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What Can Be Done if a Parent Refuses to Pay Child Support?

Purposefully disobeying a court order for child support may result in a charge of civil contempt.
Failure to pay child support may result in heavy fines.
Failure to pay child support can result in a jail sentence.
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  • Written By: Mary McMahon
  • Edited By: Bronwyn Harris
  • Last Modified Date: 27 September 2014
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Child support is a court mandated payment made by a non-custodial parent to a custodial parent, and it is designed to assist the custodial parent with the costs of raising a child. Many nations around the world have child support laws, because raising a child is believed to be the joint responsibility of the parents, whether or not the parents are still together. It is awarded by the court after the judge has considered factors like the income of the non-custodial parent, along with outstanding expenses borne by both parents. Once the court has ordered child support, the non custodial parent is expected to pay it on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, many parents avoid paying child support, using a variety of justifications. Common excuses for avoiding child support payments include inability to pay, lack of accountability for the money, unwillingness to have the child in the first place, to protest visitation agreements, or a personal conviction that the amount of the award is unfair. The burden of “deadbeat” parents is placed heavily on women, who are more likely to be awarded primary custody, and deadbeat dads are a well understood social phenomenon in most countries. If a non custodial parent feels that an award is unfair, it is his or her responsibility to file a formal claim with the awarding court.

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There are a number of options for recovering child support payments from a parent who is shirking on his or her duties. Many parents become frustrated with the process, and turn to a private agency to recover the monies they are owed, but there are legal courses to pursue, most of which are free. The first step is documenting the non-payment with the court that issued the initial child custody order. Employees of the court can work with the parents to try to reach an amicable agreement through mediation, or find the non-custodial parent in contempt of court, which will initiate a legal process to recover the money.

Common methods of extracting child support from dead beat parents include garnishing of wages for a lump sum award, wage withholding for regular monthly payments, seizure of or liens on assets, and interception of tax returns. Failure to pay child support can also result in a fine and jail sentence, although this law is rarely enforced. Child support enforcement can also be carried out across state lines, with the court that awarded the payments requesting assistance from a child support agency in another state.

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anon958681
Post 193

I was a victim of a psychotic ex who was abusive to both myself and my 3 children. I had also discovered that she and her friend were setting me up for a fall by playing Games with the Children's Aid and police service. I tried to hang on to the marriage for as long as I could. I eventually figured out that she was deliberately scamming Revenue Canada by claiming she was a single mom and having my children falsely declared OCD or PTSD with the Children's Aid in Brantford aiding and abetting in her favor.

When I finally figured out what was going on, and confronted her about her and her friends’ criminal behavior, I was immediately threatened with, “If you say anything, I'll make sure you and your Mother never see those kids again.” It was immediately followed with, “Because of my small size and soft voice, I can get away with being a victim!” Within a month, she and her friend had deliberately set me up for a fall by attacking a family friend and sticking the Brant CAS on her.

Several times later, there more visits from the police and a list of very serious charges. She pulled the victim card. She has also tried this stunt with others in the past! I've been thrown into jail three or four times now on serious and false allegations. I was convicted by proxy and now have a criminal record I don't deserve!

As a result of these attacks, I've lost my ability to cross the border. I’ve lost three decent paying trucking jobs. My friends and family have been continuously called or visited by Children's Aid and/or the police with various claims child abduction, etc., etc. whenever the kids just suddenly disappear. When I was convicted wrongfully and without any evidence, burden of proof or any testimony from myself, there was one very dishonest police officer who completely minced his story. I immediately lost about a quarter of my income earning potential.

To make matters worse, my kids have days earlier said in letters how much they miss and want to see me, while she and that witch of a Crown Attorney exploited my children and submitted false victim impact statements, which you could tell were edited by their psycho mom. The support order and court settlement were done in my absence. She had me thrown in jail again for false breach allegations and again Children's Aid meddling and misuse of the Brant O.P.P. Her lawyer also failed to provide a Form 10 for response with the papers and I was not given a court date! More or less, the judgment was illegal. But still, they went ahead and raped me, and gave her everything, Even though all her claims were just sheer lies and deceptions.

Also, they base child support in Ontario by your gross and not your net income. They also are basing it on an income as a highway driver at $50,000 per year. She was trying to claim that I earned $60,000 per year. But again, my highway career ended with the false criminal convictions. I also have to use 10 percent or more of my net income for on road meals and necessities. So my real earnings are considerably less.

She also made sure I would be left with all the bad debt. I would have to go bankrupt and destroy my great credit standing. All in all, it's ruined me! To compound matters, I have just had my license suspended which cost me my regional line haul job, which doesn't pay great. My truck was my home. Goodbye job, no home and no hope!

To compound matters, the Family Responsibility Office has issued me a Summons to attend court for non payment of support for September!

I used to be very pro law, pro government and pro cop, but now I feel nothing but contempt for the entire system. I can’t just go out and get any old job either, because of leg problems and the need for reconstructive surgery. Trucking was my only viable occupation. If I could escape Canada right now, I would! I feel no loyalty to it anymore. I want to have a part in my children's upbringing, but I refuse to be coerced in the manner it's happening!

If she had played fair in the beginning, instead of going along with her jerk of a friend and all the hardcore feminuts she hangs around with, then there would have been no issues with paying full support based on the regular tables set by the government and she wouldn't even need the FRO (Family Responsibility Office) in Ontario to collect it. I would've given it voluntarily. But no, she just has to destroy me with her phony victim bull crap and ruin my life, and she still wants the cake?

Well, all she's done is kill her own gift horse! Not that it ever mattered. All I was was a gravy train and ATM for her and put up with almost 20 years of her miserable behavior and non-stop drama. My conditions have just been upped to a higher level. No support until she goes back to the two judges and recants her crap, my criminal record is expunged and I have fair and reasonable access to my children -- at least two of them, anyway! Also, I want her friend to be arrested for abducting my son from my home while I was sleeping, and putting him on the street while making an anonymous call to Waterloo Regional Police on their landline and acting like a concerned citizen with Incited further Harassment by Cambridge CAS.

I don't care if they put me in for 180 days, 180 months or 180 years! Not a nickel, until my complaints are addressed. It's true, good parents pay, but not at the expense of my health or life in shambles. Not at the expense of the misuse of police and CAS to engage in her revenge. I'm sick of the corruption, perjury and incompetence that havebeen all too damned obvious! She gets absolutely nothing until then. It's not that I want to withhold from my children, I don't! I know they aren't starving or anything. My ex has plenty of stealing schemes with Revenue Canada and other agencies she’s been ripping off, including food banks and victim services.

I'm now homeless, unemployable, have little cash and will eventually end up in the streets or in the bush! I depended on the system to sort through the crap to get to the truth and apply the law fairly and thoughtfully. That was a huge mistake!

foolishidiot
Post 192

If you don't think the government won't go after you for not paying your child support, think again. My boyfriend just did two years in prison for not paying his child support.

Now that he is out of prison and off probation he has stopped paying it again. All he thinks about doing with his money is gambling and doing drugs. He is a deadbeat loser and his son deserves better than his lowlife self. Good riddance. He is a pathetic loser and he will be sent back to prison again soon, I guarantee that. They won't wait too much longer to put out a warrant for his arrest. Just another stupid dopehead.

anon943545
Post 189

Something is very, very wrong when a person faces more consequences for failure to pay a parking ticket than failure to pay child support. I know there are jurisdictions that jump on non-custodial parents too quickly or in a disproportionate manner, and that's not what I'm talking about here. There should definitely be reasonable procedures and remedies in place for parents that get a little behind or need to modify the amount because of a change in income.

I'm talking about the egregious cases, the ones where it's obvious the non-custodial parent is intentionally evading support. My ex is $90,000-plus in arrears, which is quite an accomplishment considering his support payment was a whopping $200/month for the first two years. He has never been prosecuted and his picture isn't up on any most wanted lists. I'm lucky in that I can provide for my kids without him. But most single-parent households need help, and they're not getting any with the ridiculous child support services procedures and lack of any meaningful enforcement.

Every case in CA has one case worker. In order to speak with that case worker, a custodial parent is supposed to do a walk-in during office hours (no appointments available). Now how's that supposed to work for most folks? I'm the only parent caring for the kids, paying for anything -- but let me take a day off work to go talk to my case worker on the other side of the county? Because the conversation can't happen on the phone?

Of course, this is the agency that sent me a check for $00.17 (yes, you read it right -- 17 cents) in an envelope affixed with a full-price stamp (that was 42 cents back then) paid for by the taxpayers of California. I mean, seriously.

Oh, if you need to speak to the child support Ombudsperson to troubleshoot, just call the number listed on the child support services website -- which is the wrong number.

anon357984
Post 187

I agree with you anon334653. I am a single mom of three daughters. Since about July, my ex started the alienation drama with the girls. I have been in college, he knows all my courses and has known everything that goes on in my home, and although he says the opposite of the "right" people, he stated he would leave me destitute and penniless and paid me to support the kids, "not interfere.” Powerful words to say to the mother of your children.

He repeatedly takes my youngest out of classes and is trying to gain legal custody, but not on paper. Not yet. There has been an on paper progression, though, through our homes, and his support payments for child support every month have been a little over $200 for all three. He has lived in several large homes with a woman he claimed was his girlfriend/wife, both in different places at different times. And he also claimed he hadn't brought her into the picture yet.

He spends a great deal of money on the girls and has previously opened up bank accounts in their names. Being undereducated for the longest time, I am at an advanced age working on furthering an actual career which he repeatedly claims he is not in favor of (while I am racking up the debt for it). He has before, through our divorce and after had me signing every paper under the sun while proclaiming to be the "good" guy. This was done for him.

The girls see him in a good light because he is their dad and working hard for them, not the years mom spent raising them. My ex is not interested in keeping me as a part of their lives. Replacement is easier for him, more local. I have lost transportation and am in such a rough spot but the education is a very important part of my future. Without it I will have nothing. The girls don't see it that way since they haven't raised families yet. They are still young.

It’s a hard spot to be in and hard to find support. It is easier for them to pay off the kids. There is a great deal of evidence on that part for them, and in my calculations prior to today, he owes back support of over 30K. I haven't seen a dime of it.

anon348701
Post 186

I have really lost faith in the system. My ex-wife was ordered to pay the minimum child support here in Eau Claire, WI back in 2010. Three years later, my agency has received one payment that was garnished from her now husband's tax return the first year because they filed jointly.

She resides in California, but travels frequently between there, Minnesota, and Iowa. She worked at a Sam's Club for a time yet the agencies involved can't find a record of it. She does not answer her phone or the door, apparently, as agencies have attempted calling her and serving her papers but she is still in locating status. She now owes more than $13,000 and my local agency denies my claims that she has found a loophole in the system, yet the order cannot be enforced and she does not pay. She now has three more children (from possibly three different fathers) besides my two who live with me. Two of these children were taken from her (she was deemed an unfit parent by the state of CA, where I got full custody of my two kids from her) and were adopted by a family out of foster care. One was recently taken by Minnesota child services but supposedly given back.

When she had custody, I paid child support. I fell behind one month when I changed jobs and had the sheriff at my door within a week. So to those who want to know a loophole: if you are a woman, don't have a work history, don't answer your door or phone, travel around a lot, involve several states, don't file taxes at all, and get your family and friends to cover your butt, you can have as many kids as you want, pawn some off on your ex, and never have to pay a dime. I still get steamed when I think about one of her posts from the second year: "Bored today...should I go to the beach, or go shopping in Hollywood?" Loving, responsible, and concerned parent right there. In the meantime, I am advised to apply for aid programs and utilize the food pantry if I need assistance. That's not the point! I can support my family, but who couldn't use $13,000 which is legally owed to them?

anon346194
Post 185

You don't have to report $13,000 if it is a one time thing, not in Missouri, anyway. As long as you are caught up with current support payments. If not caught up, the $13,000k should be used to catch up. If not, that could pose issues down the line.

anon345809
Post 184

If a guy I know came into $13K and did not tell child support, what can happen to him? Will he go to jail?

anon345585
Post 183

Deadbeat parents - father or mother - are all losers! Why would you not want to support your ow child or children?

"I can't find a job;" "I lost my job;" "I can't pay that much."

These are all excuses! It's kind of funny how the custodial parent can find a job, keep their job, and pay all expenses for their child without a problem. It's also kind of funny how the deadbeat could care for the child and help with expenses prior to the separation/divorce, but now that you're on your own, you are all of a sudden disabled! Go work at Taco Bell or WalMart - they hire anyone!

anon335242
Post 182

For three years, I've tried to do anything to get my wife to work with me, and after all the false accusations and calling 911 just so she could win, now I'm a violent offender and it's affected me getting a decent job because I was falsely accused and because the courts believe a woman's lies before believing a man is telling the truth.

I've prayed, I've journaled and I've prayed. I've searched myself for any and every fault I could take rather than blame. I've been living on my sister's couch now for a year and my wife lets me see my daughter every two weeks for about 30 hours or so. I've been with my daughter every day since her birth up until this year and we are so close and I had to leave because my wife was constantly trying to put me in jail and was dragging my daughter around and using her, screaming at me and dialing 911 while I'm trying to get out the door and my daughter is screaming, “Daddy don't leave!” Now I'm hiding in the bushes and under a bunch of leaves lying in this filth because my wife is crazy again.

If I try to talk to her, she just raises up the phone like a gun being held to my head. I took my daughter home the other day and I was served papers for divorce. I got mad and threw them out the window because she just had me served at our home – the one I had to leave in front of my daughter, so I can't say a thing.

I missed the court date and she has set it to where if I don't pay her $488 a month, then they take the only thing I got when I walked away: my truck. I've been busting my butt trying to find work and I buy my daughter clothes and shoes and help when I can but I barely am surviving and I can't even get my own place. So now I know that I'm just screwed and no one cares to get involved and I can't afford someone to give a damn.

My wife makes $120k a year and I'm lucky if I have a place to live. I've lost my friends, my parents won't help, I can't get a good job and I don't have money to defend myself. All I wanted is for my wife to love us all enough to get counseling and to try and focus our energy into a solution for a loving marriage. I'm so scared and I'm so lost and when I do see my daughter I can't give her the best of me because I'm hurt so much because I know she will suffer because of this somewhere down the road.

I don't have education or a career, but I'm a hell of a loving father who wants to be there every day for my child. I want to give her all the things that I can't buy because that's all I have to offer her and it's the best I can provide.

She loves me crazy and I love her so, and I can't and won't say a bad word in front of her about her mother because she loves her mommy and I never would want to change or take that away. So no, I think I have to waive my rights as father and give up the only thing and person who really loves me because I can't afford to be her dad and because I don't have it to give.

I'm not a deadbeat or some new kind of piece of crap. I'm a father who loves his child and loves his wife so much I couldn't fight her if I had the money to do so, anyway. I'm a sitting duck with a fat heart and I'm just a big old target for my wife to shoot at and she she swears it's me, so no, I've lost all that I am and all my promises I made to my child have been broken and taken from me and because I'd rather not fight and hurt the one I love and the mother of my child.

I feel like taking my own life is the only way out. I'm a man and I cry constantly I pray to the Lord, but he just lets this keep happening to me and I've begged my wife to stop and I've given and lost and gladly took everything. I won't end my life because she wants that too, and I might as well give it to her before the court awards her that as well.

I don't know what to do or who to turn to and I'm really just feeling screwed over and left behind and as worthless as I am. I'm a fighter, but not when it comes to my child or wife. I feel like my life is what she wants and that's what she needs then as much as it hurts me. I have about 30 or so hours before I make up my mind because I can't make my first child care payment and because the system has believed her lies and I've done nothing more than not knowing how to love or be loved at all.

I'm guilty of now knowing how to love a woman or how to be loved by a woman and I don't know how to talk or treat a woman because I'm never respected. I'm just good as dead.

I love my wife and my child and I've committed no crimes but she has had me arrested falsely, and has accused me of things she tried to get out of me, but I never would do.

How do you fight someone you love without hurting them? How can you even hurt someone who hurt me so much that my misery and pain makes them feel better and even better about themselves? How sick is that really, if you think about it? How do you show the person you love them when they don't even care and you have no money, when you don't have a dime to spare or anyone who cares?

My choices are abandon my child and spend the next few days seeking the guts to blow my brains out because a man without family is nothing at all. A man who loves and is loved by his family has everything and needs nothing else at all. I'm glad this is anonymous because I'm just embarrassed and scared so bad and I've no one else to call, but I'm certain if my wife found this she would have me committed and consider me a threat to my child and she would take my life and everything I was willing to give her just so she could take and have it all.

Forget this world and the crap system and the blind courts that listen to the ones who are simply willing to lie and forget all these states and lawyers who think people are tokens and pawns and are not worth more than they can pay. Forget all the people who choose to hate before trying to love and to all the ones who are willing to pay the devil his dues.

