience is their standard operating procedure.

scorp5543
Post 235

I have a pattern of abusive relationships, beginning with my first ex-husband who via court-ordered psychological evaluations was diagnosed as a paranoid personality disorder. Our daughter was diagnosed as DID (multiple personality) and hospitalized at around age 11 or 12. My second ex was said to be a pedophile after I reported him to CPS. Between all of that, I sustained a brain injury via a head on multi-trauma MVA believed to have been caused by vehicle tampering by first ex. Short story, I missed the early red flags persistently. I always believed that my father had abused us, only now coming to the recognition that it was in fact my mother that abused us - absent any remorse, a very "sick" woman she is for sure. Yet I am only just now coming to the recognition that, as a therapist told me many years ago, it was in fact my mother who was the root of my problem, not my father at all.

I am in rehab for the brain injury after many years of being undiagnosed as such. I believe that I have a sort of PTSD that adds to my emotional reactivity underlying the post concussive syndrome and ADD. Which of course impairs the effectiveness of my communications when I encounter similar situations in the emotional aspect to events in my past.

I suspect my own mother may well be significantly personality disordered. She did not raise us, my father did. Yet it was extremely important to him that we not be like her, only he never explained why we shouldn't be like her. I was the one of three siblings that in essence clung to her and didn't begin to emotionally detach until she put my children at risk with the 1st ex in violation of my custody order and her reaction when confronted about it was to tell me she wished I had died in that accident.

It's only recently that I came to the awareness that the end of a very good career for me began with a female manager who, like my mother, was exceptionally charismatic, yet cut-throat when anything got in the way of what she wanted. Very self-focused, lied on a dime and so forth. Not looking at this from the victim perspective although it sounds like it.

What does this make me? Am I correct about the PTSD being applicable about me? Or did I end up with a personality disorder?

anon13317
Post 234

All I can say to women out there in a relationship with a sociopath or in any kind of an abusive relationship. You will leave when it hurts bad enough. You may think it hurts really bad but if you don't get out than it really hasn't hurt bad enough. Others looking in may wonder why you don't leave and the answer is still it doesn't hurt bad enough yet. They never grow a heart it's impossible. You must move on.

anon13287
Post 233

I'm married to a sociopath. He has all the negative qualities other wives and girlfriends have complained about with military training and PTSD on top. Needless to say he's difficult to live with. The VA doctors have put him on every medication known to man, but he prefers vodka. After his current doc suggested electric shock treatment he stopped going to therapy.

How do I live with his madness? 1) Don't trust him with anything important (like a checkbook) 2) don't let his behavior upset me/make me sweat 3) call the cops if he gets physical (that includes with the furniture and pets). 4)set boundaries

All us girls in this position need to ask ourselves what we saw in them. There are always warning signs before you get in too deep. I liked the fact that my husband is a tough guy. I saw him as this great protector. I should have known he'd eventually turn his temper on me. I had to own the fact that I envy him a bit. I'm such a bleeding heart I weep for the whole world. In contrast, he doesn't give a damn. He knows he's insane and he's proud of it.

Our second anniversary is coming up in June. My advice to the other ladies is to decide how long you are willing to play this game with your mate. Most start mellowing in their 30's. As for me I'm concerned I may let him chip my calm exterior someday. Many women are doing time for killing their spouses. I don't want to join them so I'm filing for divorce.

anon13258
Post 232

I have to agree with Anon605. I am a 19 year old sociopath, and I feel that this article is a little derogatory to a condition that has an extensive genetic component. Many studies have been conducted on ASPD/Sociopathy/Psychopathy such as the PCL-R by Dr. Robert Hare from UBC, and none of them seem to frame it as negatively. Medical conditions after all, should remain neutral.

Consider also the heavy moral component of sociopathy as a public image. I do not believe in moral absolutes, rather I ascribe to the morally relative. This means that my sense of right and wrong will not also coincide with the social norm. To label this deviancy with a non-neutral connotation is being close-minded.

Yes, I did exhibit the MacDonald triad in childhood. Yes I have lied, I'll admit it. But just because we lack what the social public calls a "conscience", it does not mean that we are intrinsically a negative force. We are, ultimately, a neutral force as opposed to the "positive, conscience-driven" force of the western public.

anon13247
Post 231

I am thoroughly confused..Borderline, Sociopath, Narcissist, Aspergers, Bipolar, Hyper sexual...it seems the person I was involved with had all these traits and tendencies! Scary! How can a person sort it all out? He's out of my life now...but all of

this is so foreign to me...I'm still trying to learn to better understand. HELP!

anon13238
Post 230

A lot of the comments here misunderstand being a sociopath. People who are sociopaths aren't killers and don't manipulate court decisions and so forth.

1% of women and 3% of men means 2% of all people. So every time you meet 50 new people you're likely to meet one person who is a sociopath.

anon13177
Post 229

To:anon13082

I don't know what the psychiatrists would call your boyfriend, but I'm going to call him a control freak.

He'll never change. If he didn't care enough about you to go to the hospital when you were sick and he went out with another woman, he's just not that into you. Maybe that's part of the definition of a sociopath, (not really caring about anyone) but he certainly doesn't really care about you. You can go to therapy, spend a lot of money and waste more of your time with him, but if he really loved you, you wouldn't have to ask if there's something wrong with him. I'm sorry but you are just the type of person his type thrives on. You make him look normal. Your place on earth is not to make him feel good about himself, unless he makes you feel good about yourself, and that's not going to happen. Just my opinion after years of dealing with people like him, and watching people like you try to fix them.

Marilyn

anon13084
Post 228

Yes, I am a sociopath. All my life I have known I am different. It is easy to fit in, and get along with others, even if it's all fake. I admit to have done terrible things to people that some may consider unforgivable and feel no remorse whatsoever. On the flipside, this shouldn't be seen as a 'disorder', but rather a special attribute.

