What is a Bully?
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A bully is someone who is habitually mean to others, inflicting both physical and psychological abuse on his or her victims. Bullies can appear at schools, in workplaces, and on the Internet. Bullying can also take on an international scale when nations bully each other with their politics and militaries. Bullying can be extremely harmful on every level, and there are a variety of ways to deal with bullies and their actions.
Bullies tend to pick on targets they think are weak. Children, for example, will target children who are younger than they are, along with children who look different because of race, disabilities, or fashion sense. People who appear emotionally weak may also be targeted for bullying. Bullies themselves are often former or current victims of bullying. Children who have unstable home lives, for example, may take out their frustration and aggression on other children.
Many bullies use physical intimidation and threats to frighten their victims into staying silent. A victim of bullying may become emotionally withdrawn, shy, anxious, or easily upset, and he or she may evidence marked behavioral changes. For example, a child being bullied at the pool may start avoiding the pool, even if he or she formerly liked going, or an employee who is being bullied might change his or her work habits to avoid the bully. Someone being bullied online might start using the Internet yes, or demonstrate a decline in self-esteem.
Bullying behavior often marks the start of larger antisocial behavior, which is one reason why it's important to catch bullies early. In addition to sparing victims considerable pain and suffering, early intervention can also prevent the development of additional antisocial behaviors, getting the bully the help he or she needs to address problems at home, emotional stress, and other issues.
There are two aspects to dealing with a bully: avoiding interaction with the bully to reduce incidents, and standing up to the bully in the event that avoidance doesn't work. While totally changing one's lifestyle and habits to avoid a bully is not advised, common-sense precautions like taking a different route through the office, walking to school with a buddy, or using websites which are not friendly to bullying behavior are a good step to take. In the event that one does encounter a bully, not engaging is the best strategy. Bullies feed on fear and expressions of emotion, so standing up to the bully, saying “no” to requests, and walking away can often be highly effective.
It is also important to report bullying behavior. Since children are sometimes afraid or ashamed about being victims, encouraging children to report bullies is a good idea. Parents and siblings who have experienced bullying should also talk to kids about their past, to illustrate that many people are victimized by bullies, and that speaking up is the right thing to do. Communicating with teachers and school staff about bullying issues is also important. In the case of workplace bullies, talking to a boss or coworker about the issue helps, and cyberbullies can often be dealt with through reports to the owners of websites where they congregate: it may be possible to ban a bully from a site if his or her bullying causes demonstrable harm.
If you spot bullying behavior, you can also take action. Sometimes it only takes one person to speak up and end bullying.
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My daughter is only four yrs old and just entered kindergarten in a private Catholic school where she had her so called friend act rude and throw bark in her face. I made the mistake of not believing her when she told me her friend did that. The next day I was at the school and saw her friend throw bark in her face again when my daughter skipped up to her with another friend to say hi. I reprimanded the girl and the yard duty teacher removed her from the playground. I told her mom and the girl lied but then apologized. Thought that was the end of that, but then it happened *again*! It took all of my self control not to go ballistic! My daughter was upset and this time I had to pick bark out of her hair and eyelids. The parents were told again and the girl apologized but by that time I knew she wasn't being sincere. I told my daughter to just stay away from her and play with other friends. I also told the girl to stay away from my daughter too. Watched the girls at recess and my daughter stayed away and played with a group of her friends but that girl kept coming up to her and my daughter kept running away and would not say anything to her. This continued throughout the morning and lunch recess. She just kept coming up to her bothering her. I told her mom that I watched the girls at recess and what had happened, by the way, they didn't know that I was watching. The girl lied right to my face saying she stayed away when I revealed that you are lying because I was watching from far away and that she bothered my daughter the whole time. I can't believe that this is occurring in kindergarten and that the school won't do anything. They told me that "if it happens one more time then she will be benched." Are you kidding me? That would be four times my daughter is subjected to this girl throwing bark at her! I know my comments are lengthy but I hope everyone reads this story as I wished I had stood up to the school the first time and demanded that the student be punished. Yes she is only five years old but after the second time of throwing bark in someone's face which could cause blindness by the way, she knew what she is doing. It didn't help that the girl's parents did *nothing* to punish her! My feeling is that the girl has more problems going on and I don't want my daughter to be the source of her confusion and aggression. My daughter is a very sweet person always smiling, very beautiful curly blonde hair and big blue eyes. She gets a lot of attention, and everyone loves her. I don't know if it's jealousy or her own insecurity but parents please, as hard as it is, stand up to those teachers before something escalates like in this situation! Unfortunately her mom and I are no longer friends. She didn't like the way I reprimanded her daughter and that I referred to her as a bully. I guess some can't handle the truth. Please, please always be on guard whether your child is in pre-school or high school and look for the signs of your child in distress. It could be a bully. Keep the lines of communication open with your child and listen to them if they tell you someone is bothering them. Be a spy if you have to which is what I had to do, eating lunch in my car while watching my daughter play in the playground from afar. I could really see what is going on and don't take an "if it happens one more time we will do something." Tell them if they don't take care of it then you will notify the principal. Next time, I will be taking my own advice! - anon43831
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Written by
S.E. Smith
Last Modified: 02 September 2009
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