How to survive the argument with a beloved one?


wiseGEEK Writing Contest

Conflicts are normal thing in relationships. In fact, conflicts show that the relationships are healthy. This essay is to give some tips to help you make sure your conflicts with your beloved one are being solved:

1. Solve them as soon as they arise. As there is no good time for conflicts, we might as well solve them at once and save yourself the time we otherwise would spend brooding on the problem. 2. Ask your partner the two main questions: 'What is the problem?' and 'What do you want?' 3. Formulate the answer to the 'What do you want?' question in positive terms. If you have difficulties with this, try to answer 'How do you picture this?' For example, for the problem 'He is rude to me!', the answer to 'What do you want?' is 'I want him to be polite with me', meaning 'I want him to use respectful tone when we're discussing my issues'. 4. Suggest a solution right after the accusation. Actually, try to limit it to the solutions only. Instead of saying 'Euph, you have really bad breath today', suggest: 'Let me feed you a chewing gum'. And only if the person asks for clarifiction ('Why is that?'), voice the problem and suggest the solution again. 5. Try not to run out of the room when you're in the conflict! Break something, throw something to ease tension, but stay in! 6. Defend your interests! Forget compromises - they should be used only when everething else failed. Voice your wish, explain why it's important to you, and then prioritize. It's better to get the whole thing a bit later, then a half of it for good. 7. Re-phrase. If your partner doesn't seem to understand your point, try to describe it in other words. Give different examples. (S)He will get there:) 8. One problem at a time! Whenever another problem arises during the discussion, prioritize and solve the most important one first. For example, you started arguing about your partner not doing dishes, and then (s)he says: 'But you leave your dirty laundry everywhere!'. Ask: 'Which problem do you want to solve first - dishes or laundry?', and go to the second one only after you made a decision about the first. 9. Backfire the ill practices. If the persons says 'You don't love me!' - you backfire: 'YOU don't love me if you say so'. If (s)he starts crying to win the argument, you go wild as well - crying, shouting, etc. But be prepared to stop the moment the person has stopped their action, and return to the problem. I know this one is harsh, but it works really well if you want to get your point across, let's say, with your mom. 10. Take it easy when the number of conflicts suddenly arises when the relationships are a couple of weeks old. It just means you and your partner start to know each other better, and the conflicts are actually revealing what is important for you both.

My boyfriend and I are using this scheme all the time, and we live together quite happily:) In fact, we recommended these tips to our friends and they worked for them as well. Hope it will help you too!:)

submitted by conflicts in relationships