Having the ability to do anything you want to and remain unaffected emotionally is something I am sure many would die, [or even kill] for.

I quite enjoy being the way I am -- Though I sometimes find it hard to look past the preppy attitudes portrayed by people. If you ask me, they're the ones hiding their true feelings acting like nothing is wrong. Hehe..

anon13082
Post 227

I think my boyfriend is a sociopath. We've been together for the last 3 years, dating 15 years ago, but relocation of our jobs separated us. In the past week I had to have surgery and needed to some help from him. He became callous and I became angry and raised my voice and expressed my disappointment in him not being there for me. One week to the day of my surgery was my birthday and I found out that my boyfriend went out with another woman. His only reaction and response was that I yelled at him and I shouldn't have done that. I guess he thought he was punishing me - he really thinks that this makes sense. He had the right to go out, because I pissed him off. And I need to get over it. Am I crazy or is this sociopath behavior, note this is not the only time that he has behaved in ways that seem out of touch with peoples opinions and feelings. Needless to say, I'm not going to have anything to do with him anymore. He keeps calling and asking if I'm over it yet?

anon13006
Post 226

To the person that really wants to fix her boyfriend. Listen to me, I don't know you but this is the best advice you will ever get in your whole life. Run away. I tried to fix my mother until I was 42 years old, until she had ruined my life to where I was a wreck, panic attacks just devastated. I finally said no more and walked away. I am really good now but it took me years. I have 3 daughters and a husband of 35 years and they saw what she did to me and how she controlled me and still know how to push my buttons and don't even know they are doing it. I call them on it. Let me tell you a life of always having to think ahead and figure out what plan they have in mind is sooooo tiring it just isn't worth it. I read somewhere the best way to get rid of them is to let them make the choice. You set standards that you know they will not abide by and they will want to leave. May be a good test for your boyfriend but I say if you really believe he is then just run fast. I am not the kind of person not to give a second chance but unless your prepared to give 6000 chances forget it.

anon12846
Post 225

My friend is psychopath, diagnosed by me. Ive known him for the last 15 years so im sure about this. He Lies, manipulates, his whole being is a fake construction, quotes and steals ideas from others, violent and aggressive, fights cowardly (kicks in the groin, unexpected headbutts etc), he steals (like "borrow without asking"), he calls himself "alphamale", very charming and fakes his personality towards new people, especially girls, promiscuous sexual behavior, easily bored and needs entertainment or stimuli, drugs, lots of weed and alcohol, no remorse, lack of respect for authority. He says he hates violence, but is always up for a fight. If he cries it is just to win empathy, every move is an conscious investment with an self centered objective.

Life is a game for him, and the social scene is his primary arena. I see straight trough him though, he doesn't know.

If get up into trouble, he's the guy to call. So I use him too, he loves to beat the crap out of someone with a reason which really means nothing to him.

Im clinically diagnosed with asperger syndrome btw.

anon12831
Post 224

I always thought my boyfriend was controlling, I found an answer I soon realized was beyond just controlling, I believe he is a sociopath. I'm not sure to some extent though... When he broke down he told me things that i never put together, that never made sense, made me question my sanity and the world. Now i can see it.

He told me something is wrong with him, deep down inside he hated himself, he new he was different from everyone else. He takes bits and parts of other people and turns them into himself, a mimic.

He told me he argues because he likes to, for no specific reason at all, and he makes up any reasons what so ever to make sure he wins. he knows he abuses everyone for no apparent reason. He does everything every website says. even claiming to killing people in the past ( I never believed it until I read what I read).

I can't give up, I can't. I want to fix him because I know he hates himself. No matter what guilt trips he puts me through, tricks and holes. I know he loves me, I am of no use to him financially and we didn't start making love for a long while after we met.

He has had multiple relationships in the past, short period ones. I was the first girl he ever stayed with for a long period of time (he has friends and his ex girlfriends to back this up, so I know it isn't made up to make me feel special).

I believe he wants to change. I am the victim of one of the most unique socipaths on earth. blah...

nl0068
Post 223

My ex-husband is a sociopath. No empathy, abusive, made me question my own sanity a lot, very convincing to the judges, to the lawyers, to the psychologists, dramatic. I understand he has a problem but it doesn't matter because he will never care about getting better. You cannot change a sociopath. You can not really love a sociopath because deep down you will not understand them or respect them. Yes they have a problem. So what? To me he is evil because he has hurt me and our daughter physically/emotionally. I just want him to go away and leave us alone. Luckily his recent obsessive behavior with his latest ex-girlfriend and his recent arrests may just give me a long awaited break full of peace and quiet.

anon12717
Post 222

I see all over the internet sites and information that tell a person how to save themselves from the sociopaths out there. But I see nowhere out there anything regarding how a sociopath who dislikes being one can help themselves.

A little about me. I would consider myself a sociopath, with narcissistic tendencies, OCD and ADHD. I believe strongly that they are all linked to the ADHD.

My world exists to me in a small bubble of consciousness. Events that occurred prior to the bubble are immaterial unless they physically affect that which is in the bubble. Events that occur after the bubble are not accounted for because I cannot see them. I am narcissistic because I am the only constant variable. I am OCD because I must be, in order to function halfway properly I must maintain rigid control of the aspects of the world that I am able. And I cannot regard others as being remotely the same as I for they are not. Their world exists as a whole, their thoughts flow into each other, and they can plan for their future existence. I, on the other hand, live in a world broken apart like disconnected puzzle pieces. They lay in the proper order, but they are not touching. My thoughts dance about, interfered by the smallest of distractions. And my future is completely uncertain as from my vantage point all possibilities are equally likely and thus none can be prepared for.

