I have been in a relationship for the past nine years with a man in civil construction. his job keeps him away from home most of the month. his son and I see him on average, four days per month, and if we are lucky, eight days.

His mother decided to move to the town we live in and she got a job managing a boutique hotel. Now when he comes home he goes and sits in her bar and drinks. Even though she knows alcohol makes him violent she encourages the drinking and then proceeds to tell him I don't love him like a wife should, etc etc.

She is as strong as an ox, but when he hits home she fakes heart attacks, and a whole bunch of other medical conditions; she has become a joke amongst the local doctors - they refer to her as "the lady with mystery disease!" Not only that, they know when her son is home because she arrives in the emergency room.

She has lied and lied and lied, her son refuses to believe or see her manipulative behaviour and it has an enormous negative effect on our relationship. it has become so bad that she has decided to take it upon herself to stand in judgement of my faith and has declared me "satan's spawn!" how nice, yet she claims to be a Christian. this baffles me as my understanding of christianity is "judge not lest ye be judged!"

I have made the decision to not allow this person in my home as she creates far too much negativity. Until such time as her son can grow a pair of balls and let his mother know that while he loves and respects her, she is his mother not his lover, and I and our children come first in his life, she will not set foot in my home. As a Christian she must respect the sanctity of our relationship.

She could have gained a daughter, yet she chose to make an enemy of me, which was not a good idea. In doing so she has denied herself the pleasure of holidaying with us, joining us for dinner or Sunday lunch, or just spending a quiet weekend with us as a family.

She neglected her son as a young boy, and he became a terror in his early teens and early twenties, spent time in jail etc. After he and I met, he changed his life, not because I made him do it, but because he saw for himself that it is possible to be loved without ulterior motives, that kindness and understanding are good qualities and to get things done you do not have to threaten with violence.

Now she is in her 60s and he is in his 40s, and she plays the guilt trip card of, "You made me old before my time, you put me through hell." hello mother-in-law, you neglected him, you gave him no love and no guidance, this is why he landed up where he did, but now that he has changed his life for the better, she makes him feel guilty for not spending every moment of his free time with her.

Mothers should let their sons go when they grow up, and allow them to make their own choice in wife, girlfriend or partner, and not feel so threatened.

Moms who feel threatened feel that way because they are riddled with guilt for not being decent mothers when their sons were younger.

I had my girlfriend's son show up at my door two years ago after her ex found out he wasn't getting any more child support. I have basically been putting up with a lazy under-educated momma's boy. He is 21 and has a felony for statutory rape and will never find a job in our town. He is a momma's boy since she goes along with his silly ideas. This is not healthy.

I have been married to a mommy's boy for 37 years.

When we first got married and we got into a little fuss, he would say I don't have to listen to this and run home to mommy. When I got pregnant, he told me that his mom and dad and two sisters mean more to him than me and that damn b***ard I was carrying ever would. If he and I started getting along good, his mother would go and tell him that I hurt her feelings, and he would come and jump me about it and I wouldn't even know what I did or said. So both of his parents are dead now. But when they got old and couldn't take care of themselves, I took care of them. The only person who took up for me was my husband's oldest sister. My husband asked me to forgive him and I did, but his mother never did. She thought she did nothing wrong.

I have been married to a mamma's boy for the past 16 years. Initially, I admired the closeness he held with his family. But over time, I began to notice that the closeness was not a healthy type of connection.

Of the past 16 years of marriage, my husband has spent about 14 of those years having dinner with my in-laws. We have two children together, and after giving birth to them, I took off from work to spend time with my newborn. It was at that that that I began to notice the attention he gave to his mother over me.

During the three months I was home with each of my children, not once did he stop by to see how we were doing. We live and work in the same town and with him being self-employed, his schedule was flexible. Every day he would get to his mother's house at about 11:30 a.m. for lunch, and stay there until around 3:00. It would hurt my feelings to know that he spent this amount of time with his mother on a daily basis, instead of coming home and spending time with us. Not only would he have lunch with her, he would to back to his mother's house for dinner at around 6:00 and stay until after 7:30. I've asked him on numerous occasions reduce the amount of time he spends with his mother, but he refuses, stating that if I don't like it, I can leave, because his relationship with her will never change".

