In general it is customary to purchase a wedding gift for couples whose weddings one plans to attend. The gift can either be mailed before the wedding, or often is simply brought to the reception. However, some find themselves in an ethical bind if they cannot afford a wedding gift but would still like to attend a wedding.

Upon first consideration, having a dip in one’s finances may simply mean a person is unable to afford a wedding gift on the bridal couple’s wedding registry. A registry is usually a means to provide guests with ideas on potential gifts. It should never be a demand for certain gifts. As well, strict etiquette demands that the bridal couple not expect gifts, even if they would very much like to receive them.

A wedding gift is not payment for the pleasure of attending a wedding or compensation for how much the bride and groom are paying for one’s meal. It is, rather, an expression of regard for the couple. Therefore, if one cannot purchase a wedding gift on a bridal registry, one may get creative and provide a gift within one’s means.

If one does not have the means to provide even a small gift, then one must analyze how failing to receive a gift might be received by the bridal couple. A very close friend or close relative may realize that some of the “dearly beloved” are in reduced financial circumstances. Simply providing a card may satisfy the demands of etiquette, especially if the card includes a special note or poem about how dear the couple is to one’s heart.

Unfortunately, some bridal couples are less concerned with etiquette and fully expect a gift of some value or of a specific value. Sometimes, one must decide to not attend a wedding where the lack of a wedding gift will be perceived as a deliberate snub. Especially if one wishes to keep the more materialistic of one’s friends, then not attending the wedding due to lack of funds for a gift is an acceptable means of getting out of this etiquette mess.

However, some brides and grooms expect a gift regardless of whether one attends her or his wedding. One should not feel guilty if one cannot provide a gift. The bride and groom are acting against etiquette by expecting a gift from anyone. Therefore failure to provide a gift for a couple whose wedding one plans not to attend does not violate etiquette. A greedy bride or groom may still take this personally. When this is the case, perhaps one should consider shopping not for a gift, but for friends with greater empathy.