I have cheated on my wife, I have slept around because sex is simply a physical act. I take steps to ensure I do not procreate, but ultimately if I did, it's not my problem. If I pay a bit of child support it doesn't matter. I have stolen because I wanted, not because I couldn't afford. I lie constantly about who I am, what my abilities are, what job skills I have, and because I am intelligent I can learn the job skills I lied about in a short enough time that none are the wiser.

You pretentious heathens, walking around pretending that who I am and what I am somehow makes me dangerous, it is just how I manage my existence. If it weren't for me telling you, you would never know I existed. I would be just another jerk in the crowd.

Yet here I sit, pondering if I could be capable of greater things. Not as a question of ability, but of capability. Where I am now has taken great effort, I am successful because despite my shortcomings in the emotional and ethical department, my mind functions vividly and cleanly. I can see clearly that I am held back by my absence of morals and emotions. As ironic as that seems to me, the thing I view as your weakness is, in fact mine instead. Where do I go for help?

chris

ZerO
Post 221

I'm quite sure I am a sociopath, as I do fit this criteria. My family and friends also have considered me as being one. I recently went to see a psychiatrist and being 18 years of age, he believes that there is a high probability I am, as well as having schizophrenia (by high probability, I mean he insists on having a few more visits to ensure he is correct). I've been arrested quite a few times, never held a job for very long, have hurt many people (emotionally and physically, not so much financially) and in the end, I couldn't care less. I've never felt guilty or remorseful about anything I've done. I feel I can do whatever I want, how I want and when I want. I see people as objects more than anything else, waiting out there in the open usually unsuspecting. I've manipulated various people and usually their lives got destroyed (emotionally mostly, although a decent amount of physical damage was done). My father rarely, if never showed any emotions and my mother, when she was home and not drinking, sometimes was approachable. I've lied countless times (here I am being truthful) from such a young age. I remember my parents at first trying to discipline me but there was nothing on my part. Instead of giving up, they used more painful methods, verbal and physical. However, despite this, I tend to not do much drugs, mainly alcohol if any (not a constant drunk though). Concepts of "right" and "wrong" are simple words to me and I've always felt I can do whatever I want, to whoever I want, whenever I want and however I want. I'm fairly intelligent, although no mathematical genuis, I will be in 2nd year soon (finished my exams of 1st year, passed everything easily and doing psychology this summer). Depending on how psychology goes, it may either be a double major in biology and psychology or biology and chemistry. I'm already very good at getting inside people's heads, using them and knowing some stuff on the human body but I intend to learn so much more and in a way become more "powerful". In conclusion, I've been diagnosed as a sociopath and schizophrenic.

rach1234
Post 220

hi, my mother is a sociopath but as the article says she does not realize it. my parents are currently going through a divorce and my mother has become very cunning and violent towards my father and does not realize she is doing wrong and blames everything on him and his family. recently my mother has been seeing a very dangerous man known to the area as mentally ill. he has been to prison in the past for murder, dealing drugs, sexually abusing child etc. and he is waiting now to go to court at the start of next month for 17 different cases. my father has fear for his life and my mother is getting out of control. i haven't been getting on with my mother and our relationship has gotten worse and worse to the point that we don't talk anymore and try to avoid each other. what should i do?

anon12546
Post 219

I have had to deal with many evil doers in my life. I know that sounds extreme, but that is how true sociopaths are. My ex husband.

I’m guessing, you, the reader is very suspicious of my claim I just made. But it is the truth. Read on, I’ll explain. My ex husband cheated on me… numerous times, while we were married (yea so what…? lot’s of people cheat right? Yea that’s right.) In my ex’s case, he told me directly that he was having sex with other women…and men too. But I didn’t freak like maybe a normal spouse would, because it had been so obvious and because he was an extreme perverse sex addict (which I found out after we were married)—he wanted to swing. He pestered me for hours to hook up with other people ( I never would), he also bought lot’s and lots of sex toys….disgusted me. He forced me many times to have sex. It was so unimaginably painful, more and almost entirely emotionally painful. I tried to tell people, and no one seemed to believe me. I was young and vulnerable, and didn’t have many friends or a supportive family so there really was no one to tell. I knew that him meddling around with other women, and sickly with men too, meant he would leave me alone more, so it was strangely a good thing to hear to me at the time.

He also sexually abused our first daughter when she was just 9 months old. Social services was involved, and at the time I wasn’t putting two and two together and he was never found out, Social services inquired that it might be him, but I didn’t know, and protected the bastard at the time. Not surprisingly, the marriage ended and he left the state. For 6 years he had little to almost no interest or contact with the kids, which was very good, and me and the kids lived normal lives. then his parents moved back to the area, and he followed them. His father is a big wig at the public service plant here and a few other states. This is going to sound like bull, but honestly, he has spoken in the same arenas as President Bush, and meets with him and others who work with him.

Anyway, my ex was offered a job through his father, the one that actually knows President Bush. Though my ex claims he moved back to the area because, as he says. “it was because he wanted to be part of his children’s lives”. Sure…. (Like it had nothing to do with his parents moving here, or a higher paying job, which he already had working for another company his dad was the vice president of...another story for another time) My ex hired a lawyer right away (even before he moved here) and even before I could say I didn’t want him to have the kids or not, he didn’t even ask me. He prepared for a custody battle. I didn’t have the money for a lawyer at the time, so I agreed to a 50/50 placement. And ironically his sexual abuse to my daughter, a baby of 9 months, was used against me. He tells people that I am making that up. And that I’m psycho… because I am accusing him of such a horrible thing. People believe him. (the sexual abuse was documented, but it was never found out who, and at the time I wasn’t able to put two and two together, even thought I saw it once…I know it’s hard to believe I didn’t know until later when things clicked in my brain that it was him.)

