When you’re asked to attend a Thanksgiving meal at someone else’s home, you may find yourself in a quandary about whether you should bring anything to the meal. Of course, you may not have a choice; some hosts may automatically assign you with the task of bringing something, be it dessert, rolls, a side dish or drinks. Other hosts don’t specifically ask for you to bring a dish to Thanksgiving. There are a number of reasons why you should at the very least offer one.

If there was ever a holiday that suggested potluck, Thanksgiving is surely it. Thanksgiving not only is a time to share the company of friends and families, but many also reflect on the early potlucks shared by pilgrims and Indians, before this relationship soured. For the sake of the holiday alone, offering to bring a dish to Thanksgiving commemorates this early sharing.

An invitation to dinner especially to a possibly large dinner is usually met by the polite offer on the part of the guest to provide something to the meal. Even if you don’t bring a dish to Thanksgiving, consider bringing a bottle of wine or for teetotalers a nice sparkling apple juice, and also as the recipient of an invitation, think of a small gift for your host, if not wine, flowers, chocolates, or a holiday plant make good choices.

Some people have dietary restrictions either medically or by choice that means things on a Thanksgiving menu may not be something you can or desire to eat. If you’re a vegetarian for example, how do you get around the fact that the main dish on Thanksgiving is usually turkey? Instead of asking your host to go to the extra trouble of preparing you a vegetarian meal, do explain your dilemma and ask if you could provide a vegetarian/vegan casserole, or another dish where you can be sure you’re not allergic to ingredients. When you don’t have the opportunity to ask, simply bring a dish to Thanksgiving that’s appropriate to your diet, and do your explaining as you present your contribution.

There are many hosts who truly enjoy preparing Thanksgiving meal, and put considerable planning into having everything “just so.” While you should always offer to bring a dish to Thanksgiving, don’t be alarmed or feel your cooking is insulted if a host declines this offer. The host or chef may have a wonderfully coordinated meal planned and has already done all the shopping and most of the preparation.

Do offer, when the meal is finished, to help with the cleanup, or offer your services if you don’t bring a dish to Thanksgiving, to help with preparation beforehand. With a host who has a clear idea of what they want, this still may be declined. Instead of feeling offended, appreciate the host for allowing you plenty of free time to enjoy the holiday.