Current etiquette experts are apt to conclude that the thank you note is less frequently used than politeness requires. They complain that the practice of writing a thank you note upon receipt of a gift is in decline, and is little encouraged in children who will determine the future of such etiquette. Most probably don’t write as many thank you notes as etiquette specialists would require. The following are some examples of when a thank you note is considered the polite response.

Naturally one should write a thank you note when one receives a gift, particularly if the gift is mailed to one. This allows those receiving the gift to at once acknowledge its receipt and also assure the giver that the item/cash/gift certificate is just what is desired. Rules about sending a thank you note may be somewhat relaxed in family settings. For example, a birthday party for a child attended only by family may not require sending out notes. Many etiquette experts disagree, however, and feel a thank you note is always the appropriate response.

Sending thank you notes to close family is either observed or unobserved by most of the family’s members. If one’s family dispenses with this tradition, then a thank you note is not required. New adult members of a family, particularly spouses, should observe the tradition of sending a thank you note unless otherwise informed. As well, some members of the family may wish to be thanked with a note, while others feel it unnecessary. Finding out who needs a note, such as Grandma, who may be a stickler for etiquette, may help smooth the way toward becoming part of a new family.

There is no good excuse for not sending a thank you note to those who are not family members. Anytime one receives a gift, or is rendered a service, a thank you note is the time-honored and appropriate gesture. If one has erred by not sending thanks in the past, it is better to send a late and apologetic thank you note, than to never send one. So if one is embarrassed by a lapse in etiquette, try not to allow embarrassment to stand in the way of doing the “proper” thing.

In addition to sending a thank you note to those who send gifts, thank you notes should be sent to potential employers after an interview. Even if one does not get a job from an interview, the company, and particularly the interviewers should still be thanked. If possible, one should make specific reference to a topic discussed in the interview, or a point of interest. The note is not meant to be servile, but to merely thank the interviewer for his or her time. Employment experts feel that such a note can add an additional finish to someone’s application, and as well may build good relationships with employers, or with those with whom one might collaborate in the future.

Those receiving a large number of gifts at a single time, such as the newly married, should strive for personalizing each thank you note. Referring specifically to the gift is far better than a standard, “Thank you for you gift.” Thank you notes sent by email do not count. Unless one’s handwriting is completely illegible, notes should always be written by hand.

Specificity in the note allows the giver to know that one actually thought about the gift and is enjoying it. Even if this occasionally means a polite lie on the part of the receiver, gifts received should always be acknowledged by a note that is personal and reflects the taste of the giver. If a gift certificate or cash has been received, the thank you note can include thanks for the “generosity,” of the giver, and perhaps an idea of how the money might be spent, even if this involves another polite fiction.

It is a pleasant thing to have one’s kind attentions acknowledged. A thank you note to a teacher, a helpful person at a store, or to anyone who renders you or your family a service is always appropriate. Being thanked makes one more apt to be helpful in the future, since it promotes good feelings. Thus, in almost all cases, one should send a thank you note whenever a person deserves thanks.