I learned to not tell lawyers or physiologists or counselors, who he dragged into our lives, or really anybody, because no one believes me that he did it. It’s like the protective child service report means nothing...It is horrible and unbelievable that he would have abused a baby…his daughter, but it’s what happened. Then to make things worse, he was able to get others to pity him! for so many things, and having to deal with (me) “a mean 'person'” who would accuse him of that.

Yea a sociopath can’t really change. His mom and him and his new wife all attack me through countless verbal criticisms and emails. He hired another lawyer and started to try to get our children—two daughters (the younger one has a conscience and can see somewhat of what he is). He wanted primary custody. He wanted me out of their lives entirely, except with supervised visitations. And I have been an incredibly good mom. Our oldest the one he abused, is very troubled. She also lacks remorse and will hurt others deliberately, she’s dangerous… really. I’m almost positive she inherited the lack of remorse and ability to feel empathy.

My ex, after he came back from his years away, got our oldest to tell the police, and a bunch of other school officials, and social workers, that she saw marijuana in my home, and that my boyfriend and I were crack users (complete bull). She also told them my boyfriend hit her on several occasions (that never happened, not once), and that I was just plain crazy. –all lies. She also started running away from my home, she would do this shortly after having a visit with her father, and these visits were not told to me. Her father would blame me and get her so angry and hateful at me.

His mother, my daughter’s grandma, supported all of this, and even encouraged it in many sick ways. Any rules I made for our troubled oldest daughter who was now 16, were claimed as me being crazy…insane, but if I didn’t make a rule they said I was allowing the kids to do as they pleased, and that I didn’t care…I was then neglectful. The truth is that I was very patient, very honest, and steady with rules throughout his and her attacks. I was accused of being a drug user, abuser, and neglectful. I couldn’t win. They tore at my soul in so many ways. Eventually they got my oldest, Amanda, to not just side with them, but to leave my home entirely and the reporting to officials got worse…completely made up things.

It was ghastly atrocious really.

I remember the night Amanda “moved out”. That night my ex husband called the police, making this ridiculous story up that my boyfriend was hitting her…, Amanda. It wasn’t true at all. Actually, my boyfriend and I were in our bedroom watching a movie. Amanda, unannounced packed and apparently had packed her suitcase. Next she started throwing a tantrum. We stopped watching the movie, and Amanda started throwing things, she split a heavy wooden chair against the wall about 10 feet of a throw. I have pictures of the chair. She says it was all because I wouldn’t let her go out, which I wouldn’t cause she asked after 9p, I said no, cause it was late. After her tantrum of throwing things, including shattering the remote control, she then went outside and started crying in the front yard. My boyfriend and I were really shaken.

Amanda had apparently called my ex-husband who had called the police shortly before—probably while Amanda was throwing her tantrum.

Next his mom, the police, and my ex, all arrived in our driveway, closely at the same time. As they arrived Amanda was in tears in the front yard. I was shocked at the entourage … The police officer seemed to understand, thank goodness.

My daughter unfortunately has been involved with the police so they know her as to being a vicious kid, unfortunately. Also the police were somewhat familiar with my ex because, my ex had tried to get my house searched for drugs, which never happened (a whole other situation where he wanted to hurt me.) Anyway, the officer was empathetic with me and boyfriend. The officer actually told my ex’s mom that she needs to step out of this.

The officer didn’t even come in our house. Amanda, her father(my ex), and grandma left, threatening that they would be taking this up with a higher law officials. The police officer stood there with us as they left, somewhat consoling us. Ironically, that whole incident worked against my ex…the report didn’t go exactly they way he wanted.

Also, I think it should be noted that surprisingly my ex and his mother are both very high achieving financially successful people. His mom works between medical care and many insurance companies.. She helps to decide what will be covered under insurance or…not. My ex works in public service, that’s because of his dad.

This makes them much more believable to others, and they use it…believe me to fullest extent that they can as they try to paint this hideous story of me. Over the years I have very sadly learned how horrible some people can be. My ex, my daughter, and his mom, have hurt me more than they probably know. I suffer inside; I have tremendous pain and think about their constant criticism, attacks through lawyers, counselors, emails, and more. I play strong. And in a way I am stronger than I use to be…but I have suffered. I would never tell them that…but I cry, I tremble when I see them, I’m basically much more insecure, anxious, and leery

To the comment that prompted my vent….”sociopaths can change”… They can’t. Sociopaths lack feelings, they won’t have them ever. My oldest, Amanda, as cruel as it sounds she is a sociopath. One of the psychologist involved who is probably one of the more experienced and respected people around, said that he has never seen a child with that much lack of remorse. (He has 30 years of experience, and he has never seen a child like my daughter, makes me want to cry just typing that.) He said almost the same thing about her grandma. He said in his 30 years he hasn’t experienced an unholy alliance like my ex’s mom has with her son. He said she’s vicious. You may be asking…why and how would a psychologist make a prognoses for the daughter, the ex, and the grandma. I’ll tell you…Because the custody battle led to an order of psychological evaluations. That’s how they were found out…it took this level of investigation.