Blessed are all the innocent children who need to be loved and need both their parents and hope that they make enough. Who can deny a child the basic things that are free and that we have but most refuse to give, and forget anyone who thinks fathers don't care and that women always get screwed because that's a lie. These women are abusing the system that protects them. They make false claims and the courts don't do a think about these women. They let them just walk all over men and get away.

Forget all the judges who sit in their high chairs so tired of the very system that we have to depend on and you let so many get away.

How do women and lawyers and judges sleep at night when there are so many who purchased lies and because they would rather cash in than do what's right because it requires an effort to care? Maybe I'm just sensitive, but I'm not stupid. I'm just poor and I still believe someone out there my help us all who watches us while we're in so much despair.

I've almost lost my faith in the Lord because he sits and watches this all. Or is he trying to get my attention so much so he takes everything I love? Well God is supposed to be compassionate and if I love my family so much I can't see why is this not free will but a choice that has to be made and where's the free will and the mercy I'm supposed to have?

I really just am hurt by life and disgusted with the way people treat one another how children are just weapons and pawns and all the ones who wish and want peace and love seem to suffer the most. Evil just covers this earth like a sickness so thick I can't even see.

Where is God and his mercy on us and where is our Savior who is compassionate and forgiving and knowing all but allows so much suffering? Where is my wife and not this woman who took her place and why does this terrorist use my child as ransom and make false claims against me? When did it change so I have to prove I didn't do something instead of someone proving I did something? Since when does the system take false claims and malicious statements against one's character and then allow no chance at fairness or justice and no consequences to those who lie time and time again? The world is just crap and it's you eat or get eaten and that's the way it is in all I see. Why would anyone want to stay here is just beyond my belief.

anon334653
Post 181

To ladies who are defending their men: A few major things to consider: You are "with" the men, meaning sleeping with them and catering to them. Stop judging the mothers receiving support. You're not in their shoes, nor do you understand what it is to be them, or what happened between them. Wait until the shoe is on the other foot then brag on how wonderful they are!

anon331949
Post 180

Threaten to resume your sex life with your former spouse!

anon330804
Post 178

There are lots of "good men" who are deadbeats. Because it really depends on what you mean by "good". I don't understand people who condone deadbeats. You must not understand how hard it is to finance taking care of a child.

If I'm paying for the expenses for a child, then why shouldn't he? How can you feel sorry for a self-fish person like a deadbeat. I have a deadbeat uncle and a dead-beat father of my children. I love my uncle to death; but I still think it's selfish to take care of yourself and not your children. I don't care if you make $6/hour or $60/hour; you should be helping feed, clothe and take care of your child, period!

anon328665
Post 176

@anon328643: That is disgusting. My spouse is a loyal, kind-hearted individual -- one of those father types that all mothers want in a father. We have a daughter of our own now and he's an excellent father. He never misses a payment with his ex and is always there if needed (for extra money, it only seems like).

He wishes he could be there more if they would allow it. But of course, that's not what his ex seems to want. All she wants from him is his bank account, it seems, Almost to the point that his daughter is looking at it the same way. It's getting pretty pathetic. She's 14 now. Doesn't he have any rights? They never took it to court ever so they basically left everything to what they agree upon (what she wants).

I hate watching how they treat him. I tell you, it's true what they say, the nice guys get the witches and the mean guys get the sweethearts. It's really gross how it seems to work out.

anon328643
Post 175

The courts awarded custody of my husband's kid to their mother because he'd "shown no interest" in their infant after he came home to all his stuff outside. What was he supposed to do besides wait for the courts to figure out custody? Break in? Anything else would have been criminal.

She wouldn't let him see his son, so that meant "no interest"? She later went on to become a heroin addict, permanently lost her heroin-addicted baby recently, and yet still the state is more interested in reuniting her with her son than letting his dad get involved.

He has raised two beautiful, wonderful little girls in the meantime. While his son's mom was in jail for only a few months, he had a small window of opportunity in which to see his son for the first time since he was a baby and talk to him on the phone. As soon as she was out of prison, he lost that.

shortlily
Post 174

My hubby has been paying child support from the day his daughter was born (child from a previous relationship). He never sees her and they both treat him like a bank account.

After not hearing from his daughter in over three years, he gets a message from her asking for $100 for her birthday. No "Hi dad, how are you" or "What's new." Nothing like that. Just straight to the point: money!

He has been paying $600 a month for a long time. I know that is too much that he is paying for child support and he is not getting anything in return. He has tried calling to meet up to see her, or visit with her. You can name anything and he has tried it. All they care about is the money.

We have a little one now and we are getting ourselves into a bind with financial problems, just barely making it. He's been short with his child support for two months now but managed to send $400 the other day. But she is still after him about, "Where is my money?" This after him repeatedly telling his ex our situation so she can understand why it's not coming in.

They didn't go to court or make any arrangements through the court at all when it comes to child support. He has receipts for each time he deposits money into her account so there is a paper trail. I made sure of it!

What should he do? Does anyone have any suggestions or maybe know the right forms he would have to fill out? It would be nice if the court would say he would pay this much and this much only. I did the calculations on a child support calculator and it says he should be paying $458 a month, not the $600 that he has been paying! Help.

anon327935
Post 173

As a father, I paid child support every month for years never missing a payment. Then after bringing the mother to court for abandonment and abuse she caused to our child I was awarded full custody and child support.

The mother is now three years with no payment and the state has no intentions on trying to pursue it because and I quote "Mothers are not a priority". What? Just because she is a woman the sames standards Dads have to meet do not apply to mothers? What?

anon322528
Post 172

My husband pays $450 a month for one child. He works really hard and he doesn't even get to see his child! The mother of his daughter keeps making up excuses to her lawyer so he can't see his daughter. She is mad because remarried and has step children! So she's telling her lawyer that she doesn't want him to see his daughter because of me, the new wife. It's so immature and childish!

He hurts every day because of her actions! There are good dads out there and there are bad dads out there. I have a child whose "father" owes me 30 thousand dollars. He has never gotten a job and is living off his girlfriend, telling me he is getting SSI for being mental, which isn't true! It just hurts the kids in the long run!

anon321811
Post 171

My husband and I were not married long, but long enough to have twins. They year we got divorced, his income was three times that of mine. Once I filed for divorce, he decided he no longer wanted or needed to work and lost(quit)job after job.

Now he is on all sorts of public assistance, has not paid child support since the first year we were divorced; and owes around 150 thousand dollars in arrears/interest. He has money coming from trust funds, and money being funneled to him via his parents; but my children have received no help.

I have attempted to recoup the money by the local CSE, but no luck. I've since decided to turn it over to a child support collection agency. I figure that even a percentage of the money owed would help defray the cost of my kids educational needs.

My kids are grown now, but are struggling to get ahead, and if he paid what he owes me; I could help them more. It really sucks that the system seems to support those who do the least, be they women or men. I have worked hard to increase my education and income, while my ex has worked hard to do the least possible, yet he has benefited far more from the system than our children or I ever could.

anon316098
Post 170

My friend lost his job and then his unemployment ran out. Months ago however, he went to court to have the child support lowered because he lost his job, but the judge refused. It's been over and over with that witch. Now he lives in a room and is struggling to survive. What kind of screwed up system is this? He is not going to a higher court.

anon303460
Post 169

Mothers are not always awarded sole physical custody. My husband has sole physical custody of his daughter because her mother married and had a child with a registered sex offender.

She refuses to work, lives with her parents and considers herself to be a great parent. I don't feel sorry for any mother who loses custody of her child(ren) because of her own selfish behavior. If she did work, half of her earnings would go to my husband because she only has visitation for eight weeks in the summer.

Speaking from experience, there are "mothers" (more like the women who happen to give birth to a child) who feel like the world owes them something because of their poor decisions.

anon298934
Post 168

From reading most of the posts, it appears that emotions and concern for the other parents are clouding the facts.

If you have a baby with another person, you are responsible for that baby. If you lie down with a person, you need to expect that you may produce a baby.

It doesn't matter what the custodial parent does with money; it's on you to pay for your kids. If you want to see your kids, that is something totally separate.

If you are homeless because you pay child support, then something is very wrong. You need to have your case reviewed.

To the person who lowered child support because the non custodial parent had a fit - really? When your kid needs shoes and clothes and wants to do other things and you don't have the money, what do you tell them? Daddy was a big baby so you'll have to do without.

Give your kids the money you owe them. They aren't paying you. They are your kids. Just my opinion!

anon291548
Post 166

I am sick and tired of my children's father not only not paying his court ordered child support, but also his refusal to buy things they need. If he would at least buy them clothes, shampoo, things like that, it would be good, but he refuses. Right now he is refusing to buy our son diapers.

I am not working and in school full time and he refuses to even watch them so I can study and get work done, which would cost him nothing. He is not working but that is his own fault because he was fired for stealing.

In addition, he got so mad at me that he broke his own hand right in front of me by punching the floor. Now he uses his broken hand as an excuse not to look for a job. He doesn't have a car and apparently nobody, not his mom, dad, sister, or brother can ever drop him off to look for one. Of course, he says they wouldn't take him to and from work. He has even told me he will not get a job because he won't have anything left making $7.25 an hour and having to pay not only for our two children, but for another child as well, plus medical for all three and back pay to me, the other child's mother, and the state of Texas back money for the medical care of all three children.

I don't understand how he can basically abandon his children. He won't even come by to see them. I have to take them to him and stay there with them because he does not watch them. Twice I had to take my son to the emergency room less than 20 minutes after he supposedly started watching him. It's ridiculous. Obviously I cannot leave the kids alone with him. I honestly think he did it on purpose so I wouldn't want him to watch them ever again.

When we were still together he refused to help with the kids or do anything at home. He wouldn't even clean up after himself, much less the kids. He'd leave trash, dishes and his clothes wherever he happened to be and never cleaned it up, basically forcing me to do it because if I didn't no one would.

anon281998
Post 165

Why shouldn't I pay child support? Because if I knew she was going to divorce me, I would not have agreed to have the child. Because she cheated on me and I feel the other man should now shoulder the financial burden of paying for our child. I didn't want the divorce. I live 1,000 miles away and don't get visitation. I believe that everyone man or women should be held accountable for their own decisions. I worked hard for 17 years and repeatedly asked her to work and she refused. Now that I've lost my family, I don't feel invested in supporting that family. Need any more reasons?

anon273990
Post 164

A majority of so-called parents make me sick. They see this raising a child situation, as a game of right and wrong.

I swear, all I have to say to that is who are these people to say what's right and wrong in a universe we know little to nothing about?

Second, why do all these mothers and fathers feel like there is a need to *hate* one another for a wrong decision? To be honest, I think a lot of these so-called mothers, the women who had a child in my opinion who demand child support from a *delinquent* father should have been more honest in their sad excuses for relationships and all the so-called *fathers* out there, also just men with kids in my opinion, should have been more conscious of what they were doing and understood what it was they were doing before getting themselves into child support payments.

I have a friend who is trapped by one of the *mothers* who uses their horrible experience of being the one to give birth to the child (which I'd like to remind people if they really find it that hard then deal with it! Get an abortion before you push a living being out) to trap a man who's way too good for her into staying with her after he realized she was simply a master of distracting people away from her faults.

We need a child system reform because, for some odd reason, we force kids to go through over 13 years of school to fix a toilet, yet the most important job around, being a parent, requires nothing but a little luck and puberty. It makes me sick.

anon273383
Post 163

I have two sons, ages five and six. When they were infants, their father told me if I wanted him to help financially, I should go down to child support and I did. I was awarded a measly $300 a month, which didn't cover child care expenses while I worked. A few months ago he was fired for sexual harassment and making threats to a female co-worker. He didn't qualify for unemployment either, so he got food stamps and researched a scheme to avoid paying child support.

He "suddenly" developed epilepsy and said it was not recommended that he drive (which he says means he can't look for work). DCSE is preparing to take this case to court for non payment soon. I wonder if he will get away with it.

anon272850
Post 162

I'm only 23 years old single mom of a wonderful year old boy. His father had bailed on us many times in the hospital while he was born. I gave him another chance after the hospital to be a better father. He had cussed me out for almost three months straight. It was pretty bad to the point I wouldn't eat and I would just cry everyday.

Then, one day my mom snapped me out of it. She pointed at my son saying he may lose his father, but he needs his mother now. She told me to snap out of it and focus on what best for your son. So I did. I left his father and his verbal abuse toward me. I went and got a minimum wage job, working every day while his father complained bout his child support every chance he got.

It was getting harder as more bills came and I had more stuff to buy for my son. One of my friend told me to be patient an good will come. So, I did. Later on, I gave his father another chance to be in my son's life. Then I started to date someone which went his father didn't like. He told me he did not want anything to do with his son if I am with another man. How is that fair for my son?

Later on, of course I gave him another chance to be in my son' life. I am dating someone again but he does not know about it. It is hard because all I want is to be happy with someone while his father is trying to ruin everything for me.

But I do know this: If he say one more time that he does not want anything to do with his son, then by god, he will not ever see him again. I will not have him breaking my sweet son's heart that way after he already loves his father so much. I've seen him with his father.

So I pray that his father will try to do better and help me to raise this sweet boy by paying child support and moving on, knowing that I will never go back to him. I want him to let me be happy for once and let me go.

It's hard cause I have a big heart and I try to be nice but I don't want to be known as a mother who's a witch. Am I wrong to feel this way?

anon272076
Post 161

I gave birth to twins. My ex never did pay for anything when we were together. My parents watched the twins. He didn't make sure we had anything. I worked two jobs just to support the kids (Had two kids already from a previous marriage and that father did right by those two. We are still friends.)

The father of my twins molested one of the twins and my daughter from another marriage while I was at work. He was convicted and spent a year in jail for beating the crap out of me and my kids, molesting my kids and eight violations of protective order. He was released from jail and made only a few payments. He was given chance after chance to do right. I used DHS to help recover child support. They did a court liaison program but he didn't do as he was told.

He was going to court every three months and he kept promising he would find a job and pay. Well, this last time, he didn't show up got court. Neither the court nor authorities will do anything. My kids don't need him at all. I just wish he would sign the stupid papers to relinquish his rights to the kids.

anon266139
Post 160

My children's father and I were together for seven years, and we had three children. I left him because I had been supporting him and our children for the entire seven years. He never worked. As soon as I left him, he went out and got a job making almost $500 a week and was living with his mom. He worked for almost nine months never seeing his kids, never paying any amount of support. He wears fancy clothes and expensive shoes while his children have to wear hand-me-downs! This is not fair to our children.

I worked 40 hours a week and paid for all childcare expenses and bought everything for our children! Now, I took him to court and filed for child support after I had given him six months to pay what he could on his own (he didn't pay a dime) and the court ordered him to pay almost $900 a month. He went ballistic so I said I would take $150 a week, and we agreed on that amount. They garnished his wages and sent the money to me. He continued to pay for a year but now has quit his job and left the state!

He called me yesterday just to tell me he is not going to pay for our kids because I chose to leave! Listen here men, and women who say "you walk away from me, you walk away from my money," I left because that low-life loser was living off of me for seven years! I worked full time and still had to come home dead on my feet and nine months pregnant cook his supper, clean the house, bathe and put our kids to bed, and then fall into bed myself!

I tried to pray to God that John would change, that I would wake up the next day and he would love us enough to take care of us, but it never happened. I am not money hungry! I am not using my kids as a weapon, nor am I using child support as a way to stay home and not work! I want him to pay child support because it is his responsibility as a father to help support his children! I am sorry, but if a man makes nearly $2,000 a month and pays $600, that leaves $1400 a month in his pocket. An efficiency apartment (which is all he needs because he is only one person) is $450 a month! Come on!

anon264954
Post 159

I made the mistake of leaving an abusive marriage and now my children are paying for it.

My soon-to-be ex-husband moved in with his girlfriend on the day I asked for the divorce. I was a stay at home mom at his request for 10 years. Anytime I tried to find a job, he would tell me that it would be unfair to the kids. He would insist on driving me to the interview, berating me the entire time until I was a hysterical nervous wreck and blew the interview.

He cut us off immediately after leaving, forcing us out of our home when the utilities were shut off six weeks later. And yes, I did go and beg for help. I went to the Salvation Army soup kitchen to ask for help with one electric bill while I tried to figure out my next step. They turned me away because the bill was in his name and not mine.

On the day my mother took me and the kids in, in a rural area with no public transportation, no safe way to walk or ride a bike, he took away my car. Three weeks later, it was totaled and he suddenly is too injured to work. In discovery I found that the injuries he is claiming from the car accident are the same injuries he suffered in a work related injury back in the early 2000's. The state is currently investigating that possible bit of fraud.

He has dissolved his business. He has gone from making 250k per year to nothing and collecting food stamps since the separation, even though he could run his business from bed while others do the physical work.

I wanted to start college classes in January, get a degree and get to a point where anything I received in child support or alimony would be extra, but he refused to complete his 2010 tax returns that would release financial aid for me, so now I need to wait until fall. He offered me all of his business equipment in mediation last Thursday, and on Friday morning he reported it all stolen.

