What is a Battered Husband?

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When many of us hear the words "domestic violence," we automatically assume the victim would be a female and the attacker would be a male. After all, men are traditionally viewed as the more aggressive of the two sexes, and the victims of most domestic abuse situations are indeed women. But a surprising number of domestic violence episodes do involve women as the aggressors, creating a new category of victim known as the battered husband. A battered husband suffers the same emotional, verbal and physical abuse as a battered wife, but is less likely to report these crimes to authorities.

The relationship between a battered husband and his abusive spouse can be very complex. A battered husband often employs the same defensive tactics as a battered wife, including denial, withdrawal and disconnection. The shame of owning up to a spouse's abusive behavior could cause a battered husband to defend her around others. Some excuses may be that his own actions triggered her violent response, or she's only reacting to post-natal stress. Denial can be a powerful coping mechanism for a battered husband, especially if he dreads the idea of having meaningful discussions with his abusive spouse.

Another characteristic of a battered husband is the tendency to disconnect from his own domestic problems. A battered husband will often spend more and more time at work, or take up a hobby outside of the home. In order to avoid potential conflicts, a battered husband may decide to sleep in the family car or spend his waking hours in a private den or office. A violent spouse may also be abusive towards children, either in the form of physical attacks or excessive punishments for minor infractions. A battered husband could remain in the abusive home strictly to protect his children from further abuse.

A battered husband may also find it difficult to pursue legal remedies against an abusive spouse. A number of states have domestic violence laws requiring law enforcement officers to arrest at least one of the combatants if physical injuries are visible. A battered husband may have been the victim of severe mental and emotional abuse for hours, but one defensive slap could tip the balance in the abusive spouse's favor. Enforcing a temporary restraining order against an abusive wife could also become problematic for a battered husband, especially if children are involved.

There are a number of support groups dedicated to sufferers of "battered husband syndrome." These groups also provide online information for men who may want to break away from a violent relationship but fear the aftermath. Some studies suggest that over 800,000 men become victims of domestic violence every year, but only a fraction ever report the abuse to authorities. Many men fear the social stigma of admitting they were powerless against a violent spouse, or the loss of meaningful time spent with their children following a divorce.

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Posted by: anon16662
I have been abused by my wife for 20 years. I have tried everything to make her happy. She takes pills for depression and pain and sleep. She use to drink while she took them and was dangerous around the kids. She is violent when she runs out of her meds and takes it out on me and the kids. We have no sex life because of this. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped. She told me she wants a divorce. She has slept with other men on several occasions and denies it. If things do not go her way she attacks, even in restaurants and in front of customers which makes me embarrassed to be with her. I try to love but receive none in return. I wish there was an answer to this long term mess.
Posted by: anon16486
i have been a battered husband for 23 yrs. the last time was 3 wks. ago,she went to jail,got a protective order,dv pending.alone,depressed,and her family on her side,i was assleep when she attacked me,she is bi polar and on lithium but something else is wrong.i did nothing to provoke this attack,i just give up.
Posted by: doedav
my son has been in an abusive relationship for 3 years. we told him for a long time that his wife needed help..he came up with scratches, busted lips, nose etc...on apr 22 she stabbed him in the shoulder it cut his lung and just missed his heart and artery. he has a dv pending from her calling after he slung her off his back the da is waiting to see what happens with her. in court last week the att for her wanted our son to ok a plea agreement so she could walk out of jail on a personal bond and get 5 yrs suspended sent. he refused...the da said since she was cute and small that she may get off scott free. theres a lot more but any ideas or help?? god bless
Posted by: olivia
contact your local battered woman's shelter for direction. they may even offer services to battered husbands as well.
Posted by: anon3653
Where is the help for a battered husband?

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