So, my point, which was very drawn out, but in response to the comment that sociopaths “can’t change…” Sociopaths do not follow a moral code ever, even if they pretend…its just an act, one of their many many scenes. The sad truth is, they are simply not capable and at all or interested in, having empathy for others. Actually, quite the opposite. They want!, they hunger!, and they lust!, after power and control over others, They strive for it. Watch out! Be prepared because my ex, his mom, and my daughter aren’t the only sociopaths out there posing as having “changed”.

anon12539
Post 218

My granddaughter - age 5 is the daughter of a sociopath father. He abused her at age 3 - because she was so young, she was not able to disclose to authorities. He has finessed the system, lawyers, judges, etc. that he wants to help raise her. He was never married to my daughter and did not want the child but now he is adamant to prove to the world that he is a good father, etc. with no regard to the child's feelings. She cries when she is told she has to see him, she has nightmares almost every night and yet does not know what they are about. Right now because of the California laws, he has everyone feeling sorry for him. What can I do (nothing legal at this time until the child divulges which might not be for several more years) to encourage him to let her go. She does not love him and does not want to be with him. What would trigger this personality to let this go and leave her alone?? Help...

anon12532
Post 217

I really don't believe a sociopath can change. I get a little angry with people that say they read through these posts and find them funny or have no compassion for the victims of a sociopath. It isn't very easy for the normal person to even imagine the depth of the complicated lies that a sociopath will tell or the extent of what they will do to get their way. I grew up with a mother that was a sociopath and caught on to it at a very young age but it was so hard to always have to be one step ahead to protect yourself. God gave me the special power to see through it and believe me I still can I can spot a liar or a scam 100 miles away. But it it very hard to let go of your family and just leave which is the only way. Good Luck to those out there dealing you are not the crazy one no matter how many times they tell you it's your fault. Just runnnnnnn

anon12488
Post 216

Anybody out there? I happened to 'trip' onto this site and feel flabbergasted over it. So many people looking for help and here I thought I was the only one! No HA! here! I am a multiple personality of about 30; due to much, and terrible abuse as a child and young adult. I was diagnosed wrongly years ago into many associated disorders like 'manic-depression' 'schizoid', and a few others. I believed them. They put me on so many drugs and nothing helped. I mean, nothing! I turned into a walking zombie! All these people wanted to do was cover up my problem and even worse, then addiction set in! Over and over I have looked for help, and no one takes me seriously. I can sit in a doctors office and manifest a worried child of about 4, and then the looks come on their faces...'nut case'. So then they want to give me more medication and I am sick to death of it! Isn't there anyone out there who is able to see a real need anymore? So that a person is able to 'heal' instead of being drugged? I live in Wisconsin near the Eau Claire area. And people around here are pretty ignorant of this type of thing. Any suggestions? If you can hear me, I truly need some help. I recently had a relationship with a sociopath who put the icing on the cake! Now, everytime some stressors come, I manifest out of control, looking for that place to hide in and be safe once again. There is a personality on board who likes to cut me and I am in dismay about this entire mess. I will NOT take mind-altering drugs, for I am a Prophet; yes, folks, it's the truth. So, if any one of you out there love The Lord Your God, maybe you could help me! A 'nut-case' starved for some understanding and empathy.

anon12376
Post 215

A sociopath can change with time and help

anon12325
Post 214

FRED - just read your post. I've known just such a person for 22 years and had two sons with her. We have been divorced 10 years. All the same things you speak of. Dysfunctional, pathological liar, white collar crime, stealing, aliases, squeezing money out of everyone she can. Has our children conned into believing their father is a horrible person. She has custody because I never stood a chance in court against her. She manipulates through emotional bullying. Has never held down a job. Fired for stealing from the last one. My prayers are with you. I wish you every success with your children in hopes they see it eventually. Mine - 12, 19, and 28 - still believe her. What's more - they know what she does, but are all emotionally crippled by her. Jim

anon12323
Post 213

I was married to a sociopath for 10 years. Been divorced from her for 10 years. She is the most charming person I've ever known. She's intelligent. She's my intellectual equal. She was a magnificent lover. She is the most convincing person I've ever known. I had two sons with her. She's a pathological liar. She has committed a host of white collar crimes - bank fraud, credit fraud, aliases, bad check, truancy with my sons. She is mentally abusive any time she is caught red handed. She knows how to manipulate people. In a court room, she has judges eating out of her hands. She has managed to stay in her house despite the mortgage company's efforts to throw her out (foreclosure). She has damaged my children beyond measure (I didn't stand a chance against her in a custody battle). I can tell you from my own experiences that you cannot heal a sociopath. They first have to recognize and admit they have a problem. They won't because they don't think they have a problem. I've tried to help her for 20 years. It is always someone else's fault - never theirs. Their problem is just never discussed. Try to discuss it and the conversation always spins around to what's wrong with you and why you are the problem. I've never been able to get through to her. I am broken hearted because I've never been able to help her - and my sons.

anon12261
Post 212

There is no cure. Sociopaths are born that way. They have irregular brain structures that cause them to lack what civilized beings have, and there is no way to change the way someone's brain works/is set up. I feel bad for them that they cannot feel things, but then again, they cause so much harm while alive that I cannot feel bad for them. But I still feel something because I am not one of them. I am a human being with feelings. My father is a sociopath and he has practically ruined my life. He had me so brainwashed that he was "the best father ever" that I didn't realize until 18 years into my life that he had a problem and that he abused me my entire life. On the outside he seems to be a great person, attracting many admirers wherever we go... even short trips to the grocery store!! He has so much charisma that he fools everyone. But he is a monster. He is extremely dangerous and he destroys everything and everyone he comes in contact with so that he can use it for himself. He doesn't know he is a sociopath and whenever someone in my family tries to tell him to get help because he "isn't right" he has extremely violent fits.

anon12191
Post 211

I am very much sociopathic. Before I was diagnosed, I had the impulse to go online and look up this disorder, only to learn that more than half of the characteristics listed about it perfectly describe me. I charm anyone who comes my way, just so that I can manipulate and use them later in the future. I have many many "friends" but none of them know that I only use them for what they can give me, or to please my sexual tendencies. At 17 years old, the age I am now, I have come to realize and accept who I am, what I have always been. I feel nothing. Just anger, which I have found to be the source of my Pride, the only strength I feel besides the power I possess over others. I happened to take the time to read damn near all of these anonymous postings, and from the things I have read I can honestly say that maybe only two of these postings seem genuine to me.