I receive food stamps and medicaid and because I have no daily transportation available to me, I cannot fulfill the requirements to receive cash assistance: all $300 a month. I have applied for hundreds of jobs, but I receive no calls because my resume is full of companies that are now sucked up into other companies and I have been “fortunate” enough to be a stay at home mom for 10 years and yes, that does count against you, when a job comes down to you and a mom who has “had” to work for the last 10 years. I found a work at home job, and I have made $410 in three months, but it's better than nothing. It will buy school clothes in the fall.

My husband does make the effort to see the kids every weekend – now (yes, he has an audience for the super dad show). He still doesn't call during the week to say 'Hi' or ask about the big test. He was MIA while we were married, and now he wants 50/50 on paper to lower his child support, but says I can keep them as much as I want.

He tells me to bleep off when I ask for $20 to buy socks and underwear for the kids. He tells me it's my turn to support the kids, but manages to make his motorcycle payment every month and he somehow was able to afford a 200 gallon salt water aquarium set up for himself for Christmas and a tortoise habitat and a backyard fish pond, and up until a month ago, every meal he fed the kids on the weekend came from a restaurant.

The girlfriend collects $1,000 per month disability, so there is no way she is financing utilities, insurance, motorcycle payments, etc, I would be curious to see how much he funneled to her while he had her on his payroll for two years. The state is looking into that too.

It probably isn't a PC thing to say, but survivor benefits would be better than the nothing I am getting now. A suicidal ex-husband doesn't sound like such a bad thing to me.

anon262712
Post 158

Raise a child before you open your mouth. Be a real parent. Mothers are awarded sole custody for a reason. Why should a child go without if his father can support him? Why should the child go without so the father can provide more for himself or his new family?

anon257212
Post 157

I am a woman. I am a mother of two. They are now grown. I raised my children by myself. I didn't sit home waiting for their father to pay child support. When I got help from their dad, I appreciated it. He did what he could.

My chief 'complaint' is about the whiny women who don't even try to go to work. I'm not saying that the dad should not pay. I am a firm believer in child support. But it is a two way street. If the father loses his job, he is expected to find another one. Why is the mother allowed to stay home and collect welfare, and food stamps and a child support check and do nothing? Why is she not expected to go to work? The government will pay for the day care.

I have a son and a daughter. My daughter is raising her son without help from Mr. Wonderful. But my grandson doesn't do without. My son has a daughter. He pays child support gladly. Ms. Wonderful does nothing but stay home doing absolutely nothing but her nails. It's crazy. Women, get off your butts! Men, help with the expenses of raising your offspring!

suess
Post 156

@154 and other people in your mind set: What you are not getting, is that there are good Dads out there, who do pay their child support, and for whatever reason, fall behind. Say he loses hours, or loses his job altogether. He is still is expected to pay the ordered amount of child support.

The fact is, if he still lived in the home with his children, the family would have to deal with the lowered income, so why must a displaced father be expected to turn water into wine?

By the time the Family Court gets around to lowering his support to be based on his income, he has already suffered a gas and electric shut off, an eviction notice, late fees and over the limit fees, not to mention arrears (with interest added on), that he can never catch up, and might as well go to jail or kill himself. As I said before, watch it happen to your own son, then say something.

anon256440
Post 154

The people who say they can't afford to pay child support are ridiculous. If you lived with the child full time it would be more.

Why does one parent have to pick up the slack for the inept party? Not everyone who seeks court ordered child support is trying to "sock" it to the other parent. Child rearing, which requires money, should be a shared responsibility. It shouldn't have to even come to involving the courts. However, some parents believe they don't have to support their children. I don't care if you get your license revoked. What person would let it get that out of control? If they took the obligation of parenting seriously from the beginning they would have been helping support the child prior to courts being involved.

I'm tired of lazy people who don't want to take responsibility for their kids. Do what it takes and set a example for your children. My dad worked two jobs just to help us kids and always paid child support to my mom and helped when he could give extra.

anon255310
Post 153

There are also deadbeat moms who degrade the father into the ground who paid over 800 a month every month, then was awarded custody of the child and the mother was to pay a little under 200 a month and has not paid in over a year and refuses to work to keep from it!

anon254910
Post 152

If you cannot be a financially responsible adult when you have sex, then keep it in your pants. But in case you do become a sperm donor, take responsibility for your actions.

If the law would only understand that being an adult is one who does take care of their obligations and for those who cannot find a job, but are physically well, should have Monday through Friday to look for a job, proving to the law courts that they are doing something to find work.

Oh, of course, they would be happy to help on the weekends or every second week to work on the roads to help pay child support.

Is there a judge who would allow the children to get away without taking on their financial obligations? It is too clear that we are in trouble. Just look at all the good people who are hurting, especially the children. Single parents should stand up and change the law.

anon253823
Post 149

@Post no. 133: I could not have said it any better. The thing people seem to forget is the most important one: the kids! When do these people grow up. I am a single mother of two. The father does not send a dime for his kids, but swears that he loves them. Well, then be active in their lives! Oh, so you don't want to pay child support? Then don't pay. The important thing is not the money. It is being there for your children emotionally, physically, and mentally.

This is not about the mother or the father. It is about the kids. This is why certain people should not have kids. They do not know what it takes to raise a child or support them. They are too concerned with trying to hurt the other parent. In the end, you are only hurting yourself and leaving the kids to suffer. Think about it.

anon252586
Post 148

Well, I paid my child support for ten years, and in that time, child support did not give a damn if I could feed myself or not. That is why some guys give up and just go on the benefits because they're better off doing that than working. As long as I keep paying the happy child support.

I did not see my kid for 10 years because of her good lawyer and her lies.

But I still paid, of course. Child support said if you want to get a second job to feed yourself and to find somewhere to live, then we will go at you for that too. Sorry, but I think you should pay some but not as much because they take everything you have to pay it.

If you paid it like I did for the first year and gave cash over to her and then she tells child support you have not been paying, they backdate you! I had a $5,000 bill. Thanks. If I go to the dole office and say you need to pay me because I have been off for a year with no job, they do not backdate it a year!

Child support causes more dads to take their own lives than any other thing because they cannot feed themselves and pay child support, too.

I have one year left and I now see my kids after ten years! And it's going to be so good having all my pay back again.

So dads, pay some money. They're your kids as well. Mums, remember we have to eat, so be fair on us too.

Child support should not drive a guy to kill himself, but I have seen that happen and have myself in those ten years been on my knees crying, asking child support to give me a break and not tax my second job, because no matter how much I worked, I could never better myself.

anon251676
Post 147

My ex of three years is a complete jerk. He sees his daughter twice a month (his choice) for four hours each time. He paid regular payments until he met the new lady. Now he can't even pay 27 pounds a week. What a joke!

I work and always have, and clearly he doesn't give a crap. Well, for the third time, running investigators have gone to his work with a court order and a 1,000-pound fine! He works for his friend, who is dodgy as far as payments go.

Hopefully, I will have the last laugh. He's showing his true colours. My daughter is growing up fast and will soon be asking him herself where her dad is. I rely on this money for my daughter as little as it is. You would be surprised at how much it helps.

suess
Post 144

Being a single mother myself, who has never received one dime of child support in my child's 16 years of life, and presently being in a relationship of five years where I have watched my fiance be raped of every dime he earns, yes, I can feel sorry for the noncustodial father, because I have seen both sides.

anon250959
Post 143

Wow. To have sympathy for the deadbeat father who is homeless or living in a small apartment. Wow.

What about the custodial mother who is homeless with her four kids?

I am told I must understand that receiving court ordered child support takes time and I must consider his feelings, not circumstances. That, even though I am disabled, I just need to find a job where the employer is willing to hire me. That I need to be realistic and not expect the father to pay to support, because we all know custodial parents live off three (!) incomes or are welfare moms or are just in it for the money or spend all the support money on themselves, maybe all of the above reasons at once.

Not all of us spend the support money on ourselves. Some parents shockingly enough manage to place the child(ren) first. Not all custodial parents are in other relationships, for whatever reason. Some parents, again, choose to place their children first. Not all custodial parents see having kids as a financial jackpot. Some actually realise having a child is an expensive, but well worthwhile investment. Yes, children are investments. What we put into them makes for the future -- theirs and yours.

Please don't whinge about how unfair it is to the noncustodial parent living in a one room apartment. Look in the eyes of a homeless child and tell them their noncustodial parent is in the right.

Please don't accuse all custodial parents of living large off child support. Many of us don't.

The loss of $300 a month child support put my family out on the street. Yeah, we lived, or rather, I lived, oh so large on that!

It is an unfair system both ways. Ultimately, it is our children who pay for it.

suess
Post 142

Sadly, it sounds like your children are an awful burden to you. Most noncustodial fathers aren't left with enough to pay their own rent.

anon250950
Post 141

Newsflash: Custodial parents are not doormats and they earn every damn penny that's due. It's takes a great amount of sacrifice to raise children, physically, emotionally, and financially.

The bottom line is this: It takes two people to raise children and everything should be split in half, so everyone needs to get over themselves and put children first. Putting marriage first would be a good start, then this would be a non issue.

The Commonwealth of Virginia goes by income and then determines how much it costs to raise the child(ren) in the lifestyle they are accustomed to. In my case, my ex and I make about the same amount of money, so it was split down the middle. So, it really irks me when he says he can't afford child support.

I am the one who has to provide an extra rooms for our kids, otherwise if I did not have said kids I would not need the extra rooms, while they would sleep on the sofa/floor at his one bedroom house when he actually spent time with them, which was about four years ago. I make sure they get to school, dentist and doctor's appointments, and parent teacher conferences. I pay the vision, health, and dental insurance too.

I carry the full load, run all the errands and take time off work to do these things and deal with all the behavior issues that stems from not having a father around. In my opinion, he should pay me time and labor as well since I do it all. After all, I am the maid, nurse, taxi driver, counselor, and chef, while he plays no role.

I am not sitting around drawing welfare and eating bon-bons on the couch watching cable tv. I work my butt off to make sure my kids are taken care of and quite frankly I am ticked off that I have to carry the full burden and he can't even pay a fourth of the support due and the legal system does nothing about it. I love my kids, but can't stand the deadbeat.

anon247967
Post 139

If you have a child or children, help pay for them without complaint! It is an investment in their well being. The custodial parent pays for everything, and you think just because you don't live with your kids or your ex has a new companion your responsibility is null and void? No way. It takes two people to make a child and it takes those same two people to provide support for their children.

I don't want to hear things like "Oh, I'm unemployed and can't pay." Well, get a job! It's a lot easier for someone who does not have kids living with them to find employment. So cry me a river. If you don't pay, you should be put in prison! Too many children suffer from the lack of one parent, so think about this too.

How about when your child, let's say a daughter, has a child and her child's father does not help out financially? I'm sure it would be a different story then. Bottom line: you are stealing from your children and not giving them all that they deserve. As parents, we are supposed to give all that we can to make their lives better than our own.

anon246565
Post 137

I have the solution. How about the government stay out of the family child support system and sponsor a fair system by trying to keep the family unit together? Both parents are responsible financially, however jobs get lost, parents move, lawyers are expensive, etc., and the list goes on to so many variables it would make Carl Sagan choke when he said "billions and billions." Both parents pay so much, non-custodial, or sole. It's shared, bottom line.

Regardless of visitation, its a tough pill to swallow. Stop putting people in jail for debt. Option: If the parent does not want to have a relationship with the child, the, no support from both parties. The money in question goes with the child where ever he/she goes, and the money is accounted for.

This whole mess is the an example of the welfare state. When you're married and you have a kid, the state has no problem hooking you up with a crapload of programs, but the state takes a different approach if you're not together. It should be fair. There is more to this solution, but debtors prison should be abolished, and I have heard it from both parties.

The sole custody parent always feels better than the other, like it's a win-lose situation. When you're married and out of work, the state says, there's more money and good luck finding work and it leaves you be. Funny how the government takes the role as Judge when its own financial systems are a joke.

If you don't agree, cool. Share some ideas. I would like to get down to a perfect solution, but when it comes down to it, the one time when you should be jailed is if you decline your visitation, on more than a few occasions, if you misuse the child support card or outright refusal for your part.If you don't have the money, you don't have it, but you are fully responsible for it.

It should be two separate issues; she pays, he pays. Keep them apart, and a percentage of what they both make, if it gains interest and more money should be saved for college, and the kid could have a great setup. So, when the child turns 18 and his case is reviewed, he should be able to decide to sue the parent for the money. I know it sounds strange, but it would work.

It should be set up like the food card limited to what you can purchase. The courts, if they really wanted to help, would give it due process and work out a solution with both parties, with both parents paying and programs so both parents could survive without so much court drama, and they would probably make more money that way.

I mean for god's sake people, look at what your government did to your national debt, and look at the non-existence of jobs around. Would you want a felon accountant as your bank teller?

Anyway, nothing but love for you all and respond and let's work something out, everyone agree and submit it. We are the people of the US. We all need to fix it.

anon245806
Post 135

I'm 20 years old my ex doesn't let me see my daughter. I pay child support and am now homeless because of it. I do work and I just filed my taxes. I live house to house and just found out they are taking everything I get back from the refund that I need to live off of. What should I do because I can't seem to contact anyone in this broken system.

anon245059
Post 134

All of you parents saying why do I have to pay if I don't get to see them, well suck it up! I am a parent who is doing both: receiving and paying.

My ex has been late before on his child support before, where he didn't pay for over six months, but that didn't stop me from letting the parent see the child.

I don't get to see my daughter very often, but that doesn't stop me from paying my child support or when I do have her, I get her stuff she needs.

All you parents need to understand when you complain about paying child support, you're complaining about helping raise your child or children! So if you don't want to help raise your children, then sign your rights over to the other parent and move on with your life, because obviously you don't care, otherwise!

anon244460
Post 133

There are a lot of different points posted and I agree and disagree with some on here.

First off, I am a 29 year old divorced male of with two beautiful children. They are all that matter. I've been divorced 2 1/2 years. Now my case is probably somewhat routine. I caught my wife cheating, she divorced me for the other guy and was remarried within four months to the other guy.

During the divorce. I found out that she forged my signatures to max out my credit with who knows how many credit cards. Keep in mind, this other guy is a lawyer. So this was not the easiest of divorces, but did that cause me to be spiteful or bitter towards my ex? No. I was also laid off in the same month I was divorced. Did that stop me from paying my child support? ($600/mo). No. Granted, I wasn't always prompt with payments; however I made an effort. She sued me just three months after I was laid off because our kids were no longer covered by my works insurance, and I understand they need to be covered.

I have paid everything I owe and I know if I miss a payment she wouldn't hesitate again to take me to court. Now is she a gold digger? Maybe, maybe not. What's important is she is the mother of my children and deserves my respect and I deserve hers, solely for the children's sake, not to mention for our sanity. I see my kids more than the papers say I can because I chose not to go down the path of all of the other spiteful and "deadbeat" parents out there.

I coach my son's baseball team and go to every one of my daughter's gymnastic practices. I now do have to live at home with my parents since then, and do not have the money or the credit to get a new place to live. Does this hurt my personal life? Sure it does, but my kids are worth it. Now that I've spilled my last three years, here is the answer to the original post.

You custodial parents out there who want the child support regardless of the situation, keep contacting the courts and child support disbursement agencies and you will get your money eventually. It might not be today, but like posted previously it will come out of their Social Security when they get older, assuming they live that long.

To all of the guys who posted “she left so I don't have to pay,” I feel sorry for you! You are missing out on what would have been probably the best experience of your life regardless of how you and your baby mama got along. To the others who do pay and don't get to see your kids, I also feel sorry for you, but there are things that you can do as well. Go over to your children's house when you are supposed to and have them with custody papers in hand. If your ex doesn't follow the orders, call the police and a peace officer will go in the house and get them for you as long as it states you have custody at that time. I guarantee that they will get tired of this and ease up a little bit. Trust me – it works.

anon244212
Post 132

My husband found out that his daughter wasn't his when he and his first wife split up. She went out and cheated and got pregnant. He still paid child support and the child knows no different, but hears constant bad mouthing from the biological mother about how the girl's dad isn't her dad and he doesn't love her and all that crap. He also had an older son.

My husband paid child support for years, then to have the kids taken from their biological mother and placed with us due to neglect, drugs, abuse, etc. She hasn't paid him a dime in three years since we got them and she keeps getting pregnant.

She has four kids by four different men and is still married to her ex because she can't pay for the divorce (so she says), works under the table, gets welfare because of "no income" and yet keeps popping out babies!

She hasn't seen the kids since late 2009 because she doesn't want to take a urine test. The only way she is allowed by the courts to see them is if she goes through the visitation center and tests clean. Yes, she calls them every few months telling them, "I miss you and love you." They asked me if she was half asleep when she calls or what. It's because she's a druggie!

I don't tell them that or say anything bad about her around them but she is -- duh!