I blame myself for allowing this to happen all these years and after so long, it's difficult to ask for change when all along I've been tolerant.

My advice for you women out there in this situation - stop it in the beginning of the relationship. Teach your partner how to love you and what it is you need from him. If you allow this type of behavior to continue, it's hard to change once you've had enough. I never expected my husband to completely stop visiting his mother, but I also don't think it's healthy for a son to spend so much time with his mother.

My mother in-law has not been involved directly in our relationship (in terms of interfering with our lives), however, I think she has a responsibility to send her son home to his family instead of cooking lunch and dinner for him.

Signed --Miserable by my own doing

I am living with a mommy's boy for 16 years and several times I tried to break up with him. We have 2 kids. I keep on saying to myself that he'll change for the better. Little did I know that he will never change. I'm tired of competing being the best, I did everything to win him but at the end of the line I'm the losing end because his mind is set and tends to blame everything bad that is happening to him or to life on me.

I may be the worst wife and mom to his kids, or maybe even the worst person he has ever encountered. I think I'm slipping, but I'm trying my best to ignore or maybe to accept it. But it really hurts so much. Not just his mom but also his sisters as well. He just loves them so much that we have no match for whatever they have. What I'm doing right now is to stand up and be strong for my kids sake.

Society and woman are just a bunch of hypocrites.

It's ok for a woman to care for her mother or family but not ok for the man to care for his mother/family.

It's ok for a woman's parent's to stay at the couples home but the man's family can not.

I hear women whinning about in-laws but I rarely hear man complain. Yes, some men do complain about their in laws but not as much as whiny woman.

*We live in a hypocratic society= stupid society! The only way people can get along is to respect people the way you want to be respected regardless of gender, race, religion or occupation! Love thy neighbor the way you love yourself!*

I agree, it is a greedy crime that these selfish old broads are committing. All hidden behind the banner of love. Hey, remember if you love something, set it free. Free to live and grow. My ex. 50 yr. old ,youngest of 3 Italian sons, the other 2 married, still lived at home with the saintly mama, a truly sacrificial, parasitical relationship. The first time I ever phoned she told me he did not live there! Huh? It's almost obscene.

Mothers who claim to hold their sons hearts forever are only thinking of themselves and how wonderful they've been as a Mother feeding their own self-esteem and security. Cultivating sons from birth that the Mothers love is more stable and cannot be succeeded is almost like wishing her son would never find a better love, and if he did, then the Mother would either compete with it or be hurt from it. Both negative outcomes if this be the case.

Either they do not understand different healthy relationships and where the releasing boundaries are, being parental relationships compared to life partnerships, and can't separate them, or they simply think that theirs is the most important and are ignorant of the other and class it as irrelevant. Let men be men - Mothers do not make a Man a Man.

Isn't the husband supposed to provide everything the Mother needs? When the husband doesn't, then the Mother turns to a closer bond being her son/s. A parent's bond together is the ultimate, that they love one another, they then have children through a result of their love toward eachother.

Why does a Mother need to be close to her son?? For love? Where's the husband's love? Where's her friends love? What makes her choose, that it be her son? Because he is of her and he is male? Therefore the Mother is requiring more than her share of male love due to her own insecurities.

Have these Mom's experienced the same from their Mother-in-Laws? This upbringing should not be promoted.

I feel that most of the people who are writing these negative comments about Mommy's Boys are off their rocker and very very immature.

I myself have 3 boys - all grown. The oldest has a different father from the other two. The father of the two youngest died while they were young. I am proud of all my boys. They are very independent, self reliant and productive.

My oldest who still has a father and a mother is not very sensitive to women or anyone. He does not put up with anything and will cut you deeply with his sharp tongue, hurt your feelings and does not care at all.

My youngest two are very different (they are called mommy's boys by most people). They are very sensitive to the needs of women and both are willing to share the housework, cooking and whatever else is needed to make the relationship work. They do call me (their mother) for advice and we do talk on a daily basis; but I do not meddle in their relationship. When I give advice I give it to help their relationship- not to harm it. If they are wrong in a situation, I tell them that. I try to make them understand some things from a woman's point of view.

