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Miscarriage grief is often a particularly devastating emotion. Would-be parents who experience a miscarriage typically deal with feelings of sadness and loss. If you're dealing with miscarriage grief, you may find help in several ways, including seeking support from friends and family, working through your and your partner's feelings, and seeking counseling.
Women tend to struggle with miscarriage grief because the bond between a mother and the baby growing inside her often starts very early. After a miscarriage, the mother typically has to deal not only with the physical repercussions of the incident, but with the often overwhelming emotions that surround the loss of a future with the baby. After a miscarriage there is rarely a funeral, so the mother may have trouble finding closure on her loss. In some cases, it may seem like friends and family don't understand miscarriage grief.
As is the case with many losses, miscarriage grief goes through several stages. First, you may be in shock or denial over the situation. This stage is typically followed by anger or guilt. During this stage, some women go through miscarriage depression.
Women who experience depression after miscarriage often develop intense fear and anxiety in addition to prolonged feelings of sadness over their loss. They may worry if they did something to cause the miscarriage. Not all women who miscarry become clinically depressed. Those most at risk typically include women who have a history of depression, women who have had more than one miscarriage, and women who worry about conceiving after miscarriage.
If you're struggling with miscarriage grief, reach out to your friends and family for help and comfort. Remember that they often won't bring up the topic for fear of upsetting you, so it's important to let them know that you're ready to talk about your miscarriage. Having a strong support network is often crucial to getting through an emotional crisis.
Meanwhile, take care to work on your relationship with your partner. Miscarriage grief usually affects both partners and often places a great strain on the relationship. It may be helpful to talk about your feelings and grieve together over your loss.
Consider seeking therapy for help dealing with your miscarriage grief. Miscarriage support groups are often helpful because you can talk about your emotions with other people who are going through the same thing. You may also wish to consider one-on-one therapy with a counselor.
Support, a strong relationship, and therapy often work together to bring someone to the final stage of grief: acceptance. At this stage, you should realize that your miscarriage wasn't your fault, and that other people have also gone through it. It can sometimes take a long time to reach the acceptance stage, so give yourself plenty of time to grieve your loss.
I feel so sorry for women who have had miscarriages. I know it has to be very, very tough.
I would advise women not to listen to people who say *stupid* things like, "Heaven needed another angel" or "You can have other children." While usually kindly meant, those statements are extremely insensitive. Grieving moms don't want to hear that crap!
I know support groups can be very helpful. Sometimes, people just need to know they're not alone in their grief and that others are also sad and lonely from their loss.
Giving yourself time to grieve is crucial. However, every woman processes grief differently. When a friend miscarried, she wasn't as grief-stricken as people thought she should be.
The reason is because her first two pregnancies delivered healthy babies, but she was horribly sick the whole time. She had to go to the hospital for fluids, and was on high-strength anti-nausea medication until the babies were born. The wracking nausea had already started, so she was somewhat relieved she wouldn't have to go through it again. She ended up getting her tubes tied and has said she is happy with her decision.
So the main thing is to allow yourself to grieve as you need to, and if your grief is closer to relief, that's all right, too.
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