I am a liar, a thief, a chronic drug user and an alcoholic. And I have barely begun to live my life. I see the things I want and seize them the second I see fit, all the while maintaining the charm and compassion others see me with. I laugh at you fools that honestly believe you are sociopathic. Half of you don't even know what it means, let alone how it feels.

anon11979
Post 210

Maybe that person meant that "feeling" is what causes them to suffer.. maybe they are a victim of a sociopath and wishing that they didn't feel anymore so that they wouldn't be in pain? My mother is a sociopath, along with my sister.. I was constantly made fun of as a child because of my emotions, they were treated as a sign of weakness. I hated myself for having feelings and emotions.. I thought they were weaknesses. Probably because I hurt so much.

Now I know that having these feelings is my strength. The ability to feel passion and love and beauty is far more powerful than their destruction.

anon11894
Post 209

To lproxmaisox: You wish you were a sociopath?-- a horrid wish. It means you wish you would go out of your way to hurt others in ways that cause tremendous suffering and damage to lives as you get glee from it. It means you would be willing to sacrifice even your own well being just to see others hurt. Like kids being poisoned, families being broke and pushed apart, it means twisting truth so much a hardworking coworker's efforts are ruined, it means you would take a child away a loving home just to see the parent suffer, and then treat the child cruelly and laugh at the separation pain felt by both the child and the parent, it means you would watch as your constant hurtful actions bring down another humans spirit. Your wish to be a sociopath means you wish to have a dark infinite whole where a normal person has a heart, and not know or be able to fill the void, except gain thrill with hate and cruelty to others. But, no matter how much hate and pain the sociopath spreads their empty hole inside is never filled. How can anyone with a conscience wish for such a disgusting trait?

anon11876
Post 208

well, i must say that while i do not think that any of you are true sociopaths, you are completely entertaining. what i wonder is how those of you who took abuse from others did so for so long. unbelievable. you should do a personal gut check with particular attention to self worth. i have never understood how a person can become a prisoner of their own accord, with their own trappings. men are not the creatures of circumstance, circumstances are the creatures of men. some of the this really made me laugh, i could not write a better script for a movie. the fact that i am simultaneously amused, repulsed, and feel pity provides relief that i am not a sociopath. happy commiserating!

anon11828
Post 207

i don't know if i am or not i guess i have a charm and i can't feel for others. what am i?

lproxmaisox
Post 206

Sometimes I wish I was a sociopath.

anon11718
Post 205

Sounds like some of the posts are individuals that are narcissistic. There is a difference. Often narcissistic people don't intend harm and can be devastated by the consequences of their actions. While sociopaths or psychopaths intend the harm or are totally indifferent to it as long as it doesn't impact them in a negative way

fnlyundrstnd
Post 204

I just read the last post and I must admit I felt sorry for my mother for my whole life. I gave up years of my life and that of my husband and children and I couldn't fix her no matter how much I tried. There must be a lot of treatment and I personally saw no clue that treatment would have helped. it's something that just isn't there. I know that sounds hopeless and maybe mean to the person that may be trying but just one of your little lies can really mess with someones life. That kind of (being the puppet master) just isn't something that others can live with for very long. I had a horrible childhood being brought up by my mother the soul sucker and I'm nothing like that so I have a hard time believing that it is all childhood trauma it may contribute but what my mother did over and over was a product of no conscience at all. Maybe if you went for help and were totally real and told everything you really think there might be hope but I don't believe any sociopath could actually be that honest. People have to move away for their own safety there is no other way. Manipulation like that really messes with peoples minds and makes them doubt there own sense of reality and I think my mother got off on it. I never wished my mother dead but I sure spent hours wishing her across the country just far from me. She is dead now and my daughter and I still jump sometimes when the phone rings that just isn't right. People that have to deal with a sociopath need support to just cope it is exhausting. Hopefully they will develop more treatment or some treatment until then I'm sorry for the sociopath that may be trying to control it but my sympathy lies with their victims. We are not just friends and family we are victims. I must admit reading that post made me think if your being truthful, I never thought my mom spent one minute ever regretting anything she did. It would be nice now that she's gone to think maybe one day she did regret something she did to me. I must admit even in death she still has power from the grave. I am 54 years old and she always told me I was premature and about her awful experience having me and I just found out I wasn't premature. Stuff like that is so weird I find out new stuff all the time that she had told me that just wasn't true. It's almost like I was adopted and don't know the real story about my family history. Very hard to live with. I will end with I still hope there will be help out there at some point for the sociopath for the sake of all.

anon11618
Post 203

the funny thing about this is that most sociopaths have no intention of being heartless and vile, but they do it because that is all they know. I will admit to being a sociopath, and I can tell you honestly that although I almost never feel remorse and guilt, I still try as hard as i can to be a good person. Sociopaths understand ethics. We do not choose to ignore them, we are just missing that part of our brains. Can you really say its our fault? Studies show that most if not all of the sociopaths out there are that way because of their upbringing. I wasnt raised like most kids, therefore i didn't turn out like most people do. I know there are sociopaths out there that do horrible things, manipulate everyone they're around, even kill people. But most of us try to be normal. And if you are normal, there's no way you can come close to understanding how difficult that is. Every second of my life im thinking about whats wrong with my head. All day, even when i sleep, I think about solutions to my problems. And all these "experts" can say is "get these people out of your life". Were not robots, were not animals. We can hurt like you can. And building such a harsh reputation around something like sociopathy is wrong. its not fair. are we scapegoats?

there is always a way to help yourself. all you sociopaths out there listen...if we are a product of what we are around growing up, then who's to say that we can't change? ive been working on my brain, by thinking about this and practicing in social situations. You might not be able to cure yourself, but you can always make it better, even if just a little bit. what i do is just identify things that i do that aren't normal, think about why it isn't normal, and try to change that next time i come into that situation. you don't even have to do that. don't feel sorry for yourself or you wont get anywhere. be a good person, try to love, (not infatuate, since the difference is very hard to see), maybe even cry once in a while. everyone feels emotions. let them destroy you for a few minutes, push some tears out something fierce, and then when you're done, have hope. you can always have hope.

whenever you realize you might be subconsciously manipulating someone in any way, get away from them, think about it, then go back and fix it. apologize, admit it, or just forget about it and move on, watching yourself the next time...whatever. just don't give up you sociopathic psychos out there. i love ya. find peace. i hope this helped.

anon11583
Post 202

I am one and just realized it.

anon11574
Post 201

@anon11520

you're not a sociopath. You're just manipulative.

oh, i love to push them buttons.