She refuses to give up rights to any of her kids. Now her two-month-old is getting taken from her for drug abuse! Deadbeat mothers should be given hysterectomies and deadbeat dads should be given vasectomies!

suess
Post 131

Every person on here raking daddies over the coals for being unable to pay child support, I guarantee, would do a complete 360 on the subject if they saw their "own son" being put into slavery and debtors prison by the family court system.

It's not always unfair, granted, but it mostly is. The family court system has been broken since the start. It started with mothers not having enough to give their children the bare necessities, and has turned into making displaced daddies homeless, suicidal and worse. A custodial parent in today's world, for the most part, has three incomes: her own, her live-in boyfriend/husband, and the tax free income of her ex, while the ex daddy is living on one paycheck, and supporting two households.

It's really sickening that people can't see that child support is big business now. The government takes interest out of arrears payments, that are caused usually, because the father can't afford his child support to begin with, and the interest is used to fix potholes and finance the military, while that interest is also being taken away from the children it was intended for, leaving the father drowning in debt.

To all those who want to bash the down and out daddies (not the ones who don't pay, but the ones who can't, and can't get a judge to listen to fix it) I hope you see your own sons suffer the same fate. Maybe that will shut your mouth. Karma.

anon241776
Post 130

Can I just say that this is full of crap. I’ve been paying child maintenance now for nearrlly a year. seen my daughter twice!! (not by choice. mental ex girlfriend). And still am not allowed to have her stay at mine. She doesn’t know who I am. And when I do see her, she cries. I missed her first steps and her first words and she’s growing up fast. I don’t think I have to pay maintenance if my daughter is being kept from me just for the mothers gain in knowing that I’m suffering. It’s bang out of order.

anon240900
Post 129

Any of you women who are mad that your boyfriend or husband has to pay child support and feel it's "not right" clearly need to get a grip.

anon238910
Post 126

We all have a story to tell. The bottom line is that both parents know that kids are kids. Little kids need help in life. It was all good when we had the kids, but now, all the drama is for nothing. To all custodial parents, let go and let God handle the situation, because six months in jail is nothing. So why have a driver's licenses suspended when you know that's the only way any non-custodial parent is able to get around to work and travel with your kids?

Now just think about what you can gain if he or she is working. Now, how about when they're not working? You gain nothing and the you or the kids suffer even more just trying to prove a point. All a non-custodial parent gets is a free vacation of not paying any bills at all, but the kids still suffer.

A piece of bread is better than no bread at all. Family is family. You let the kids tell it.

anon223320
Post 125

I have always paid child support, but recently the mother has shown signs that I'm no longer to be involved in his life.

If she does this, I will transfer the child support into a trust fund and give it to him as a lump sum when he's 16. I will not pay child support to the mother if she will not in turn allow me to be part if his life. End of story.

anon213829
Post 124

Moms can be deadbeats also and its a shame that I am prevented from being a father to my wonderful son because of his selfish mother that cares more about going out for what she can get and not caring about what kind of financial burden she places on anyone. So, all you people out there wanting to know how it's done, here is a quick list.

1. Do not grow up and keep on picking fights.

2. Get a good lawyer.

3. Make it so difficult that your partner has to leave to stop the fighting.

4. Here is the key. Do not let your child have access for a few months. Hopefully by then, your ex will go to court to force you let them see your child.

5. Sit back and enjoy your support payments, but don't forget to occasionally give the knife a little twist you stuck in your ex's chest.

Maybe if more lowlife parents do this then something will be done here in Canada.

anon204720
Post 123

Maybe child support isn't strong enough. It should actually be higher percentage since, if a divorce occurs, the man needs to be stripped of all resources, get his credit score docked at 0, etc. That way, he can never again put another woman through the same stuff that caused his first divorce.

anon200353
Post 122

My dad has never paid child support. My mom is a single mom with two kids: me and my sister. I feel so bad for my mom because she's always working and we can barely afford much of anything.

I visit my dad every once in a while still and he's like always buying stuff for himself and stuff. He thinks we're doing ok without child support but really, we're struggling. My mom's always tired and he sleeps all day. I'm so mad at him. Why doesn't he care about me and my sister?

anon194860
Post 121

This is disgusting. My brother and I grew up watching our mother use the family court system to get back at our dad. She had him fired from his job for domestic violence (we where there and it didn't happen).

He constantly struggled to pay child support for a job he didn't have anymore, couldn't pay his medical bills and finally passed away because he couldn't go to regular check ups and get diagnosed for cancer.

We listen to what so many say to your friends about our fathers. We see what they spend "child support" on. I hope their kids hate some of these people as much as we hate our mother for preventing us from having fathers in our lives.

anon186475
Post 119

All of these deadbeats who post make me laugh. There is no grey line when it comes to supporting your children. You either do or you don't. Stop blaming your ex wives, etc It only proves that you are cowards. Deadbeats love to put the blame on others. You don't pay for your children? You are a deadbeat.

anon176639
Post 118

My husband and I have always filed jointly and he has paid voluntary child support to his ex girlfriend for the last 15 years.

However, he has never had proper visitation. He did not want to cause any problems for his son as his ex girlfriend is controlling and manipulative. He had also seen what fighting had done to my children who live with us. My husband has taken me to court every three years for the last 13. We are in real estate, though and the last three years have been very tough for us to pay what he was paying before his ex decided to take us to court. Now, because we have filed jointly they are telling him that my income is going to be taken into consideration to pay his ex-girlfriend because he lives in my house which was purchased in my name and he is afforded the luxury of living here, and that they are taking our joint returns to pay back child support.

We have a corporation, and our K1s have come through to us mistakenly as equal, when I make the majority of the money. Our accountant did our taxes that way to filter to our join tax return.

However, his ex also has a K1 which she reinvests into her husband's company that she can take anytime as pay and the court is not using that in the calculation. I am at my wits' end as I have three children, one in college, one going to college and one at home to pay for and now have to pay for his ex's son.

anon172948
Post 117

This happened to a mother! Two weeks ago, the court granted sole custody of my son to my ex-husband and I don't know why. The court deemed that I could communicate with my 15 year old son "if, and only if" he initiated the communication.

This week, I received a motion for child support. Now, I don't see or hear from my son and my ex-husband refuses to communicate with me either, though that was court ordered. I don't want things to be this way. I didn't ask for this.

Can somebody please tell me why I should have to pay child support in this situation? Or, if they know of any similar case law, why I don't have to pay child support? I'd like to know.

anon172683
Post 116

I won't come here and complain (as some of you all have) but the question is: what can be done if a parent refuses to pay child support? I don't care what goes on with your lives. I would have been to a post that's titled "my current child support drama."

I am here because i want to know what happens when a noncustodial parent doesn't pay?! Anyone have an answer? --Selma

anon168549
Post 115

it's almost sad that the "dad" is always the "bad guy" no matter if he has the children or not. The mother -- sorry, the carrier of my children -- refuses to pay child support and the courts refuse to push action against her. why? because she is a woman and she uses the saying "he took my kids away from me."

i have to take care of my two kids on a 400.00 a month check (yes it can be done. I'm doing it now). we don't take vacations and we wear things from goodwill. now i do pay child support as well to a lazy mom who refuses to be understanding. now i make 400 a month and i pay 215.00 a month.

i thank the gods i have an understanding landlord. she cut my rent because of what's going on. it's sad that the courts still fall for moms no matter how dead beat they are. no one ever talks about dead beat moms -- only dads. i have to stay in a 2 bedroom trailer because of how the courts are run. it's really a shame that this is how it is, but I have faith it will work out in the end. I'm trying to talk the courts into ending her rights because of lack of support so we will have to see if that works.

anon166572
Post 114

Some people's thinking here is a joke. Notice the "we aren't together so I shouldn't pay" attitudes. Now, you might not realize this, but whether you are still married to your child's/ children's mother/father or divorced from them you are still a parent. What does your situation with the other parent have to do with taking care of your own child?

The child does not magically become not yours. If you can't afford the support, ordered to you work out a deal outside the court. One way a friend of mine does is to ask his ex what do the children need or what do you need to take care of them? Then he takes care of it and never has to give any money to her directly. It makes things much easier that way.

anon164211
Post 112

I am an Aussie single mum of my intelligent, bright and smart 9 year old. He is Autistic-Aspergers. His intelligence is beyond yours or mine. He is almost 5 feet tall and wears shoes bigger than my own! My son eats me out of house and home, he goes through school shoes, uniforms, bags and just day to day clothing on a regular basis. I haven't received child support for over 18 months, and previously it was a total of $6 per f/n! Wow! that didn't even cover one bought school lunch in a month. My son suffers with insecurities now and never feels safe as his father promised me that if he couldn't have him, neither would I!

I have read all the posts here and my son's dad lives and resides in Australia. I don't need his money, nor have I spent a cent from what I had received. It all was spent on my Autistic son who has the potential to become anything he wants to become when he is old enough to make decisions for himself. I have given up my life for him as he is the most important part of this. My son deserves better, as do all children, but take a good look at the parents, and you will realise that's where they get it from in the first place. I have learned my lessons, never to trust men ever. They are out for themselves and not for the children. Yes, they helped create them but so did you.

I cut all ties with him. My son understands it better that way and knows it is better without him. My son and I have a perfect relationship and he knows I will be there every time he needs me or not. He can talk to me about anything and yes, he doesn't lie/tell fibs ever. I am raising my son to be an honest, reliable, trustworthy young man. He will become the man I expect him to be, because of my family values. That's how it should be, right?

My son doesn't even know his so-called father, and doesn't want to know him either. That's his choice and decision he made on his own.

I'd better explain one more thing. I am adopted, and don't know my birth parents. My birth mother left me at the hospital while taking my twin home with her. So for all parents out there whinging and complaining out there, stop. Fill my shoes for five seconds and look through my eyes and see how special children are because they are our future. They will be the ones to cure cancer and all other diseases that will pop up in time.

How about anyone who has an obligation to their children pay what is required to not only raise but to ensure their future as well as ours? Or just learn to keep it in your pants, or use your own hand and a sock! We single women out there in the world have adapted to this method well. Why can't you men do the same? I don't take drugs and I don't drink alcohol either, because i have my priorities straight. Men think of their little willies more than their children, and women can't change that. For those who think they can, well, good luck to you all

My son is my world and my life. Give your deadbeat dads a name and shame them! I'm am the perfect mother and I have the perfect son, and he will never see or know of that in my son's lifetime. He will miss out on him growing up, but I won't miss a thing and haven't! Stand up for what's right and responsible.

Moderator's reply: Thank you for visiting wiseGEEK and for contributing to the discussion posts. The name of your son's father was deleted for legal reasons and to avoid libel issues. Thank you again for visiting wiseGEEK.

anon162974
Post 111

How about dead beat moms? I have a court order for her to pay $212 dollars a month for two children. The only reason she ever pays is because it is garnished from her checks when she has a job. That has only started within the last year and a half and my children are 8 and 9 years old. I have had custody since 2004.

The reason I even got custody is because they were taken from her by the SRS for neglect. I paid my child support even though she would not let me see the children. I don't need the money to provide basic needs for my children, but when I do get receive child support it goes to buy them things that they would normally not be able to get.

I will agree that the court system is anti-men, because even with her having them taken by SRS I had to fight tooth and nail to get custody and had to give her visitation. The worst part is that they still don't get taken care of when they are with her but if I report her to the SRS, they can take them away from me for letting them go, but yet I can't stop them from seeing her. It's really a screwed up system.

anon161207
Post 110

I just don't understand some women, honestly. For instance, my boyfriend has a child with his ex. He was paying her $600 a month for child support and she was letting him see his child for 15 minutes a month. He begged her for more time and she said no. Finally, he ends up in court after he refuses to pay her until he gets more time.

In the paperwork she submitted, she said she wanted him to have one hour a month and no child support. He doesn't mind paying support. However, she doesn't work. She lives with her parents, pays no bills and has referred to her child support as her "spending money" because her parents take care of his child.

She is constantly asking him to sign over his rights so her parents can adopt her child, but he wants more visitation and she denies it. She said this is all so stressful and that's why she wants to do the adoption. Does he have legal right to take her to court for full custody, considering her refusal to let him see his child and her wanting to essentially give her child away?

He has an attorney but I just feel like there is something more that should be done. Her not working and not providing a home for the child should be viewed as not being a responsible parent. What if something happens to her parents? What happens to her child since she doesn't provide at all for her?

I wish parents would quit using their children as pawns. Do you realize how emotionally traumatizing it is to feel you have to choose one parent or the other? To not have one parent around? I come from a divorced home and I have plenty of issues because my father was never around and I would hate for his child to develop the same problems because of the child's mother refusing to let the father play a role in the child's life.

anon160464
Post 109

First of all, I'm a man and I think any non custodial parent should have to pay child support, no matter what! I'm proud to say that I've been paying for the last 12 years and very proud of my two kids.

Unfortunately, I don't agree with the child support tables. They are way too generic.

It's very pathetic that a father with an average salary jog cannot even afford a small apartment because of child support payments. I pay for my car, insurance, food and room and board and there's nothing left.

What's even more pathetic is the fact that the woman keeps taking the money, can afford to take trips every year, go to the restaurant and movies once a week, sometimes twice and then asks for an increase in child support payments. Now that's pathetic!

And some of you say that women are not gold diggers!

blueyes22
Post 108

Non Custodial parent going back to school he is going to need loans. Can the custodial parent get the loans? He is behind in child support by 50,000.

His son is disabled and going in to surgery for open heart surgery. The non custodial is working and in the military.

anon156771
Post 107

I just have to say after reading many of the posts here.

I am almost done! I have single-handedly raised my three children for the last 10 years on my own with very little child support, and no welfare case here either!

I went from a full time stay at home mom to a full time working mom overnight. I worked doing house construction. I do not have an education beyond 12th grade. I own a 2005 Honda which I bought new and it is paid for.Ten years ago, I bought and just paid off last year, our very own four bedroom home which I remodeled myself. Note: I also didn’t refinance my house when so many others did and got into trouble with those loans. I didn’t refinance and take the fake profit so all our lives could have been better when in the end I probably wouldn’t have my house now!

I have one acre of land on which I did fall behind on the property taxes over the years to the tune of $8,000. When the state came after me to foreclose and to evict me, I had the satisfaction of telling them (the state) that this is how they should go after the dead-beat parents! They offered me a “loan” with a 20 percent interest rate. Heck, offer a loan to the dead-beat parents with a high interest rate and give them the ability to pay their child support! LOL.

Then I wouldn’t have been behind on my property taxes, since I pay 98.9 percent of every thing else for my children’s well being and yeah, I paid the darn property tax! Every type of enforcement is in effect on the dead-beat and none of it matters. He works for cash and whenever he wants to.

Kids’ dad is now remarried. She had two previous children. The kids’ dad can visit and call them whenever he wants. I have never even tried to stop visitations because heck, I needed a break too.

The youngest are now 18 and 17 years old, and still in high school. Both drive vehicles that I helped them pay for. Yep, a 17 year-old boy’s insurance is high after an accident.

They both have part time jobs but with this economy, just gas alone is killing their paychecks! Wow! Glad I don’t have to do this all over again with the prices nowadays.

We do not wear designer clothes. We have a hairdresser in the family, they do have cell phones and we have never gone on a vacation, but we are going in march. All four of my kids will be with me and I can’t wait. I deserve it, I have worked hard for it and above all I love and live for my kids -- it is that simple!

Do I want my child support arrears? Heck yes, since he was ordered to only pay $300 a month. In 2010 my total child support was $230.00 And I got that in december. The kids still love him. I raised them that way!

They feel sorry for him and his lot in life. They respect me 100 percent they know who was there for them, took care of them and to them and I gave up a lot for them. I am the one who taught them to work, have pride in your ability to work and not to be a burden on tax payers!

So to everyone, hang in there. You can make it. It is not easy, it never was easy and I cried a lot and after three or four years I let go of my anger towards him and about him. I realized that he was the one who was the loser in this life and while it took all my money and time, it gave me and my children a life bigger and more fulfilled then he will ever realize! Oh yeah and did I mention, I am almost done! LOL. Peace and good will to all!

anon155440
Post 106

Men and women are equally shady, in my opinion. There are plenty of gold-digging whores out there, but there are also a great many deadbeat dads. It’s the kids who ultimately end up suffering.

I am a divorced mother of two. My husband had an affair and left us for a younger woman. At first I resented this, but quickly realized civility had to be maintained for the welfare of my kids. When he left, he took the car, all the money in the bank, and all household items that had any sort of value, I didn’t fight for material things, and he didn’t fight me for custody.

We went to court eventually and a support order was established based on his low income (he quit his job after leaving me in order to avoid high child support payments and instead got himself a paper route. laughable, I know.) He was ordered to pay $50 per week. Total. Even that $50 a week seems to be too much for him, because he seldom pays. He and his new “fiance” however, have no problem buying drugs (which they were recently arrested for), booze and expensive things (which they love to post pictures of on the internet).

