Getting a divorce is never any fun, but by knowing the proper steps and what you’re in store for, it can at least be much less painful. The rules for getting a divorce are different from country to country and state to state, but in general, there are a few things you’ll want to do once you start considering a divorce and before you begin legal proceedings, and certain best practices to keep during the divorce procedure.

The first step, of course, is making sure that getting a divorce is necessary. A surprising number of divorces result in reconciliation and remarriage within a year, and given the complications and costs of the divorce process, avoiding it is preferable when possible. Many couples experiencing marital difficulties attempt some sort of marriage counseling, and perhaps a period of trial separation, before pursuing divorce as an option. This is a good first step, although for legal reasons, it should be kept in mind that during a period of trial separation, the couple is still considered married as concerns adulterous acts.

If you decide that getting a divorce is the best course of action, the next step is to decide what sort of divorce to pursue. There are two main classes of divorce: no fault divorce and fault divorce. A no fault divorce is essentially a divorce in which one or both partners feel there are irreconcilable differences that make continued marriage undesirable, or an underlying incompatibility between the partners. In most areas, a no fault divorce can be filed immediately with no waiting period; in some states, however, a court may require a period of trial separation ranging from a few months to a few years before granting a petition for no fault divorce.

A fault divorce, by contrast, is a divorce in which a partner asks a judge to rule that the other partner is in some way at fault. The fault might include physical or emotional abuse, an inability to perform sexually, incarceration, or adultery. Pursuing a fault divorce may have a number of advantages. In some areas, a no fault divorce requires a period of trial separation first, whereas a fault divorce can be granted immediately. In other areas, a person getting a divorce from a partner who is at fault may be able to receive more alimony or a larger portion of the at-fault partner’s possessions. The downside is that fault divorces are usually quite a bit messier than no fault divorces and may result in “dirty laundry” being aired in court by the defending partner.

Once you’ve decided on the type of divorce to pursue, the next step in getting a divorce is to talk to an attorney. Tell the attorney what you are thinking about, what type of divorce you would like to pursue, and all other information they should know – including marital infidelities you may have engaged in, or other information that may be brought up and used against you in court proceedings. Do not take any actions, such as filing for a divorce, leaving your marital home, or engaging in intercourse with a new partner, without first talking to your attorney about the legal ramifications of these actions. Your attorney will help you minimize the messiness when getting a divorce and protect you from unnecessary legal risk.

If the divorce goes smoothly, it can be over rather quickly, after a brief court date and the signing of papers. If it gets messy, it can drag on for some time – particularly if your partner is determined to make it last – but rest assured that the system is there to help you, and ultimately you will succeed in getting a divorce.