There are a number of ways to give condolences to someone who has experienced the death of a loved one, depending on the nature of your relationship to the mourner and your geographical proximity to him or her. Condolences of any form are usually greatly appreciated by the mourner and his or her family.

The traditional way to give condolences in many cultures is to send a card or letter with a few condolence phrases, expressing your dismay upon learning of the death of the deceased, and your hope that family members are doing as well as they can be, under the circumstances. It is traditional to address a condolence letter to the head of a household, although you may also send individual condolences to people in the family whom you know closely. As a general rule, a blank card should be used to give condolences, rather than a pre-printed card, and the theme of the card should be somber.

In the modern era, some people like to give condolences by email. However, many etiquette mavens frown upon this, as email has a very casual feel. Written condolences should be handwritten on a card, rather than being sent electronically, even if the sentiments are exactly the same in both cases.

Condolence calls are also a traditional way to give condolences. In many societies, the mourners hold an open house after the death specifically for the purpose of condolence calls, allowing people to drop by to give condolences in person. Some people like to bring food, flowers, and other gifts on a condolence call to express their support for the mourners. In the case of Jewish mourners, a period of mourning known as a shiva is held for a week after the death to allow visitors a chance to drop by and visit with the family while the family processes its grief.

If you are too far away to visit in person, but you will want to express your condolences, you can also call the mourners. However, you may want to be aware that phone calls are sometimes considered disruptive, as they can interrupt funeral arrangements or prevent members of the family from reaching the mourners. If you do decide to telephone to give condolences, the phone may also be answered by a friend who is handling calls for the family, rather than one of the mourners directly.

If you have been invited to attend the funeral, it is also appropriate to given condolences at that time. Many people also like to express condolences when they see the mourner for the first time after the death, whether or not they have sent a card. A grieving coworker, for example, many appreciate an offer of condolences upon returning to work, just as a mourner may be glad to hear from a friend when he or she is spotted on the street or in the supermarket.