All of this wouldn’t bother me at all, actually, if the man (and I use the term loosely) even bothered to call the kids once in a while, but alas, he’s too busy going to concerts and bailing his unemployed girlfriend out of jail to bother.

I am struggling, working a third shift job to support myself and my kids. Thankfully, my parents live nearby to help with child care. I am far from able to buy new clothes or shoes for myself, but I always make sure my kids have everything they need or want.

It truly galls me to see and hear men trying to get out of paying support, as much as it galls me to hear about women getting more than what’s fair.

I don’t understand it. These are your children, not pawns to use to get back at each other. Suck it up and do what’s best for them, not for you. Men, do what’s right. Women, be fair. Everyone needs to live. That’s all I have to say. --Lady Zero

anon154078
Post 105

I have been paying child support for more than seven years. I changed my career to do this. I see my children often, but wished they lived with me. I am more of a nurturer than their mother is. The courts don't see it that way.

I have a steady job and plan to pay my support the whole time. However, I've been living with a relative all this time because I can't afford a place on my own. How does that look from a child's perspective? I almost make a six figure salary and can't afford a apartment, much less a house, not to mention utilities, etc. It's disgusting.

My ex makes a good salary and my annual CS is almost another full time job salary. If I make any additional money, that all gets figured in and I wind up paying arrears. I can't live the american dream. She's living on easy street. How is that fair?

I pay for shoes and clothes because the things they wear are shoddy. I pray a lot and hope for the best. There are good fathers out there and I'm one of them. My kids will understand when their older. In general I pray that everyone can stop hurting everyone else, getting revenge, playing games and just be kind to one another.

Anger never solves anything. It only makes things worse. God bless us all.

anon153946
Post 104

You can obviously tell who the feminist women are on here. Family court has been and will be sexually discriminatory against men.

My ex was such a gold digger, she packed up a 3,000 square foot house, passed her business entities and records to a friend to scam DHS and Child services, and came after me for more money.

She used the kids just as a tool to extort me for money, and after reading some of these posts, it's obvious who you gold diggers are. Being a full time mom is not an excuse not to work, and financially be able to provide for your own child. That is considered neglect and abuse.

My ex also packed up my children and all our community property while I was at work, providing income for the family. She used this as a tactic to try to secure custody.

You women have no right to complain about child support unless there is a court order and he isn't paying. Do not whine about not getting enough, get a job. There is such thing as childcare. Kids are human beings, not a free meal ticket.

Protect Father's rights. Stand up against sexism and feminist rulings in family court.

anon153662
Post 103

When two people decide to have sex they are in an agreement that if a child comes to be then the responsibility is 50/50. Birth control is 99 percent effective, which means it fails one out of every 100 times it is used, so every sexual encounter could be one that produces a child. If a child is not wanted then one should not participate in the act of sex.

If a child is born and the parents choose to not be together the parent that does not have the child full time should expect to pay at least 25 percent of their income to the other parent until the child becomes emancipated or deceased.

No matter what the circumstances or the amount of money each person makes they should each expect to financially support their child with at least 25 percent of their income.

In response to an earlier post with the woman who has a new baby and her husband now has to pay child support to his first child and she is upset about that, you should not have had a child with someone that does not support their children from previous relationships unless you're prepared to have less because he does have to take responsibility and pay for the other children even though you have one with him too. What if you were the one he was not paying, how would you feel?

Personally I would never get involved with someone who has children under the age of 18 because I would not want to deal with these issues, if I did I would hope they are paying their child support to all of their children 100 percent because it shows what kind of person they are, their priorities, and how I would be treated if we ever had a child. I like a person that owns up to their responsibilities with no excuses or complaints.

anon153181
Post 102

I'm going to say this. I met a guy who at the time we met was divorced with one child and had a relationship with another woman, whom ended up getting pregnant, now she lied to him and told him she was on birth control, but wasn't, then condom broke and bang prego. He asked her not to keep the baby, but she told him no, she was keeping it.

Now that's her choice but I don't feel if you have made that choice knowing how difficult it is to raise a child and sorry but you know this prior to making a baby in the first place, why then should he pay, you wanted it not him and I'm a woman. Frankly, it's selfish on her part trying to keep a man by trapping him. Listen ladies: babies don't make men stay, I'm a woman was 41 and managed to never get pregnant so the whole whoops thing is annoying and trying to keep a man who no longer wants to be with you so you trap him is pathetic. Sorry.

anon149846
Post 101

Just so you know, there are deadbeat moms out there too. My husband and I have sole custody of his two daughters. His ex-wife absolutely refuses to get a job, and openly told the girls that she will not get a job because she's not paying us child support.

Second of all, my husband pays her over 2000.00 per month in alimony, now dubbed maintenance. My husband and I have both been through a divorce, and I am telling you from both experiences, that the family court system is 100 percent anti-men and pro women, no matter how screwed up the woman is.

It's sad and I wish the the judge would take a good look at their rulings and do something to make the system more fair.

anon149377
Post 100

Makes me laugh how most mothers say he should pay because he created it. I'm 18 and my son is nearly one and his dad doesn't give me money regularly because he's paying csa to the mother of hs first child (who spends it on alcohol and doesn't even buy her daughter new clothes), but he still buys things for my son when he's with him. for his house he does the same for his daughter.

they have to pay for things like the house for them all and clothes, food and toys as well. just because they don't have them every day doesn't mean they owe you, as long as the child doesn't go without.

If you're not responsible enough to make arrangements out of court, why did you have a child together in the first place.

makes me laugh because she was claiming jsa while they were together.

anon148037
Post 98

It is very disturbing that a man can hide and not make child support payments even though they are court ordered for wage garnishment.

He quit his state job and has no contact with the children at all. He tries to work under the table to avoid the $40,000 he owes to me. CT support enforcement should have taken his drivers license so he couldn't get into the bars to watch football. That would have been an easy way to find him. Support enforcement is a joke!

legalwife
Post 97

Oh my goodness. Reading through all these posts is so irritating. i too, have this same problem. I married my husband and now we have a wonderful baby girl. He had a son from a past relationship that was all a joke. The girl knew we got married and didn't ask for child support until she found out we are going to have our own baby, too. she is so disgusting because it's so clear to us that she is jealous that my husband will be supporting another child and not hers.

All right, it's already given my husband a need to pay child support for her. This is not fair for legal wives who take care of their husbands, take care of the house, and then money will be given to a woman who doesn't do anything for him.

This woman goes to bars and takes some drugs. We know this because of my husband's friend. So now, the money will just go for her partying and we are left not having any money. This is just my opinion. My husband is in school right now as a welder, then of course, I'm not working because i just gave birth and we have a lot of bills, like lots of government bills etc. etc. And now he has to give 300 dollars to that woman.

My husband doesn't even give me money and i don't ask anything from him. That woman has a job and a live-in boyfriend who also has a job. She is so inconsiderate. Knowing that i was close to giving birth last year, she filed for child support. She is so irritating. We are struggling for money, and now my husband needs to pay a lawyer who charges 275 dollars per hour.

Given that they have the first child, but where is being human here? I just gave birth too and there she is trying to get in the scene and asking for money. I could just choke her! i read in one of the posts here, "how about the first borns"? how about them? it's not a matter of who is first. The second baby is also human and needs support too, since they are the youngest and need more attention than the first ones saying that legal wives should suck it up? how about the woman from the past should suck it up because she didn't do good when she had an opportunity with my husband before to have a good family.

me and my husband are trying to build a family and she is getting into the scene and making our lives difficult. this is a topic that for sure a lot of you will comment on, but i hope people will also think about the legal wife who's taking good care of the man and not the other woman who doesn't deserve anything. taking care of the child on her own? yeah sure. it should be her problem because she is the one who left my husband before because she keeps on partying and not taking care of the kid and now she asks for child support.

anon146782
Post 96

I'm a single mom to a 17 year old boy. I think the other parent should have to pay child support. I can't believe people are saying all this stuff about all moms.

We are not gold diggers. We need the money to support our kids, to make sure our kids have food, clothes and other stuff.

Lately, my son's dad stopped paying for some reason and our kid is almost 18 so I'm not sure if I'm going to get any more money. He's been very good about paying and he's been paying on his own. He doesn't see our kid but he pays and I never stopped him from seeing our boy. As for me, I don't need his money, but it helps with my sons needs.

anon145950
Post 95

Ok first off, for someone to say that women who seek child support are just lazy, don't want to work and are looking for a way to make the "father" pay, that could not be any further from the truth! I am a single mother of a 5 year old, and her father has not paid a dime of child support in all of her five years.

I have a support order but the state won't enforce it. Am I looking for a way to make him support me? Not at all. I am a small business owner and a full time student. I do just fine without him or his money. The point of child support is for the other parent, whether it be the father or the mother, to take responsibility for what they helped create.

anon145639
Post 94

I'm female and will probably take heat for this post but I don't care. Speaking, as a female and a mother, I find it disgusting to say the very least that women take men for everything they have financially.

Child support is not meant for you to drive a newer car, have a nicer house, take airplanes to other parts of the world, etc. It's intended to care for your children! Not for you to live like a queen while the father can't afford his own place or food for himself. Children are not meal tickets. Fair is fair and the man should help support the children but he is not obligated to support you as well! Get a job!

anon144516
Post 93

Child support does just that -- supports. It does not raise the child. Whatever the court issues you to pay is fair. As far as crying over stupid crap like how women are gold diggers, and whiners, and are just looking for a handout, get real. If the men had half a brain and they actually found a woman like that then it’s their own fault for getting them pregnant.

The majority of women are struggling to make ends meet, the child support isn’t and will never be enough, and at some point in the child’s life have to stress about running after the parent when they try to stop paying or move to disappear. Men are lowlifes unless they step up to the plate and support their own flesh and blood. They make it out like the child has only the mom’s genes. That child carries genes from both parents, but you don’t care about it.

Any man on here who doesn’t pay child support or reads this and doesn’t think they should or pays to much, then not supporting your kids is the worst thing you can do as a man.

Times might have changed since Jesus, but believe me when your time comes, God won’t let you in after letting your children suffer from not only not having a dad, but also watching their mom suffer making ends meet day after day. Get over it, already!

anon144514
Post 92

Okay, so a woman shouldn’t have a child if she can’t take care of it. First off, a woman doesn’t get pregnant by herself. Secondly, women get the children by default because they are their mother! Even in married couple situations, the mother is the one who the children gravitate towards because she is a natural caregiver and has better psychological and emotional tools to handle raising the children.

Also, we are still nor at the point in this country where women can get paid the same and find jobs as easily as men. So you are right that women would have a harder time paying child support, but if the woman doesn’t have the children in the first place then she has a drug problem or some other thing that the court believes makes her unfit.

And for those men who complain about the woman not wanting an abortion and if she can’t support the baby financially by herself then she shouldn’t have it, I think you’re missing the point.

The child has been created and is growing, and it will continue to grow for the next 18 years unless you go into a clinic and cut its life short. The result is the woman is depressed for the rest of her life and can’t move on, while the guy in the situation could care less!

Women raise the children. Men help pay for them to do it, so suck it up already!

anon141298
Post 91

I love how all of you people calling women whiners are just as bad, complaining about how all women just want money. You are just as ignorant for throwing all women in the same boat and just as bad as the women who man bash and think that all dads are dead beats.

No one is pointing the finger at deadbeat dads, but rather at dead beat parents in general, be it the mother or father.

Every situation is different and if you don't know the circumstances then you shouldn't comment on things you know nothing about.

Saying that if the woman can't support a child then they shouldn't have one is an ignorant and spiteful thing to say. I agree that some women who just keep having kids they can't take care should be more responsible. But to the women who had kids with their spouse who jointly decided to bring another life into this world, what about them? I didn't just go and get knocked up by some random stranger. My husband and I chose to have a child and when our son turned out to have a disability that was too much of a responsibility for his dad he split and I haven't seen a dime from him.

I would love to go to work full time, but guess what? Someone has to take him to see his specialists, and get treatments and therapies. I'm not trying to pay for vacations, spa treatments and plastic surgery for me! I'm trying to pay for prescriptions, special food, co-pays and medical bills.

So before either sex starts bashing another and putting them into categories of who is the worst based on their own experience, stop and think that you have no idea what the details of someone else's situation may be.

anon139509
Post 90

To you people who are complaining about "whiners":

Have you ever thought about the mothers who spend their life supporting their children, working all day, every day, to take care of them?

They're the ones who deserve that extra money because of sorry fathers who make promises they don't keep. They both made a choice to have children, and they both should be responsible. So to those of you calling mothers/fathers selfish when they spend their lives raising their children, your ignorance is disturbing and you should keep your mouths shut.

If anyone is selfish, it's the mothers/fathers who refuse to see their children or pay what they owe.

Have you ever thought about the children who have had to live their lives without knowing their father/mother and wondering why they aren't helping?

I am a 20 year old now who has been taken care of by my mother my entire life. My father has made promises he couldn't keep and has never once paid child support. We have barely gotten by. So a little extra money from a parent wouldn't hurt one bit. I might actually own a car if my deadbeat dad would stop being a selfish jerk and help me out.

Those of you who are complaining about the "deadbeat dads" need to realize that there are many deadbeat dads. Just because you didn't have one doesn't mean you have the right to complain about it. Unless you all are deadbeat dads yourselves? Pathetic. Get off the message board then and get back to taking care of your families if you have nothing better to say.

anon139353
Post 89

My ex has not seen his daughter since she before her second birthday. He left the state that we lived in (taking a truck driving job, which he lost due to drug use) and lived with his mother. He refused to take my calls, and got crazy on drugs and attempted suicide.

Thank God the courts ruled that he could not see our daughter until she turned 18, even though he was still ordered to pay $200 per month (in 1997). In order to keep him out of her life (I was afraid of his behavior), I did not pursue child support.

I remarried and now she has sisters and a stable home with a great father. I supported her before I remarried, and we have since provided a home that she could never have had with him. I do not regret my decision, but I feel that no parent should be able to walk away "free and clear", if they made the decision to have that child in the first place.

He has had another child, for which he doesn't pay, and moves from town to town while drawing a VA check. I will not "whine and complain" about how awful things have been, because I was lucky. I will, however, be looking into back child support to help augment the expenses for her schooling. She deserves a good life and an education that will enable her to take care of herself and her own children if she ever ends up in a similar situation.

All parents should take responsibility for their children or they should be in a jail-work program and have the child support given to their kids. This should be a federal law, with no lines drawn between states or counties.

Those working "under the table" should go to jail and so should their employers.

anon138964
Post 88

I love these women who first claim I won't be the "whiny woman," and then turn around and whine. I agree it's ridiculous the woman has every right whether or not to keep the child with little or no question about her ability to care for that child, then automatically expect welfare and child support payments without ever consulting the father.

In my case, my ex disappeared from the stat while she was pregnant, came back to town for three or four months just so our daughter would be born here, then she just disappeared out of state again for another three months. Then all of a sudden I get paperwork in the mail for court proceedings about custody and child support. I had volunteered to care for our daughter until the mother was able to get back onto her feet financially, but instead she ran to Maine where welfare is distributed like cough drops and the court almost automatically comes down on the side of the mother.

She can afford to get tattoos and go out to coffee with friends, but yet her phone was shut off (Again. This has happened with multiple phone companies) and now I have almost no way to contact her and see my daughter.

The laws seriously need to be updated, because there are plenty of deadbeat moms out there who, just because they are women, get a pass on their crap.

anon138449
Post 87

I am a single mum to two children 13 and 11, I have raised the first all by myself without any support financially.

I was going to go to London to further my education when my ex husband said he wanted my son if I go. My son decided to stay with his dad, which broke my heart, so I decided to stay and try get him back as I live in a two bedroom flat I cannot have him here till I get a three bedroom house.

Financially, I am just keeping myself and daughter above water. My ex, after a year of having my son, is asking me for money per week now for my son. He has a wife now and a house which is his own and a very high paying job. I cannot even afford to pay for my gas bill, let alone give out money to someone who wanted my son living with him out of spite.

So what do I do about this, as I cannot afford to pay him? I feel like I'm drowning.

anon137656
Post 86

If two people can make children together, then they are both responsible for them monetarily until they are of age or emancipated. That's it -- end of story.

Why should the child or children have less or do without because somebody is bickering about paying for their child? It's selfish and disgusting.

And if the non-custodial parent is legitimately having a hard time with payment but shows good faith and tries to work something out, to me, that counts. Most will just ignore their emotional and monetary obligations. Get a grip and support your kids, you deadbeats.

anon137269
Post 85

These fathers who choose not to pay have no idea how hard mothers have it. They have the freedom to come and go as they please. If the kids aren't in their care they are virtually stress free.

Let's see: three teens to raise, electric, $100; gas, $100; rent, $900; food, $400; clothing/shoes, $60; toiletries $30; gasoline $120; water $85. Just the basics: $1795.

