Having a baby shower for a first baby is a standard thing. It’s a delight for new moms and a significant help when you’re trying to gather all the things that you need to prepare for the coming of baby. There’s significant debate on whether it is polite to have a baby shower for a second baby, and certainly, etiquette dictates that you or close family members should not throw the shower. Most often, unless only family is invited to the shower, a friend should be in charge of hosting the shower so that the “family” does not seem necessitous or greedy. But some people balk at the throwing of a baby shower for a second baby, or third or fourth, and claim that a baby shower is really for new moms only.

Since there is debate on this issue, it’s interesting to examine it and decide where you stand. First, many people suggest that throwing a baby shower for a second baby is fine under any circumstances. Others say that a second baby of a different gender than the first baby deserves a shower. Another argument for a second baby shower can be made when considerable time has lapsed between baby #1 and baby #2.

Some people advocate throwing a “mommy” shower for a woman expecting a second child. Instead of bringing gifts to the baby, gifts are given to the mother because it’s recognized that carrying and giving birth to a child may entitle a woman to a certain amount of pampering and relaxation. Additionally, a woman may already have most of the things she needs for a second baby but could really benefit from something pretty to wear or a gift certificate for a massage.

For those completely opposed to a second baby shower, there are several polite ways to respond. You can decline the invitation to attend, and/or send a small token gift. If you don’t attend, you’re not obligated to send a gift, though most moms will still require things for a second baby.

Many baby clothes and things can be hand-me-downs from the first child, but safety regulations may have changed and new items like cribs or carseats may be needed. Expect moms with a second baby on the way to be out of the basics like socks, blankets, t-shirts, or to need things like diaper service. However, you’re not obligated to attend or give gifts to the woman with a second child on the way. It’s merely a nice thing to do.

If you’re still unsure whether to hold a shower for a second baby, or gently press your friends to hold one for you, you might want to get a feel for how your friends or family relate to this issue. If most of them have had baby showers for second babies, then you can be pretty sure few will be offended if you have one. Many family members, too, are happy to gain new members to their family, and want the opportunity to celebrate the coming of the new baby, be it first, second, or even third or fourth.