Yari, I was young when i first got into a controlling relationship where drink was also a big factor. i married this man and also had a baby. what people dont realise is that although you go through some really dramatic rough times their is also the good times. but its when the bad out does the good and you start to loose yourself you really need to think about your situation. i lost myself in my last relationship and escaping was the best thing i done finding out who i was again and having a happy relationship with my little one again but i got a whole country away from him so didnt have to worry about meeting him again in a hurry. If things cant be worked out and you go separate ways be careful not to get sucked into another bad relationship.

hi i just found this page searching for more information on control. I feel better knowing that i am not the only one with a mad relationship.

I have two children who are my pride and joy and who i would do anything for. i left a man, abusive and dependent on drink with my first child it was the hardest most emotional experience i have ever had and i promised myself it wouldnt happen again...

needless to say it did. i met a man who seemed the bees and ees he hardly drank we went out together and he seemed to value and take pride in being with me i felt great. i fell pregnant very quick into the relationship something that i new wasnt ideal but something i had to deal with. We talked and he told me he would stick by me no matter my decision not that one for me needed to be made i couldnt have an abortion. Soon after he started drinking a lot he lost his job and and spent night and day in the pub even on my due date something i later found from his mum to be a regular thing. i left him and he missed his sons first christmas this stunned him and now he is considered a reformed alcoholic he hasnt touched a drop but now i am controlled to the mileage on my car the sweets out the cupboard i cant go to my neighbours even or for a walk my family are the worst in the world to him because they are always their for me he wants me to have no one and nothing im stuck. he even started to use my daughter who now thinks he is her dad as a weapon im scared this escalates but im scared if i leave she will wonder why daddy only loves her brother now. im scared it would be harder to live with him hounding us than to put up with this at home because he is ok most of the time if things go his way. i just want whats best for my kids i think that i would rather see the rest of my days like this if it protects my baby girls heart.

please i just need a stranger to tell me what i already know im stuck need some wise advice ive ran before.

A controlling man is sneaky. At first their controlling efforts are minimal and then when you give in to what seems like trivial demands, they step it up slowly until you are in way over your head. I recently married a man I had been dating for 9 years. We have a 4 year old daughter and his controlling abusive nature escalated right after the birth of our daughter. My husband then became even worse 5 months after we married. I am not allowed to see my son, my family, he checks the refrigerator when he comes home to see what I ate over the weekend. I am not allowed to have pizza with my son. I am not allowed to buy gifts for my dad. If I go somewhere, he comments on the gas I am using, he wants me to pay him more money than I have towards "his" bills. He wants me to turn my condo over to the bank. He tells me to quit my gym. He got mad last year when I spent money on a hotel when my mother was dying of cancer. He said the money could have gone to our wedding and thank god for his family. He is verbally abusive. He has called everyone in my family names. Just yesterday, after a horrible 2 years, My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 1996 and died in 1997. My brother was killed exactly 3 months to the day my mom died in a motorcycle accident and I have been tying to help my 76 year old father cope and deal with his health issues. My therapist suggested I get away for a few days. I made reservations for the beach for just me for 3 nights to regroup. My husband was aware of when I was leaving 2 weeks ago with a reminder last week. I made the reservations on the days he is off work. All of a sudden, he doesn't come home on Monday when he usually does. (He works in Atlanta Friday - Monday) I had to finally call him late Monday and he said he would be home maybe Wednesday. He was working overtime and that I would have to adjust. He didn't even give me a 24 hour notice so I wouldn't be charged to cancel my reservation. My reservation was for Tuesday -Thursday) Now I am forced to go on my getaway with my 4 year old daughter. Talk about sabotage and control. Needless to say, I am getting a divorce and joining an abuse support group. He is not doing this to me anymore. And I didn't even tell you the worst things he has said and did to me. Of course, according to him, it's all my fault. I hope this helps someone. Get out of a controlling abusive relationship no matter what!