Stop whining about how you can't pay $590. Mine is $4600 behind. He quits jobs, and keeps the six weeks of pay before garnishments.(and i believe sign on bonus) He has done this six times in three years. I am trying to get his license suspended as he is a truck driver.

He tried to kill my daughter, he was thrown in jail (six years ago) and has been required to pay child support ever since. He sees his kids once every three months or so. Even when we were married he never changed a diaper, fed them, or loved them.

He has since married a convicted felon, and my kids are not to go to his home. My kids suffer every day and just want him to show him some sort of affection. the hurt in their eyes kills me. So, if I sound like a vengeful bleep, you are correct. I want a resolution, and I want it now. I wo'nt stand by while he skirts by anymore.

Oh! And when he quits jobs, he will call me and in a very evil tone, he will say, "by the way, you aren't getting my money for a while. just letting you know'. No more messing with mama. Or her beautiful kids.

They gave him the intent to suspend notice. He called in on the day the money was due and they gave him one more chance (again). He told me he has no intention of paying. He lied to the agency. If I don't get a payment by tuesday, I am marching into that office, making sure it is done. I will pitch a tent, call a news crew and sit there all day until it is done and I have proof. He didn't even call them on christmas!

The mental and physical abuse was supposed to stop when I divorced him. "yes virginia there are real deadbeat dads." And they need to be punished.

anon136970
Post 84

I agree entirely with anon135399. The disgusting truth to it all is the female has total authority over the end result.

Example: If a woman gets pregnant and feels she doesn't want the responsibility of paying child support or being a parent she can get an abortion or give the baby up. If the father wanted to raise that baby and the woman gets an abortion because she doesn't want the responsibility of paying support than the man is out of luck.

I get tired of people who say, "He should pay. If he didn't want kids he should have thought about it!" I also really dislike the terminology "deadbeat dad." Statistically, non-custodial women are less likely to pay than men. Pretty sad.

My ex had custody by default and she was a very worthless mother. I fought it in court and tried to get custody, but because she is a woman she is automatically the better parent and I had to try and disprove her as being such.

Eventually, I got my daughter but not after a ton of psychological damage had been done to her by her mom, who was thought to be the better parent by default. Needless to say, I have never seen one penny from her and I have never gone and cried about not getting my support. I also pay on another child and am current.

The logic of a woman being a "better parent" is garbage. My theory is I feel the state knows a woman is less likely to pay than a man and usually makes less money. So by giving the parent that is more likely to be the "deadbeat" the state saves money. The state can then funnel the payers money though the system, work the money (process) and then send it out a week later.

It really isn't about the kids from the state's point of view; it's about money. They tell you it's about the kids so it sounds better.

Really. Wake up from the dream and think about it.

anon135399
Post 83

I'm sorry, but if the custodial parent can't afford to raise the kid themselves they shouldn't have the kid in their possession in the first place. I'm sorry, but the truth hurts, and those who disagree with me you are wrong.

Usually, if people have sex and are not together, the male has no choice whether the child is kept or not, and for the female to say I want to have the kid and want you to pay for it is just crap. There are many solutions, adoption, abortion, etc.. and for the woman to be selfish just grinds my gears.

People need to listen to this and really take it to heart because yes, it does take two to make a baby, but then it should be what's the best thing for both of the parties involved. End of story.

anon134594
Post 82

Whine whine whine, how come your all such a bunch of whiners? I think every situation is different. I'm sorry but if the other party is a deadbeat and you can't make it without them, then you yourself shouldn't have a child, if you can't take care of them.

If you are fine without the other party, then quit complaining about extra money for "your child" please. It's so you can get a new car, house, or plastic surgery because you're materialistic. The most important thing is that if it can all be negotiated and settled so that the child lives a happy successful life.

Quit being so selfish and do whatever is going to ensure the child's happiness, and that exclude, whining and degrading the opposing party! If you can't do that, then you need to find an alternate route and quit being the proud victim!

anon132876
Post 81

I do not understand why parents want to be like this. My ex was court ordered to pay $368 for three children; 12, 14, 16. He sees them maybe once a month, and is behind on his child support again! My husband and I are struggling. He has two children; 9, 10. He pays $495 a month and has never been late.

anon130994
Post 80

Well I got married at 15 and my husband was 16. We had a daughter and a year later found out I was pregnant with twin boys. But four years into that marriage he left me for another girl. That was fine by me because he was abusive to me.

For the first two years he wouldn't pay me what the court ordered him to pay, which was $150 a week (and he had a good paying job as well) no, his girlfriend thought he should pay me $115 a week instead, which she thought was what I should get instead. Who did she think she was?

She left her husband and took her two small toddlers to be with my husband! Here I was only 19 years old with three small toddlers! And she thought she could decide how much child support I got? Anyway, I had to deal with it cause no amount of fussing did any good. There were many times that I was made to drive and get my child support from them and that was an hour drive!

If I didn't come and get it then I wouldn't get any money that week. Though the papers said they were to come to me and give it to me, not me drive to them with all my small kids in the car! Anyway, finally she left him. I guess she saw how mean he was. He then started paying me $150 like he was supposed to. He got the kids every other weekend and he was being a great dad.

Well two years ago, it all went down hill again. He got on drugs and was lying to me constantly. He had his own heating and air business, making lots of money, and he'd lie to me and tell me he didn't have any money to give me.

He'd promise the kids he'd come see them, but not show up. He promised to give me money from a job he did but then all of a sudden he didn't have any money cause he didn't get to do the job. These were the lies I heard constantly. No, he didn't have money to give me cause he was buying meth with it!

All the while, my husband who I have been married to for six years now, is struggling to bring in money for all of us! My husband is 24 years old! I am 28! My husband has taken my kids as his own and loves them just as much as our four year old son. I am proud of him! My daughter who is almost 13 now and my twin boys who are 10 now, all know who their daddy is and that is my husband! He is there for them and he support them!

My ex husband was put in jail just last week for drugs. I have gone two years with no support from him! My husband's job isn't doing good and I homeschool my kids and it's not fair that my husband has to be so stressed out about making money when my ex should be paying for them as well!

It's not fair that I might have to put the kids back in school so I can get a job, when my ex should be paying as well. I have not even had money to buy Christmas yet! We didn't even have enough gas money last week and my church had to pay our electric bill!

We are now on food stamps because my husband's paychecks are just $340 a week now due to the bad economy! That can not support a family of 6! I told my ex husband to please help out, I have even cried.

He calls me a selfish b word when he gives me every once in awhile just $20 or whatever and I ask for more. That's selfish?

I can't buy my kids crap right now and he has the money to give me but his drugs are more important? Hopefully time in jail will help him see how wrong he is!

anon130767
Post 79

My children are basically 19, 18, 17, and 13. My ex husband owes them $60,000.00 in past due support. I have never kept the kids from him and in fact he has recently bought a home 1 street over from me. Even though he has tried to have me proved an unfit mom by using government agencies that are designed to protect kids from abuse, and even tried to have me arrested on my birthday three years ago for punishing my oldest daughter.

For many years, I tried to get the Child Support Enforcement Agency to do their job. They still refuse. When he owed just $29,000.00, he was put into prison for six months. In the state of Ohio, it is a felony to not support your children) for six months out of any two year period. Thank goodness the prosecutor's office saw fit to do their job. For three years after his release he made payments, never the full amount and never year round. I didn't complain.

Now he pays 1 or 2 times each month, sometimes. He was invited, along with his wife, to our oldest son's graduation, and neither bothered to show up. Now my son, who has been working since he was 14 is buying dinners for his dad, stepmom and three youngest siblings in that family. I also began working at the age of 14 and worked most of my adult life as well.

My ex thinks that our children are the responsibility of my husband and I to pay for and raise, but these children are used to babysit his three younger kids. I am now physically disabled and no longer able to work. My husband has been reemployed for about a month and a half after two years of unemployment.

My ex takes advantage of my kids and emotionally abuses them. They are old enough that they know their dad has never been around even though he always knew where we lived (regardless of how many government agencies he sent my way), unfortunately they are also old enough that I cannot tell them to stay away from him.

They beg him to pay just $50 a week but he refuses. In fact, he's been working for the same man for the last four months but child support isn't being paid, even though he claims it is being taken out. he's always known how to manipulate the system, and he's only gotten better with age.

Our oldest is off the order, other than the past due amount, but I still have two in high school and one finishing elementary school. I've tried everything I know to do and can get no help. I'm really at my wit's end with the whole thing.

anon129013
Post 78

It's very sad that we have parents who simply refuse to pay child support? If you don't want to pay child support, then don't have any kids. Period. It's as simple as that. After all, it takes two to make a baby.

I know that we're living in tough economic times, but if you can't pay the full amount, try to work out something with the court.

Here in the county where I live, they post fugitives on the local cable access channel; and most of them owe several thousand dollars in back child support.

You can run, but you can't hide from paying child support.

anon125553
Post 77

I have a question. Please help! My ex owes me almost $7,000 and pays child support when he feels like it. He is now asking me to pay for plane tickets for our son to visit. Am I allowed to tell him that I won't pay for any transportation costs until he catches up on his child support?

I'm not against my son seeing him - not at all - I just don't feel I should have to pay when he owes me money.

anon125432
Post 76

What do we custodial parents to do when we are going into debt because the non-custodial parent refuses to pay or get a job? Is there anything out there to help us? It's not fair that our credit gets ruined because the other parent refuses to pay or get a job in order to take care of their child!

Nonya
Post 75

#67: I agree with you totally! Good for you for being a great parent to you children. Good for you for being there and helping to take care of your children. And setting an example for them about what a responsible parent does.

Nonya
Post 74

oh, and #61, they will come and get you even if you move out of state. My ex moved, and was found. You can run, but ya can't hide. It will catch up to him eventually.

They will actually wait until you get to retirement age and will deduct from your Social Security, especially if the single parent ever went on state aid. I actually am aware of that exact situation.

Man is retired and the Social Security checks are garnished for child support that the state paid on behalf of his ex wife 30 years ago.

Nonya
Post 73

#61: Why do "us women" need to be careful? How can a person walk away from their children? Children are not a debt. They are human beings with feelings and your brother is not doing the right thing for not helping to take care of his.

And let me remind you that kids cost a helluva lot more to live with than to pay for.

Nonya
Post 72

I need suggestions.

I currently have a child support order for my 26 year old son who has Cerebral Palsy. He has the physical ability of about a 10 month old and the mental capabilities of a 26 year old. My ex will not pay child support.

I recently learned that if he pays $20 every 30 days of the $1000-plus he owes then the state will not do anything. 30 days has to have lapsed in between payments. I work for a lawyer so we have already had him in court for contempt and that did nothing.

I cannot keep suing this man. I want to change this law that allows him to pay a minimum amount without any consequences.

A little background: I care for my son on my own since I cannot afford help and I work a full time job. My ex, on the other hand, works under the table or for himself so there is no garnishment and often he lives on welfare with his wife and four grown kids (19, 18, 16, 15). The state I live in will do nothing to enforce the order.

Why is it he is able to obtain welfare mean while I take care of our son by myself? Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture? In essence, instead of him supporting his son, I am supporting his entire family with my tax dollars.

anon116011
Post 71

My husband has custody of his three children, the oldest is 12 and he has had full custody for seven years now. The children's mother is a heroin addict and didn't even bother showing up to the custody hearing on time.

At the hearing the judge told her she needed to bring documentation that she has been clean for 30 days and then she could get visitation. Six years went by and they didn't have a phone call or a letter, and we didn't even know where she was. She ended up moving into our town and swears she is clean because she does methadone treatments.

The children want nothing to do with her and all she does is whine to everyone how their step-mom won't let her see or talk to the children which isn't true, because I was the one who contacted her in the first place. I foolishly thought it would be good for the kids.

We moved to another state and she whines that we are keeping the kids from her, even though her boyfriend pays her support for her each month. We all lived in the same town for a year and she saw the kids a total of four times. I have never asked the kids about their visits but now they refuse to see or talk to her.

She was ordered to pay child support five years ago. She doesn't pay and they take her back to court and all that happens is they reduce the amount she has to pay each time. Nothing is ever done to this woman to make her help support her children.

She is ordered to pay $267 a month for three children. She is now almost $10,000 behind and my husband might see $30 every five months.

We don't rely on the child support but it's the point that she doesn't feel she has to financially support the children. She actually feels my husband should give her the kids and pay her support.

anon111707
Post 69

I registered with MEP in May and my ex was in arrears already over $9000, and he hasn't paid a dime since. Now his arrears are over $12,000, and with wage garnishees, federal notices, license denials, he still refuses to pay. I am not going to be one of those mothers that is whiny.

I am a hard working woman who is strong and has always had a job since I was 17. I will continue to support and raise my children (their father has full access to the children at any time ) however he chooses not to see them.

He had a job but when was notified about wage garnishment, he quit! I am wondering how these men and women seem to hold down jobs when they are married but when divorced and having to pay for their children, seem to have job issues. If they would just take responsibility right away for their kids they wouldn't be in arrears and then cry that they are broke and can't afford to pay.

My family is doing way better off for leaving him, my kids are doing great and the hurt that their dad has caused them, will be there a lifetime. I am my children's voice. All they want to be is kids. I just want to be able to provide for them, not to be rich, just get what is owed to them.

anon108673
Post 68

I am 17, and my ex boyfriend is 18. We had a beautiful daughter together, and she is now four months old. He has chose the road of drugs, alcohol, and his friends, and he didn't really care about his daughter, so i took her and left. I filed for child support. Will i still get child support from him if he moves to a different state?

anon107292
Post 67

Support is not always fair or right. I have my daughter an equal amount of time as my ex. I have to pay for the exact same things as she does, but yet, I'm being ordered to pay $400 a month to her. How is that right? And yet, the courts and lawyers tell me to still do all the same stuff I used to with my daughter. How? I barely have a pot to pee in now.

How can I be a good father and keep her in horseback riding lessons or take her on vacations. Yes, support is right when the fathers are deadbeats, but when they are good hard working fathers who are now struggling to stay afloat and still take care of the kids, something is wrong with the system.

anon106154
Post 66

Well how about a deadbeat mother who has two kids and treats the oldest like he doesn't exist or come from her. She's ordered to pay child support and is in violation with the court to pick up her child every weekend and refuses to do that. She also refuses to take her child's calls, etc.

She's a low life and when it all boils down to the fact she's never gotten over the fact her ex (kids' father) has moved on and married. She takes her emotion and anger out on the kid because she's bitter with the father.

She owes child support. This is so sad. She caters to the younger child and support that child in every way. But the oldest is nothing to this loser lady. This is sad but true.

anon104447
Post 65

There are dads who do not pay child support by moving to another state, but let them try to retire and see how fast his social retirement check will be taken.

I do not know what the problem is, especially when dads want some type of recognition on the child's wedding day or graduation.

Men forget that these are their children and are innocent of any animosity that they may have toward their mother. Women at times can be just as cruel to their children. Never forget that what goes around, comes around and sometimes worse.

anon103354
Post 64

I left my now ex husband many years ago (he was both verbally and mentally abusive) to do service with the military. My son was four years old. I allowed him to stay with my ex as all my family lived around him. It was in his best interests at that time.

I called him every day for almost four years, picked him up on the weekends, and kept him during summers and many holidays. Within a few months of moving back, my ex brought our son to me. I called him on the weekends, seeing if he wanted to visit with his son. He said no, you keep him. This went on for nine months.

It has now been almost four years. The only support I have ever seen from my son's father was in the form of school clothes and paying for our son's cell phone bill. Anytime I asked him for other money in the past, he would say, "if you'll take off your clothes" or, "if you'll have sex with me," or if I paid him back. He is now getting his son on the weekends, but I need help with some of our son's expenses.

My ex was recently served child support papers. He was ordered to pay $685 per month, considering he makes a very comfortable living. I offered him the option of $500 per month and us taking turns on filing taxes with our son on alternate years. His response to that was that he would continue doing just as he has been, and will pay me $100 dollars a month. I explained to him very calmly that just isn't reasonable. He has now moved further away from our son, into another county. Thank God it's not another state. He doesn't attend his son's football practices or any school functions. It blows my mind that he could do a 100 percent turn around from the parent he used to be.

If he can afford to buy his girlfriend's kids stuff, then he should be taking better care of his own son. He told me he's going to fight the child support order.

Waiting to see what the court system does.

dad0904
Post 63

When the courts start enforcing visitation orders the same way they enforce child support, this will change. Non-custodial parents should also receive free legal representation for visitation and child support matters, just as many custodial parents do.

Many NCP are having to spend thousands just to remain in the kids' lives (and all the other parent does is complain about needing *more* money!) No wonder these NCP walk away. What options do they have?

anon101079
Post 61

to all you women, you'd better be careful. I have a daughter who is 12 now and paid all my support payments and now have a son who is 17 months old who lives with me but guess what? i have a brother who has two sons and they are nine and 10 and guess what? He never paid a dime.

He's $87,000 in arrears and all he did was move to another state and and they don't come and get you for a civil matter and he is free and clear.