Instead of being jealous of the mother and insecure of yourself why don't you focus on the relationship and do what it takes to become a nurturing family with the mom included. It is not the guys fault that you may not have the same kind of relationship with your mom or dad. Their are worse problems in many relationships than a man who loves his mother. If the mother is meddling and causing problems, which are not warranted, then I understand; but if she is not, she will be an asset to you, not an enemy.

Being in a relationship with a mommy's boy is very tough. My boyfriend of 8 years is 47 years old and is still a mommy's boy. He puts his mother first..no question about that one. I feel like I am not appreciated. He works full-time and feels that for this reason, he does not have to do any work around the house or any cooking because he has a full-time physical job and according to him, I sit on my butt all day. I work full-time and take college courses. He tells me that school is easy and doesn't believe that my job is mentally exhausting(I work in customer service and get cussed out all day long). His mother has him convinced of this.

Needless to say, he doesn't do anything around here to help me out and I am struggling with medical issues in which I am overly exhausted, yet he runs to mommy's every chance he gets and does all kinds of work around the house for her. She runs our relationship by making all his decisions for him. We were going to get married back in 2003 *until* mommy found out and talked him out of it. She has told me to my face that I need to leave her son and quit trying to trap him. What the heck?

We don't have any kids, nothing either one of us own is joint, and he is twice my size? I would love to know how she thinks I can trap him. Honestly, I have thought about leaving many times because of his mom. And of course, mommy's boy is perfect to her so he does no wrong. I am always the one wrong cause mommy says. He is so coddled by her that he does not compromise and he tells me I do everything wrong, even if the correct result comes out. And to top it off, if I wear one of his sweatshirts, he goes off because I am not allowed to wear his clothes, but he sure expects me to wash them.

I don't agree with the person beneath me.

This person obviously is immature and doesn't know anything. I think a mothers boy is a mothers boy because they have spent a lot of time with their mother and now have a bond with them.

Another reason is that maybe the father was never in this boy's life.

I think this is a reasonable reason as to why a boy is mother's boy.

Not the reason stated below me.

anon23151 is SOOO IMMATURE!

This is anon23151 posting again. I refuse to believe that a 'mamma's boy' can be a good thing. I don't think that the person disagrees with me knows anything about how woman feel dating a mamma's boy. The mother seems to be the most important thing in his life and the girlfriend probably feels unappreciated and denied the attention and love she deserves in the relationship all because of the mother. Also mamma's boys rely to much on their mother and don't talk to their significant other about the problems they think are going on in the relationship.

i believe that a mamma's boy is just insecure and doesnt know anything about woman so he relies on his mother for guidance. he knows that the closest he would get to a woman is his mother so he clings to her for life and love.

My daughter's ex is one of these. He would call up his mommy and complain about his wife. Nothing his wife did-not even the coffee she made-was good enough for him, according to the mother. He actually brought her over to stay for three months and went away to the US, claiming work needs, just so his mother could "sort out" his wife. Between the two of them, four months later, my daughter walked out and filed for divorce. The mother actually told her that being a wife, she should take care of her son all the time and serve him like a slave or a handmaiden. We are Indians and this sort of thing is very common in families which are not blessed with daughters. But in fact, the ex has been living in the USA and UK and my daughter gave up a good job in India to join him there. The fact that she started working there after a gap caused a lot of heartburning in him and he showed this in every possible way. Unlike the men over there, he would not share in the household work and would expect her to do heavy-duty cooking each day-twice a day and pack his lunchbox as well, and do all, I mean all, housework. His mother would pop over every few months and would sit around reading children's books and Tamil women's mags or watch cable, without helping. My daughter was a bonded slave, that's all. He also turned out to be a true-blue sociopath. It lasted less than three years.

I am the mother of 4 sons, all adults. Because of the love of their mother, (me), they are wonderful, caring, tender, loving men towards their women. The cord was cut years ago. But, there is nothing more secure than a mother's love. She holds their hearts forever.

Some mothers should be put to death for years of abuse of their sons, smothering, controlling them, all disguised as 'love'. It is one of the greatest and most widespread crimes in society and it always goes undetected because it is hidden behind a 'mother's love'. The damage they do to the psyche of the child is enormous and significantly undermines their chances to form an adult and healthy relationship with a spouse. I am a victim of such abuse and the only reason I am not harming her is because I do not want to spend my life in jail.