hi to all that read this. i guess i am writing on here as i don't know what else to do. Maybe to just find someone/some people to talk to who knows what controlling people are like and someone who might understand and not think i am just 'emotional'. In my case it is an x, 4 years ago. Damaged my child, and me emotionally with his controlling ways. All. Emotional abuse, terrible verbal abuse, financial, and physical abuse. long story. Anyhow, although he has admitted the violence he seems to still have gained control over my child, some of the time, now, using courts. He's taken it back 4 times, and i am worn out completely. There is nothing i can do, i have no energy left after 4 years of trying to escape. i feel so trapped by all these 'orders' he is making sure he has, and threatens me with all types of terribly manipulating stuff. He charms all the women outside the school and they all think he's wonderful! i think. I just want my freedom from nasty messages, cruel threats, manipulative behaviour. I am a really peaceful person. I just want peace, warmth, love, kindness. i don't want to constantly be terrified about what is happening to my children. i love them so much. i always wanted to be the 'at home mum'. It's the one thing i am really good at. Can't he leave my friends alone? Do i need to leave everything and everybody i know and love to move somewhere new? take care all of you

hi, my name is katalina, i am 20 yrs old. i've been in a relationship for 7yrs now and am also engaged. i am a converted muslim and my partner is a born muslim. i can relate to this article of controlling partners as i, myself, am in the middle of a relationship which is totally devoted to control! at first i thought it was the way of muslim men are controlling of their wife/partner, as muslim women are treated very differently to the men. well as i was saying....my parnter first started controlling me by saying where and where not i could go..i had it imprinted in my mind that this was the way of muslim men...then came who i could and couldnt be friends with....and many other controlling signs followed...but now i know for sure that i am fairly a victim of this irritable way...it seems i never win an argument with my partner as i am always the one in the "wrong even though i am 100% sure i am right! anyway i am babbling on and getting carried away..surely you dont want to hear all about me but i have outlined some ways in which i feel controlled....and now i am at a loss as to what to do..i love my partner more than anything in this world and know i that i accept these controlling ways because of that love...but what about what i want?

what i need? what i crave? what about me?

surely there should be equal rights?

in my relationship the men are the "men" and the women are the "women" us women stay at home and wash..clean...cook...while the men gallivant around doing as they please and if we a such as ask to go somwhere they think we ask freedom on a plate! anyway if you would like to leave a comment on what i have wrote i would be very happy to read it...

xxxbye people

To the one with the baby, you may need to get a lawyer involved as people like him have been known to threaten to take the kids away or abuse them to get back at you.

For those of you in controlling relationships, all I can say is get out while you can. They don't respect your boundaries or anything you have to say. It doesn't get better, it gets worse, and they never change. Even if they do, it's outside of relationships, away from you. It'll be hard, because they use all sorts of "hovering" tactics to try to get you back. Or, they stalk you, but your own health, well being and happiness are much more important than being in a relationship.

My Fiance and I have a baby together, he sometimes is over controlling of me, and want to be right about everything. He tells me sometimes what i should do, what not to wear, and i have to agree with everything he says, He doesn't even want me going over my parents house, i try communicating with him, but he says if i don't agree with him then we will not be together, i don't know what to do about this, please give me some advice!

crystal, i am not a professional, and when serious concerns are raised it is best to consult a professional. but in my own personal opinion, you are at a fork in the road. you can go down one road with your boyfriend, which will mean that the controlling behavior will escalate, and will most likely progress to physical abuse. many women suffer at the hands of controlling partners, and many of them are murdered in cold blood. you may even break up with the boyfriend, but if you learn to accept this treatment as what you deserve in life, you'll most likely choose another man with similar personality traits. remember that controlling "men" often choose young girls who are easy to control.

the other road is one where you decide not to take this abusive treatment, and value yourself enough to choose a man who has enough respect, for you and himself, to allow you to be happy and independent. at 17 you should be enjoying your friendships, deciding what you "want to be when you grow up," and determining what you want in a man. i'm sure what you feel is very real, but unfortunately, it is also very toxic and dangerous. if you feel like you can't end it on your own, enlist the help of your parents or another trusted adult. you may also want to talk to someone who helps abused women to get advice. stay strong, and remember that you deserve all the happiness, security and support a healthy relationship has to offer.

Hello my name is Crystal I am 17 and a student in high school. A year and a half ago i met the man of my dreams. our relationship was perfect until about 7 months through everything (after i fell in love with him) when he began to be seriously controlling. I cant wear cute clothes or make-up any more. I dont have any friends and at times feel i deserve this abuse when I know i dont. Is it too late? Will he ever change? please give me some advice. Thanks!

My boyfriend is controlling with the really small things (we have been together 7mths) he calls regularly to check up on me and other times he rings to ask what i'm having for lunch and always has a better suggestion of where i should buy my lunch or what to eat - it happens all the time and it is really beginning to get on my nerves! and is creating hostility between us this is just an example of some of the things he does i feel like the only way to avoid arguments between us is for me to just agree with him all the time but, I am my own person and do not like being regularly dictated to how do i compromise without doing everything he says and wants