Yeah I talk to him about it, but some people can just give up their kids, but if you piss someone off enough and want help be reasonable because if they take off you get jack nothing. good luck.

anon94760
Post 60

My baby's father is a low life. he has no educational background, and it's all about him. He is very cold hearted and selfish. He claims he loves me and my daughter but won't do a thing for her.

I have ordered child support he now has an outstanding balance, and still won't pay because he has no job. It's hard working as many hours as i do to support me and my child, but i do it because i have to.

I will support my baby whether he decides to be there for her or not. Yeah, it hurts, but what can i do? he is the one missing out on God's gift to the world.

To everyone who is going through something similar to what i am, keep your mind focused and pray and even though the dad is worthless your child or children are the most beautiful things that came out of the relationship.

anon89563
Post 59

I recently went through a divorce with my wife. I refuse to pay child support because she refuses to take a drug screening. I have a daughter and I take care of her when she is with me and she wants for nothing.

I tried in court to get custody of my daughter during the divorce (that was an exercise in futility. can you say huge mother bias). My ex wife is native american and her tribe provided her with a lawyer for free. I, on the other hand, could not afford one and had to do what I could with legal aid and every second of my spare time. I was forced to settle out of court with joint custody (it was the best I was going to get). Now I am supposed to pay an exorbitant amount of support to my ex who refuses to even look for a job, but has the money and time to sit around, smoke, and get drunk all day and night with her drug dealing friends and relatives.

The icing on the cake though is that her lawyer, who is cost free, has been hard at work making sure I pay and my case went 4-D. So I'm quite sure I will be arrested even though I have filed for a modification on my case.

I left home when I was 18. I went out into the world and made a life for myself by myself. I love my daughter and she is the best thing to ever happen to a poor slouch like me. I have no problem supporting her but I have to draw the line in the sand somewhere.

My point is only you can determine what is right for yourself. Anyway, this is my point of view I'm sure my ex has hers and the truth lies somewhere in the middle. As for you bitter exes, grow up and move on stop punishing others because of your inadequacies.

anon85331
Post 58

I am a man and I have custody of my children. I pay for everything. I do all the laundry. I do the dishes. I mow the lawn. I drive them to school pay the doctor, etc. Because I am dad. Their mom pays nothing and is four thousand dollars behind in child support. But I don't care. Because if she ever tries to get custody of the kids the judge would laugh her out of court.

anon84542
Post 57

is there a way that i could put my boyfriend on child support and don't get custody of the kids?

anon84516
Post 56

I always pay my support to my ex wife and she is constantly complaining she wants more money from me. She doesn't have a job and always looks to me for more money. It's funny how she has money for big TVS, a new car and fancy beds, but still insists I pay more. These women should be stopped.

Be respectable and quit wanting more and more just because you hate your ex-husband.

anon83826
Post 55

Ok i am 13 years old and my dad left me before i knew him and i have talked to him a few times and he has not paid any child support and has a new family with three baby girls and a wife. at my age, can i go to court by myself or would i have to have a parent do it for me?

anon83611
Post 54

I was married to my high school sweetheart for almost 15 years and during that time we had four children. I worked off and on during our marriage, as money allowed me to do.

I stood beside him through all the years, watched his career bloom and grow, was the "good" wife, made sure the kids where clean, house was clean, laundry done, his needs met. We lived a very "upscale" life. Sounds like the American Dream right?

Well, when I left because he was having numerous affairs, I thought for sure all my years of dedication would be taken into consideration. Instead, he blindsided me during our divorce, and I was naive enough to believe what he was saying. I mean this was the man I spent most of my life with and the father of my children-- how could he deceive me any more than he had?

I gave him the house (after being told he would buy my half out), and only took support for one child-- because he was taking on all the marital debt and within two years we would modify the support to include all four children. Well, let's say the day the divorce was final was the day that things went really bad.

I did everything I agreed to do. I allow him to visit the kids, call the kids, all lines of communication are still open -- even though this "deadbeat" has yet to pay me a dime since 10/09 (I know not a long time but every penny counts), stole my taxes for two years now in a row, and calls only when it is convenient for him.

He has seen his kids like four times in two years. Now I am somehow the bad person because I have sent the state after him for his owed support and modification to the support order.

I know there are two sides to every story -- but black and white don't lie. It clearly states $830.00 a month for one child. He claims he has no money, and that he has lost everything. Well sorry the grass was not greener, buddy, but it does take money to clothe, feed, house and take care of our children.

I do my part of taking care of them 24/7 -- now it is your turn. I put my career on hold to be the wife/mother and trust me, I would never do that again. Just because they say till death do you part or that they love you forever, it isn't necessarily true.

As a mother of four boys, I will not raise my boys to be anything like their father.

Oh yeah might add I re- married a wonderful man who works from sun up to sun down to take care of his son and step sons. They are all treated fairly across the board. And on a side note, my husband's child's mother was one of them who "cried" wolf--- and yes it does seem that there are a lot that do this but there are some who are legit and are similar to my case.

This is not fair to the children nor to the parent left to fend. I think that if you don't pay your support for three months without just because, then you go to a work farm jail-- as in the situation of mine, he quit his 130k a year job so he didn't have to pay me.

anon83114
Post 53

I have a father who have not paid child support for months for my younger brother. He has declared bankruptcy and insists to my mother he has no money. What can my mother do? Is there any way of receiving child support from him?

anon82632
Post 52

My story is different and crazy. i am married to my husband and he has three children from a previous marriage. The mother of the children was a real "witch" and always using the children to hurt him.

He had court ordered visitation and child support. He paid his support but the "witch" would refuse him his visitation with his kids. It's more to what else she was doing but to make a story short he was awarded full custody of all three of his kids. The tables have turned and she must now pay my husband child support and refuses. She has not given a penny for the care of these kids.

My husband filed for child support when she was served. She quit her job and is now working under the table so they won't garnish payments out of her check. What should we do? She is using the system and it's a shame when these "deadbeats" would rather work under the table and get paid cash and the court can't do anything.

It's time for a change throughout the court system. Fathers are victims too, especially with deadbeats mothers.

anon82329
Post 51

I have sat and read all 50 comments posted here, and I will say this: life isn't fair. In these situations, there will always be one half that makes out better than the other.

In reality, a situation is only as bad as you allow it to be. Teaching yourselves to have mental control over the stresses that these situations cause will greatly help the physical aspects of your life.

While I won't dive into details, I will say that I am in a rather precarious situation myself. Given my situation, I have promised myself that I will do the absolute best I can to ensure I am doing what is morally right. If it isn't enough in the eyes of society, then so be it. At least I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, "You tried."

For the mothers/fathers that aren't receiving their child support:

Have mercy on the other parent when that parent is making an honest attempt to be an active part of the child's life, but might be financially strapped. Do what you can to maintain the smile on the faces of your children. When it is all said and done, they will appreciate you more for it in the future.

For the mothers/fathers who have been ordered to pay child support, but can't afford the amount ordered: I understand that certain things are required to live and maintain an income, i.e. a roof over your head, food, clothing, vehicle and gas to get back and forth to work, and a phone. Step back and look at the extravagance of your purchases and ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I really need a home this big? Can I find something a little smaller that might cost less?

2. Do I really need to purchase name brands when the generic brands of supermarkets are required to have the same nutritional value?

3. Do I really need these designer jeans? These Levis are only a third of the price.

4. Do I really need the new vehicle with the gas-guzzling V-8 and power everything?

5. What if I sacrificed that V-8 and found a smaller place a little closer to work? I bet I could really save on some gas then.

6. Do I really need this Blackberry that requires the $30 per month data plan when I could run to Walmart and purchase a prepaid phone?

There are many things that a non-custodial parent can do to ease the financial "burden" of paying child support. Supporting the children is the single most important cause that your money could go to.

Statistically, I would not be scared to say that the chances of a non-custodial parent at least attempting to pay child support is greater when each of the parents gets along with the other. So, do everything you can to maintain a social relationship with other. Even if it may not be beneficial to you, it will be beneficial to your children.

anon80291
Post 50

Don't pay child support and you could wind up homeless. The father of my two daughters almost never paid child support. His arrears are $86,000.

The children are grown. The Kern County child support agency closed the case because they couldn't locate him. He called out of desperation a couple of months ago because he is tired of being homeless and wanted to work out a deal to get the arrears lowered. I told him to send me $25 to show good faith. He refused, just as I figured. Sure hope he enjoys his life of freedom in San Diego.

anon80095
Post 49

I am paying support to my ex-wife and she is not cashing the checks. She has told others she is going to get state assistance because our son has autism and says she doesn't receive child support. She and I live in different states. She has cut off all my visits and I can't afford to take her to court and she knows this. What should a man do here?

anon77742
Post 48

i am new to this but i already knew he was tight with his money. Before the court order, all i could get out of his hands was 300 dollars for two kids. what was that supposed to do for them? He makes 5,000 a month, not counting his overtime -- 300 dollars.

It was his idea to go to court, but somehow I'm going after his money. The court hearing was several days ago. He got more days with the kids so he could pay less child support.

the judge ordered him to pay me $1,000 a month for our kids. I swear, an hour after the judgment, he came to pick up our daughter and asked if i would just take $600 a month. Are you serious? He hasn't even started paying me the money and he is already trying to get me agree to lower it.

It was about money now. He has already told me that he isn't going to do any overtime. I'm going to make him lose his house. (I moved into my moms apartment). Oh, and he might have to get a roommate (his new girlfriend). Mind you, we have only been broken up for three months.

And my all time favorite is to put this month's child support on his tab!

anon75549
Post 47

I am so sick of reading all these negative comments about women being "goldiggers", "crying wolf" or being lazy, waiting for a handout! This is ridiculous!

It takes two people to make a child and no one, male or female should have to foot the bill alone. Crap, it costs money to clothe, feed and educate a child! It's not free. He is a slacker. He can't keep a job. How can I be goldigging if he doesn't have any gold?

I do not get any joy out of knowing that my child's father could be arrested at any moment because he is thousands of dollars in the rears for owed child support. It makes me sad.

It makes me sad because not only is he not actively participating (which is actually a blessing), but he's not helping financially at all.

I'm not keeping him from her. He moved across the state on his own free will. I didn't chase him. I didn't get upset. All I asked is that he make sure that if he wouldn't be present, make sure the money is. The money is not for me - it is for our daughter. It ensures that she stays in day care, that shoes stay on her feet, that she has a bed to sleep in and is able to participate in kiddie sports leagues or whatever else kids like to do.

So all of you who are downing moms for just wanting their kids to be comfortable, get off it! I work too! But these days, one income can only do so much. We've been making it without his funds and we will continue to make it without his funds! But I do not see anything wrong with wanting some deserved and obligated help.

anon74684
Post 46

To all the women out there: I never really understood the "I need child support." Well, now I do.

I am a single father and have had full custody of my children for the last 11 years. The child support order was established at our divorce and custody trial -- $150 per month per child (2). I have had a good job and never really pursued the ex wife on this until I got laid off.

The amount of back support owed is well over $30,000. Now it's time for her to step up to the plate and help with the bills: gas, electric, water, and such. I have found myself going to food pantries and government agencies for help just to get by, but still can't make ends meet.

I never denied visitation, or kept the boys from their mother. When she lived out of state, many a christmas we would drive down south so they could spend time with their mother.

Now that I am out of work and unable to find a job (unemployment is 11 percent where we live), she claims she can't afford the $300 per month she owes her children and refuses to help.

I don't know what to do, turn her in for non payment? She will go to jail and I don't want that either. God help us all.

anon70612
Post 45

I tried for years to cooperate with my ex-husband regarding the upbringing of our son. My ex wasn't very stable, so I didn't move on any legal compulsion to get him to spend more time with our son or provide child support.

My ex was around and fairly involved in our son's life for about 10 years. However, he remarried many years ago and seems to have gotten himself together. He's kept a good career-type job for several years now. I'm glad he's doing well.

The problem is that the better his life got the less he was willing to give to our son. He started leaving the care of our son to his wife, which was not OK with my son and not OK with me. He started letting his wife deal with every arrangement, from transportation to money. They both have become increasingly unwilling to provide any money, even for my son's basic needs. Finally, they've moved 2 hours away and my ex is now obviously not interested in being involved in our son's daily life.

After all this time I finally filed for child support. It's been really difficult over the years to be carrying the load of my son's care on top of the load of guilt and responsibility that I assumed because my ex disrespects me.

Filing for child support for me wasn't just about the money. It was about setting the record straight. Showing myself, my son, and my ex that I have self-respect and am not willing to put up and shut up. That the state recognizes that I've done and am doing the hard work of parenting and that I should be supported.

If my ex chooses to change his life and parent his son, it will be the better solution. no money can compensate for the pain my son feels over being left behind while his dad built a new life that leaves him in the margin.

anon69822
Post 44

My grandson is a year old. I have been his sole support since he was born. The father told me he "doesn't feel he would be a good father" so therefore, he has no intention of paying anything.

The father has a job and shares rent with others only paying $300 a month. I see his pictures on social networking sites always at parties, concerts, events having a wonderful time while I put my grandson's needs first.

Now his mom has come into the picture and seems to be truly interested in the baby but only when it's convenient for her. I feel frustrated that no one on this side of the family has any responsibility.

I'm doing without while they claim they can't afford to pay. What are the rules? I feel like my grandson deserves to have the opportunity to know this other side of his family but am I obligated to make it convenient for them?

anon69553
Post 43

A child is a joint responsibility-period. If one parent is doing all the work, the other deserves to be compensated for the part that was supposed to be shared.

I kiss every boo boo, tie every shoe, wipe every nose, change every diaper, read every book, cook every meal and say every I love you. On top of that, there is a day not too far off when I get to try to explain why Daddy isn't here.

I also get to work 50 hours a week to make ends meet. I left him. I left him with his pills and his other women, and he thinks that's a reasonable excuse to avoid paying child support.

Well, excuse the hell out of me, but no, it's not. I'm so damn tired and I don't even know where to look for help. The piddling little amount of money his support order mandates wouldn't fix anything, but it would help.

anon69221
Post 42

I am a 34 year old father to a nine year old angel. Her mom walked out for no reason when she was five and had a double ear infection.

My ex didn't even take her medicine with her when she left (My ex also ran out on her oldest daughter's dad).

Fast forward five years and we have joint physical custody. I pay $412/month and she's supposed to pay $206/month and refuses to work! She's $5,116 in arrears and CSRU won't do anything. She married her best friend's dad (Gross) and broke up his marriage and now has a four year old with him. Ladies can be deadbeats too. All I want is equality.

anon68596
Post 41

I hate my child's mother and don't want anything to do with her. How can I convince the courts to have her file for adoption? She used me and was on a mission to get pregnant. She succeeded and I was the unlucky one out of five people. Is this possible?

anon68587
Post 40

I work full time. I am going to school part time and am raising my children with no help from my ex! He is a prime example of what a dead beat dad really is!

When we were married we bought a house together. After six years of marriage he decided he wanted to get back into partying and doing drugs. The court ordered him to pay child support for our two children, which he felt was optional. We went back to court and they ordered the support to be taken out of his paycheck.

I received my support for about three years and then he failed a drug test. His employer sent him to rehab and a year later they drug tested him again- it was positive for oxycontin (which he didn't have a prescription for-he was buying it on the street). They sent him to rehab again- then he failed another drug test so they forced him to resign.

He is now over $30,000 in arrears! Our house was foreclosed on and I was forced to file bankruptcy! This is not my fault! Now he has been in and out of jail, hasn't been employed in years and doesn't get income tax returns because he doesn't pay any income taxes. I am not a gold digger; I just want what is mine.

These children are his responsibility! And to the men who think that they shouldn't have to pay their child support -- karma is a witch!

I hope they all rot in hell for depriving their children of what they deserve!

anon66964
Post 39

If a woman leaves her husband then she left because she wanted to, so why should he give her child support, if he has the children two weeks of the month.

anon66439
Post 38

I have three children, 11, 10 and 8. Their father moved us to a new state and then decided he did not want his family anymore.

I have to pay all expenses: rent, utilities, etc., and he pays for 1/2 of things like haircuts, insurance and small things.

He has a roommate and splits his rent and utilities and is able to save money. he has not been ordered to pay child support but refuses to help more. I chose to get a larger place to live.

anon66322
Post 37

My grandson's father was ordered by the court to pay $79 a week child support. He quit his job and then went to a counselor. He is now depressed.

All the judge said is "he has learned how to work the system, and my hands are tied". While buddy boy goes home and pops out another baby for taxpayers to support!

Well, I am tired of pulling his end because my daughter is disabled and cannot work.

anon65787
Post 36

you leave me, you leave my money. Simple as that.

yeah it's old school thinking but that's how i feel.

anon64583
Post 35

I just received a letter from a prosecutor with all the paperwork included to start paying child support, for a child that was born five years ago that I had no idea about.

The mother had instigated a few one night stands with me (fully protected of course) about a month before the child could have been conceived based on the birth date.

