How I am with my spouse and the whole life has no bearing on whether we find each other's qualities to be worthy of any negotiation like marriage or engagement, and courtship is nothing, but when you are forced to date someone who seems to fulfill important criteria.

To me, marriage, even in bible and quaran, is mentioned to provide the seed for unconditional love, so I don't think unconditional love can come from this type of silly setup like arranged marriages. It is better to be single and happy rather than putting yourself out as an object in the marriage market, hoping that demands would eventually equal supplies, one day.

I have the urge to be free, to be calm and with no negative feelings. I don't know, but my father always reacts badly when a guy approaches our family, even if its my cousin whom I don't know. That cousin is going to an arranged marriage and stays with us for two days because the girl he is to marry lives in our country, and my father reacts as if he's here for me.

I know that between father and daughter there's a male wanting to control the female thing, but he's going too far. In fact, I think actually my father is a complete idiot. He doesn't know how to handle life and use money. All he does is lose lots of money because he's dumb, and I should let my life be decided by him? He's an idiot who wants attention but speaks crap when people listen to him.

I don't want to see my life ruined, but I'm so shattered, because after all, family is family, and somehow I can't get out of the family situation. He threatens me that if he finds out I chat with boys or look at boys he would turn into Hitler and slit my throat. I don't really care what he tells because I'm in a situation where I'm trying to find myself now and if I find the right guy, I definitely won't listen to my parents, because I know they know nothing about life, and if that moment happens, then I'm off.

But until then, I have to change. We muslims grow up very strict and when we realize that something's wrong, it's almost too late and we already have a social phobia and are very self-conscious because in every situation we hear our parents' forbidding phrases, "You are not allowed to do this and that."

I'm telling you: either I escape from home or I go into a mental hospital.

I have dated, been in love, lived with my partner, etc. I could have a love marriage, but the truth is that these are fickle. Even in the love marriages which have endured, that love has changed over time to a level of commitment - not much different from where an arranged marriage begins. And as pointed out before, "arranged" can be a loose term. Websites dole out "arranged" relationships left and right.

Your parents knowing a girl from a family they respect, that could be an "arranged" marriage. It's more a level of match-making, where the parents strive to find the best mate for their children.

In some regions, sure there are socio-economic considerations, but even in western "love" marriages, rarely are socio-economic differences totally ignored. People will still date those which they want to be associated with. Perhaps the largest difference is that in the looser end of western culture, there is no respect for family, so people in this mindset do not think or care about the family of the person they are marrying. The "in laws" are not respected (in fact their own parents may receive little if any respect), and thus the "love" aspect is further entwined with momentary passion and lust. But on the more conservative end of the western culture, we find that many parents do in fact influence the spouse selection ("you must marry within the church”) or "Your spouse needs to have an education" or "Your spouse needs a job."

So then, what crime is it for me to say: "Respected elders of my family, I am willing to listen to your thoughts on the prospect of my marriage; to consider the families which you would suggest; to take a chance on getting to know the person(s) which you would select for me."

It doesn't take a year to figure out if we're attracted or not, and once the engagement process is complete, we can get on living our lives and fostering our love. With each of us committed to making it work, and an underlying natural attraction (remember, we are not forced to marry, only arranged to meet). I think the idea has merit, and should be further considered by everyone.

At most, the parents can give their advice to their child, but not force them in a modern day arranged marriage.

30-plus years later and still strong. our daughter, also married from a select group, as agreed by her parents and his.

Youth is a dangerous cocktail of feelings and emotions and lust. Not the best condition on which to make a life long contract.

Romantic love is much overstated, and leads to many horrid relationships and catastrophic economic conditions.

i fully support 'arranged' marriages.

Love comes after the marriage is what they often say, but they don't understand one needs to stick with the one they got married with and they will eventually have to name it love -- an unnaturally born love, more a forced love!

People are just making lives hell on earth! You know, most of the time they say parents have the golden eye to see though out the potential prospects. Guess why? Because they, at their time, never had an other option so they just want to move on the power they get as parents.

It's a sort of tradition and they will just stick to it no matter what happens on earth. What matters for these sort of people is "what will other people think and say?" and not what their own kids want and feel!

To the parents who are reading this, please don't be selfish. you are there to guide your children. you are there to give your children their basic needs, but they are not your property. so let them choose who ever they want to be with for the rest of their life.

my boyfriend and i are victims of this arranged marriage. to all close minded parents: you have no idea what are your children are going through. may God bless your souls. and to jeff i hope you are brave enough to fight for us.

And that list in which parents supposedly create, picking a match would be more on astrology/caste/religion/status/appearance, not actual compatibility. When there is no other choice other than to live with a specific person, you tend to forcibly get used to liking that life. It does not equal love, which is born naturally.

In many modern day countries like India, you have a selection to choose from that are "parent approved."

What is so bad about that?

If these meetings for a potential life partner can be 'arranged' by people who know so little about you and still find many takers, I fail to understand why a meeting with a potential marriageable guy/girl arranged by parents/relatives who know your preferences should be viewed so negatively.

And contrary to popular belief, a vast majority of these marriages are not forced. I think people who have posted negative comments here have dated views/believe just hearsay.

I think anon118544 is uneducated, as he/she clearly did not understand the article.

Firstly this article relates to arranged, and not forced marriages, and obviously you didn't distinguish between the two.

Secondly Buddhism and Hinduism do not require the wearing of a headscarf/ I think you will find that this is Islam.

I don't agree with arranged marriages, however living in a multicultural society, I think one has to be accepting and learn more about different cultures before they can judge. For it really is ignorant to just believe what you read!

I don't like Buddhism or Hinduism or any other culture that makes women wear head wear on their heads all the time (most of the time possibly) and it's really annoying when I hear about acid being thrown on their faces when they take it off. So off subject. This really isn't right.

Marrying someone from the same religion, and cultural background is the reason why those people go back to their countries to find their spouses.

Stop thinking that the universe revolves around the United States and the people in it. in case you forgot, the greatest thing about the united states is its diversity. so imagine if all those people you are mad at for choosing their partners from different countries, all married local americans, our diversity would disappear.

Some people in this world just need to live and let live.

Furthermore, it is simply tragic that a small group of South Asians will opt to involve a partner from India or Pakistan instead of the US. This has the effect of perpetuating a ghetto mentality among a certain group of people who have chosen to isolate themselves from the mainstream, political majority in the US.

The fact that somebody chooses to involve a partner from a developing country instead of the USA is an obvious sign that those people have rejected American social norms and values; and they have rejected everything this country stands for.

It is pretty obvious to most people that South Asians (especially Muslims) do not intend to be a part of the society in which they have been born and raised; but they simply remain here for economic reasons, as opposed to having any real loyalty to this country.

By and large, South Asian migrants remain here for purely economic reasons, which is on account of the Indian subcontinent being a developing country. Such people are not intent on partaking in the democratic, let alone legislative process of the United States. These people are simply taking advantage of the welfare benefits system. It is not their wish nor intention to make any positive contribution to the wider society.

Arranged marriage has no place in any civilized society such as France, Germany, Great Britain, Canada or the United States. Don't get me wrong; I am not trying to force my opinion on anybody. If somebody wants to have an arranged marriage it's down to that person; each to himself.

Being a westerner, I just don't see how an arranged marriage could be a good thing. But then I didn't grow up with it as everyday knowledge I guess. Seems to me that the only motivation behind arranged marriages is for money or political/society standings.