Get over yourself. You're not special. You're just an asylum-seeker fraud. I slay me.. I can spot them from a mile away.

anon11520
Post 200

Guess I'm one of the oddball sociopaths...For one I'm female, and I don't abuse drugs or booze. I get a thrill out or manipulating and controlling ppl to benefit myself. But I never Physically harm anyone! I do have a tendency to lies as well. I also have schizotypal personality disorder. Practically mild schizophrenia....I admit I do think about physical things. But what is the point when I can put you in mental anguish for the rest of your life. Many of you reading this probably think I'm a horrible person. But I only play these mind games with ppl who provoke me. Rather it be trying to control me, change me, or screw me over somehow....No one plays with me without there being repercussions. And there are many ways to get to ppl that are perfectly legal.

fnlyundrstnd
Post 199

My mother was I don't know a sociopath. When I was younger this was not discussed. I know I always looked at Charlie Manson and said that's what she is. She went to treatment but my father and I would have to go also and she would just convince the Dr. that it was our fault. My dad let her get away with it her family let her get away with everything. They would just say don't make her nervous. She did horrible things to me and they all told me to just take it. She cut my hair off and told me I was allergic to my hair that's why I had too much ear wax. I also think she had Munchausen by proxy she made me sick. I had mono 4 times, she would just not want to deal with me and put me to bed for months. Everyone felt so sorry for her with a sick child. I fought alone, no siblings no one would help. I finally quit talking to her at 42. She still tried to manipulate me from afar. She finally overdosed herself last year. I hid behind my car when the police went into her apt. as I didn't want her to know she had gotten me there, I didn't think she was dead just pulling another of her schemes. The police officer told me he understood he had dealt with her so many times. She would have fake gas leaks, people after her with guns all for attention. She called me shortly before she died and told me she had bladder cancer and it was very hereditary to go and get testing done, she was taking chemo. I spoke with her doctor she didn't have cancer. Another lie. I guess the reason I am writing this is for others. She affected my life so badly for 49 years I was a mess. I want to alanon my father an alcoholic, my mother with her pills. Didn't help I sat and cried through so many meetings. Finally something hit me, I was a negative person. The way I had been realized nothing was ok unless there was something terrible going on, I guess she wasn't happy unless she was unhappy. So I decided to retrain myself to be positive. It was very hard but really didn't take long. I must admit for the first year I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall to get a panic attack but never happened. It has been 5 years now and I am finally free of all of it I still don't understand but I am happy for the first time. I am a whole new person. Maybe I'm just as crazy as her but in a weird way I am thankful to my nutty parents they made me a much better person, I am honest I don't lie I help others and can really see that they showed me what I didn't want to be. Hard way to learn that but I am being positive. I would think it would be hard to deal with a spouse or boyfriend but a parent is really hard to deal with. Thank You for the chance to get this out and good luck to others dealing with this it is soooo hard people don't believe the things they do it almost seems like a movie totally fictional.

johndicks
Post 198

I am a complete sociopath and i know that. I am 16 years old. I don't care about anyone but myself and i never have. Right and wrong don't exist to me and they never have. I know what i want and I do what I can to get what I want. That is how I live my life. I come from a typical family and I'm in the middle of what I would describe as a typical childhood (adolescence, whatever). I'm attractive, articulate, sexually promiscuous, intelligent, egotistical, and extremely charismatic. I have lots of friends and i can be whoever they want me to be. I'm a great friend as long as being friendly offers some advantage to me. The second a relationship i have with someone loses the advantage it gave me, the relationship is over. I use people to occupy my time but underneath it all, I don't care about them. That's all dandy, but i do have a dilemma.

I may not have a conscience of my own but that doesn't mean I don't understand everyone else's sense of "right" and "wrong". I understand it so I can fake it and faking it has worked for a while, but lately, I've been craving stimulation. I'm no longer content. Everything is becoming more and more mundane. There is the problem. Now the methods i use to entertain myself mean I keep getting in trouble with authority in general. i crave stimulation regardless of what that means will happen to others. I want to keep myself stimulated but I'm tired of Juvie. How can a sociopath be not bored without risk of arrest??

anon11392
Post 197

Can someone who has dated a sociopath tell how they were in the beginning? What are the early warning signs? How would one spot a sociopath before it gets too serious? (I kinda know about lying and manipulating, so no need to repeat those signs).

Bartolome
Post 195

Surprising number of women consider their ex-husbands to be sociopaths. . .

anon11165
Post 194

To anon 11085-Thank you for summing up so nicely in your post. It made me finally realize after reading it why I hurt so much after breaking this "so-called relationship" off. I miss what I thought he was-I don't miss who he really is. I had to walk away-I also gave him the benefit of the doubt, on almost every circumstance. I became a nervous wreck & began to doubt my own suspicions & sanity!

anon303
Post 193

My ex boyfriend is in jail. He is the man that I loved for 8 years, the man I believed in and trusted with my life, with everything. He stole things from those he loved, he lied, he crafted interesting stories, he lived double and triple lives –- and according to the Denver DA he will go away to prison for 2-8 years. If he lied to you, I’m sorry, he is a sociopath. He stole over $10,000 from me over the 8-year period. He was very charming and always knew what to say. From prison, he sent me a letter this weekend, and all he could say was, “send me W2 forms.” He has used me and I am not valuable to him any longer. Thus, he didn’t even try to be charming in the letter.