I have also learned that she was doing the same thing with multiple other people, so it's possible that one of them could actually be the father and that I'm just the first on her list to go after.

What the hell is going to happen to me and my family if a DNA test shows that it is indeed mine? I didn't even know this child existed; the mother purposely chose to hide this from me and become a single mom.

But now, five years later, after I've established the perfect family (wife and two kids), having been completely denied the chance to rectify this issue five years ago, she changes her mind, walks in, and is basically going to destroy the lives of four people.

I cannot afford to pay child support without taking the food right out of my own families mouths. This is going to destroy us.

What could/can happen to us in this situation?

anon63805
Post 34

Lets see: I am divorced have been for years. My ex is very sporadic with his payments but due to circumstances I have been very understanding.

On the other hand my fiancee's ex is completely opposite. All she can think of is the money and has even used the children as a weapon. This is 100 percent unacceptable.

In life and especially this economy, sometimes what was ordered is not what is right. It's not all about the money, but the emotional and understanding that parents should have towards the other. Sometimes the hate needs to be put aside.

anon62601
Post 33

I just want to know why is it that my children's deadbeat father gets away without paying child support. You see, he is court ordered to pay $350 per month for two children, and he pays when he feels like it, like $100 every four months or so. We have gone to court over and over again about this and he keeps telling the judge he is working for cash. Forget that.

If he is working for cash than there is no reason he can't pay child support so therefore, he needs to get a real job.

I think that the first time a father or mother misses the monthly support and ends up in court it should be court ordered that they go to their local work force center and have to submit five job searches a week until they get a job because it's us innocent ones who suffer because of worthless, alcoholic, women-beating fathers.

anon60125
Post 32

My matter is different. Nine years after the birth of my twins (during which time I remarried twice and harassed my ex boyfriend for seven years, after multiple, expensive, blood tests turned up negative), I discovered I'd been raped--through some sort of whim flashback dream.

I followed up with the dream, only to be told by the former employer, the biologist at a university where I'd worked for 12 years, that we were not together sexually. (Which I could never have imagined either, until the dream revealing his comments "nothing happened, you're fine" upon waking, fully clothed, on the floor of some unknown location!)

After several weeks of this beating at me, due to the fact that I had an awakened memory that he had invited me to be tutored since I was doing poorly in a Chem or Bio class I was taking at my lunch hour, I confronted him with the memory that "I had no memory" following being offered refreshments at my first and only tutor session, before I dropped the class (against his protest that I not as, in his words, I was "doing fine"). I dropped, knowing I was not.

Well, now almost 10 years later, I got the state to issue a mandate for him to take a blood test. It took him almost a year to fill out the forms-- lying, continually telling my attorney and child support that he'd not received them (at both his office and home).

When the Courts put the heat on, he had to take the test. They came up 99.99% positive; the shock of my life!

He was ordered to pay child support. Since he lied about his income when we met before the magistrate (I, sick to my stomach, due to the revelations that had not come to my mind even then, yet) I researched and discovered he had multiple streams of income (including one where he develops memory loss drugs used in foods for military personnel at war).

The courts issued a raise in child support. That was in 2008. This rapist hasn't paid since. We go to court today (Jan 2010). I don't know what the outcomes will be, but I hope the court is just. I hope they make him pay those 10 years back child support I am seeking (now that I have seen the rape in detail!).

I am a hard working woman, but lost a home that I owned due to the inability to pay for a major water main break and maintain my bills and child care at the same time; this a-hole deserves to pay (with jail time--yes, which I've sought, to no avail!)

anon58595
Post 31

The truth is, a lot of women use child support as a weapon. Shame on them. i think both parents should pay child support, then maybe they wouldn't use it so much as a weapon to hurt one another. the child has the right to know his parents, period. i don't have kids, but my taxes pay for all of these other kids. where's my justice?

anon55110
Post 30

I'm an only child from a divorced home. My parents split when I was seven. I'm now 30, married with a child on the way.

My mom got custody of me and married a wealthy, abusive guy who is 15 years her senior. My father was devastated after the divorce and will likely never get remarried. He has never been very successful financially and fell $10,000 behind in child support payments over a period of years.

Mom wasn't allowed to work after marrying abusive step dad, so she had time on her hands to go after my Dad.

Mom and step dad actually didn't let me see Dad for over a year when I was about 13 because of the money he owed them. I found out about my millionaire mother's crusade against my Dad (over $10k in child support) while typing a school paper on her computer. I moved out of her house into my Dad's shortly after; it was the best decision ever.

Suddenly the child support that was worth hurting me over was a non-issue! My selfish mother and stepfather just let my Dad's debt to them tick down, rather than actually giving him money to help with my care.

I rarely talk to my mother and I don't think I love her. I didn't type this as a pity-party. I just want you parents to realize that if you put your children in the middle of your issues with your ex, you might be burned in the long run. Think about how you would feel if you were in your kids' shoes because they will eventually become adults and realize how petty you acted.

Tldr: don't prohibit the ex from seeing the child solely to get child support money that is owed to you. You will be the one that pays in the long run if you use your child as a weapon.

anon51320
Post 29

I think everyone should pay something for their kids but come on. If someone makes 1200 a month and has to pay 500 a month, how the heck do they afford to have a roof over their heads? I think the way they set the child support is stupid. I have three kids and I love them very much and I have to pay my ex child support. Been paying him for over seven years now and never been behind until now. I've been trying to get my kids back for almost two years and I finally went to court and all he can say is he wants more money from me. I offer to pay him 100.00 a week and said no, so I offer 150.00 a week and he still said no. I got stuck paying him 200 a week and you know what he does with it? He gives it to his wife and she takes her kids shopping while my kids don't get anything. Yes I am behind because my business is gone so I had to go back to court to lower it. I have always bought anything that my kids need or want. And still pay him. I have letters from my kids stating that their dad and step mom hits them and the GAL or the Judge didn't say anything. I quit the day we went to the pre trail because I have spent so much money and the GAL was on their side. My ex's lawyer was a Judge. I got screwed in court. My kids hate it over there and they want to live with me. Does anyone know the age that a child can be to say they want to live with the other parent without spending money on a lawyer?

anon49186
Post 28

My son is 10 months old and his father has been ordered to pay $210 per week. Since the order he has not paid one penny at all and his family, including his mother. will not help do anything with my son -- not even call when my son was sick with the flu. My son's father will go a whole week calling me about what I am doing or where I'm at but will never ask about his son. He has told me that he hasn't got over the fact that i left him so he is taking out on his son. he said he knows it's wrong and he's going to change but he hasn't done so yet. We have been in and out of court and now he has a bench warrant out on him for not paying and police have been looking for him but are unable to find him. His sister and I are very close but she doesn't do anything for my son either or even talk some sense into her brother about what he should do. Do you think i should be mad at the sister? The sister also has asked me to drop it and give her brother a chance to do what's right but i don't think i should. What do you think i should do?

anon48494
Post 27

For all your women out there, grow up and understand it takes two people to have sex to create a child, so tough if your baby's father does not want to pay, work. I know many women who bust their butts to support their own and they are living well. It's best to earn your money not to beg. I pay child support and it does not bug me but I pay $500 per month and $220 for insurance because I know it is my job to do that. Most of you women sound like you're giving up on yourselves and crying. you women make me sick. these are why the laws are messed up because women cry when the men leave. I understand it goes both ways but those are people's choices. You know what I say: if the father does not want to be in the child's life then good for the child. the kid does not need them anyway, but pick yourself up and get your butts to work.

anon46922
Post 26

my friend is paying $600 plus 175 in insurance a month in child support when he only makes $1,200 a month. How is he expected to pay rent and support himself and then have money left when he has his kids every two weeks? His ex still bugs him here and there that the kids need clothes and stuff and she screams at him that he does not want to buy them anything even though she recieving the child support. She never worked in her life so she's receiving welfare benefits and $670 a month from SSI since her son has Autism. She repeatedly says she won't work and that he has to support her and the kids. She parties and leaves the kids with friends when she does but the court won't believe him. she's been investigated for neglect twice yet gave him the kids for a month one time and then went to court and said to the judge she missed her kids and the judge just gave them back to her. I just think the guy should pay child support but this woman has used it as revenge against the guy. and they have no choice but to become dead beat dads.

chevy06
Post 25

My daughter is five. Her mom has had custody ever since she was four or five months. She stays in one state and I live in another. the past few months I've been going to visit my daughter and when i get there she (mom) will not answer the phone. she's always making excuses. i drive seven hours to see my daughter and she will not answer the phone. She has not been a good mother to my daughter. she's always putting her responsibilities on someone else. She would rather pass my daughter off to other people than to let me have her. it's not fair to my daughter.

On the top of that she has a younger daughter about four years old, who she gave her to her cousin. I pay child support for mine. she doesn't receive child support for her other daughter. If i didn't keep up with my daughter. no telling who would have her.

Since she moved and she's married she won't give me her address. How can I go about filing with the court. she's not following court orders?

anon40594
Post 24

Well, I feel the pain of many of you single parents. My daughters father is in the NFL and he had *never* taken care of her. She will by 9 months in 2 days. He has only seen her 3 times. Once when she was 3.5 weeks old, another time when we got the DNA test, she was 5 months old. And this past July. He makes empty promises. The only thing I can tell mothers to do is file for child abandonment like I am doing now. It's a court process but it is worth it for the child. Be strong!

anon39756
Post 23

I have a 3 year old little girl and the father is supposed to pay $200 a month for her and he is on and off with jobs all the time. He owes all but $2,000 in child support now, he has tried to get costody of her and failed. Do I have to let him see her if he is not paying child suppport?

anon37966
Post 22

ok so i see all these mothers talking about being paid their child support...i am a *paying* father and my son's mom won't let me see him. and i still feel obligated to pay the woman for something i went half on. but then again what about me? i want to be able to enjoy spending time with him. it's court ordered. i wanna see my son! what can i do to make her let me see her since i am not behind in any payments? hell i even got a check one month from the DA for over paying for that month. so what do fathers like myself do?!?!?!

anon35149
Post 20

My ex-husband was orderd by the court to pay $442.50 for 3 kids. He was paying on time until my two older children turned 18. I still have a 15 year old daughter still at home. He has not paid his child support in 10 months. If he does give me something he only gives me $100. He has two other children and him and his girlfriend are not married, but he has health insurance on her and her other kids.

I was married to this man for 7 1/2 years and he never had us insured. I am disabled and I have taken care of my children all by self. A little bit of help would be helpful. I am not too sure how to go about him taking care of his responsiblity.

anon33337
Post 19

my ex was ordered to pay 448 and he has not. he is behind. he takes off work for 3 and 4 weeks at a time and he is letting his wife tell him what he needs to do. he has three other kids with his first wife and he sometimes does not pay the support on them at 320 every 2 weeks.

FedUpMom
Post 17

first of i wanted to comment on the post about mothers being golddiggers and seeking handouts. i for one am a single mother of a toddler and have never received a penny for my child. i have struggled since the day he was born even with his so-called father in his life. i made no big deal about it because i was blessed with a job and was making ends meat. but i have realized as my son has gotten older he is missing out on experiences because i can't afford to send him to school and extra expenses without dipping in my rent money, or other expenses so i filed for child support. not because i'm looking for a hand out, but because i believe his father is obligated to be just as responsible as i am. even if he doesn't want to be present in his life.

i want my son to be able to have the same childhood as i did. now he's out taking vacations and more while i'm barely keeping food in my house to feed our child.

i think that any man or woman who dodges paying child support or not helping at all are cowards and don't deserve to be called parents. regardless, if u wanted the child or children they are here now and need to be provided for. i think people (especially deadbeats) need to learn how to stop being selfish and think about the innocent life they helped create.

anon29490
Post 16

I have found out that is is easier to find a way to take care of your children by yourself then to sit around and complain about some money that you are not receiving.

I work as a cna and there are several women that I work with that take care of their own. They own their own homes and drive nice cars and all of that was purchased with hard earned money, not money that you had to track a person down to get. Personally, I hate begging and complaining. That is why I work.

anon24872
Post 15

My wife went to jail for some pretty major contempt issues and had her decision making authority removed. She lost her job while she was in Jail. Now she is blaming me and refusing to pay child support saying she does not have the money. I believe she is not looking for a job to get out of paying. Is she still responsible to pay? If she files for a lowering will I be notified or can she get it lowered without me? As an added she was denied lowering in one court and another refused to hear her case. Just prior to her jail time.

anon23919
Post 14

I have an ex that has a lot of money with her new boyfriend. I am struggling. I pay over the required amount so i can see my son. Now she has moved away and wont let me see my son. So i held off payment till she let me see him. I told her i will give you the money when you let me see my son. So now i have to go to court to see him. As soon as i held payment she got child support involved. I asked her why, as she did not need the money. Her answer was "Who is going to pay for our boat and four wheel drive" The system is purely set up for a woman's vindictive behavior.

anon23508
Post 13

My daughter is 6- years- old and when she was about three I filed for child support and her father was ordered to pay R250.00 per month. Six months later, he decided to quick his job because he said he hated the garnish on his salary slip. With God's grace, that same month- as I would not be able to get the money- I was hired by a big corporation and so I could be able to take care of my little Angel. About a year later he called and told me that he had found a job and that he wanted to help out. When I told him that I pay R1000.00 for her per month (R400-school fees; R300-school transport & R300- welfare at my mother's house). He freaked out and he told me that he could only afford R200. Then I told him to make arrangements with my mother as my daughter lived with her at the time. He never sent a cent to my mom. This year I got married and my husband wants to take all the responsibility, but I feel the biological father should take responsibility because he's going around telling people and once told me that his daughter will go to him when she's old enough and that he will wait for that day. He doesn't care.

What do I do? Do I get the courts to force him to pay child support? His family is very fond of her and she feels the same about them. She's more close to his family than her own father.

anon22044
Post 12

i feel sooooo low i need some sort of help my ex doesn't pay a penny for my daughter has now got access to her through the courts even tho he is violent n uses drugs nobody has listened to my concerns.

fedup
Post 11

I have 2 kids ages 7 and 9 with my ex. About 2 years ago, he was ordered to pay child support through Maintenance Enforcement. He has been behind for most of that time. Maintenance can not track his income due to the fact he has started his own "contracting" company. It is common knowledge around town that he is offering discounts in exchange for cash payment. I have passed all the information I have come across to maintenance and they have not done anything about it. Every time they start their collections, he promises to pay, then either doesn't keep the arrangements or doesn't pay at all. And is without consequence.

The last time we were in court was about one year ago. The judge ordered no more court for a year. My ex has *yet* to provide proof of income, and even managed to have the judge lower his support payments based on his word. What can I do?

anon16141
Post 10

My daughter's dad and I have dated for 11 years. Our daughter is 5 and he refuses to pay child support. He said he'll be covering college and that will end up costing a lot more. This doesn't seem right to me?

anon15641
Post 9

This article is very informative, but it doesn't address a mother who has to pay child support. My ex wife and i were married less than 3 years and we divorced in 2004. I willingly walked away from the marriage and only wanted 2,000.00 for the home we shared and joint custody of our son. To make a long story short she left me for another man and they begin to use drugs in my old home with my son. When she finally admitted to drug use she released temp custody of our son to me. I went through the court systems and finally received full custody and child support payment. But now she and the man that she used drugs with are now married and expecting a child and she refuses to pay child support claiming that the amount the judge ordered is too much for her to pay. So now I'm stuck with a woman who feels that just because she is a woman and the judge set the amount higher than before she will not pay. She tells me, "I cannot pay and what can you do about it have me locked up." I don't want to have my son's mother locked up but she refuses to pay. I need some help!

frustrated
Post 8

My ex-husband, the father of my child, was ordered to pay $400.00/mth by the courts. He never pays on time and it has become a real problem cause I depend on that money since we are living under the poverty line and he is living the high life with his new wife and children that aren't biologically his. I need advice on what I can do about this situation. He still has control on my life even though we are divorced.

Sincerely

frustrated

bigmetal
Post 7

i think it's unfair to characterize all moms who are seeking child support from dads (dead beat or otherwise) as gold diggers who do nothing but sit around waiting for a handout. first of all, just because a marriage or relationship is over, it does not mean that the father (or non custodial parent) gets out of helping support their child financially. think about how difficult it must be to be a single parent! bottom line, both parents are still responsible to care for their child, despite the situation with their ex.

anon8609
Post 6

If this person has not filed for child support for seven years, why now, of course a lump sum looks pretty good, Yes there are some dead beat dad's out there, but not all of them. I am seeing more and more good men who want to be fathers but are not allowed to, and are made to pay dearly. Plus have no access to their children as the mothers are too busy crying wolf and sitting on their butts looking for a free ride. The children are their last priority all they see are dollar figures.

anon615
Post 1

How do you file for child support?

I have had sole custody of my daughter for 7 years and never filed for chid support. If i file now will we be back paid for the past seven years. We have lived in northern alberta for 12 years.

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