I think I stayed with him so long because his lies were exciting, but in hindsight it was a waste of my time. He crafted stories about two dead bothers that never existed. He said he was adopted, and he wasn't, which really hurt his mother. He created two degrees on his resume that never existed. He lied about his HIV status. He said he was raised Jewish, when his mother says she raised him Christian. He said he was raised in an upper middle class home, when in fact his parents were struggling. He said his father was a University Professor, when in fact he never was. He lied and lied and lied. He could create a lie in two milliseconds flat and make you feel like you were wrong if you called him on the lie. I have always had a high respect for honesty and integrity –- and yet I stayed with him and his stories.

I have found comfort reading other people’s stories. These guys are really smart and there is no need to feel guilty about being used. He used the guilty to use me and keep me supplying him with money, food, transportation, and housing. I was his free ride. His mother knew that he was diagnosed as a sociopath one month before he met me, but she didn’t tell me until 5 police officers stormed my house at gunpoint and took him away to jail for stealing. In hindsight, I think he stole from every job he held.

anon11085
Post 192

What happens when a sociopath meets up with another sociopath? Do either one of them know what the other is and if so would that mean they also know what they themselves are?

I also fell in love with a sociopath and now four years later I started reading about sociopaths and am trying to understand and accept what he has done to me. He is a text book case of the disorder and there is not even a question of doubt that he is one. He represents 28 of the 30 signs that a sociopath displays and when I went over the characteristics I truly tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

And oh is it ever heartbreaking because everything he has done to me he has no guilt or regret and if I refuse him he will just go find someone else to do it to. After reading so much on this topic the one thing it allowed me was a better handle on letting go as well as understand why he did what he did to me. I love him but not him, I love what he portrayed himself to be or what I thought he was and that is what I miss. I do not miss what he is, I miss what I thought he was.

nixon1
Post 191

I'm not going to lie, I'm 24 and I know that I'm a sociopath. I use everyone and everything around me. Although I don't cause physical harm to anyone I find myself manipulating people around me so they they are not able to catch a glimpse of the true "me", and sometimes just for fun in general. I am adopted and have never met my real parents. My adoptive parents were fine, actually they probably better parents than most biological parents out there, but I still find myself holding them in contempt with the rest of the human race anyway. Sometimes I think of myself, and people like me as beings that are just one step up on the evolutionary ladder, until I realized that I'm completely messed up and without a realization of what its like to be normal. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be the last human on the Earth, just so I don't have to pretend anymore. The very thing that causes me to hate myself is what sets me apart from the rest of you and so I embrace it. If anyone has any advice for me, I welcome it.

nc

anon10914
Post 190

To 10890: Don't judge others, unless you have been in a relationship with someone who IS a Sociopath. You are "sucked" in (charmed/manipulated)and develop feelings for them, before you even know there are serious issues. Then it slowly unravels...at least that's how it was for me.

I have never encountered this disorder before and I have read everything I can since, to educate & protect myself, should I ever find myself in the company of a Sociopath again! And, I have examined why I cared about this person. I am a loving, caring, trusting person, who just happened to encounter someone who knew it and took advantage of these qualities. Read up my friend...you have ALOT to learn...

anon10911
Post 189

This question is for sociopaths/devils creating a hateful and painful world...creating eternal suffering for their soul.

Do you know you are going to face judgment? Nothing can be done to change universal law...no crying or begging will change it..There will be no where to hide, run, or chance to scheme out of it.

There will be no mercy.

Grace, yes grace, keeps us safe, and tells what we should or shouldn't do, those who don't listen... will face the judge.

God bless those going to heaven. stay strong, hold on, pray.

anon10890
Post 188

Ninety-nine percent of these comments remind me of the conversations I would have with the PhD psychologist that I worked for about Asperger's. She specialized in Autism spectrum disorders, and we would talk about the time period that Asperger's hit the mainstream. Suddenly, everyone who wanted an excuse for their bad behavior and social ineptitude had Asperger's. It takes a lot of indepth testing to determine that you have Autism. You can't diagnose yourself, OR anyone else. Seems to me that all the people here who say they were dating or dealing with a sociopath need to examine why they love abusive people or liars. Just because you lie a lot doesn't mean you are a sociopath. And that you are bragging, or are out looking for a self-diagnosis to address feelings of alienation you have most likely means you aren't sociopathic.

Sociopaths, along with psychopaths are seriously disturbed, the likes of which, perhaps the boobs posting on here couldn't quite understand. I think what they should come out with is the mental health equivalent to hypochondria.

anon10889
Post 187

To anon10800-2 words-WALK AWAY!! I did, broke my heart and still healing....wished it could have been different...I wanted to be the ONE...not one of many! I wanted to help him, teach him what a caring relationship was like...show him a better life...he was unable to meet me even 1/2 way...I realized I deserved better! My situation was exactly like you described yours...

jonronson
Post 186

I've noticed that a few sociopaths have posted here. I am an author of several books, and I am just beginning a new one which touches on sociopathy. Consequently, I'd be very keen to ask a sociopath some questions, really about how they see the world.

Very best

Jon

anon10800
Post 185

I am a woman who happened to get sucked in by a sociopath. I fell in love with him, head over heels. It has taken some time for me to realize that all the kind words, all of the sweet talk, even down to him learning just how to make love to me in the right way...it was all for his own self-serving purposes. "If it seems too good to be true..." I guess that statement applied here.

I just want to know how to detach my heart from this situation. I love this man, but more than that, I thought we were best friends. I told him that we will not be seeing each other as lovers any more, but even as friends, he still seems to throw his abusive words at me. Do I just walk away from him, or is there something I can do to help him?